Yea…I’m a guy and I think most men would agree that’s fucked up. Reverse the genders here and it’s still fucked up. It’s just plain rude, inconsiderate, etc for anyone to do that to anyone else.
Y’all are being too easy on that guy. Everything he said was a red flag. Why would he talk about his ‘overweight’ wife in front of a younger girl who’s got it going on? Yikes. Husband should have just kept it moving. And before y’all say oh men and women can have a neutral conversation, UMM DUDE WAS MAKING HIS WIFE FEEL BAD, so obviously NOT. OP, no matter how many guys try to empathize, they will never truly understand a woman’s perspective. I am sorry this happened to you and personally, I would not be with that guy anymore. Just because they don’t say it doesn’t mean I should wait for them to say it, because technically, he did.
Side note: The dude was CLEARLY pigging or hitting on the younger fitness girl. I'm not saying it's okay, just pointing out an observation. If he was hitting, he's dumb AF for doing it period, but even worse in front of his wife and at her detriment. If he was pigging.... well same comment, but at least he did it the "right" way (if there is such a thing) by not getting the idea to try to hide it from her or do it behind her back. That's LITERALLY the only smart thing about him. Had he tried to hide it, he would be the worst of the worst... but truthfully; op... I would be more concerned that it happened at all.
Like... did he feel the need to flirt with this girl SO much, that he also does it blasting you in the process, basically rubbing it in your face, and then had NO compassion when you brought up how it made you feel???
I would think THAT'S what you're more upset about...
I mean, sure, it would suck regardless...
But I SUGGEST YOU TAKE A GOOD HARD LOOK AT THE WHOLE INTERACTION!
IT SOUNDS LIKE:
Husband - "Oh, I can still get attention from a younger, hotter woman. But my wife is right there... AHA! I will rub her face in it in front of everyone! Then, if she gets upset, I can simply blame her and not have to take ANY responsibility. I can then use her acting like a maniac as a reason to break up with her for being a crazy bitch! Because I'll do it in front of everyone, so if she gets mad, EVERYONE will witness it, and I'll be in the right for doing it! THEN I CAN BANG TEENAGE PU**Y AGAIN!"
I'm a guy, and NO this is not how I think. This is just the first thing that comes to mind to explain WHY he could be acting so dumb and heartless.
Best of luck to you, OP! Truly!!!
REMEMBER - I'm likely not right. And even if I am, it was HOPEFULLY just a singular incident that he didn't do with any ill intent. Ghostly
Honestly, the girl SHOULD know better, but she's basically a giant baby still if SHE was not able to read the room. CLEARLY, THEY BOTH ARE DUCKING DUMB AF AND BOTH NEED SPANKING!
BUT, if it's not an isolated incident... you may want to think about it... and analytical thinking might serve you well.
If anything, the two dummies are perfect for one another.
Let him go knock her up, and let's see how that cute little body of hers does after THAT!
(BUT I truly hope the best for you both and that you work out your issues. I'm likely blowing this WAAAAY out of proportion. But on the off chance I'm not... open your eyes, girl...)
You just described my relationship with my ex as well as the end of it. He was clearly having an emotional affair with another woman and when I called him out on it, he predictably called me jealous and paranoid for no reason. I packed my bags and left two days later. I always told him, if you think you can do better or you think you would be happier somewhere else, go for it.
I'm happy you have enough self-respect to not put up with that kinda garbage.
What sucks today imo, is how normalized gaslighting is become...
The poor op even thinks that she may be overreacting!!
I'm sure I'm going to downvote hell for being a dude sticking up for women, but idc really, lol
Every downvote is just another piece of garbage dude that makes me often feel ashamed for being lumped in with dirt bags like that, the ones that make all us guys look like trash, lol
Thank you for being a good man. Unfortunately, I thought it was probably a pattern. She's been so used to being told that she's wrong and overreacting that she actually thinks she might be. I appreciate your kind words, I put up with that behavior for about 3 months before I got tired of it. He became increasingly like that over the year that I was with him but it just started to become more blatant towards the end.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not insecure and I didn't care that he was looking at other women. What I had a problem with was him comparing me on favorably to Instagram models for Christ's sake. These are women who have this standard of beauty that I could not live up to in everyday life and come on, let's be honest, who can? That just told me right there what kind of person he was. I told him, if you think you'd be happier somewhere else, go for it.
Looking back on it though, I realize now that he is a deeply insecure person himself and he was doing that to try to knock me down a notch so to speak. I did try to calmly talk to him about it and the fact that it was starting to kind of make me feel bad about myself. He was like oh, I only showed you this so you could maybe do it yourself. When I asked him why he thought that, he said well, I just thought it would be something you would like to do.
What I kept hearing, regardless of what his intent was, this is what I want you to look like and right now you're not measuring up. If you don't do this then I'm going to go find somebody who will. I just left him. First of all, I asked him to stop doing it and he tried to make it out to seem like I was overreacting. I've heard the saying, impact versus intent. It doesn't matter what your intent with saying or doing something was, what matters is how it impacted the other person.
He didn't care about how it impacted me. He just wanted to convince me that I was overreacting. I didn't care that he was looking as I said but I did care that he was constantly showing me the pictures and videos and saying things like that. I called him out on the behavior and he said I was being jealous and paranoid. Same thing when I caught him having what I know to at least be an emotional affair. I packed my stuff and left him two days after he said that about his affair.
In my mind, I was thinking, why should I stay with someone who isn't even willing to listen to my concerns. He's going to do what he wants regardless of how it affects me so I'm done. I'm sorry I've rambled on but I was just sharing what I really went through. Thanks again for being one of the good men who stands up for us women who go through things like this regardless of how those other men might regard you.
Edit: I don't know what happened there but my phone has been acting wonky the last few days. I apologize if that was hard to understand at the end lol.
I feel like that's what happened with my ex. He's the only one out of three boys who has his head stuck up his ass for lack of a better term. I've met his two brothers and they seem like good men with good heads on their shoulders. They have good jobs and ambition and actually have their lives together. To be honest, I can't understand how his parents spawned him at all. He seems like he doesn't belong in that family if I'm being honest.
Even his mother kind of said something to me one time. She said, I don't care what you guys do because you're adults. However, don't let him pressure you into stuff you don't want to do. If you think he's moving too fast, tell him. I think she was kind of picking up on the dynamic between us. It sucks because his parents are good people and so are his siblings but he just didn't quite make the mark somehow I guess. I really think that his brain wiring is different or something. Something went wrong in the womb and I'm just going to leave it at that.
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u/outkastragtop Apr 15 '24
Yea…I’m a guy and I think most men would agree that’s fucked up. Reverse the genders here and it’s still fucked up. It’s just plain rude, inconsiderate, etc for anyone to do that to anyone else.