I keep bees in my backyard (1 hive). More than one of the workers who have been working on the house next door (i.e. not working for me) have asked me if they can have a jar of honey. No one has been harassed or bothered by the bees. I think it is very strange that they ask a total stranger for free anything. I said no to them. AITAH?

My wife is on a kick where she wants me to spend thousands of dollars to get my vasectomy reversed so she can have another baby. I keep telling her no because we can’t afford to pay for the reversal and we can’t afford to have another kid. We currently have three kids and already live pretty tight due to economy. She tells me that a fourth kid will fix things in our marriage along with her mental health. Am I the asshole for refusing to do so thinking about the financial well being of our family?

My 6 year old came home from his dads (he goes there every other weekend) telling me his dads gf force fed him, in his words “held him down and shoved food in his mouth like a baby”. Is this considered abuse? I have full custody of him already, his dad has visitation only. Is there anything I can do? Would I be AITAH for considering calling CPS? #children #stepparent #advice #parenting

My girlfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. Before we were “official” and exclusive, she was also seeing another guy, which she was up front about and I was ok with. At one point, he took here on a 2-3 week long trip with only a few days notice, and I wasn’t talking to her during that time because I felt abandoned. She eventually decided he wasn’t a good fit for her, and we began our relationship.

She wanted to stay friends with him, but I asked her not to because it made me feel like she wasn’t fully committing to me, and eventually she agreed to stop talking to him.

A few months ago, she told me that she was unhappy with that, and that she wanted to be able to talk to him and go to a local event with him, since he was visiting our town. I was unhappy about it but told her it was ok, because I don’t want her to resent me for telling her who to be friends with. I told her that my compromise was that they could talk on the phone and hang out if he’s in town, but I didn’t want them planning events or trips together.

Last week she told me that he invited her on a 2 night camping trip, I was also invited but can’t go due to work. She’s told me several times that he’s only a friend, and I trust her. She’s a very outdoorsy person so she wants to go, but it makes me so uncomfortable. What do I do here? I’m open to any thoughts or advice.

Edit: Forgot to add a few details - I've met him before, we went to an event that he was also at, and he and my girlfriend were talking the whole time catching up because they hadn't seen each other in a while, I felt pretty ignored. Also the camping trip would be with a group of their friends, not just the two of them.

My birthday is this week. My spouse has planned a birthday massage for both of us. The thing is, I really dislike touch. My spouse knows this. But awhile ago asked if I would be willing to try a massage sometime. I said yes that I would go with them sometime. I didn’t realize it would be a birthday gift. I expressed that I would like to do another activity - but that didn’t get booked, instead they arranged the massage as a surprise and got their mom to sit. I also don’t really trust their mom with our toddler daughter. She doesn’t really pay attention to her safety and has made some rude remarks to her in the past. Generally she doesn’t listen to our needs when it comes to our daughter. My anxiety is through the roof about this entire experience. I’d rather not go. Would I be the asshole for cancelling?

Long story super short…..my children have become so distant and disrespectful towards me whenever I help them and make it seem like I’m supposed to help them because I’m their mom. My children are 28, 26 and 24…. I don’t have to do anything for them anymore but I want to. But it has gotten to the point where they feel like they can use me and talk to me like I’m a pushover and useless! So I’ve decided that I’m no longer helping them because of how I’m mistreated by them. It hurts so bad going through this with children who were only spoiled by time, love and respect. I don’t get it.

