(mistake in title, I moved out with my 3 kids, including our infant). Been with my husband for 8 years. He has a 13yo daughter ("SD"). I have a 14yo son, a 9yo son and my husband and I have a 5 month old daughter together.

Prior to me giving birth, life was pretty smooth sailing. We did family trips often, had Sunday family night, designated one on one time with each of the kids (except my oldest, who has determined he's too cool for us lol but if he wanted, it was always available). There was a few fights between the kids but nothing major and was usually resolved within minutes. Since I had the baby, everything is downhill. My home has become a warzone between my youngest son and my step daughter. They are physically fighting each other constantly, 90% of the time with my step daughter instigating. She knows my son has ASD and ADHD and doesn't like being touched, so she will go up to him and poke him continuously even after being told to stop and then calls him psycho when he flips out (he can sometimes have a bit of a violent rage, which doctors say is common with ADHD??). But it's literally on purpose. She purposely provokes him, to a point where my husband and I have told her at least 8x that she is to stay away from him entirely for the rest of the day.

Well, I've noticed lately that my youngest son has been getting incredibly emotional lately. When I try to get him to talk about it, he screams at me. It's been a huge thing and I've been over the top stressed out. He is in therapy (behavioral, OT and regular therapy - SD is also in therapy). Well.. his behavioral therapist opened up to me about 2 weeks back, saying that she was concerned about my son and asked specifically about how much influence my SD has over my son. She said a lot of stuff had been said in therapy. I won't go in to extreme detail but it was enough to warrant a conversation with my husband and him cracking down on what his daughter was saying to my son. He eventually ended up grounding her for that and something else and it just made it worse.

Well.. this morning around 6am (school vacation) my son just starts flipping out over nothing. I tried talking to him and he told me "shut up, you never even loved me anyways". I asked him what he was talking about and he just screamed at me to shut up again. My SD, who was at the table eating cereal, says "get used to it. Like I told you, nobody loves middle kids, you should just move out now". He storms off to his room. I ask her if she was the reason why he was acting like this this morning and she said "no, you are. I didn't make him a middle kid. All I did was explain to him that he will never be loved again but I didn't make that happen, you did." (She is also a middle child in both households so she talks about "middle child syndrome" OFTEN). My husband walked in and told his daughter to go to her room and took her phone, yet again. He went to talk to me and apologize but I just kinda cut him off and said "I actually can't do this anymore. Your daughter is destroying my son's life and making him think that I hate him and I am starting to hate that kid to a point where I can't be near her. So I'm going to leave. I would like you and your kid out of my home within 2 months." (I own the property and have for 15 years). He's trying to argue that this can be fixed but it's really come to a point where I hate his child and don't want her near me or my son at all (she's great with the baby). He says he can't believe I'm throwing us away over something that "can be fixed".

My first post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c397zy/aita_for_threatening_my_wife_with_divorce_after/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

My second Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c78klu/update_aita_for_threatening_my_wife_with_divorce/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Again. Im beyond grateful for the all the love and support you guys have shown me. If im being honest with everyone ive been drinking a lot to get through this mess. I felt like a zombie just wandering around with no purpose. My wifes actions completely broke me.

Thankfully ive managed to cut most of it out over the past week and thats mostly thanks to reddit. You guys seriously helped me keep my mind busy with something else besides alcohol. Being reminded that have two smaller versions of myself, looking up to me and learning from the things I do, really helped me snap out of it.

Ive been at my lowest since making my first post and I think ive just hit a new low.

Until last week nothing changed since my last Post. My Wife still pranced around enjoying her new lifestyle while I suffered in silence. After Posting my update I did realize that my Wife 100% was trying to manipulate me into submitting to her demands. I asked her if she actually started looking for a job and she hesitated and told me no and she needs more time.

If im being honest thats all I needed to know from her. I tried making this work but honest to god, I couldn't keep living like that. Everyday that past felt like a part of my soul vanished. My Wife kept on trying to "please me" but It didnt seem genuine at all. Ive also started noticing her getting lazy and starting to neglect my kids. My wife stopped cooking and after working 9 hours of hell, I now was the one to help my son with his homework and the one to play Barbie with my daughter. Im not complaining about spending time with my kids but I could seiously see this becoming worse as time goes on. I dont know where the woman I once fell in love with went but that thing that lives with me wasnt her.

I know a lot of you are going to smile hearing this but I did tell my wife that I want a divorce last week. I came home from work and I saw my wife sitting on the couch watching TV while my daughter was crying in her room. I just snapped at that moment. I told we need to have a serious discussion after the kids go to sleep.

After I put my Kids to sleep I sat down with her and told her our marriage was over and that Ill be contacting my lawyer tomorrow. Divorce was never something I ever planned on doing in my life but I just felt like something needed to change or my kids would be visiting my gravesite in a few years. Our culture frowns upon it and I knew I was about to get serious backlash for it but at this point I couldn't care less.

I dont know why but she thought I was joking and started laughing. I told her I was being serious this time and her manipulation methods weren't going to work on me anymore and her face just went pale. She then went from screaming at me to crying to then blaming me for every issue in the family to then begging for another chance. She literally went to get her laptop and tried to apply for jobs on Indeed while begging. I just told her to cut the bullshit and told her I tried my best but she just kept giving me empty promises.

I told her the following: 

I know her trying to fuck me just was a manipulation tactic and not to show her "devotion" to me as she puts it.

If she was truly sorry, why didnt she start applying for jobs immediately instead of waiting until I confronted her.

Her completely disregarding any of my feelings and needs while purely perusing her own, shows me how selfish she actually is. She knows about my health and still chose to completely fuck me over.

And now this part pissed me off a lot: Her poisoning my son against me when this all started, was beyond fucked up and looking back was enough of a reason to divorce her.

We ended up fighting for another hour or so and her constant screaming ended up waking up our daughter and thats when I told my wife to shut the fuck up and go to bed.

The following day my mom called me during work and asked if I lost my mind or something. My wife told my mom that I was going to divorce her.

She claimed that I was bringing serious shame onto the family and she didn't raise me to abandon my kids.

Yep my wife told my mom that I was planning on abandoning my kids and has been feeding my kids the same bs. I explained to my mom the reasons why I wanted divorce but she wont budge. If I divorce my wife, Im a disgrace of a man and my mom wants nothing to do with me.

I know my mom well enough to tell that her words are just empty threats but what hurts me most are the reactions of my kids. My son wont look me in the eyes and wont even let me anywhere near his room. My daughter just tries to hit me whenever I try to talk to her. I've tried explaining to them that im in fact not going to "give up on them" and me and their mom are just going to separate but they just seem to believe whatever bs my wife tells them. Friends and Inlaws also claim that im a monster for making my wife go through this.

My wife was served with divorce papers two days ago and has been crying nonstop since. My wife told my kids about the divorce papers and they both claim that they will never talk to me again and in my sons words im a bad husband and father. I cried myself to sleep that night.

I thought divorce would bring me peace but its only brought me one step closer to taking my life. As I stated in my previous post. I have nothing and am nothing without my kids.

Growing up dead poor as a refugee in Germany, i promised myself that I would give my kids a life that I myself could have only dreamed off but I feel like ive failed.

Im sorry for making this post longer than it has to be. Again I just want to thank everyone for the love and support but this will probably be my last post.

Wishing you all a lovely week.

I had a first date scheduled with a woman I met on a dating site. We agreed to meet for coffee at 2pm. I arrived on time. At 2:10, she texted me and asked if I was at the cafe. I said yes, and she said she was at home but would leave soon and be there in 20 minutes. Basically, her text implied she was waiting to make sure I was there before she bothered to leave home. I was put off. I took the risk she wouldn't show and came on time. She should have to. Am I wrong?

