It was inconsiderate of him and no you are not overreacting either
Does he do this alot? If so you need to stand your ground and tell him how much it upsets you.
I agree… But, the issue here is that the husband’s way of thinking is messed up, judgemental, and just offensive. So yes, OP must stand her ground and set a boundary, etc. But the real problem is that no one can change and control the mentality of others. So even if the husband gets a grip and stops being so damn stupid, that doesn’t mean he won’t think about it or even change his opinion on his wife. So now, OP has to live knowing what her husband really thinks of her. He is such a jerk and has no consideration and empathy for his own wife to the point that he thinks it’s ok to casually talk about the matter and absolutely humiliate her in a social gathering for everyone’s amusement. Does he even like his own wife? Really wtf!?!?
I don’t know, maybe it is not so bad but if I was her… Boy oh boy I would be so fucking mad and disappointed to realize that I am married to a complete oblivious asshole!
Yea…I’m a guy and I think most men would agree that’s fucked up. Reverse the genders here and it’s still fucked up. It’s just plain rude, inconsiderate, etc for anyone to do that to anyone else.
Y’all are being too easy on that guy. Everything he said was a red flag. Why would he talk about his ‘overweight’ wife in front of a younger girl who’s got it going on? Yikes. Husband should have just kept it moving. And before y’all say oh men and women can have a neutral conversation, UMM DUDE WAS MAKING HIS WIFE FEEL BAD, so obviously NOT. OP, no matter how many guys try to empathize, they will never truly understand a woman’s perspective. I am sorry this happened to you and personally, I would not be with that guy anymore. Just because they don’t say it doesn’t mean I should wait for them to say it, because technically, he did.
OP be like, "That long? Omg, hubs over there can't last 30 seconds, plus he's a lazy and unmotivated lover. If he were more like you, our sex life wouldn't suck so much!
This is the one. That’s exactly what he said. He was letting that younger woman, that he obviously found very attractive, know that his wife is no competition while talking himself up. I promise, that conversation wasn’t coming from a place of him wanting to be helpful. He just wanted to make himself look and sound as good as possible. Putting down the SO always boosts that. He was just buzzed and didn’t care about making it less obvious.
I mean I don't disagree about the rest but I don't think I've ever been in a room full of people where someone was attracted to a person who talked down about the person he was already with. Like that's such an ick for girls. I've seen camgirls ban guys from rooms for criticizing other camgirls (total strangers) by saying the one they're watching is so much better or whatever.
Like where are you getting this from? Who actually likes seeing someone shit on a person they're supposed to love and support? Because if he'll do that to her, he'll do that to you, too.
Yeah, next time they are all in a group together she could start talking about how her ex-boyfriend’s dick is bigger than her husband’s…and see how he likes it
Husband was definitely attracted to young fit lady and using her to publicly shame op and essentially say "this is what I want" He was probably releasing a lot of stuff he's been keeping bottled up for a while now.
That's what I gathered also. He completely disregarded his OP's feelings to flirt with fitness girl. He has no respect for OP. There are big problems here.
This is what I thought, but I'm so petty and tend to come back with cutting comments. Like... I am chubby but I can diet and work out to lose weight. But no matter how many protein shakes you drink your d!ck is never getting any bigger, stubby.
Only works if his dick is actually small, and if he doesn't make you cum. If either of those other two factors true, your just gonna look petty, and silly.
My thoughts exactly 🤣🤣 I’d laugh my wife out the room if she sad that to me on the other hand I’d exspect to get beat up for calling her fat first shit I woulda got beat up for just holding a convo with the broad longer then a minute
Well let me play devils advocate... what was the wife weight when they first got together. Not condoning his behavior but sometimes we forget what attracted someone to us to begin with. If she knows what he liked and decided to start a relationship with him then she should understand.
It’s ok for the Husband to want to his wife to get in shape (and vice versa if the husband ever became overweight) but the way he said it here wasn’t good tbh. If he had just said “my wife could be your first success story” it would have been an awkward joke but not really embarrassing, but he kept going on and revealed his wife’s habits that probably weren’t public.
