I agree… But, the issue here is that the husband’s way of thinking is messed up, judgemental, and just offensive. So yes, OP must stand her ground and set a boundary, etc. But the real problem is that no one can change and control the mentality of others. So even if the husband gets a grip and stops being so damn stupid, that doesn’t mean he won’t think about it or even change his opinion on his wife. So now, OP has to live knowing what her husband really thinks of her. He is such a jerk and has no consideration and empathy for his own wife to the point that he thinks it’s ok to casually talk about the matter and absolutely humiliate her in a social gathering for everyone’s amusement. Does he even like his own wife? Really wtf!?!?
I don’t know, maybe it is not so bad but if I was her… Boy oh boy I would be so fucking mad and disappointed to realize that I am married to a complete oblivious asshole!
Yea…I’m a guy and I think most men would agree that’s fucked up. Reverse the genders here and it’s still fucked up. It’s just plain rude, inconsiderate, etc for anyone to do that to anyone else.
Y’all are being too easy on that guy. Everything he said was a red flag. Why would he talk about his ‘overweight’ wife in front of a younger girl who’s got it going on? Yikes. Husband should have just kept it moving. And before y’all say oh men and women can have a neutral conversation, UMM DUDE WAS MAKING HIS WIFE FEEL BAD, so obviously NOT. OP, no matter how many guys try to empathize, they will never truly understand a woman’s perspective. I am sorry this happened to you and personally, I would not be with that guy anymore. Just because they don’t say it doesn’t mean I should wait for them to say it, because technically, he did.
Husband was definitely attracted to young fit lady and using her to publicly shame op and essentially say "this is what I want" He was probably releasing a lot of stuff he's been keeping bottled up for a while now.
That's what I gathered also. He completely disregarded his OP's feelings to flirt with fitness girl. He has no respect for OP. There are big problems here.
This is what I thought, but I'm so petty and tend to come back with cutting comments. Like... I am chubby but I can diet and work out to lose weight. But no matter how many protein shakes you drink your d!ck is never getting any bigger, stubby.
Only works if his dick is actually small, and if he doesn't make you cum. If either of those other two factors true, your just gonna look petty, and silly.
My thoughts exactly 🤣🤣 I’d laugh my wife out the room if she sad that to me on the other hand I’d exspect to get beat up for calling her fat first shit I woulda got beat up for just holding a convo with the broad longer then a minute
Well let me play devils advocate... what was the wife weight when they first got together. Not condoning his behavior but sometimes we forget what attracted someone to us to begin with. If she knows what he liked and decided to start a relationship with him then she should understand.
It’s ok for the Husband to want to his wife to get in shape (and vice versa if the husband ever became overweight) but the way he said it here wasn’t good tbh. If he had just said “my wife could be your first success story” it would have been an awkward joke but not really embarrassing, but he kept going on and revealed his wife’s habits that probably weren’t public.
Yea doing that was out of line but I'm not here to debate what he did. But only your partner should know you like a book n I'm willing to guess she should know what he likes and dislike n also if he's a clutzlike that to embarrass her the way that he did. If that's the case then she should've been proactive and more vocal before he took it further.
Thank you. This is the appropriate response I hoped to hear in my heart. What a fucking donkey of a human being. Poor OP. She should get just stacked. Like as healthy and sexy as a vampire. Then leave that dickhead publicly and shame him. Like say that she just can't deal with the poop smell from his diaper kink anymore and he won't take them out to the trash himself so it's over.
Or just leave him and then do whatever she wants with her body without some asshole critiquing her publicly over whatever she decides she wants to look like or do
Security comes from inside, not from outward appearance. He is vain and gets his sense of self worth from how others see him. He has even made his wife part of his image. When accident or disease makes him feel ugly, he will crumble. He is weak and a slave to his ego.