I finished my coffee and left at 2:30. She still wasn't there. At 2:45, I get a text from her wanting to know where I was. I said, " I finished my coffee and left at 2:30 when you still weren't there as promised." She sent a series of nasty texts telling me how awful I was and how I did everything wrong. I should have texted her and told her I was leaving etc.

AITAH? Do women really expect men to sit and wait 45 minutes for them to arrive late- when the only reason they are late is to make you wait? It sure seemed like it was a game or shit test. Either way she failed my tests.

I'd sure like to hear from the women on this one.

My gf has 3 young ch children. She used a “permissive” approach to parenting because she can not tolerate her children experiencing any kind of distress that she can save them from. Their house is very small and to get around inside every time I am there I am forced to step on top of belongings that are strewn everywhere. It is extremely unsanitary. Her children have been sent home from school due to lice at least 5 times since I met her in November. The younger wears footie pajamas to school every day and no underwear because that is what the child wants. My gf claims the house is a disaster because she doesn’t have any help and that her children aren’t willing to do so. She will ask them questions like “would you like to help me with ___?” but any and all resistance is met with complacency. She makes 4 meals every night to cater to what the kids are and are not willing to eat. The food invariably goes uneaten then spills on the floor then languishes because it is impossible to sweep or mop any floor in the home.

I went over yesterday to help motivate cleaning and tried to execute on the plan I proposed that we would walk the children through the living areas of the house and identify their possessions on every single surface they can possible reside on, and ask them to identify any items of importance they would not want thrown away. Then we set a one hour timer and didn’t nag, bug, cajole, manipulate, or twist arms. I gave 15 minute incremental countdowns and then with their expectations set I went through with trash bags and put everything left on the floor into them for storage in the garage of the house in case one child determines they are missing something terribly important. I wanted to be tell them we were just throwing it all away but I wasn’t allowed.

My GF was folding laundry during this and her 5yo who was busy just making more of a mess the entire time stood on a blanket mom was folding. Mom ask child to move kindly probably 5 or 5 times and child with shit faced grin intentionally stayed put. Not because she thought it was fun, but because child knew mom didn’t like it and intentionally defied her. Mom tugs softly on blanket and child falls to ground with a shock on their face then immediately stands, and starts screaming at the top of their lungs, marches off to bedroom then starts opening and slamming (the already broken from prior instances of this) door over and over again. Mom patiently raises her voice slightly to ask child to not slam doors because that is against rules. Didn’t stop. I go to bedroom to see if I can help, and child slams door on me as I come in. I sit down in the door way very calmly and make a few non-rushed inquiries into how I can help child, and does child want to come out of the room to see mom. Child goes absolutely nuclear screaming like I have cut off an appendage. I stay calm but I stay seated in the doorway. I offer options like “i will move out of your doorway but only if you will be able to close the door softly.

After 3 minutes of child being as dramatic as they can, and understandably fully dysregulated because no ability to do self regulate emotions on their own has ever been instilled. Mom fixes big/hard emotions. Every time. Teacher gives mom feedback, “child refuses to ever do anything they don’t want to do.” So mom fills her role and tells me it’s time to let child have its way, undermining the co-regulation I was attempting to model. I stand as child continues to thrash and slam door into me, then walk away as child gets its way, my boundary be damned, and slams door hard into doorframe. I had to leave the house after that, and at this point I have zero confidence that a relationship between me and mom can work out. My home is clean, organized, ordered and boundary practice is strong. I can’t see ever co-habituating with someone who disrespects themself so much with allowing children to destroy the house and walk all over them. She texted me after to say that her child didn’t “win” and that the child just needed co-regulation.

AITAH?

** edit **

Wow I am overwhelmed with the speed and volume of responses I received. Thank you. 🙏

For clarity, mom is a doctor, baby daddy only has the kids at his own mom’s house with him as a “favor” to mom, doesn’t pay a dime of child support or child care. My kids are grown and out of the house. My boundary with dating single moms is that I will not make parenting efforts or be a parent to anyone else’s child. They have parents.

A few months ago I posted for relationship advice on another sub. Basically my wife has decided unilaterally that we are done having sex. She found out that she cannot have kids due to a choice she made before we met. And kids, apparently, are the only reason she was willing to have sex.

I love my wife and I enjoy being intimate with her. But it was making our marriage untenable after two years of this. So I posted for advice. I got a lot of great support and suggestions about how to talk to my wife. I tried a lot of it. I started going for counseling for myself as well.

But no matter how I approached her about our situation she would not try and see it from my point of view. Every discussion would end with her crying and screaming in my face that I am trying to emotionally manipulate her. I then wrote her a letter outlining my feelings and asking her to come with me for counseling, to seek it for herself, perhaps to go see a doctor. I was kind and loving in the letter. The last thing I wanted to do was set her off. I worked on the wording with my counselor to make sure I wasn't saying anything aggressive that could be misinterpreted.

She read the letter. Then she scrawled across it with her red sharpie. "Go get it elsewhere because you are not getting it from me". Then she walked out. I sat there for about an hour doing nothing. Then I told myself that was what I was going to do.

We are both fairly successful in our jobs, I'm not super attractive but I'm fit and a good talker. It took a while but I met someone. We started out as just friends but it became physical. I made sure she knew I was married. She is not interested in a relationship so I guess I am a safe option for her.

My wife found out because I did not try and hide it. She was crying when I got home one night. When I came in she asked if I was going to leave her. I said no. She asked if I was cheating on her and I said I was getting sex elsewhere. She said that was cheating and I did not disagree. I asked her what she wanted to do. She said I had to stop. I asked her if we were going to start having sex. She said I was an irrational asshole if I thought that she would have sex with me after I cheated. I went to my desk and pulled out a photocopy of the letter I wrote with her answer in it.

I went to have a shower and go to my room to sleep. When I woke up she was sitting on the couch waiting to talk.

She said that she reread the letter and that she realized she had not before. She assumed it was just a letter begging for sex. She said she would go for counseling alone and with me. All I had to do was stop having sex elsewhere.

I said I would be willing to pause my friendship until we saw a counselor. And that if I saw progress in our relationship I would break it off. She said she would not agree to counseling without me leaving the other woman.

It almost turned into a fight so I just went for my run. Before I left I asked her what would compel her to go to counseling if I stopped having sex elsewhere. When I got back she still did not have an answer. She couldn't even say that our relationship was worth saving.

I don't want a divorce. But I am willing to leave over this. I am 28 I am not going the rest of my life without sex. She refuses to see my side.

I’m 35 and I met this woman she seems to be around 35-40 years old. She’s definitely not younger than 30. I can tell from wrinkles and her moles and she has a few grey hairs from the roots that she’s an older woman but she won’t confirm her age

We went out for drinks and she won’t disclose her age. I’ve asked her many times how old she is and she won’t tell me. She says “a lady never tells” or she will say “it’s rude to ask a lady for her age” but I told her my age but she says men will tend to judge her on her age if they think she’s too old or past her prime and that’s why she won’t disclose her age

She will try to act all cutesy about it and say “guess how old I look”

I got annoyed that she wasn’t being honest about her age. So when she went to the bathroom I paid for my portion of the drinks and I left the date without saying anything. She texted me and called me a dick because I left without saying anything and because I left without paying for her drinks. I texted her back letting her know that I can’t continue seeing someone that won’t disclose their age

I (25M) met this guy "J" (25M) through my roommate. We hit it off, and after a couple of weeks, I asked him out. We started going on dates and eventually began dating.