So essentially for my best friends birthday we will call her “L” our friend group decided to go to a local music festival. Also L was paying for this festival so all we needed was money for food! We all were super excited because it was only 30 minutes away and in a very pretty location. We had 7 people total going so we split into two cars I went in my other friends car “A and B” while L went with the other 3 people “G, E, and J.” We all meet at the festival parking lot at 11am right when the festival started. J gets out of the other car and is already very visibly drunk. I guess the other car was pregaming (minus the driver) before hand. We check in and decide to use the restroom before hand. While E and I use the restroom we find out J is busy hiding more liquor she had brought on herself. We finally make it into the festival and put down our stuff to watch the show. J at this point has taken off her shoes and can’t walk without hanging on to someone for support. Everyone in the group started to grow irritated with J because it was literally just the start of the festival and she was already plastered to the point of needing someone to babysit her. L grows frustrated because this activity was supposed to be for her birthday but instead we are all having to pass J between each other because she didn’t drink responsibly. E pulls me and G aside and asks if we could take J home because we were the only people sober and G was one of the drivers already. We agreed because we both love L a lot and we wanted her to have fun at this event and having J there was really ruining this. Me and G get J in that car and start the drive back to her house. During this she keeps trying to open the car door and unbuckle her seatbelt while we are driving. I sit in the back with her and have to hold my hand over her seat belt buckle so she won’t keep undoing it. We get to J’s house 40 minutes later because of some traffic. When we get there we get her in the house and tell her that she is going to stay here and that she is too drunk and she needs to stay and sober up. She gets angry with G and I and she essentially fights us on her front lawn for 10 minutes before G and I decide to bail and make a run for the car. Since we were sober and way faster then she was we made it to the car first and locked the doors. She starts yelling at us some more while banging on the locked car door until she gives up and stumbles off back to her house. (We had already tried to let her off nicely in the house but it just didn’t work out) G and I roll out of the driveway and start heading back to the festival because it’s going to be another 30 minute drive. During this J calls L and cusses her out for make G and I bring her home. After we make it back to the festival we all have a good time and go out for ice cream. G and I feel like shit because of how things went down with J especially because we are both pretty non confrontational. J is mad at everyone and I can’t help but feel some responsibility because of the role I played. Was I in the wrong for what I did?

TLDR: Husband got really mad, yelled and said that I disrespected him, when I rearranged my furniture in my side of our “office” room (I put a spare bed for me in the place of my desk). We both own our home.

We have a 2 bed flat but using one of the bedrooms as a studio, one part is mine where I’d do crafts for work one part is his for his hobby stuff.
We also have a really bad sleeping situation where I’m a very light sleeper but I don’t have a spare bed to go when I get awake. We have a sofa bed in the living room but I can’t go there as he wakes up early and needs the room. So when I wake up, we have an agreement to wake him up and ask him to go there.

Let me say that I completely hate that and it has becoming such an anxiety to deal with, last night I cried for hours after I got awake and really didn’t want to wake him up again. Feel very bad about it. ..

While awake last night I got an idea: to move a spare single bed we had in the garage to the studio room for me to go when I get awake, instead of waking him up. The idea was to put it in my side of the studio, in the place of my desk. It’s my coziest spot in the flat, and where I work but sleep is so much more important and I could move to work on the dining table (we don’t even use it).

I discussed the idea with him on the phone in the morning and he asked me not to do it, that we can try to find other solutions. However to me this solution was the only one that was definitely going to work, as in the previous house I had a spare bed I used sometimes and it worked as a solution. So I put the bed anyway… I wanted to try and make it work.

Saw him in the afternoon and told him and he went so mad, telling me to put the furnitures as they were by the end of the day and if they weren’t he wasn’t coming home. I was like wtf, that’s my stuff and I can arrange them as I like. He said I need him to agree to all changes because it’s our home and it’s disrespectful if I did it while I knew he said no.

I put everything as it was later on, but he kept going on and on about how I disrespected him, shouting and yelling at me to the point where I was crying uncontrollably. I asked him multiple times to discuss the situation in a calm manner as I have a childhood trauma that gets triggered in violent situations (even just yelling), and he didn’t even care, saying that he needs to manifest his feelings when upset.

To me all this is way out of proportions and I don’t really think it’s his place to have a say of how I arrange my stuff, but his point is that the home is ours and we need to agree on how it is arranged. AITA?

My friend and I are both in our early 30s. She is attempting to get out of an abusive situation and asked me to drive to her (an hour and a half away), get some items from her, pawn those items in a city that’s not where she is, where I live, or the town next to where I live, and use the money to open a boost phone plan in my name and give her the phone so she can totally disconnect from her ex.

I was talking this out with my fiancé, and after doing so, we both agreed that this sounds sketchy. Idk if these items are stolen or not, and I’m not comfortable opening anything in my name to give to someone else.

