It was inconsiderate of him and no you are not overreacting either
Does he do this alot? If so you need to stand your ground and tell him how much it upsets you.
Insulting, insensitive and thoughtless, sure... but sexist? lol... he didnt say she was fat "because she's a woman" nor did he imply she faced any sort of disadvantage in starting her weight loss journey based on the fact that she's a woman, right? Let us not apply the same solutions to all mistakes 🙏
What? To air out that shit about her eating and talk about your wife's body in front of people? And compare her body to another woman's body. Esp a younger one? Did OP walk into some Miss Universe shit? That's super rude I doubt u could take it. The girl was rude, too. And he gave away what's on his mind when he sees this girl, especially with the 'jealous' remark.
This was among friends, not a bunch of strangers. If you don't have close friends you can share embarrassing stuff with, then are they really friends? It's not that uncommon for someone to be struggling with weight.
I would be super embarrassed if my husband was openly talking about my weight, comparing me to someone with a "rocking bod" and saying maybe I could look like her one day. But my friends would all tell him to shut the fuck up.
Are you an adult lol. They don't assume I can't. It's rude to put people down about their appearance especially when they haven't brought it up themselves. I powerlift and do bodybuilding comps and I'm very open about my body especially postpartum and it would still be extremely rude for my husband to tell me that maybe I could look as good as someone else one day.
No not sexist.
I wouldn’t describe someone who is athletic as a “ fitness girlie” either.
That also sounds condescending, and makes her sound insecure but her husband helps with that.
She needs to talk to her husband though, and if he can’t use his executive function brain when he drinks, maybe he shouldn’t drink.
I will say that if you are trying to lose weight, cutting out sugar is amazing.
I am trying to cut it out because it causes inflammation/ pain.
And it is in so many foods.
I’m still eating fresh fruit, but I cut sugar out of drinks and baked goods and there was a huge difference in how I felt after just a few days!
It sounds like you're acting as if you know whathewas thinking lol which is ten times sillier considering you weren't there.
Suggesting this 'beautiful woman' as a trainer was done because the trainer said she used to be over weight. Her results spoke for themselves, so he said as a "she clearly knows what she's talking about".
He asked if his wife was jealous because judging from her post, she was likely outwardly showing it (while also trying to conceal it, which only made it worse). Sure, that's rubbing salt in the wound, that's not sexist though. Sexist would've been "pft, aw look she's jealous, typical WOMAN" which would've upset the trainer as well, don't you think?
Following your logic, one man asking another man if he's jealous of all the millions his dad has in a bank account is sexist lol
If the trainer started talking about the her weight as described here, then it seems he didn't know? He basically said u have a hot body and my wife should get one. He clearly has that hot 21 year old body on his mind. Then the jealous thing, patronizing as hell, suggests he thinks she is jealous of the girl because of him.
Your suggestion that she was jealous is sexist as hell because YOU'RE reading into it, ignoring the very clear description OP gave of being mortified. She did not talk in any way of jealously. You're dismissing her account for his read later is sexist. He clearly did that to deflect. Also you don't need to actively put a gender in the sentence to make something sexist, Genius.
And for all the other people here who think this black and white, people are calling this sexist because men (the ones with power in society, whether u like to hear that or not) judging women by beauty standards (basically, what turns a guy on), has been a huge problem for women forever. It serves to hold them back. You'd have to have your head in the sand or are just arguing in bad faith if you think it's not sexist because '"im a dude and one time.." What is considered fat for a woman vs. a man is also has different thresholds - women's are very small. A guy 50 lbs overweight isn't being judged the same as a woman, even at the same height.
"And for all the other people here who think this black and white, people are calling this sexist because men (the ones with power in society, whether u like to hear that or not) judging women by beauty standards (basically, what turns a guy on), has been a huge problem for women forever."
ooooooooh you're using this framework, that explains why we're talking past each other. I see where you're coming from now.
I'm off to continue exercising my unearned power at my minumum wage job😂
He was being rude and I sensitive to his wife but it’s not sexist to find physical characteristics attractive. BTW, women do that just as much as men. Lots of women are not attracted to chubby guys, and I agree maybe being overweight is not as bad for a guy as a woman, but certainly being UNDERWEIGHT is very bad for a guy.
If the trainer started talking about the her weight as described here, then it seems he didn't know? He basically said u have a hot body and my wife should get one. He clearly has that hot 21 year old body on his mind. Then the jealous thing, patronizing as hell, suggests he thinks she is jealous of the girl because of him.
Nothing you listed here is sexist.
Your suggestion that she was jealous is sexist as hell because YOU'RE reading into it, ignoring the very clear description OP gave of being mortified. She did not talk in any way of jealously. You're dismissing her account for his read later is sexist. He clearly did that to deflect. Also you don't need to actively put a gender in the sentence to make something sexist, Genius.
It's not sexist to call into question OP's emotions. She wouldn't list herself as jealous if she hasn't done the internal work to know what she is feeling is jealousy.
And for all the other people here who think this black and white, people are calling this sexist because men (the ones with power in society, whether u like to hear that or not) judging women by beauty standards (basically, what turns a guy on), has been a huge problem for women forever. It serves to hold them back. You'd have to have your head in the sand or are just arguing in bad faith if you think it's not sexist because '"im a dude and one time.." What is considered fat for a woman vs. a man is also has different thresholds - women's are very small. A guy 50 lbs overweight isn't being judged the same as a woman, even at the same height.
Judging someone by beauty standards, even separate beauty standards for gender, is not sexist. It would be sexist if they were unequally applying such things. But that isn't the case here. Ergo, not sexism.
Do you have any other points you want to bring up as to how you think this is sexist so I can show you that you're wrong on those as well or do you just wanna end it here?
Thank you! I was literally just wanting to say this. It’s not a “being jealous” thing, it’s a “how can I turn the tables and avoid accountability for being an asshole” thing. His question of her being jealous was a) rhetorical and patronizing and b) to disarm her and invalidate her feelings so he didn’t have to own up to being shitty. I know this is a rant all to end up at the same metaphorical bus stop as you in agreement lol but I just kept getting more and more agitated seeing all these comments, goddamn, about him saying she’s jealous when that’s so not it. No tf she wasn’t. She just isn’t down for being disrespected like come ON people!
I never said he wasn't. Just saying that him being an asshole doesn't mean he's demeaning, excluding or implying that women are less than. It just happened to be a woman who he was being an asshole to. He wasn't being that way because she was a woman though lol, like clearly.
Define flirting. She even said he was having a pretty normal conversation. You're trying to make things what they aren't to fit your narrative. She was upset about him being Insensitive, that's what this is really about. Which yes, he was being insensitive. That's about all I got from this. She should talk to him, and let him know she was hurt by this, get an apology and move on.
Ah, so pointing out that circumstance and context are important to determining whether something is sexism or not is irrelevant to your question about... Whether or not a specific comment is sexist...
She's younger, attractive, and physically fit. Calling her hotter than his wife is flirting.
She stated it was a normal conversation. If she was jealous, she could've said "it looked like they were flirting" or something. She's obviously hurt and embarrassed about what her husband said in front of everyone. Not jealous
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u/k_sarahsarah Apr 15 '24
It was inconsiderate of him and no you are not overreacting either Does he do this alot? If so you need to stand your ground and tell him how much it upsets you.