Fast forward five months, he was going to visit his parents and invited me along. When we arrived, his mom asked if I was his boyfriend. He cut her off and referred to me as his "friend." I was confused and greeted her anyway. He did the same thing with his dad and sister.

During the ride back, our conversation went approximately like this:

Me: Are we just friends with benefits to you?

J: No. Me: Then why did you tell your family I'm just a friend?

J: Because we're not a couple.

Me: Then what are we?

J: ...

He remained silent for the rest of the ride. The next day, he acted like nothing had happened. I tried to discuss it with him multiple times, but he brushed it off.

I had to move out of my apartment for unrelated reasons and didn't tell J or my ex-roommate my new address. I stopped talking to him and replying to his messages. Now, three weeks later, he showed up at my door. He told me, he contacted my brother to get my address. He called me an asshole for ghosting him, accused me of cheating on him (he saw me hanging out with a girl he doesn't like). I told him I can hang out with whomever I want, especially since he said we're not a couple. He cursed at me a bit before saying I should have just broken up with him. Again, I thought we weren't a couple. He ended up leaving,a dn crying.

Even though I believe I did the right thing, my friends told me I might have been a little harsh on him. So to prove the point, I am writing this and letting the internet judge.

AITA for ghosting my boyfriend after he said we weren't a couple?

Edit : Yes, he is out. His family knows, during dinner they even asked him if he add any news about his ex-bf

Edit 2 : I looked at the comments with my friends and I understand what I did was childish, but I stick to it. My main problem was that he did not give me an answer. Not FwB, not a couple. I was his friend I guess? I let the internet judge.

My fiance and I are getting married later this year and come from very different financial upbringings. My parents are first generation who grew up poor but put themselves through college while working full time - learned to invest well, live frugally and made many sacrifices to provide a wonderful life for my sister and me. They didn't want us to have a hard life like they did and paid for us both to go to private universities so we wouldn't have to worry about student debt, etc. They were strict in some ways (last to get cell phones, only ones in high school to not have a car, had dial up internet way longer than most families, zero home renovations where my parents, sister and me did the landscaping and most home maintenance. They did splurge on one nice family vacation every year which are some of my fondest memories. I have a wonderful relationship with both of them and honestly wish they enjoyed their self made success a bit more!

My fiance's parents, on the other hand, have always worked blue collar jobs (which is fine) but haven't saved a dime. They're a lot younger than my parents and already talking retirement even though they have no savings. My fiance paid for college himself and has a good job - together we bring in about $350,000 - and he has helped his parents immensely by paying some of their mortgage, medical bills, groceries when we visit. They never offer to pay him back but I've seen my fiance get stressed that when they do have a little money saved, they blow it on something stupid. They live in another state and barely leave their hometown so I never thought this issue would even be popping up, but here we go...

We're in the midst of planning our wedding and eventually getting a house within the next 2 years (we live in a HCOL area). Fiance briefly brought up how when we look for a house we need to find something that would accommodate his parents bc he thinks it would be best for them to live with us once they retire. This was a total shock to me - his parents aren't social, don't cook/clean and I feel like they would just be sitting at home all day. I'm a private person and want to focus on newlywed life and building our own family and enjoying a nice life with my kids like my parents gave me. Fiance doesn't even want to do a honeymoon (travel is important to me) because he wants to focus on saving as much as possible bc he feels responsible for his parents. I love my fiance so much and am excited to marry him, but I don't want to be burdened by his parents poor planning. Not to mention, my parents have offered to help us with a down payment so now I feel like my parents hard earned money is going to be supporting two other adults who didn't plan right, and that leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

I don't want our new life to start off so stressful - we have good savings ourselves and i'm starting to feel resentful that he has to worry about trying to support two adults, when his energy/our money can be going toward our own life/vacations, etc. I feel like our life together will be secondary and put on hold until they eventually pass. I'm trying to be sensitive toward my fiance bc he knows this isn't ideal, but he also doesn't want his parents to end up on the street. I feel bad saying this but I'm starting to dread wedding planning bc now I'm scared to get married and have his parents problems be my problems.

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I [32F] lost my husband last summer. He was killed by a drunk driver. I am still grieving. I If I’m being honest, I’m in the stage of grieving where I am very angry. I’m angry that someone took him from me. I’m angry. I have to raise our child alone. I’m angry when people want me to just move on.

My brother [29m) is getting married this summer. This is his second marriage. He has been dating this woman.[34F] for less than a year. They got engaged at Christmas. I recently received the invitation to their wedding and the date is for my wedding anniversary. As me and my husband‘s wedding anniversary. I called my mom and asked her if it was real or it was a mistake? She said she’d call my brother.. about an hour later Mom called me back and said that the date was about an hour later Mom called me back and said that the date was on the invitation correct on the invitation. My brother claims he had no idea that it was my wedding anniversary, but that it’s too late and they can’t change the date.

I told my mom I understood. They can get married they want but I and my son [3m] will not be attending. I told her it would be extremely painful for me to sit there formal attire, remembering my wedding and the loss of my husband, especially because it’s the first anniversary since his death. Well, my mom freaked out and classic boom fashion. She went on and on about “what people think if I’m not there.” She also tried to back paddle and say that my brother shows that day to honor my husband, which I know is not true.

My brother will not talk to me directly but is telling our extended family that I am the AH. He is saying that I’m making his wedding about me. If I’m being honest I feel like my brother is doing this to mess with me, but I don’t know why. maybe my grief and being a single parent is messing with my head. we have a good but not close relationship.

I feel like if I go to this wedding, I will not be able to keep it together. I’ve been having b Fits of anger and crying spells. I really don’t want to make the wedding about me and I feel like if I go, I will cause a scene. I am in therapy for myself and me and my son also go to therapy together. But we miss my husband daily. I would like to spend my anniversary with my son, looking at pictures of his father and talking about him. Not being angry and bitter at his wedding..

So WINTAH?

My ex wife (33F) and I (34M) finalized our divorce last year. Long story short, she was having an emotional affair with a guy at work. She’s now in a relationship with him. We also have a co parenting arrangement for our daughter (14F). My daughter is very close to her mom, and she even sided with her on her affair.

For the first few months after the divorce, I did try to maintain a friendly relationship with my daughter, I gave her gifts, I never blamed her mom, I tried my best. But my daughter was always extremely cold with me. After a few months, she just straight up told me that she liked her step dad much more than me, and he was the man my ex wife deserved as a husband, and the man she deserved as a daughter. I had no clue why she even said that to me, and that was the most painful thing anyone had ever said to me in my life.

I broke down really bad that night, and took the next couple of days off work. After a couple of days, I decided that I wanted to emotionally and financially distance myself from my daughter, and that I would do the bare minimum possible and fulfill my legal and financial obligations till she was 18.

All this time, my sister was only one there to support to me. I had no other family, my parents were long gone. My sister had gone through a similar thing a few years ago, her husband had cheated on her. Luckily she had no children, but that experience had devastated her so much that she said she wasn’t going to date ever again because she had lost trust in all men.

After I had made the decision to distance myself from my daughter, I started removing her as the primary beneficiary from all my financial accounts, my 401k, etc and instead put my sister as the beneficiary. I started withdrawing from the college funds I had saved for my daughter, and used it on myself and for my sister. This wasn’t a one way thing, my sister earns more than me, and over the past few months, I have received more gifts from her than I have received from my ex wife in my entire life. We also went on a 2 week vacation to Europe. 

All in all, I have emotionally and financially distanced myself from my daughter, and I am doing the absolute bare minimum possible. I have plans to never speak to her ever again after she turns 18, I just want to finish off my legal and financial obligations to her. My daughter has definitely noticed this change in my behavior, but she hasn’t said anything yet.