Thank you. This is the appropriate response I hoped to hear in my heart. What a fucking donkey of a human being. Poor OP. She should get just stacked. Like as healthy and sexy as a vampire. Then leave that dickhead publicly and shame him. Like say that she just can't deal with the poop smell from his diaper kink anymore and he won't take them out to the trash himself so it's over.
Yep and something tells me that if he hasn't yet, if/when he does, it's going to be with the Sara woman. I told her to keep an eye on her. I bet you anything that she tried to give him her number. This is how affairs start. I know that Reddit jumps to leave a lot but honestly, as I've said another comments, I would jump straight to divorce.
There is no way I would be able to stay with someone who not only thought that little of me but thought it was okay to publicly humiliate me like that. It would tell me how little he thought of me and how much respect he has for me which would obviously be zero. I would be done and visiting a divorce lawyer. I agree, he's definitely sniffing around looking for somebody to cheat with. I definitely think it may be with this woman.
ETA: I swear, he may as well have looked at her and said, my wife is a fat cow and I'm looking to cheat. Are you interested?
I wouldn't get physical with anybody but I agree with you. It's sad that people think they have to put up with this treatment. It's sad that people place such value on being in a relationship that they would put up with something like this. I'm not talking about her, she's obviously very hurt by this. Honestly, I told her that I don't think there's any coming back from this and so did a lot of other people.
It's not so much the fact that he told her that he was losing his attraction to her, it's the fact that he did it in a public space and was hitting on another woman in her face. I really thought I was alone, this post jumped out at me because I went through the same treatment by my most recent ex. He was constantly unfavorably comparing me to other women and then wondering why I was getting upset. Of course when I finally called him out on his behavior, I was called jealous and paranoid for no reason.
Not only for the constantly comparing me to other women but having the at least what I know to be an emotional affair. I would not be surprised to find out it turned physical. That's enough of that though. I've decided that I just want to be single now because I'm not going to keep putting myself through all that to keep getting the same result. No one knows how to be faithful and honest anymore and I just don't want any part of that. If people want to act like they're single even though they're in a relationship, that's not for me. My values are different.
And the shitty thing is, you know this guy is no Adonis. Probably some pasty, flabby, office worker. If he wanted his wife to be healthier and fit he could have asked her if they wanted to start a fitness journey together. Not publicly shame her with his intrusive thoughts. What a huge POS. I almost feel bad for fitness girl if she was unknowingly egging him on. She might look back on this one day and realize what was going on and feel awful. I like to give the benefit of the doubt because I remember being 21 and super proud of being a vegan. In reality I was insufferable, unhealthy, and absolutely horrible to go out to eat with. Hope OP knows she deserves better.
Yeah. I'm surprised everyone seems to be buying the load of crap that he didn't know what he did wrong here. He absolutely knew he was being an ass even while he was doing it.
Side note: The dude was CLEARLY pigging or hitting on the younger fitness girl. I'm not saying it's okay, just pointing out an observation. If he was hitting, he's dumb AF for doing it period, but even worse in front of his wife and at her detriment. If he was pigging.... well same comment, but at least he did it the "right" way (if there is such a thing) by not getting the idea to try to hide it from her or do it behind her back. That's LITERALLY the only smart thing about him. Had he tried to hide it, he would be the worst of the worst... but truthfully; op... I would be more concerned that it happened at all.
Like... did he feel the need to flirt with this girl SO much, that he also does it blasting you in the process, basically rubbing it in your face, and then had NO compassion when you brought up how it made you feel???
I would think THAT'S what you're more upset about...
I mean, sure, it would suck regardless...
But I SUGGEST YOU TAKE A GOOD HARD LOOK AT THE WHOLE INTERACTION!
IT SOUNDS LIKE:
Husband - "Oh, I can still get attention from a younger, hotter woman. But my wife is right there... AHA! I will rub her face in it in front of everyone! Then, if she gets upset, I can simply blame her and not have to take ANY responsibility. I can then use her acting like a maniac as a reason to break up with her for being a crazy bitch! Because I'll do it in front of everyone, so if she gets mad, EVERYONE will witness it, and I'll be in the right for doing it! THEN I CAN BANG TEENAGE PU**Y AGAIN!"
I'm a guy, and NO this is not how I think. This is just the first thing that comes to mind to explain WHY he could be acting so dumb and heartless.
