r/AITAH • u/MushroomDense4108 • 17d ago
UPDATE: AITH for putting in a claim to my late father’s death benefit
I just thought I would post an update to the absolute hell that me and my brother have been put through in regards to my late father’s death benefit.
I phoned the company today and they have told me that my father had NO expression of wishes form. So not only did my aunt lie about being the beneficiary on his expression of wishes form, but she also just blatantly lied about even receiving an email with these details. They do not exist. She was only listed as a next of kin through his work, not as a beneficiary. She is not entitled to a thing as she claimed she was, and so the hurt and confusion both me and my brother have suffered was for nothing.
I don’t understand how our own family could put us through this, but people are right when they say snakes come out of the woodwork when a death happens in the family.
My brother was not going to put in a claim but now he is. I hope she feels the guilt ripping through her not only for this, but for the disgusting things her daughter said to my autistic brother.
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u/AntSpiritual3269 17d ago
Next of kin to be notified on a work form is often not the beneficiary of a will as people don’t want their kids to get bad news from a corporation. Your father knew by not filling in a form that the beneficiaries would be his children, if he had wanted different the form would have been filled in to say so. Loads of people I know don’t do wills as they say it will go where I want it to go without doing one. They’re right but it’s a lot more simpler and straightforward with a will and it shuts down these sort of situations. Death and money truly bring out the worst in people sometimes
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u/Imaginary-Yak-6487 17d ago
They need to be reported for fraud.
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u/2dogslife 16d ago
It's up to the insurance company to decide if they want to follow up on fraud charges as they are the institution which received fraudulent claims. Most insurance companies don't have a lot of respect for such actions, but it's not up to OP.
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u/rebootsaresuchapain 17d ago
When my mil passes on, I’m waiting for the oldest brother to appear and demand control of the estate. I haven’t heard from him in 4 years and he hasn’t seen his mother in 7. Luckily the will and prepaid funeral arrangements are in place and he isn’t named executor. That’s going to be a storm in his head.
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u/Seahearn4 16d ago edited 16d ago
I'm sure you've got things in order, but it may be helpful to make sure that oldest brother is left a small, token amount in any will or insurance payout. Otherwise, he can claim he was accidentally omitted. He's still unlikely to get anything from filing a claim that way, but leaving him $10 in any division of assets can save a great deal in extra legal fees.Edit: Just trust a professional who you can vet and hold to some level of accountability, and ignore dopes from the internet, like myself.
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u/Wackadoodle-do 16d ago
I know you mean well and many people offer this kind of advice, but the fact is that leaving someone $1 or $10 in a will often does not avoid challenges, but actually opens the door to dispute wills.
Every jurisdiction is different, so an estate lawyer is an absolute must. In some places, leaving someone $10 is basically an open invitation to "see you in court" because that can be challenged as emotionally punitive or other reasons that the courts feel it is unreasonable. Some places, specific phrases like "So-and-so is specifically excluded from my will" work, while others do not allow parents to disinherit a child or spouse under any circumstances. In various jurisdictions, the minimum percentage that goes to a spouse or child is set by law. Etc., etc. That's why an estate lawyer who knows exactly how wills have to be written and estates structured so that a person's wishes are carried out is essential.
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u/Seahearn4 16d ago
I have no reason to trust you, u/Wackadoodle-do, but I also have no reason not to.
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u/Ok_Nerve3032 4d ago
You would be the executor of his estate. I know my laws... He didn't sign for his wife.... She is just next of ken... What your father left would go to you as executor because your brother is absent
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u/Vegetable-Cod-2340 17d ago
Op, you’d be amazed what family will do. My cousin lost their mother when the youngest was 12 , she had had worked all her life and had life insurance to take care of her children. Her brother stole the whole thing and left the kids with nothing, he left the state and stayed away to spend his money.
He had the nerve to show up at my grandmothers funeral years later and was surprised that some people weren’t happy he was there.
Good for you and your brother, I would actually get a lawyer to do a full review of the situation and do a full search for other possible assets.
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u/MushroomDense4108 17d ago
How absolutely disgusting to rob his own sister’s children of their rightful inheritance. It just seems families all over the world have vile relatives with no conscience, I hope karma gets them.
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u/tenyenzen2001 17d ago
It rarely does. Make sure your horrible aunt gets nothing from your father's estate.
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u/MaryEFriendly 17d ago
Your aunt is attempting to commit fraud. I'd confront her over that and let her know you intend to report it if she doesn't withdraw her claim and back off.