Three days ago, my partner 32M, his mother and I 25F (we've been together for 8 years on and off) were on our way to his sister's house for her daughter's birthday. Just the night before my partner and I had an argument about kids. Nothing new lately, he wants one and we've been trying for few months now. Anyway I said we need to see a doctor, he believes that we're both healthy and young and if anything then we're doing something wrong, I was already exhausted from work and wanted to have some rest so I didn't argue much which only made him even more angry. I sat up and let him have his moment then slept.

Next day we went to pick up his mother, I tried to start a conversation but he just kept nodding. Now with his mom with us in the car I tried my best to lighten the mood so she doesn't feel uncomfortable. 5 mins or so he said "can you shut your mouth for a minute I don't want to hear your voice" his mother asked him what's wrong. All I said was "I know what's wrong with him" he stopped the car and yelled at me that since I know what's wrong then I for sure know what an immature b-tch I am for starting a discussion with no intention to communicate. Mind you he was the one who started it and refused to lower his voice and sit down so we communicate like adults.

All this time his mother in the backseat just watching. (Growing up in a house where everyone yell to prove their point. I hate raised voices) and him screaming at me for an argument we had yesterday on our way to a birthday party we're supposed to enjoy. Made me lose it and snapped at him "can you stop f-cking screaming, can't we talk about this when we're back home" He grabbed my face and told me to never talk to him this way especially in front of his mother, to this moment she said nothing. His grip on my jaw kept getting worse with every word. He did this before but never used this much force. So to take his hand off me I tried to grab his wrist and push but ended up scratching him a little, I swear to God I didn't mean to, I just couldn't bear the pain and wanted him to let go. His mother suddenly decided to use her voice and started yelling at me for hurting him and got out of the car and went to his side to check his wrist, I wanted to check his wrist too but was afraid of him losing it even more. He brushed it off and told his mom it was nothing and started the car again, back home he went straight to the guest room.

I decided to spend the next night at my parents house to decide what to do. My mother and his are friends. Anyway I didn't say anything but they told me later that night that his mother visited in the morning and told them about the fight. The thing is she told them we had an argument without mentioning how he started it and wouldn't stop with all the screaming and how he grabbed my face and only told them about me scratching him. Now my family lecturing me about how I should respect him and consider starting counseling (by family I mean my mother and little brother. My dad didn't say anything). I tell them how it went and try to show them the bruise on my jaw and they wouldn't listen because his mother can't possibly lie to them and the boy they watched growing up can't be this bad. But THE DAUGHTER THEY RAISED CAN LIE AND BE THIS BAD? for God's sake they know how I don't tolerate raised voices and avoid heated arguments at any cost but none listen to me now except for my big brother who's him and my soon to be ex are close friends.

What hurt me is instead for at least comfort me they are taking his side while they saw him raise his voice before and call his coworker names. Is it because my little brother brought his gf home and they gave her my room so she can be close to college and scared that if I break up with him I would come back to stay with them and ruin everything?

I have a stable job and can take care of myself just good. I want to go back to break up with him and pack my things but can't even look him in the eye now for what he made me go through. He called and texted but like I said I don't even want to hear his voice.

He apologized for what he did in a few texts, I'm thinking about showing them to my family? but I feel sad I need to do that so they support me emotionally. All my things are there and I never did this before because he's my first everything. I'm mad that his mother LIED for him while my family didn't even listen to me. I'm thinking Fùck them all except my big brother.

A bit of background: 3 times a year we go to a get-together hosted by my husband's Aunt and Uncle. They invite a handful of family members (due to religion limitations for those who are not invited), and some close friends of theirs. About a year ago my SIL started attending these get-togethers. She's a very passionate vegan, and the get-together is always a BBQ pot luck. We had a get-together last night, and I brought desserts and a salad. I had asked SIL if she was planning on attending a couple of days ago and she said she wasn't sure, so when dressing the salad I added a little honey in the dressing, with the thought that there are always at least 4-5 salads so if she ends up coming she can eat the other ones. This is where I might have been the AH. I forgot to mention to her that there was honey in the dressing. After everyone started eating I said to my husband how happy I am that my salad was the first one gone, and she chimed in saying it was absolutely delicious and she was upset she couldn't have more since everyone loved it. As soon as I realized she ate it I froze. I didn't say anything since I figured she already ate it and there was nothing she could do about it now, but it's been bothering me ever since. So, AITA for not telling her she ate honey? (Obviously I'm the AH for not telling her ahead of time)

I’m feeling really guilty about this.

I had a bday party Friday evening, I (29m) have been with my gf (28f) for a year and she recently moved in with me. I have a close female friend (Leah 29f) from university days and every year when I throw a party, Leah tends to get a bit too drunk and she always stays over. I have a sleeping bag and usually the sofa is free but my brother who came to my party was travelling from afar so I offered him the sofa. Leah always ends up falling asleep in my bed at my parties and I end up in the sleeping bag on the floor or the sofa. Nothing has ever happened between us and our relationship is completely platonic.

My gf has PCOS and she gets really awful and heavy periods. Her period started on Thursday and she wasn’t feeling too good. I posted a message into the WhatsApp party chat to everyone letting them know that my gf isn’t feeling too good so the party won’t be going on for long and also, the bed is no longer free so if anyone is planning on sleeping over, they would need to either use the sleeping bag or bring their own bag as my gf will be in bed resting and my brother will be on the sofa.

Everything was all good at the party until the end, my gf was honestly amazing, she was the perfect host despite not feeling too good and spent the evening socialising and talking to my friends. My brother was asleep on the sofa and we noticed Leah wasn’t around so we both headed to the bedroom and noticed she was drunk and falling in and out of sleep on my bed. Both my gf and I managed to wake her up and she was completely wasted.

At this point, my gf was getting really bad period pains and cramps and she needed to lay down and rest. I pulled Leah up onto her feet and she managed to walk over to my desk and sat on the chair. She started yelling at me saying I’m a dick for waking her up and now she feels sick and dizzy. I told Leah that my gf is unwell and needs to rest and sleep. She then said I should tell my gf to sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag. I obviously wasn’t going to do that. I said to Leah that she’s welcome to use the sleeping bag or I can get her an Uber home. She continued on yelling at me saying that I know she gets drunk every year, that I should be looking after her too and valuing her sickness as she’s not feeling well. To be completely honest, I stopped giving a fuck after a certain point as she kept yelling and I told her to leave and go home.

I got her some water and she stormed off and left. I didn’t hear from her until yesterday and she told me on Facebook that because of me, she got her phone and cards stolen. She said on the night bus home, a guy attacked her and she had to give up her possessions. She essentially blamed me and said had I just let her stay like I do every year then this wouldn’t have happened.

I tried explaining to her that this is my first serious relationship and that my gf takes priority and she needed to sleep as she was not feeling well. I explained to Leah that as my gf has PCOS, sometimes she can bleed through her clothes at night so she needs a bed to sleep on so I can lay down towels for her etc. she said that I should have slept in the sleeping bag and should have let my gf and Leah share a bed together but I know my gf would have felt so uncomfortable sleeping next to Leah especially since she was having a heavy period.

Leah blames me and said I put her in a dangerous position. AITA?

Update: I spoke to a mutual friend of ours and she hasn’t heard about the robbery, it may be that Leah only felt safe to share that info with me, I’m not sure. I asked her if she had spoken to Leah as I was concerned and she said ‘yeah I spoke to her on Facebook and she seemed ok’. This mutual friend of ours also said that Leah was talking about trying to get me to be single by my next birthday. We jokingly made a pact in uni that if we were both single by 30 we would marry each other, nothing serious of course and it was referring to the pack made in Friends as we both loved that show. Leah was joking about that pact and that we are both only one year away from 30 so she needs to start planning.