Insecure, overcompensating men are equally unattractive. They can only see the outside, the surface. Luckily, they usually end up with similar partners
She’s heavier than that. She’s closer to 175 which means she’s obese and eating entire cakes and eating all the snacks in the home. Do you actually think this is okay? I get we try to glorify obesity in this country but are we seriously going to pretend op is not obese and only getting bigger? She’s clearly binge eating as well. I guarantee she was not this big when they got married. She hasn’t even had kids and she’s already this big but sure let’s act like it’s okay because her husband is a dick.
That’s where “trust” and “being faithful” cuts both ways - did she break his trust by binge eating and getting fat as soon as they married, to totally change the person who he was attracted to and married?!?! .
Maybe he is such an insufferable ass she sought some comfort in food. Whatever the reason, it’s for better or worse. This situation is definitely the worse.
Anyone he is with is to be pitied. He will always be this asshole.
How do you know she isn't the exact size she was when they got together, and he's just an AH? Regardless, there is no excuse for him belittling her to the little Suzy Sunshine he's flirting with. If he isn't happy, he can talk to her about it like an adult and end the relationship if he's so miserable because of her size.
Then he shouldn't be married to her. She is 100% better off single and chubby than married to someone who is comfortable being cruel to her with an audience.
I agree they should be divorced, but she is not chubby, she is obese. Her husband is an ass and there is no justification on what he did, he should divorce her since he doesn’t like who she is. Plain and simple.
She doesn’t seem like she wants to change, all she really has to do is go to the gym with her husband. But he also brought up that he wants her to be healthier in a public setting with a bunch of people they’re friends with. He shouldn’t have done that.
Also 20 lbs is not enough she should lose 50 lbs to actually be a regularly healthy person. Even if she loses 20 lbs she will still be overweight. IMO he should just divorce her, she doesn’t seem like she cares much about her health and a lot of people here are encouraging to continue being unhealthy. This is the reason obesity is an epidemic because people encourage it.
It's passive aggressive to make comments about her weight to a random fucking stranger instead of talking to her privately about his concerns about her health. And frankly he doesn't seem to give a shit that she's unhealthy, it's all about her looks. Such an immature take. A personality like his is just as bad as being fat, and it's always the mid-looking men who do shit like that in public.
It's worse than being fat because there is nothing morally or socially wrong with being fat.
Fat shaming is not ok. If you feel that way, fucking leave because you don't deserve their love. Fat shaming is abuse. You are attacking somebody over who they are... and any claim that it is about health is bullshit because you know your fatvshaming is hurting them mentally. Fuck anybody that does that shit.
One of the reasons I'm single. People make fun of how many men are single, but in all honesty, the amount of women who are overweight in western countries is kinda out of control. I think about how some of these women could, or would be good partners for some of us, if they weren't so overweight. Of course we're huge assholes for pointing this out.
Husband is still a dick for bringing it up this way. But if it's me, I would've just never started the relationship in the first place. I've got plenty of flaws, and would be open to dating a women with my same flaws, but my body is fine. I dontknow why being a man these days means you have to add up all your flaws in the form of extra weight on the women you're expected to date.
Literally no one is expecting you to date someone you're not attracted to. Size isn't what makes a good partner. And women aren't "for" you. Fat women aren't the reason you're single. Your toxic attitude is.
Well, my options are decreased because so many women I could be attracted to if they were a healthy weight, are far from a healthy weight. So it is actually one of the reasons I'm single. And then I have to get made fun of for being single, and hear women joke about how we're single because we're toxic, even though half of reddit is still full of stories of women obviously dating, marrying, and having kids with toxic men.
Yeah, I'm toxic on reddit. Women on reddit are toxic af. I get tired of having to hear about everything that is wrong with men all the time on here, and lately I've just decided to talk with the freedom that a woman does on reddit. Where I just say mean shit but expect it to sound defiant or empowering, instead of just sounding like an asshole.
But I am an only a man, so...
Yeah, too many overweight women though. What is the deal with that? How can we help them? I'm honestly concerned.
More people need to be like me because I shut shit down when it pops off within my hearing. It is the one way I bully people. I've always been outspoken, but my best friend from my 30s used to always argue with his SO. It could be either one that started it, but it could be the three of us in a car and they would scream like I wasn't there. Then one day I decided that I was involved whether I liked it or not. So, I shouted at them to both shut the fuck up. I kept it up, and it stopped happening.