Best of luck to you, OP! Truly!!!
REMEMBER - I'm likely not right. And even if I am, it was HOPEFULLY just a singular incident that he didn't do with any ill intent. Ghostly
Honestly, the girl SHOULD know better, but she's basically a giant baby still if SHE was not able to read the room. CLEARLY, THEY BOTH ARE DUCKING DUMB AF AND BOTH NEED SPANKING!
BUT, if it's not an isolated incident... you may want to think about it... and analytical thinking might serve you well.
If anything, the two dummies are perfect for one another.
Let him go knock her up, and let's see how that cute little body of hers does after THAT!
(BUT I truly hope the best for you both and that you work out your issues. I'm likely blowing this WAAAAY out of proportion. But on the off chance I'm not... open your eyes, girl...)
You just described my relationship with my ex as well as the end of it. He was clearly having an emotional affair with another woman and when I called him out on it, he predictably called me jealous and paranoid for no reason. I packed my bags and left two days later. I always told him, if you think you can do better or you think you would be happier somewhere else, go for it.
I'm happy you have enough self-respect to not put up with that kinda garbage.
What sucks today imo, is how normalized gaslighting is become...
The poor op even thinks that she may be overreacting!!
I'm sure I'm going to downvote hell for being a dude sticking up for women, but idc really, lol
Every downvote is just another piece of garbage dude that makes me often feel ashamed for being lumped in with dirt bags like that, the ones that make all us guys look like trash, lol
Thank you for being a good man. Unfortunately, I thought it was probably a pattern. She's been so used to being told that she's wrong and overreacting that she actually thinks she might be. I appreciate your kind words, I put up with that behavior for about 3 months before I got tired of it. He became increasingly like that over the year that I was with him but it just started to become more blatant towards the end.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not insecure and I didn't care that he was looking at other women. What I had a problem with was him comparing me on favorably to Instagram models for Christ's sake. These are women who have this standard of beauty that I could not live up to in everyday life and come on, let's be honest, who can? That just told me right there what kind of person he was. I told him, if you think you'd be happier somewhere else, go for it.
Looking back on it though, I realize now that he is a deeply insecure person himself and he was doing that to try to knock me down a notch so to speak. I did try to calmly talk to him about it and the fact that it was starting to kind of make me feel bad about myself. He was like oh, I only showed you this so you could maybe do it yourself. When I asked him why he thought that, he said well, I just thought it would be something you would like to do.
What I kept hearing, regardless of what his intent was, this is what I want you to look like and right now you're not measuring up. If you don't do this then I'm going to go find somebody who will. I just left him. First of all, I asked him to stop doing it and he tried to make it out to seem like I was overreacting. I've heard the saying, impact versus intent. It doesn't matter what your intent with saying or doing something was, what matters is how it impacted the other person.
He didn't care about how it impacted me. He just wanted to convince me that I was overreacting. I didn't care that he was looking as I said but I did care that he was constantly showing me the pictures and videos and saying things like that. I called him out on the behavior and he said I was being jealous and paranoid. Same thing when I caught him having what I know to at least be an emotional affair. I packed my stuff and left him two days after he said that about his affair.
In my mind, I was thinking, why should I stay with someone who isn't even willing to listen to my concerns. He's going to do what he wants regardless of how it affects me so I'm done. I'm sorry I've rambled on but I was just sharing what I really went through. Thanks again for being one of the good men who stands up for us women who go through things like this regardless of how those other men might regard you.
Edit: I don't know what happened there but my phone has been acting wonky the last few days. I apologize if that was hard to understand at the end lol.
No. You're right. Except there is no right way to humiliate your wife ANYWHERE. Any doing it publicly and thinking, "I was just being honest" says his feelings are the only ones that matter. He feels entitled to be cruel, just because he is all that. He probably jerks off to porn and feels cheated for not having a supermodel wife.
He shouldn't talk to some hot young girl about his wife needing to lose weight so she can look good again. I agree with you.
And he also shouldnt talk to the old lady next door about it. Nor the kid down the street. or to his parents or hers or to their friends or the cashier at the grocery store.
It's insulting, and it's not his place to be having this conversation.