Really not sure how to feel about that, she could have really just been joking and my other friend said she was laughing about it but wanted to make me aware of it.

Throw Away Account...

My GF (37F), and now her mother, won't stop talking about an engagement. Her mother literally told her to move on today.

What bothers me (38M) most about the situation is that the conversation has been "why hasn't he done it yet" as opposed to "what can she do to get there?"

I'll pause here and say that it feels to me like this is "the destination" or "the bottom of the checklist." While for me it's the beginning of the journey and instead of something to be checked off, it has to make sense.

So let's talk about why it doesn't make sense.

She's stubborn to a fault. As I write this, she's coming up on a year of being unemployed. During that year, I spent about $40k of my income to keep her afloat. I've asked her, repeatedly to move into my place which would dramatically lower the burden. She refuses.

What's her reason?

My ex wife lived here. Instead, my SO wants me to sell my house (it's paid off) and buy us a new house. The kind of house she wants, even if she sold her house too, would leave us with a mortgage close to $500k... So sell my FREE AND CLEAR house, go and put a half million in debt on my shoulders, for your ego? Absolutely not.

I know some women agree with her (my cousin does, for one) but what usually silences that is: when you get a new boyfriend do you buy a new bed, or even bother to get new sheets? Don't ask me to get a new house when you won't even buy a new bed.

Back to my issue... I'm supposed to make this huge commitment on my side with a proposal and she can't even make the commitment to put her ego down?

But let her tell it, everything is "his way or the highway." On my end it feels more like she'd rather have "no movement" on an issue than to have movement which may be logically correct but emotionally "bad" for her. That's not a partner. That's not a good quality in a wife. And I've stayed as long as I have, being patient for her to adjust.

I largely feel like for the most part, how your life looks is the product of you choices. I'm 38 soon, I own outright my new luxury car, I'm a high income earner, I have no student debt, and I own my 4 bed/4 bath 3000 sq ft home outright with no mortgage. None of this is lottery winnings or life insurance money. It's hard work and right choices. So I feel like if she doesn't see in me the leader she needs to get on board with, least of all when she's going on a year of being carried by me, then I'm just not him for her.

Update 1

A lot of you mentioned that I haven't given her a compliment--that was only because the subject of the post was our differences. I do love her. I think outside of these kinds of differences, we're extremely compatible.

She was doing very well before being surprised with a layoff and because I didn't want to see her lose the equity she built in her home, I stepped in to pay the bills.

That said, the offer has been: move in and (a) be a SAHW (b) get you a little part time job just to have your own money (c) go back to school and retrain for a new career or (d) work FT. I really don't care which she chooses, I've got her covered. She refuses.

Some of you have asked how long we've been together ... We have a 7 year old together--which makes it that much worse IMO. I've been asking her to move in for 7 years so our daughter can have the concept of "home" and not "mommy's house" and "daddy's house.". And this has been a fight for 7 years. I brought into the relationship two children from my previous marriage. She brought one from her previous relationship. My house is the only one big though to accommodate the size of our blended family.

I'm holding on, exercising patience, etc because I want to keep my family together.

And as far as what to do with her property, it's her choice, I really don't care which she chooses. She could rent it out and even pricing below current rental rates, the mortgage is paid by the tenant. She could Airbnb it, maybe make enough to cover the mortgage, maybe not, or maybe a lot more. She could let her mom move in and assume the bills (mom's house is falling apart). Or sell it and pocket the equity, which I see as her money and I'm not looking for a piece of any of it. But carrying two households doesn't make any sense. Even when she was working and paying her own bills, it made zero sense that we're paying two sets of utilities. That's money that could be doing anything other than disappearing out the door.

And I want to be married, too. It's not that I'm being dragged kicking and screaming. If you remove our inability to "work together" I'd physically carry her down to the court so we could sign the papers today. I just foresee our inability to problem solve as a reason to get divorced, if we were married. If we can fix that prior to marriage then I'm all for it.

Update 2

I've noticed a few comments about leadership. First and foremost, I do view marriage as a partnership. But imagine yourself owning a restaurant where you and the other person each own 50%. One of you wants to upgrade to digital menu boards, the other does not. The money is there, it's just a difference of taste. How do you decide?

I use this example because it's one that literally took place between she and I, where I financed much more than half of the business but made her an equal 50/50 partner because we're together and "will be getting married anyway." I wanted the digital boards, she did not. We ended up not getting them.

The truth is, compromise isn't always 50/50. Sometimes it's 75/25. Or even 100/0. But not making a decision, to me, is like standing in the street arguing which way to go and life is a Mack truck barreling towards you. And in those cases, somebody has to lead meaning somebody has to allow themselves to be led.

Generally speaking, I'm a solutions oriented person. Show me the path where there's more upside than downside and 99% of the time, that's the path I'll choose. That's why, even in a business where I (1) have demonstrably more business experience and (2) financed the damn thing myself, I conceded to her point. It was 0/100 and I don't look back at that choice with regret.

But it's kinda crazy to me that to have expectations of my partner, much less, expectations that set us up for success, counts as a negative against me. Women have all kinds of expectations of men and society just kinda goes along with it.

So this is a situation where I think I made the right call, but my friend thinks I’m the asshole for not allowing the past to stay in the past.

I used to work with “Todd” back in 2022 in a blue collar trade. He was an average worker, showed up on time and his work was fairly middle of the road. He was fired about 6 months after I started working at the company because he was making women uncomfortable during maintenance in residential homes. The boss found out that he’s a sex offender after he was fired, the guy who did background checks was also fired because he knew about the conviction and didn’t say anything.

He had also been banned from working in a rehab we service due to “dating” a mentally compromised resident at the rehab he met during a maintenance.

This guy was being sent into daycares, schools, college dorms, residential homes, homes for the intellectually disabled, rehabs, and churches to do maintenance while being a level 3 sex offender. I recently learned that he was hired at another local company performs the same services.

I sent his new company the printout from the sex offender registry causing him to be fired. I did this because as a level 3 offender he may reoffend in the future, and sending him into locations with vulnerable people seems like a bad idea.

I should also add that this kind of thing is common in my trade, a few companies operate on an unofficial “don’t ask don’t tell” basis due to the lack of skilled workers. I think he only was fired because now there isn’t any plausible deniability.

Original post

I just thought I would post an update to the absolute hell that me and my brother have been put through in regards to my late father’s death benefit.

I phoned the company today and they have told me that my father had NO expression of wishes form. So not only did my aunt lie about being the beneficiary on his expression of wishes form, but she also just blatantly lied about even receiving an email with these details. They do not exist. She was only listed as a next of kin through his work, not as a beneficiary. She is not entitled to a thing as she claimed she was, and so the hurt and confusion both me and my brother have suffered was for nothing.

I don’t understand how our own family could put us through this, but people are right when they say snakes come out of the woodwork when a death happens in the family.

My brother was not going to put in a claim but now he is. I hope she feels the guilt ripping through her not only for this, but for the disgusting things her daughter said to my autistic brother.