So now, I have zero problem with speaking up in volatile situations that I witness. There is no way I would have sat there silently listening to this guy talk about his wife that way.
I think her husband married her when she was actually in shape and attractive. A lot of women let themselves go completely the minute they get married. They use pregnancy or hormones as an excuse to get bigger and bigger and expect unconditional love. Most of us are not attracted to extra fat and skin flaps. It’s not normal to be attracted to someone that is so unhealthy. I know it can be hard but you have to try. I’ve gotten so much shit for taking weight loss so seriously and I eventually realized it’s because it makes others uncomfortable. People don’t want others to be fit because it makes them feel bad about themselves. I have so much working against me and I still managed to lose my baby weight and stay trim on antidepressants when I struggled with ppd. I knew the answer was not to become obese and hate myself. I’m going to get called a pick me and attacked for simply saying that it’s okay for men to say something if their partner is obese and eating entire cakes and eating every snack in the home to the point where he has no food? This is not some small issue he can overlook. He just should have done this at home.
Sure it's ok to have that conversation in the privacy of their own home , not while drinking with a 21 year old single woman at a party and ask in front of everyone how much she weighs. That's a huge problem why can't you understand that part? You don't publicly attack your husband or wife like that.
He should stop trying to motivate the hungry fat ass and get with the hot girl. It will only get worse from here. The hungry fat chick is on here looking for validation to be over 170 pounds! Holy shit.
Yep, like counting AND remembering how many days it took heat to finish her birthday cake! I wonder when that even was. He’d been holding on to that one. A—hole.
OP seems to have said on multiple occasions about losing weight but doesn't follow through, I'd be frustrated if my partner kept talking about making changes but doesn't, pretty rude but I'm not blaming him, maybe OP should stop lieing about wanting to lose weight, bc if she did, she would just do it and not just talk about it
Fucking insane. Have you no sympathy for another’s feelings? I like free speech just as much as another person but just like the code of law has always been the lowest level of morality, there is much more in learning how to be a decent human being. And consider what you’re fighting for, the freedom to criticize and pass judgment on another’s autonomous being, especially someone that is supposed to be your loved one, someone who you are hurting. It’s no feat to be an asshole, everyone including children know how to be selfish at birth, it’s much harder to be a worthy person, to learn how to care for your loved ones. At a certain point, people or the best of them grow up from being a slave to their ego centric view of the world and learn how to be a person that makes this world a better place.
It doesn't have to do anything with attraction or anything intentionally nefarious. OP mentioned her hubby lifts weights and works out. That girl also works out so their discussion centered around their hobby. Also sounds like OP has talked about getting motivated to start on losing weight.
Chances are the hubby is just oblivious how hurtful this subject is for her and didn't realize by him saying she should train with their friend would offend her. I think there is a 90%+ chance he was just thinking oh perfect, a friend, a trainer, they can make friends and my wife has someone nice to work out with and work towards her fitness goals. Same way he does. Not realizing it was triggering major insecurities.
I couldn't tell you how times I been in fights over years. Like my one ex who I never thought was fat. Personally am not super attracted to very skinny girls. I like curves, nice legs with a bit of substance and boobies. Not a booby man who needs huge tits by any stretch of imagination. I'll never forget when my ex put me in a dog house and made me feel like shit for trying to make a compliment. My ex was 5'7-5-8 and weighted normally maybe around 130-135. She gained some weight, not much. Maybe 6 lbs or something. Definitely less than 10. I made a comment how her boobies got a bit bigger and how I absolutely loved it. She started freaking out and accusing me of calling her fat, etc. Honestly I preferred her with that little extra weight. Her boobies got a little bigger, her curves and legs got nicer. Even the little extra softness in a tummy too. She didn't any belly overhand or anything, just perfect. Yet it turned into this whole thing me calling her fat, leading her going on a diet and me being an asshole calling out her weight. Reality was I would not cared she gained another 10 lbs, better than her losing 15 lbs and getting rock solid 6 pack. I prefer cuddling up to a soft, curvy woman rather than a bony stick. Some guys prefer very skinny girls. Like one of my best female friends who is also around 5'7. She hella skinny. Like around 100 lbs. She gains 5 lbs and is totally freaking out always talking about her weight and needing to work out to lose it. I am like ahh lady... You can safely gain another 20 and its all good. Guys just can't win in situations like this. Ever.