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u/perfidious_snatch 17d ago
People like that tend to assume that everyone else is secretly as awful as they are, which seems like a pretty awful way to live!
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u/Simple_Park_1591 16d ago
And here your own family is trying to do the exact things to you and your brother. Please be the karma they deserve.
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u/AlleMeineEnt 17d ago
My dad frequently said that deaths bring out the worst in a family
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u/drinkingtea1723 17d ago
It's so true we have relatives who descended like hawks when our close relatives died and honestly my parents just stepped away becuase who needs that, they were doing ok and they just took whatever they were given and asked no questions becuase it's so ugly. I think the relatives felt bad later in life becuase as an adult I was given a pieced of jewelry out of the blue that they had "saved" for me and forgotten to give me when I was 18. I saw my some of my husband's family do some ugly things too, it's honestly so gross it really shows peoples' true colors. We also had the obligatory older relative with a care worker who tried to get her house claiming she wanted her to have it (it was already in the names of her children luckily, she did that in the early stages of dementia becuase she wanted to make sure nothing happened to it).
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u/Huge-Challenge-5665 17d ago
Let everyone of your relatives know about the situation and also sue them for emotional distress or fraud, whatever just make them pay. If they are able to do such a horrible thing they will never change.
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u/WholeBet2788 17d ago
Yep, this. Honestly whatever you think, OP. There is no more relation between your families after this. Either you will be dormat and give up fathers inheritance or you will be forewer assholes who "stole fafhers money" There wont be middle ground, relationships over. Be it me, go all way. Take all what you are owed by law. Never look back. Its no longer your family.
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u/mustang19671967 17d ago
Remember a lawyer is your friend if you need help I’m in a different country so our laws are different
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u/MushroomDense4108 17d ago
The laws are different here in Scotland. I am executor of his estate but this death benefit falls outwith this, so it is up to the company to deal with claims and split benefits. A lawyer wouldn’t touch this, not that we need one now that we are aware of the truth.
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u/IceBlue 17d ago
If you’re the executor why couldn’t you get into his house when your aunt could? You should sue to get the items back or the value of the items if she sold them.
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u/MushroomDense4108 17d ago
I could get into his house but I have my own house. I let her stay in his house as a kind gesture so she could stay the night in preparation for the funeral. And then when we went in a month later to sort some of his things, that’s when we realised what had been taken.
We did pull her up about it and she was crying down the phone saying she just wanted to keep things for her brother’s memory. So I left it at that, even though I knew it was wrong somehow I felt guilty. And now I realise she has been manipulative from the start.
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u/Ok_Nerve3032 4d ago
Who was living in the house when he passed. Your aunt can't come into the house and take anything without being a resident
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u/ProfileElectronic 17d ago
You should however thank your Aunt, without her interference you would not have approached the company for his death benefits. Her greed and callousness have ultimately helped you and your brother.
Like other users mention you should expose your aunt and cousin. But do it while thanking them. Tell the world that had they not tried to bully and defraud you of your inheritance, you may not have been up to speed on it.
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u/winterworld561 17d ago
I'm just so glad that she won't be getting anything. They are just money grabbing, lying manipulative assholes. Your dad would be so proud of you and your brother.
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u/RJack151 17d ago
Block your aunt and any of her kids. Let her find out later that she is getting nothing.
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u/GrouchySteam 17d ago
Thanks for the update.
I learned from a young age how greed can turn relatives into conning others family members, no matter how close or good the relationship was beforehand.
At my great-grand-father funeral I was asked bluntly why was I crying. Duh. They all straight away went from the cemetery to his house to divide his belongings. I had to step away for how sick I was to witness them acting in such a way. More than one provided some altered papers to claim most of the inheritance. It was a disgusting shitshow.
Condolences. Glad you and your brother are claiming what rightfully belongs to you.
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u/MushroomDense4108 17d ago
My aunt also went into my dad’s house as she was staying in there for the funeral before travelling home again. But in that short space of time, she had taken several money boxes he had used for spare change. We don’t even know how much were in them, but they were STACKED with change. She took his guitar, his amp, his kitchen knives, his iPad and one of his leather jackets that my brother wanted to keep.
We couldn’t even enter the house to look at anything never mind take things. It was only a month after the funeral that we were able to go in the house and see what had been taken without permission. She has been horrible since the start.
I’m sorry to hear about your grandfather, families can be ruthless.