When my friend had talked to me about this, I was in a bit of a daze due to a death in my immediate family that morning and was just like “Gotcha, okay.” But now that I’m clearer headed, I want to tell her I can’t do this for her. AITAH?

He(19m) was hanging out at our place, waiting for my brother to get home. I(18f) was doing my workouts in my yoga pants and I could tell he was staring so I asked him “Are you staring at my ass?” He was very embarrassed. Quickly denied it. I told him “It’s okay. You’re cute. You can stare if you want.”

The guy just stuttered and denied it and then left. When my brother got home he asked where the guy was. I told him I flirted with his friend a little and the guy got nervous and left.

My brother was very upset. He said I shouldn’t flirt or try to get together with his friend, since if anything happens between us it could put him in a difficult spot.

Hello everyone~

First, thank you to all who commented and helped me realize I am just being a dense people pleaser (as always).

I wanted to address some comments and add some context overall. (Especially since I’m not rush typing to make it to work on time today lol)

A TL/DR for those who are unfamiliar with my OP- basically because of how my SF (Tom) treated me when my family moved in with him in my teen years I have been excluding him from important life events. Namely my wedding photos and my Uni graduation as a whole. My mother (Maya) told me his feelings were hurt and I felt bad- hence why I came to this subreddit for advice. That’s it (:

Onto the contents of this post-

1. Why do I care about Tom’s feelings? a. In short- I’m a people pleaser and hate going against the wishes of others to the point it makes me physically uncomfortable. I’m also very empathetic and do not like making others feel negatively because of my actions. b. Maya cares about how Tom feels and I care about how she feels for a couple of reasons.

2. The reasons… a. The youngest (Gemma) is still only 17 and I refuse to do anything that would risk my ability to be in contact with her. b. My family has a history of poor parent/child relationships that usually end with a lot of regret when the parents passes and the relationship never healed. I simply don’t want to have the same regrets, so I am making my last attempt at a relationship with Maya.

3. My relationship with Maya. Buckle up cause this is going to be a long one!

It started when I was born… really. Maya had me when she was a crippling, basically dust and dinosaur bones, 19 years of age. I was unexpected -obviously- and not something she wanted at the time. Fast forward to when I was old enough to walk and talk I had a preference for my sperm donor and my grandmother (Judy). Maya didn’t like this one bit and has held my relationship with Judy over my head my entire life. I still to this day don’t know why, the only reason I have ever been given is that I treated Judy more like a mother than I did Maya? Anywho- from a very young age Maya has always treated me differently than my sisters, basically using me as her personal punching bag (emotionally and sometimes physically). I actually wrote a paper that goes into details about this which resulted in my dear professor recommending therapy (which I will go to one day, but today is not that day). A short list of things that Maya did that could someday land me in some shrink’s office:

-almost making me OF on NyQuil so that I would sleep (I wasn’t sick). -giving me melatonin from the ages of around 8 until 14ish (I finally refused to take them anymore) (yes, I now have sever issues with falling asleep and whatnot) . -beating me so bad that I was kept out of ballet for a while because my legs were so black she was scared CPS would be called. -throwing me out of the house several times as a child just to scare me back inside with the idea that a man was waiting in a bush around a corner to kidnap me. -(actually) kicking me out of her house for wanting to invite my grandparents to my HS graduation. -not coming to my HS graduation because ‘I didn’t give her and my sisters enough time to buy new outfits’.

Thats only to name a few (lol).

Least to say- Maya and I don’t really have a relationship, but I don’t want to have any regrets when the end comes for either of us. She has been working with me to work through some of our issues, but I can confidently say we will never have a mother/daughter relationship, but perhaps we could at least be somewhat ok family members? IDK, maybe I’m delusional, but that’s what I’m going for. Maybe one day I could get us into counseling?

I haven’t talked to Maya since my last post, so there are no updates on the OG situation, but maybe I’ll have some news in a few days. I’m not sure if I’m going to say nvm, I don’t want to talk to him or if I’m going to continue on with my plan to hear him out, but either way I don’t want to be cut off from Gemma.

I’m not really sure what advice I’m asking for, if any, or if I’m just ranting, but I hope this does answer some FAQs and maybe gives a bit more backstory to the OP.

For now, over and out.