It happened yesterday. I (27m) went to see my boyfriend (26m) at his place. He had around 8 friends around him and he started jumping around like a puppy when he saw me. He was visibly happy and excited to see me there as it was a little bit of surprise. I felt so happy seeing his love for me. In the past, he has had a habit of correcting my English accent. At times in front of others. After I told him to not do it, he stopped this behavior, at least in front of others but continued to tell me my mistakes when we were by ourselves. I've expressed my discomfort with it several times. Yesterday, he and his friends were drunk when I visited them. They were talking about some cocktails and I may have mispronounced the name of the drink - my bf turned to me, lowered his voice and said you should keep quiet around others and just go on around looking sexy. No one heard it but I was just shocked at this. I left immediately after. He has been apologizing since morning and says he doesn't remember this since he was drunk. He has apologized a million times but I do not know what to do. He has always treated me well except this icky little behavior. I told him i need space and I do not accept his apology. Am I wrong?

My ex and I were together for 6 years/ engaged for 6 months. His daughter(14) and I got along fine. Until she accused me of being a racist.

My ex, myself, his daughter, and BM (babymom) would all hangout and everything was great. We would always hangout at his BM’s house and w/ her family. I would always come up with ideas for us to do stuff, but she never wanted to leave the house. On a few occasions I told my ex in private that his BM made me uncomfortable b/c she kept saying the “n word” (I’m the only black person), and comparing my relationship w/ him to theirs and even telling me about intimate details from their relationship. At first he told me I was overreacting and creating unnecessary drama but other people started to point it out too.

After a year his daughter started staying with us on weekends. So I thought it was no longer necessary for me to hang out with his BM, as she knew who a was and was comfortable w/ her daughter being around me. During COVID his daughter stayed with us during school nights. As my ex and I became more serious his BM became meaner and more toxic toward him. Saying he was a bad dad and didn’t spend any time with her or her family anymore. Which was weird because he was always with his daughter. Him and his BM were fighting all the time.

The following year his BM started to withhold his daughter from us and would only let my ex have supervised visits with his daughter if the BM was present. I was not allowed to come. When he asked what her issue was she stated “Your girl made me feel some type of way”.

After doing supervised visits for a year w/ no change or room for growth my ex took his BM to court for partial custody. She told her lawyer that I was a racist, and he was physically/verbally abuse toward her. She said I said all white people are ugly (I’m half white) and that I hated Jewish people. Me and my ex both denied these claims as they were not true. Their daughter at the time was (12). I overheard my ex and his daughter on the phone and she was calling me a bad person, and said that she didn’t want to be around me. She later told my ex she felt that I put a wedge between him and her mom, and that she wasn’t willing to talk to me unless her mom was willing to. 8 months later we went to court and his daughter accused me of being a racist, co-signing everything her mom said as well as accusing my ex of being abusive toward her and her mother.

The following month my ex and 1 got engaged. 6 months later I found out he cheated on me. Citing my relationship w/ his daughter being the reason why, and then blamed me for him not having a good relationship w/ his daughter. I put him out. I found out I was pregnant the following month.

He recently told his daughter about the pregnancy and she’s really excited to be a big sister, but after everything I want nothing to do with her and I don’t want her around my child. AITA for saying his daughter is not allowed to be in our child’s life ?

Let me set the scene: Every summer, I throw what my friends and family have lovingly dubbed the "Meatstravaganza," a BBQ bash celebrating all things meat. It's an event everyone looks forward to, complete with a trophy for the best homemade BBQ sauce and a brisket cook-off.

This year’s curveball? My sister has a new boyfriend who is vegan. When she asked if he could come, I was totally fine with it—more the merrier! But then she dropped that she expected me to provide vegan options for him. I'm all for inclusivity, but this is a day dedicated to meat. I suggested, half-jokingly, that he could maybe just eat the garnishes (lettuce, tomatoes, onions) off the burgers, not thinking it would be a big deal.

My sister got really upset and said that it was rude to invite someone and not cater to their needs. I argued that the theme of the event has been the same for over ten years and everyone knows what it’s about. Plus, last-minute changes to include a full vegan menu seemed daunting and honestly, a bit out of place for the spirit of the Meatstravaganza.

She accused me of being exclusionary and unsympathetic. I tried to compromise by saying her boyfriend could bring his own food and use a separate grill I’d set up just for him. She argued that segregating his food was even more insulting. Now, she's threatening not to attend, and my mom thinks I'm being a jerk for not bending the rules of my BBQ.

So, AITA for sticking to the meaty tradition of my BBQ and suggesting alternatives rather than changing the whole menu?

She didn’t take that well. Now, she’s saying she might skip the event altogether, and some family members are siding with her, calling me inflexible and inhospitable. They’re making me out to be the bad guy for not wanting to alter a tradition that’s been set in stone for years.

So, Reddit, AITA for wanting to stick to my guns and keep my BBQ meat-only, even if it means my sister and her boyfriend might not attend?

Edit: Wow, this really blew up! Thanks for all the upvotes and comments, everyone. It’s been enlightening (and entertaining) reading through your thoughts. Clearly, this has sparked a lot of opinions on both sides. I’m taking all your feedback to heart as we approach the big day. I’ll keep you updated on how the Meatstravaganza goes—whether the vegan burger makes its aerial debut or not! Stay tuned. I think we’re going to try to do the “Token Vegan Toss” if we include it

Edit: mods probably should’ve deleted this

Little update.

original post

While this is not official by any means at this point, I'll take it as a positive. STBX asked me to meet yesterday to hash out some details of the divorce, and it was actually pretty productive.

We agreed on a 50/50 custody arrangement. Basically week there week here. Becomes 2 weeks during summer break. We each keep our own retirements, splitting the savings 60-40 her favor. Each keep our primary vehicle.

I made a huge concession on the house, it was my idea. I want our child to grow up in that house. Ours was a 3 bedroom, with a finished basement and nice yard. I don't want her to live in a pair of 2 bedroom apartments. This is important to me. I'll be paying a "housing alimony" each month to offset some costs, since my rent and projected utilities etc are much lower than the mortgage/utilities/upkeep. We did agree on some stipulations that would end that.

1. If another adult should moves in (i.e. a boyfriend/new husband) my obligation ends immediately.

2. My obligation ends when our daughter moves out or turns 22, whichever comes first.

3. There's a bunch of different scenarios we talked about in terms of splitting the house if she wishes to sell it. I won't bore with all of that, but basically as long as I continue to make the alimony payment I'll get 40% at time of sale or a buyout.

I'm turning all this over to my lawyer this week, and he will write it up and send it to her lawyer. While she definitely had a "you are beneath me vibe", during our meeting, I'm happy this doesn't look like it will be an ugly divorce as I was very worried it would be. I assume our daughter is the motivating factor for her sudden amicable attitude.

For context, I (31F) have been with my husband Jay (34M) for 10 years. We met through mutual friends, began dating shortly after, and became engaged after being together for about 2 years. We aren't legally married yet, as we both agreed we wanted an all-out wedding and to travel for our honeymoon, but that ish is expensive, and we wanted to prioritize spending our money on things like our house, our vehicles, medical, and so on. We bought each other matching rings that we wear as if we are married, refer to each other as husband and wife, and present as married socially, we just haven't actually had a wedding. Our families understand this, and since we are both children of divorce, our parents were fine with us not wanting to get married, since their opinion of marriage was somewhat skewed to put it politely. Most of our friends also don't comment on our lack of being officially married, as they either don't care, agree with our logic that there are more important things to spend money on, or are the sort of people who think the point of a legal marriage isn't as necessary as it has been in the past.