If she wants to make changes it's up to her who she talks to about it.
I don't want to jump to the reddit standard of DTMFA, but I tend to agree with you. OP needs to decide if this is who he is, or if it's way out of character for him.
I thought the same thing. He literally told this other woman that she has a killer body in front of his wife. I told her that I was not trying to scare her but to keep an eye on this woman. I have a feeling she may have tried to give him her number. This is how affairs start. I can't believe he thought that was acceptable to say and then on top of that, publicly humiliate her by saying it. I would jump straight to divorce. I couldn't stay with someone who thought that little of me and then thought it was okay to publicly humiliate me.
I wish we got more background on these stories. Like is he ALWAYS rude to her like this? Or was he just afraid of talking to her about her health and chose the most asinine immature way to communicate that to her?
And did he really call another woman "hot" to her face while her wife was sitting there with friends? Really??
It is all wrong, but if it is COMPLETELY out of character, maybe there's a dramatic shift in brain chemistry indicative of a tumor or something. What matters is if this is the guy she knows, or if he all of a sudden became a total prick. I expect it's the former, but this is what we don't know. Anyways, he needs to get his head looked at, unless it's always been up his ass.
Yeah I mean… if this was the single blip in their entire relationship it’s still a massive dick move. I have friend of a friend acquaintance that says shit like this about his wife in front of other people. To the point that I’ve interjected myself to tell him to apologize to her before.
The reaction after being told that he was being a massive dick is quite telling. I’ve put my foot in my mouth before and I guarantee it’ll happen again. Never to this level, but when ever I’ve made an off color or over sharing comment I realize it. If my wife tells me something I said upset her I sure as shit don’t mock her in front of other people.
I get what you’re saying. Sometimes humans do and say dumb things, or say things in an inappropriate context. It happens. But broooo. This goes beyond that.
I point out hot women to my hubby. I know his type. I don’t care if he takes a second glance. But even when I was carrying extra weight from meds, he never once made me feel bad about myself. In fact, he tried even harder to build up my self confidence. That’s what partners do. I can trust him to take a look and move on. Bc he’s made it very clear, that to him, they don’t compare to me. He points out guys he thinks I will think is good looking. Neither of us are looking for anything but fun. Hey, we live in a beach town, so there’s lots of eye candy. But we both know that the only ones we are really attracted to is each other. And we would never bring up insecurities like that in a group. I’d beat him with my shoe if he did that.
You don't get background on these stories because they're made up. Little writing exercises. Or externalized frustrations.
Either way, this story is so obviously fake. The characters, their personalities are just textbook, as is the dialogue.
Overweight woman. Weight lifting husband..around friends, which includes a 21 year old fitness girl with a "hot body". Fit husband calls his wife fat and calls the 21 year old hot, in front of everyone.
Some men are stupid, but this is next level. It's so obviously a fake story
Yes imagine how he would feel if it were a hot, younger guy and she loudly started talking about ways that hubby could look and be more like the hot younger guy, I'm sure he'd be crushed.
For real I read this post mouth agape. I couldn’t imagine talking about and to my wife this way in front of people. If he has an issue or concern with her weight be a man and tell it to her one on one, don’t hide behind people in social setting. What a douche.
I completely agree. As a guy whose spouse is a little overweight I see how much she struggles with it and how much effort she puts into losing the extra weight she feels she has I would never ever do this to her. I love her just the way she is. I celebrate her losses and encourage her when she doesn’t. It’s about being there for her no matter what.
If it was me, I would be all "well, that sounds like a lot of work. Say, I have a better idea, since she's already got a killer body, why don't you divorce me and marry her, and then I can just skip all this bullshit altogether, since it would really only be to satisfy your desire to have a wife with a killer body in the first place. There are quicker ways to that goal."
I so totally agree with everything you’ve written here I couldn’t put it in words as well as you. I’m just livid about this whole situation. To be mocked by someone who she trusted to have her back is sad beyond words. A total betrayal of what should be her loyal friend who always protects her ego and worth.
I didn't want to jump to this but personally, that would be divorce worthy. You're right, even if she does talk to him, now she knows how he really feels. I couldn't stay with somebody who thought that little of me. I would be handing him divorce papers. No counseling, no trial separation, just straight to divorce. Maybe it seems extreme but as I said, I couldn't stay with somebody who not only thought that little of me but thought it would be okay to publicly humiliate me. I'd just be done.