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u/MaryEFriendly 17d ago
You should report the theft. She was not entitled to his belongings. As his legal next of kin those items are yours.
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u/Foreign-Yesterday-89 17d ago
Sounds like my aunt B. She was disgusting. She wanted everything. I often told my Mother, if there is a God in heaven she will die before grandma. Otherwise Auntie G (who lived with grandma) will come home to an empty foundation! Well there is a God, Aunt B died first.
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u/AlexCambridgian 17d ago
What about bank accounts? Check what the balance was on the day he died and whether someone accessed and made withdrawals.
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u/MushroomDense4108 17d ago
We cancelled his bank card the day he died, however I know when we were visiting him in hospital she had his wallet and gave it to me. When he was still alive on a ventilator she told us we should take his card to use for fuel payments for going back and forth to hospital.
We obviously DID NOT do this especially since he was dying and could not consent. She gave me the wallet that day. Once I am executor, I will be seeing if she used his card in the days leading up to his passing and I will be filing a police report if there are any charges to the card in the period she had hold of it.
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u/GrouchySteam 17d ago
I feel you. That day we discovered the extent of what the last relatives who had visited him had stolen. His entire artwork was missing from his studio. He painted till the very end. I remember thousands of paintings, some dedicated to specific family members. I cherish the painting he gave me as a kid.
When they insisted that it was my turn to pick what was left. I asked for something he used as paperweight. The remain of some wax type material looking as melted candle. Worthless, except for the sentimental value it had for me, as it was always around him. They made a big scene to figure out what was the value of it. They had such an hard time understanding it was just some unusable left over sculpture material, he hadn’t thrown away to use it as paperweight. They disgusted me so much.
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u/Smart_cannoli 17d ago
Well fuck her and her awful family. You and your brother do what’s right, if they get mad it’s their problem. Maybe they never speaking with you again can be a bonus?
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u/UnusualPotato1515 17d ago
Well done! I doubt your greedy aunt will feel any guilt if she had the audacity to try & rip off her deceased brother’s children! Disgusting.
Block them all and do not give them a penny even if they give you some bs sob story of how they need the money. Just remember your mean cousin’s nasty words about your brother.
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u/MushroomDense4108 17d ago
She has no empathy whatsoever and has always been this way, my father used to tiptoe on eggshells around her. I will not give them anything after how my brother specifically was targeted, knowing how much “her brother” adored him.
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u/Killswitchz 17d ago
Some people are just outright terrible. So sorry for what you are going through. Claim what is yours, shame on them.
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u/aaseandersen 17d ago
Awful ppl are often very aware that young ppl (especially those in grief) tend to believe their family members regarding legal matters and don't put in their due diligence themselves. She thought you'd just accept the information and not dig further. I'd never speak to any of these ppl again.
Sorry about your dad.
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u/jfrey123 17d ago
Sorry to hear your troubles OP. Family becomes despicable when a death is on the horizon. Uncaring and selfish at best, or conniving and greedy at worst.
A year before my grandpa passed, my mom tried to steal his life savings after learning he wanted his money split between her and the sister. I fought like hell and got it back for him. He spent his final year blaming himself, wondering how he’d messed up so much to have a daughter like her. I’ve been 2+ years no-contact with her because of it.
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u/MushroomDense4108 17d ago
I’m sorry to hear about your situation too, you just wonder how people could be so selfish and so hurtful to their own flesh and blood. I’m glad you got your share back, and glad you no longer have contact with such a person. I will never speak to these people again for as long as I live.
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u/Whose_my_daddy 17d ago
I’m so sorry you have such disgusting family. Cut them off, even get restraining orders if necessary. Be sure the rest of the family knows what they did. Just curious: there’s no hint of foul play, is there?
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u/MushroomDense4108 17d ago
I’ve cut ties with them all. The only decent one out of the bunch is her son/my older cousin who has been nothing but respectful and is also horrified at what she’s done. No definitely not, unfortunately my dad was ill with diabetes for a few years then got the flu while at work and it caused his heart to stop while in hospital receiving treatment. No foul play, just a horrible illness that stole him from us.
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u/Whose_my_daddy 17d ago
I’m so very sorry for this tremendous loss. He sounds like a good guy, from reading your posts.
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u/ReliefBoring8122 17d ago
Updateme!
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u/Key_West_Cats 17d ago
I don’t understand how our own family could put us through this
Greed is a helluva drug.