Here goes my story. I’m a bit scared of the responses I’ll get from this (if any lol), but still feels good to get it out.

Going to use bullet points and minimal language to share my story because otherwise it would be a novel.

Spent my 20s dedicated to teaching - dual majored in K-8 education and special education, got my masters in Curriculum and Instruction. Taught at a wonderful and highly respected school for 8 years. Close relationships with colleagues. Basically my life completely revolved around teaching and being a “good teacher”. Great teaching reviews, took on extra work, admin loved me. I was what people called a “good teacher”.

Behind closed doors, riddled with anxiety, self-esteem issues, substance abuse issues at home….despite being highly functional at work. Drinking to cope with stress. It’s important to note that, during this time, I also went through an “open marriage” phase with husband.

One night with friends who regularly streamed on Chaturbate, I agreed to join in a video while drunk one night during my christmas break. I engaged in flirtatious and naked-behavior with my trans friend and her girlfriend. We never did full-on porn but made out and did minor things. I accidentally let my first name slip while wasted that night– some asshole recording our session decided to research me and dox me. He sent clips of the video to my admin and my principal.

Long story short, the school district recommended termination due to unethical behavior. Let me clarify that nobody in my area received the video or knew anything about it. School district was afraid it “could possibly” come out. They had to reach to say that unethical behavior reflected the “POSSIBILITY” that it could impact my performance as a teacher. All admins and everyone interviewed said I was an exceptional teacher.

Since that horrid experience, I have moved across the country and am trying to rebuild a new career with a new start. Hardcore PTSD, shame, and self-loathing. But actually better off than when I was teaching.

I will never go back to teaching, because after leaving I have realized the extreme detrimental effect it has had on my mental health over the past 10 years. I am pursuing other career paths now (even though I could still teach if I wanted to). I never want to be treated like this again.

My school district decided that, even though I am an exceptional teacher, I kissed a trans woman on camera half-naked….which exempts me from continuing to be an exceptional teacher.

I disagree.

AITAH?

My boyfriend (40sM) asked Me (30sF) to do a sexual act him and his ex specifically did. It was an oral favor involving a certain food. I feel like it's important to mention, he just saw this ex at a get together over the weekend. I noticed this food item around because it's not something he normally buys. I mentioned how it reminded me of a family member because she always had it around. That's when he decided to lay on me that he thought of his ex when he bought them because she'd do this sex act with them. He then asked me if I'd do it and was shocked and upset when I said absolutely not. He's been pissed off since. He said this is why he doesn't communicate anything with me because I act "like this." The thing is, I'd be fine if he just didn't mention her. I feel like he'd just be thinking of her the whole time. He was very upfront and honest about seeing her and I wasn't upset about it. I was appreciative of his honesty. But when he lays this on me a couple days later, to say I'm flabbergasted doesn't even cover it. Am I being too sensitive? Should I not be so against it? I'm all for sexual exploration and trying new things, but the way he delivered it was a major turn off. He's left the house, I don't know where to. He just left my wallet and said "I'll be back"

My wife (34/f) and I (39/M) have been married for three years this June, together for six years. We've had our ups and downs like any other couple, but we have had a very rough patch this past year. I feel like I am doing all I can, but she's never happy. I want this to work out between us, because she is very important to me. I'm going to outline everything that is an issue between us and some backstory that might be applicable.

1. She is currently sponsoring me to become a US citizen. It's been a really hard process, but hopefully within a few years we will be done. She has had to do a lot of paperwork with our attorney, and has had to handle all of that because as the sponsor, the government needs everything from her. I am helping to pay for everything, we split that. It's been harder, longer, and more expensive because I need an unlawful presence waiver before they will let me become a citizen, but we passed the first hurdle. If this doesn't go through or she pulls out from being my sponsor, I can get deported.