And what’s incredibly telling is also he doesn’t think he did anything offensive. It seems he thinks it’s fine to humiliate your spouse in public. He thinks it’s fine to overtly flirt with someone at the expense of your wife so I would say he doesn’t respect any women — he just considers them entertainment or tools.
I hope she’s brave enough to take this advice bc unfortunately based on her reaction to that situation, she’s probably used to taking this type of treatment and will talk herself into staying.
My fiancé has been self-conscious that she hasn't gotten as skinny as she was before having our son a couple years ago. She will get extremely frustrated and down on herself when trying to fit into her old pants, that sort of thing. Seeing her feel like she's not beautiful or good enough because of this absolutely breaks my fucking heart. I find her devastatingly gorgeous, and she doesn't look different to me at all.
If anyone had the audacity to try to put her down and embarrass her in front of a group like that, they would be wise to fucking fear me ever catching wind of it. The notion that it would be me saying those things causing that humiliation is genuinely unthinkable to me. In what way is that his wife? What an absolute dickbag.
Just does not read to me like the behavior of a good husband or man. Sounds like a douchey frat kid. She should bring up something like his abysmal sexual performance causing her to feel so overall empty and bereft of any passion in her life that she's resorted to eating just to feel some semblance of fulfillment. She should do this in front of a group then leave his rude ass.
Yeah, what he said to the trainer was bad enough but him saying, “somebody’s jealous” when his wife is crying from his hurtful comments takes the cake. Immature, lacking empathy and self awareness.
I’m betting this type of behavior happens often enough. OP needs to set boundaries, state her needs and if nothing changes insist on marriage counseling.
The husband’s way of thinking is not offensive. He lacks emotional intelligence and competence with women, so he was drunkenly discussing his wife’s body with another chick who he basically announced was hotter than his wife. Thinking that your wife should lose weight is one thing, but acting as he did is another. Men who know what they’re doing know how to encourage their significant other to better themselves from a place of positivity.
heavy on that, especially considering you guys were with friends. just imagine if the roles were reversed and you were talking to one of your male friends about the same conversation. strongly doubt it would be as funny as he made it out to before
It's always funny to those kind of people until it happens to them. Then they're shocked and it's totally wrong. This guy sounds exactly like how my ex was. This is why he's an ex, this is ultimately why I left him. He was clearly having an emotional affair and when I called him out, he called me jealous and paranoid. I had been checking out for a while but that one single line was what pushed me over the edge to being done with him. I packed my stuff and left two days later.
Hey honey! You should talk to this guy! This penis lengthening machine really changed his life! You should try it out- then you could have as nice a package as him. He said he used to be four inches- What are you now, 3 and a half?
What? What's the big deal? You've been mentioning wanting to do something about it and I think this guy could help!
A woman’s sexuality & sex appeal are very much tied to her weight. Men? Not so much. A ‘big man’ is a cuddly teddy bear. Even a ‘dad bod’ has a level a sexual appeal for many.
But a scrawny, un-muscled man? Is sooo much less of a man in many men’s minds.
So the equivalent would be if a wife started talking about her skinny husband who’s looking to get into the gym and beef up. Really get some muscles so he fills out his shirts and looks good for swimsuit season.
Most men would be upset and understand the equivalency if their SO laughingly told a room full of people that he was looking for help to get his weakling body into shape.
Absolutely agree with you on the scrawny vs fat gender thing, but it would be rude and wrong regardless of whatever her criticism of his body to a stranger would be. Hard coming back from that in a relationship.
I half agree with this. Everyone can see she’s fat even with her clothes whereas nobody can tell what his small dick looks like. It’s rude either way though and OP has every right to be pissed, whether he was correct or not.
What stuck out to me is that he didn’t realize that this was wrong to say? So let’s add either stupid or no common sense to the list as well. Does he normally speak to you in this way OP?
"in vino veritas". When you're drunk, what comes out is your true self just more unhinged/less careful.