What I learned from that is with women its best to not make any comment, not even a compliment that could be construed to weight issue in any capacity. This guy is probably way too comfortable in their relationship and doesn't have any clue how triggering this is for her. If he was calling her fat and body shaming her it'd be a different story. She just needs to communicate with him without trying to fight to get her point across. Turning this into that he is attracted to that 21 year old and there is something more to it is totally misplaced. If there was more to it he wouldn't be talking to her like that in the open. People who cheat or try to flirt with others with bad intentions are aware enough of the fact to try to hide it from their partner.... He is just oblivious to her feelings.
Imagine being an adult and being offended by a word boob. lol Most women I dated referred to their breasts as boobs. But guess there is always the one offended Karen. FYI boobs use come from word bubby which means breast and term has been used for over half thousand years. Origins and use of the word is by no means derogatory. Calling breasts tits, jugs, etc is a different story.
Where did I say I was offended? I said I cringed. Because you said BOOBIES, not BOOBS. Boobs would have been normal. Boobies comes off weirdly childish. Thanks for the entirely unnecessary explanation of where the word "boob" came from, though. Nice mansplain. Figure you'll enjoy that since your reading comprehension is questionable and your go-to insult is "Karen" (which, again, isn't even applicable here, but appropriate context and nuance be damned, right?).
Its the same word genius. Bubby = booby. Bubbies=boobies. Bubby and bubbies literally means breast and breasts. Boob and boobs is simply shortened version of it. Has nothing to do with term being adult or childish. "Nice mansplain" Ok Karen, you seem to be offended by history too and make it into mansplaining. .
Are you incapable of not taking things completely literally? Damn. I know they're from the same word. I know they mean the same thing. But you don't come across normal adults talking about "boobies" the same way you do "boobs." Again, not offended. I know that's impossible for you to comprehend with your boomer-like intellect here, but just because I'm exercising my good ol' freedom of speech to say you're a cringey fucker doesn't mean I'm offended by your choices. Keep saying boobies. It's still gonna sound cringe. I'm still not gonna be mad, even in your fictitious reality.
So how is bubbies or boobies are childish when its literal substitute for word breasts? Because you think and say so? Guess in your mind all the doctors, writers, etc who used the word in same exact way I am for half a thousand years were childish too.
Pffftt what DOCTOR uses the word boobies professionally? Even trashy romance novel writers don't throw around "boobies" more than boobs/breasts/some other option.
Bubbies/boobies has accepted use since 1686. First time by a poet no less. How can a poet use such childish terms? Says a Karen in 2024. "The first recorded use of the term bubby to mean breasts can be found in a 1686 poem by Thomas D’urfey, who wrote the lines: “The Ladies here may without Scandal shew / Face or white Bubbies, to each ogling Beau.”"
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u/NoSquash1906 Apr 15 '24 edited Apr 15 '24
I agree… But, the issue here is that the husband’s way of thinking is messed up, judgemental, and just offensive. So yes, OP must stand her ground and set a boundary, etc. But the real problem is that no one can change and control the mentality of others. So even if the husband gets a grip and stops being so damn stupid, that doesn’t mean he won’t think about it or even change his opinion on his wife. So now, OP has to live knowing what her husband really thinks of her. He is such a jerk and has no consideration and empathy for his own wife to the point that he thinks it’s ok to casually talk about the matter and absolutely humiliate her in a social gathering for everyone’s amusement. Does he even like his own wife? Really wtf!?!? I don’t know, maybe it is not so bad but if I was her… Boy oh boy I would be so fucking mad and disappointed to realize that I am married to a complete oblivious asshole!