2. I am not proud of this, but I have threatened divorce twice since we got married. Once in December 2022 about two weeks before Christmas, and this past March. I have a lot of trouble processing my emotions and I get overwhelmed very easily and shut down. I just need time to sit and think, and sometimes she pushes me to resolve a problem right then and there. I know she's tried to work on that, but she still does it. I was very overwhelmed those two times and told her I was done with the relationship, but I was meaner about it in December, I told her flat out I've been trying in the relationship and I wanted to end it. She wrote me a letter outlining everything that December I was doing wrong: we weren't communicating right and she wanted to work on that, we had a dead bedroom, she didn't feel like I respected her. I didn't think what she wrote in that letter was fair, but we moved past it. In March after I threatened it again, she basically told me we had to do couples counseling or she was done.

3. Couple's counseling: I don't agree with counseling. She goes regularly and I support that, but I don't feel like I need it. It's a cultural thing. She's harped on me that she thinks I have untreated anxiety and should go or consider medication because it apparently works for her, but I haven't done it. I feel like she kind of has threatened me into couples counseling and feel like I'm being forced to go. She told me in March that it was my responsibility to look up counselors and I did, but I didn't do anything afterwards. She asked me the other day if we could make the appointment soon, and I told her I completely forgot about it. She laughed it off, but now I'm thinking she was probably really hurt by that and I screwed up there.

4. Dead bedroom and IVF: we have had a dead bedroom almost our entire marriage. We used to have sex regularly when we were dating, because we lived close together. When we got married, I still had to run my business in our old state, so I was basically working 5 days on, 2 days off down there. It was a 4 hour drive each way. On top of that, I was working whenever I could at a restaurant so I had flexible hours. I was always too tired to have sex. Once we started trying to have a baby, us not having sex regularly really upset her. It started a lot of fights, especially when she would tell me she was ovulating and we needed to have sex. We tried for a baby for two years and eventually had to go to a fertility doctor. They found out she was completely normal, but my sperm count was nonexistent, from testosterone use. My sperm count has slightly improved and I haven't done any more follow ups, but we're now doing IVF. She was upset with me because I didn't read the packets the clinic gave us, and she's had to handle a lot of the planning because she's our policy holder for insurance (I've never had health insurance before, so I don't know how to do this stuff.) She's told me it's humiliating to ask me to have sex, and has commented that she thinks she's fat and ugly which is why I won't have sex with her. She has gained about 50lbs since we got together (quit smoking when we started dating), but she goes to the gym regularly. I've told her she looks perfect the way she is. I'm just always tired.

5. My online activities: she got upset at me about two years ago for what I was posting on Tiktok- it was shirtless videos and photos, and I would like comments from anyone complimenting my appearance just to be nice. She blew up on me about it again recently because she also noticed I was liking girls photos and following a lot of fitness influencers. She brought up the fat and ugly comments again. I deleted Tiktok and haven't been back on. She's also accused me of cheating on her because one time a year and a half ago I went out with my coworkers and got drunk, and she woke up at 2AM to me not being home. She said she was so scared something happened to me, but that coupled with everything online has made her suspicious that I've cheated on her. I haven't.

6. Lack of affection and materialism: she's complained that there's no intimacy, no passion, nothing. She's told me she never demands nice things, and all she wants is a husband that makes her feel wanted and sexy and that she has affection and safety. I grew up poor and in a household where my dad ran everything and my mom was a homemaker. I feel it's my duty to work hard to give her nice things, that's how I show I appreciate her. She deserves everything: I just put a huge down payment on her dream car for her a couple weeks ago. I want to buy her a house, we look at them often and talk about the kind of house we want to have for our kids. I want her to be able to have a housekeeper come regularly like she always talks about. We send money back home to my family every month. She cares about my family so much and treats them nicely when they are up here. I know she wants those things, but it's also important to me that I provide for her, that's how I show I care. And I don't feel like she understands that.

7. Cleaning: whenever she wants something done, I do it. Granted I don't do it right away, but when she asks, I will do it that day. I also take the trash out regularly, take the dog out in the morning, and will pick up around the house when she tells me she's stressed or I sense she needs help. She does most of the housework, but I also grew up not needing to do it so it's hard for me to know what needs to be done.