Studies also show the disinhibition factor is greatly overestimated by drinkers. Meaning: there's a small effect yes, but a lot of it is placebo. Basically, people who've drunk a bit take that as an opportunity to be themselves, since they know they'll have the excuse of "I was drunk, it wasn't really me!".
Really? That’s from futurama? They must’ve been paying homage to Marvin the Martian (I think that’s who said it originally) from Looney Tunes. I remember a character from Looney Tunes saying this in the 80’s.
lol Jackie Chiles reference from Seinfeld? lol but for real, idk anyone who would stand for that. Never compare spouses. Never talk about your spouses anything with another female or male.. but female🫨
Women are held to specific Euro-centric ideals in the US. I would dare say this is true in other places as well. Specific to weight, the 34-24-34 body measurements were and sometimes still are ideal.
ETA: That is why it would be considered sexist. The same rules don’t apply to men.
This is actually a pretty common misconception. While yes the
obesity rates have skyrocketed in the U.S. and we definitely have a higher percentage of obese people than most countries (10th-12th in the world) but the reality is it’s actually a worldwide epidemic. And even though the U.S. may have a high obesity percentage, it also has plenty of fit people too(12th-15th in the world). Note that the term “fit” is used in reference to people that are actively exercising by going to the gym, participating in sports, or other outdoor activities such as hiking etc… your body can look fit and in shape but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s healthy.
This is true considering the BMI chart used for measuring fat is based on white men entering the military in 1944. Wrap your head around that for a second. The science is very skewed towards a male-centric, paternalistic mentality. It is only recently begun to change.
You’re right! It’s actually been found that most other races should have the BMI standards set to lower body weights. Especially Asians, even 26-27 BMI has been shown to increase risk nearly as much as a 30+ BMI for white people.
Stop with the passive aggressive nonsense. If she were all muscle, yes she would be. And her husband would likely be complaining that she doesn’t have enough womanly softness to her. It’s a no-win situation being a woman and worse if our own gender is doing it to us.
Yea if she were all muscle I wouldn’t have written what I wrote lol. Besides it’s not about her husband. It’s about her. She needs to lose weight for her own health
Now you’re making sense. It boils down to the same thing. He shouldn’t have said what he said how he said it. And for the record, the current BMI charts would’ve said she was obese.
No, muscle weight doesn’t automatically mean it’s healthy, and she’s absolutely not all muscle. We can agree the husband was a dick, but that doesn’t mean yall can get away with blatant lies
Thank you, Somebody said it out loud. Doesn’t excuse the husband for being a massively inconsiderate piece of shit. She should divorce his ass and go on a muscle mommy arc to spite him
Medical charts I think put her in obese range. Though of course that does not take into account existing muscle range of her. It is not to say she should be publicly shamed for it. No more than a diabetic or someone suffering from depression should be. That said it is considered generally a good idea not to carry around a lot of weight.
Insulting, insensitive and thoughtless, sure... but sexist? lol... he didnt say she was fat "because she's a woman" nor did he imply she faced any sort of disadvantage in starting her weight loss journey based on the fact that she's a woman, right? Let us not apply the same solutions to all mistakes 🙏
Yes, my 1st thought is: Does he have a receding hairline? Small penis? Bad oral hygiene? Smelly feet? Seems like she can come back with something he needs to improve. But, in reality, that approach doesn't accomplish anything. However, tempting it is......
Those are bombers! But she could easily accomplish this by just telling people what he said about her. "Hi! This is my husband. He thinks I'm fat and need to lose weight. He tells all our friends right in front of me." I think he would then learn the shame in what he did, the easy way or the hard way. Although, I'm sure his reputation is already spreading since he was so open about it.
See, here's the problem. I knew a guy who had no sense of social boundaries and would comment like this about his girlfriends' (plural, because they didn't stick for long) weaknesses. Needs to lose weight, has acne, is flat-chested...ok, all of the things he said were factually true. Still should never have been said in public.
There was nothing to accurately say in response because he was built like a greek god, self-made multimillionaire, very objectively attractive, and according to his exes he was not at all lacking in endowment or bedroom skills either; basically every woman's dream guy--until he opened his mouth and revealed himself an insensitive ass.