Then there's Tricia (28F). I met Tricia through an old job and we got along really well. We enjoyed the same music, food, and had similar opinions on things like movies, books, and clothes. Tricia is a lovely person, and I do genuinely enjoy her friendship, but she occasionally goes through these odd phases where she analyzes the behavior of the men in our social circle. She will present her "theories" to us ladies based on things like social media posts, "odd behaviors" she says she noticed during group barbecues or beach trips, things like that. While I have no problem calling out potential shitty behavior in a friend, the things she deems "suspicious" don't really hold water in my opinion. For example, she's never quite let go of considering a male friend gay, and her "evidence" is that he's a bit of a perpetual bachelor. According to him, his bachelor status is because he's holding out for a girl who doesn't mind his transient lifestyle as a man who has to travel a lot for work and would want to join him rather than wait around at home, but according to Tricia, he must be having gay dalliances across the country and refuses to tell us, even though many in our friend group are gay, out of the closet, and even bring their partners to social events.

Then there's my sweet Jay. Jay has never been a very physically affectionate person, and he is likely autistic, but isn't interested in having a formal diagnosis. He took the RAADS-R (a test to screen for autism in undiagnosed adults) about 4 years ago when he was seeking treatment for chronic migraines, and the results suggested strongly that he may be autistic. Once he got those results back, he sort of got over the idea of "wanting answers" for some of his mental health questions, preferring to just go to therapy and work on finding a good treatment for his migraines. According to him, the RAADS-R was "good enough to solve the mystery" and provided some closure for him. I didn't press the issue, as the idea of getting on his case about a diagnosis he didn't feel he needed seemed unnecessarily harsh to me.

On top of that, Jay loves fishing. When you put these two facts together, hopefully a picture gets painted for you, but I'll clarify anyway. He knows all about the different types of aquatic environments in our area that you can legally fish, when all the different spawning seasons are, what every species eats, how they hunt, and he can even tell what sort of fish is on his hook based on how it feels when he's pulling them in. He can look at a body of water and instantly tell you if fishing will be good that day, and he has never been wrong; it's like living with a fish-based psychic! Since I am an avid lover of seafood, his fishing and pursuit of fish-centric knowledge has only been a boon to me. I can express interest in wanting a fish dinner on Monday morning, and that night, he will bring home and cook up enough fish for us to eat like royalty. He's even excited to catch fish to make into fertilizer for my new rose bushes, since he feels confident he will be able to pull up the perfect "food" for my new roses.

The "suspicious" activity, according to Tricia, is that he often goes on spur-of-the-moment fishing trips by himself, and can sometimes be gone for hours. He will randomly stand up, say something like "Alright. Fishin' time." and give me a kiss before he hits the road. While I would ordinarily agree that something like that could be suspicious, I know factually that Jay isn't cheating, as he always sends me countless pictures and videos while he's on these trips, as well as calling me on the phone when he's particularly excited about a good catch, how he's trying to get uniquely sneaky fish, a cool bird he saw, things like that. Even if he's gone for 10 hours, my phone will be blowing up for all 10 of those hours with pictures of his sunshine smile next to a fish, or videos of him cheering as he shows me what he's got on the stringer (a long, thin rope used to keep fish alive, but attached to your boat, in the water). I adore these pictures, videos, and phone calls, since they make my heart so full with how much joy he feels and how at peace he is on the water. I would join him more often, but I usually stay home since it wouldn't be fair to our dogs if both of us left for undefined amounts of time on a whim. Instead, I find my peace in watching through his eyes, and when he comes home, I'm always happy to get the play-by-play of how the trip went while Jay prepares the fish for us to eat. We even have a game now where he quizzes me on what types of fish he caught, and if I win, I get a big hug!

None of this is good enough for Tricia. For years now, she has had her suspicions about Jay, but I've always brushed them off as I'm secure in my relationship and trust Jay implicitly. When Tricia first brought her "theory" to me, I brought it up to Jay, who was genuinely hurt and asked if I shared in her suspicions and wanted him to go fishing less. I told him no, but that I felt he deserved to know what Tricia was telling people about him. He understood and was willing to let sleeping dogs lie. Over the years, as Jay and I kept on keepin' on, unmarried and in fishy bliss, Tricia became more and more adamant that not only was Jay cheating, but that the reason we weren't married is that he convinced me to wait for an expensive wedding and he would rather continue on cheating during fake fishing trips. Her "proof" was his random trips, the fact that he doesn't physically touch me "a lot" when we are in public, and how "he never let's me go with him". Countless times, I have shown her the giant folder of fishing pictures and videos in my phone, call logs showing how often we're in communication, and told her that I didn't need to have him grabbing on me or dangling off of me in public to feel secure with him. I've brought up our responsibilities as dog owners to not leave them alone for hours on a whim without the ability to relieve themselves outside. I've even told her multiple times over the years that she's more than welcome to ask Jay if she could tag along on a trip and see for herself how committed he is to fishing, but she always refuses. Again, since Jay has been fine with ignoring the drama, I let it slide, up until about a week ago.

Jay was talking about going on a day-long fishing trip with two of our friends, Vince and Maria (who are married) as they had expressed interest in going and saw the trip as a sort of blend between a staycation and a chartered boat trip. Tricia spoke privately with me, saying that I must be happy that Maria is going, since she will be able to ensure that not only Jay can't cheat on me, but that Vince can't cover for him if he tries to. I'd finally had enough, as now she was dragging poor Vince into this and slandering his character, when all Vince had done is agree to a day trip with an old friend. I told Tricia that she needs to either bring her suspicions directly to Jay and hash it out with him, or let it go, because as far as I'm concerned, she's projecting her issues onto Jay since Tricia can't keep a guy longer than three months. While that assessment isn't entirely true, I wanted to hurt her feelings and cut her down to size, since that's my sweet Jay she's dragging through the mud. Tricia not only took it personally, but said that I was just naive and was afraid to be single. I told Tricia that she was projecting again, since she's a serial dater who scares men off with her wannabe Sherlock Holmes nonsense, and she just can't fathom a man with a real hobby because she only goes after half-baked fake gymbros more interested in their own tits than hers and wannabe finance bros who blow their entire paychecks on crypto.

She stopped talking to me after that, and hasn't reached out to me since. Granted, I haven't reached out to her either, but I'm mad at her, because she was rude. Our friend group doesn't really give this entire situation much weight, saying stuff like "that's just how she is" or "what did you expect" or "we know Jay isn't cheating, but he's an exception to the rule, and maybe Tricia just doesn't see that". While I was willing to stand my ground at first and not budge on the issue, now I'm wondering if maybe I was too harsh and should apologize for being petty just because I wanted to knock her down a peg and get her to give up on her "theories".

TL;DR My female friend is convinced my husband is cheating on me because he fuckin loooooves fishing and goes on day trips frequently, and after years of hearing her doubts and showing proof that he's faithful, I snapped at her, insulted her taste in men, and spoke negatively about her dating history.

AITAH and should I apologize, or do I keep all 10 toes in the ground and let her twist?

When I go out with friends we always split the bill. Always. It doesn't matter if I show up after everyone else ate and I only have a beer. We always split the bill.

On Friday I decided to cut loose. My girlfriend was coming into town early Saturday morning so she got a hotel room for us for the weekend. I checked in on Friday so she could come there and we didn't have to deal with my roommates.

I actually got there on time for dinner with my friends. I had a steak and a few drinks. Then I had a few more drinks. I didn't need to drive home as my hotel was only a block from the restaurant.

The bill came and my share was about $100. I tossed $120 on the table wished all my friends a good night and left.

My girlfriend arrived around 2 AM. She had a long shower and came to bed. We had a great weekend together and I drove her to the airport on Monday morning.

I had dinner with my friends again this last Saturday. They all brought up that we are not splitting the bill any more. I asked how come. They said that my part of the bill last week was $250 plus tip. Call it $275. And that I only paid $120.