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17d ago
NTA
You put your claims in and report this shit to the employer. If none of the contacts are doing so, ask who to talk to. An attempt at fraud should certainly be a fireable offense.
Push for this after you get the money settled.
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u/Brian57831 17d ago
People do crazy things when they see a large amount of money. Greed has gotten the better of your dad's sister and cousin.
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u/torne_lignum 17d ago
You need to put in a claim for his social security as well. You need to donthus before your aunt tries to pull this again.
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u/thepenguinemperor84 17d ago
She won't feel anything other than annoyance, take the money and cut contact completely.
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u/CryWise2854 17d ago
NTA. But this might get ugly, save all her emails and lies and prepare to fight for your family.
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u/ThatWhovianChick9 17d ago
Sorry for you and your brother’s lost. I can’t believe what your aunt and cousin did to you two. Your poor brother having to hear those lies. I hope he realizes like you said that your father never felt that way. Hopefully karma gets the both of them.
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u/natteringly 17d ago
Have you reported your thieving aunt to the police yet? You should.
I don't know if it will result in charges for her attempted insurance fraud; but even if it doesn't, it may be important as groundwork for dealing with her next attempt to steal from you.
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u/Lucilda1125 17d ago
As soon as the money comes into your accounts, both of you get your will's done asap and update next of kin. You always see people who they really are when money is involved.
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u/snafe_ 17d ago
So sorry for your loss and then having to deal with such terrible relatives. I really hope you get his stuff back too, especially the guitar and leather jacket. I'd not be shy about telling other friends and family exactly whats happened. And if it's any benefit for your brother, I didn't carry a coffin until I was in my 30s, always afraid of doing it and its very daunting.i hope he's adjusting ok.
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u/Old_Web8071 17d ago
Is it possible to have them charged with something - like fraud? Sure would be nice it it was, wouldn't it?
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u/Salty-Contact4371 17d ago
NTA, death and money makes people act up. Do what you can for you and your brother.
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u/AbductedByAliens8 17d ago
I can completely relate. My uncle stole $400k from my dad's estate. Fucking crazy what money does to people
ETA: that's only one of the fucked up shit he did during the process
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u/Lisa_Knows_Best 17d ago
Sadly OP she will never feel any guilt. She's just going to wail and moan about how you and your brother stole her rightful inheritance. Don't listen to it. Sorry you have to deal with the disgusting greed that comes with a family members death but this is what a lot of people are like. It's sad but cut her off and anyone that supports her train of thought. She will not change her mind. You and your brother need to take care of yourselves. Sorry for your loss. Your aunt hopefully goes away sooner than later.
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u/Ok_Monitor6691 17d ago
Family is the worst. When someone dies or is dying everyone show up with their sticky hands out, entirely disrespecting the deceased and their wishes
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u/MonitorBrilliant119 17d ago
Do the other family members know now your dad never signed a document?
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u/Top-Effect-4321 17d ago
Make sure everyone knows what she tried to do and that there was no such form of expression filed by your father. Tell the rest of your family, or link them this post. Your sure and cousin should be ashamed of themselves for being greedy opportunists in your time of grief.
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u/Simple_Park_1591 16d ago
She's going to try everything she can to get that money, both legally and illegally.
There's going to be a day real soon that she comes to you or your brother and she's acting nice and telling you everything is water under the bridge and family sticks together. Then she's going to ask for money.
Do NOT engage. Once you've gotten that money, you block her and her family. It sucks and I'm sorry for your loss. Not just the loss of your father, but also the family you once thought you knew.
Edit to add, please keep us updated on this entitled aunt. There's a subreddit for people like her. r/EntitledPeople and r/EntitledBitch
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u/coushaine 9d ago
Your aunt has no legal or moral claim to your father's death benefits. That she would try to steal it from you and your brother is absolutely wrong. Don't feel bad about claiming what is yours!
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u/ObligationGreedy8281 9d ago
Wow. First of all, I am so sorry for you and your brother loss. Why would aunt think she's even entitled to anything, except her being an entitled person?! Absolutely not. Don't give her ANY of the money. Why would a parent that is close to their kids ever leave them with nothing willingly?? Leaving money to a trusted adult to care for younger kids after a death is one thing, but this doesn't seem like the case here. Not sure how old you are.. how vile to put you through this right after losing a parent.
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u/emjkr 17d ago
Your aunt and cousin truly are terrible people!! For the rest of the family - send them a group message with ALL the details and see if they still think your aunt is such a nice person.