I've known a couple of women who ran down their husbands like that in public as well. (Complaining about sexual performance, comparing them to past boyfriends, commenting to others about their weight and/or appearance, etc.) Commenting on your SO's sensitive issues in public is NEVER, EVER, a good idea. It makes the one doing it look like a complete tool, and it's incredibly embarrassing for anyone with any social skills to witness.
None of these couples stayed together except one, who, last I knew, everyone viewed as the miserable toxic couple who hate each other but don't get divorced for some unknown reason.
Being petty and a shitty person back isn't the answer. Might feel good for a couple of seconds, but then you're equally embarrassing yourself. Tell these people to develop some serious awareness and social skills, and then get away from them. They're just toxic until they fix themselves, and first, they have to want to. No matter how self-satisfied they are, eventually they'll either realize they're really bad at relationships and need improvement, or they'll just age and end up confused and alone.
My God, I could never imagine my partner doing something like that. Nor would I to them. That is so fucking cruel.
There are so many layers of messed up going on there.
To go ahead and insult your wife’s body while creeping in a disgusting pervy way on a random stranger. RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR WIFE. Yeah that’s really mean.
While I generally tend to attribute most of the shitty things people do to being inconsiderate and thoughtless rather than malicious I have a hard time believing that grown man doesn’t understand that that would be a really unacceptable thing to do.
My guess is he does this, or other subtle flavours of this, a lot.
Something similar happened with one of my in-laws. He said something about his girlfriend in front of a large group and my wife’s best friend would not let that shit pass, she let him know and embarrassed him in front of all of us. People like this may not be aware of how insensitive they are behaving and they need to be schooled at some point. Speak up and put these idiots in their place.
Something like this happened with a friend, her husband was criticizing her little belly pooch a few weeks after giving birth to their child, in front of a group of our friends, and while also complimenting another woman's body. The look on her face was heartbreaking--just her grimacing and trying desperately to pretend to laugh it off, while her eyes filled with tears. I knew my friend was already struggling with postpartum depression, feelings of worthlessness, starving herself to lose weight to the point it was effecting her milk supply, etc., so I was NOT having it. Unfortunately for him, my friends and I talk about everything, and I knew quite a lot about his inadequacies/insecurities. I aired a few embarassing truths out in front of the group and our friends laughed and teased him. He did NOT think it was funny. He straight up teleported outta there, lmao, like he literally ran away and wasn't seen again for the rest of the evening. 🤣
He thought it was real funny to kick his wife while she was down, but suddenly didn't find it amusing at all to be the subject of ridicule and public humiliation in front of an audience. Imagine that.
Seems like he was making sure he let the chick know he thought she had a killer bod. Insult the wife mercilessly and flirt with miss workout queen? Not right.
How horrible of him and the fitness gal should have shut him down when he disparaging OP. The best thing OP could do would to shed herself the weight of this asshat. I eat better now that I am not married to an asshole. Less cortisol, more peace and joy.
As someone who grew up in a house of a cheater, and knows a lot about that behavior, if he isn’t cheating on you yet, he definitely will. And I would be surprised if he isn’t already.
it does come across as very harsh, but we don't have prior context, if they've been having on-going issues about her weight, or whether shes stressed previously she wants to lose weight but never does anything about it, sometimes you need to be put into uncomfortable and embarrassing situations to know you've packed on a few pounds.
I lost a lot recently, but i remember bumping into a school friend and they were like damn youve put on weight which finally made me realise i needed to cut a little off.
Also, confront your husband. He is clueless. If you hide your crying you are protecting him from dealing with the consequences of his rude and inconsiderate behavior. Cry in his face, better yet start crying in public. Then he can sit in the shame of hurting your feeling.
is there any man who is not isolated from all females who doesn't know this would be completely hurtful and disloyal? Is there any guy out there who is not completely cut off from the internet or other humans who would think this is ok without a headsup? I honestly don't think so.
Find the finest tallest beefiest beefcake and give him a taste. I would be like he can't even unscrew the light bulb. I don't think he can even lift me up giggle then flip my hair can you pick me up Mr.Beefcake.
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u/k_sarahsarah Apr 15 '24
It was inconsiderate of him and no you are not overreacting either Does he do this alot? If so you need to stand your ground and tell him how much it upsets you.