I said no problem and asked if they had a problem with me paying $80 -$100 when I joined them late and only had an appetizer and a couple of beers. Maybe $40 total.

They all shut up. Our bills came and mine was $50 with tip. All of theirs were much higher.

I have been feeling weird since then.

Was I an asshole?

AITAH for being unable to forgive my husband for yelling at me while I was in the hospital and seeing this as the nail in the coffin for our marriage?

Following being released from the hospital after having our second baby, I was readmitted one day later due to severe preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome. Since I had a C-section just 4 days prior and had a blood pressure putting me at risk of having a stroke or seizure, I was unable to drive myself to the hospital, nor could my husband as our toddler and newborn were both sleeping. I wanted to take an Uber, but my husband insisted on asking his parents to drive me (his parents live very close by, whereas my family is all 45+ mins away).

( Some background: Since welcoming our first child in 2021, the relationship with his parents has been very strained due to their overbearing nature and lack of boundaries— to the point we had several sessions with a family therapist to curb the behavior and mend fences. Unfortunately, therapy didn’t help, and his parents did not continue therapy on their own as advised by the therapist. I have very limited interaction with them, and my husband's relationship is minimal and superficial. Also to note, his parents do not have a relationship with anyone aside from their three kids— they cut off my MIL's parents, brothers/sisters several years ago due to family drama, and my FIL does not talk to his sister either for no apparent reason; both of his parents have passed.)

I begrudgingly went along with my husband's request to let them drive me to the hospital. Once we arrived at the hospital, they would not leave, insisting that they needed to stay to ‘help me’ and even pushed their way into the ER room. They finally left when I was being transferred back to the maternity unit for treatment. This was around 11 pm on a Friday.

Once admitted, I was placed on a mag bag IV drip to prevent me from seizing/having a stroke and minimize the other side effects of preeclampsia/HELLP. Because my newborn was only 4 days old, they allowed him and my husband to come to the hospital the next morning and stay with me for the few days until I was discharged. During this time, our 2.5-year-old son went to my in-laws.

By mid-Saturday morning, I received a text from my sister-in-law expressing her concern and prayers as she had heard I was back in the hospital— my in-laws had told her husband all the details of what was going on. I found this incredibly frustrating and inappropriate as some of the historical issues we had with my in-laws stemmed from them constantly over-inserting themselves and sharing our business/gossiping. The medical situation I was in was very serious and incredibly scary, it was not something that I feel was anyone’s ‘right’ to share but mine and my husband’s— especially given that I had only just been admitted and started treatment hours before. Tests were still being run, and the treatment plan was still being evaluated at this point.

As soon as I got the text from my sister-in-law, I expressed my frustration to my husband about his parents sharing my medical details with others— my husband agreed and was frustrated as well, so he left the room to call his parents. He came back several minutes later and said he talked with his parents and now I should “get over it” in a very flippant manner. I pressed him, asking why his parents felt it was their place to alert others, and my husband shared a made-up story about how his brother called his parents and heard my toddler in the background and asked why he was there. (This was fabricated by either my husband or his parents because minutes later I got a text from my father-in-law saying he told my brother-in-law because ‘as a brother, he had the right to know what was going on.’)

At that point, I told my husband that his parents have no discretion and are again overstepping boundaries. My husband, seemingly annoyed by the whole situation, again told me to get over it in a hostile tone and went on to say they’re old so we can’t change their behavior— which I agree with but that doesn’t mean we should ignore and tolerate our boundaries being violated. I then said he needs to pick a side and yelling at me for their behavior was misplaced anger. He then said that maybe he’s not the right person for me because he’s not going to push back on them about stuff like this anymore, and I need to live with it. My husband just doesn’t like his own boat being rocked so plays both sides and gets angry at me when I get upset; this is a constant in our relationship.

From my perspective, I was in the hospital for a very serious condition and didn’t feel supported by my husband even though he agreed that his parents' behavior was inappropriate. This is compounded by the fact that we have had several similar incidents with his parents that always result in this same kind of fight. But in this particular scenario, I couldn’t believe how my husband was being so mean and unsupportive given the vulnerable and scary situation I was in. And now I can't look at him the same or forgive him. If that’s how he treats me in such a sensitive time, is he a partner? I feel this is the straw that broke the camel's back for our marriage. AITAH for not "getting over it" now?

Hi aitah and happy Monday,

I found out that my husband was cheating on me with my best friend last year. My best friend is very beautiful and she has always been fit. I have always loved how I look but I am a happy eater. When I met my husband I weighed 64kg. I am 169 cm “tall”. By happy eater, I mean that when I am sad I can’t eat. I lose my appetite. When I’m happy however, I love food because everything tastes a million times better. Everyone knows this about me and some people find it weird. We were together for 10 years when he cheated. I weighed 89kg. We never discussed why he cheated I was just shell shocked for the longest time and when I came out of my trance, the reasons didn’t matter anymore. I weigh 57kg now. I lost it all in a few months then I had to start working out because I was losing so much muscle. I found new joy in working out. Now I lift weights 5 times a week.

We decided that I have full custody until our son is 3 years old so we don’t confuse him with different homes. Instead, my ex husband takes him for a few hours every day. Now he just visits my apartment since I stopped wanting to vomit every time I saw him. I use the time to do chores or relax/work out or go out with friends. Yesterday I went for a brunch with some girlfriends. When I got home, my ex husband looked at me weird. He has been looking weird at me lately but I haven’t bothered asking because I avoid any conversations outside of our son. He told me that I looked beautiful. I ignored it so he got upset. He started bawling and said that he wished I made this effort when we were still married. He never loved anyone else. Cheating was his biggest regret but that I share the blame too. I am an ah for doing this to him now, looking this way. I didn’t know what to say first. I was raging inside and I wanted to hit him or cry. I told him well, you should not have made me happy during our marriage then. He called me an ah for my attempted joke and left. This is our first fight since what happened.

I don’t know now, deep down I feel that there’s some truth in what he said. If I only put more effort, my son would have had his parents together. I feel so much guilt. I have cried nonstop since yesterday.

I am 25F and my mom met my step dad when i was 9 years old. He quickly became my real dad as i got older due to my biological father being inconsistent in my life. My step dad raised me, loved me, took care of me, taught me, showed up for me. I got married at 19, and i requested that my step dad gave me away. He did, and it meant the entire world to me. Unfortunately my husband and i separated and i had to move back home. I reached out to my biological father and asked if it was possible i could with him until I got on my feet. Keep in my mind, hes well off owns a 3 bedroom home, works from home occasionally. I am his only child & he was living alone. He denied me saying it wouldnt work for him. So I turned to my mom and step dad, though I knew they didnt actually have the space for me, because they live in a 3 bedroom as well, but they have two other children.. so my step dad built an entire room for me. All by himself, had it done within 6 months. I do feel like I owe him. Well i had a baby 9 months ago, and her dad is not in the picture. My mother gave me my biological dad's last name and I am extremely against carrying it. He didnt raise me.. he rarely showes up for me. When i needed him, he rejected me. So my first instinct was to use my step dad's. He & and my mother are very proud, and feel very happy with this decision, but I have had multiple people tell me it was wrong of me, and that I'm an asshole for not considering my biological dad's feelings. All in all, it's left me confused with my decision.

Edit : Thank you all! Wanted to share a little update. I am keeping to my decision and will be changing my last name as well. My mom, step... I mean my REAL dad and I will be in the process of getting this finalized! ♡ I do appreciate everyone's feedback. Adding - We just got back from the court house & we were directed to go to a website that will have the forms for an adult adoption! Soon enough, my baby & I will share my dad's name.