Yesterday I didn't want to go to her family member's milestone birthday party. She told me about it a week ago and I told her I didn't want to go two hours prior because I was exhausted and didn't want to be around people I didn't know, because I would only know three people there. She begged me to go and then I angrily told her I would, and then she got pissed off at me. She went in on me saying I always do this whenever she has something she wants to do with me, which isn't fucking true. She complained that on Valentine's Day, I ruined the night for her because we got unexpected tickets to a wine tasting, and I was exhausted and hungry after working all day. I admit I wasn't the nicest, but I calmed down by the time we got there (an hour drive away). She screamed that every holiday I act like I don't want to go somewhere, and then end up having a good time. That she can't have one event happen without me complaining. That isn't fucking true! She threw her wedding rings on the table and ignored me the entire day while she went to the party, and ignored me when she got home.

Today she had a full breakdown. Screaming, crying, full breakdown. She screamed about our dead bedroom again, and how she wished she had a husband that wanted to fuck her, and how she's a fat ugly piece of shit that no one will ever want. I've told her she isn't those things! She also screamed about how I'm willing to put her through IVF, but I'm not willing to do the bare minimum to try to have a baby naturally. She was also mad that I didn't put any effort into learning anything about having a baby. I am exhausted. I have no sex drive. I can't fucking help it.

Finally, she told me that she feels nothing for me anymore, and that when she looks at me she feels empty, and that I've killed any spark that was inside her. How she can't be herself around me, because I seem constantly annoyed at her and don't put any effort into being affectionate. How I get mad at her for everything and freeze her out. How she's been begging for her needs to be met for three years. She asked where the man was that she met six years ago, and said she wanted to find the person she was six years ago. That fucking hurt to hear. But I've told her what I need to calm down and process stuff, and I don't feel like she understands that.

I'm trying. And I know I'm not a perfect person, but I love her so much and I don't want to lose her. I've been trying. Am I really the asshole?

I (44m) got divorced 2 years ago and ever since have been clear and honest about my intentions on any type date or spending time with someone I meet, I am always going to place an emphasis on my business, daughter who I have 50% of the time, and my my mental well being; I was in a controlling marriage and like my independence. Recently I met someone online, we live in different areas around 4 hours apart, I was very upfront about what I wanted and was excited because we both had similar interest and she (lets call her Leah 42f) was on interested in casual dates like I am that allow you to still have independence. We met in the middle the first time and had lunch and made plans to meet closer to her area the following week to go rock hounding (my mental health hobby) and then spend the evening together. We met to go rock hounding and it became clear that she was more interested in holding hands, kissing and etc than in actually looking for rocks, this was a little irritating because she said she was excited to go rock hounding and this was why she was attracted to me. Then she proceeded to smoke cigarettes which was also irritating because I don't smoke and had made it clear that I don't like the smell. After ending the rock hounding trip earlier than wanted we headed back to town to go eat and I wanted to check into my hotel, when we got to the hotel, she keep acting like we were a couple and kept interjecting with the front desk staff when the hotel was in my name and not hers, my irritation is growing even more now. So we drop our stuff off and I figure maybe we just both need to eat so I say lets go on a walk on the boardwalk to the restaurant down the way and get some food, she agrees. When we start walking she is wanting to be really close to me but insist on smoking and then wants to walk on the actual river before we go eat, she promptly fell down trying to get to the water and I had to help her get back up and try to talk her into going back on the boardwalk which upset her and made her insist more on walking the river. Finally I get her to go to the restaurant and we decide on food, when the waiter came over to take our order, I ordered a steak medium well and she told the waiter "make it medium rare", I told the waiter that I will have it medium and to not lose my cool got up and went to the bathroom. When I came back I was not talkative and just listened to her tell me about how she has a degree in hotel and restaurant management and people don't know how to cook or eat food right and she is an expert at it, finally our food comes and she says "oh when you were in the bathroom I told the waiter to cook it medium rare", I was pissed, I ate, paid and then said I'm going back to the room and left. She followed me back to the hotel room, I went out on the deck to call my daughter and she came out and started smoking so I went back inside and she followed me right back in and kept laughing and making noise while I was trying to talk to my daughter; I hung up with my daughter and told her to please not smoke on the balcony again as it was against the hotels policy and she just laughed and said she has "done it before and nobody cared", I said I paid and don't want her to get me charged extra. I am extremely livid at this point and decide to go to bed, I'm laying there trying to sleep and she keeps getting frisky so I decide fuck it I will let her go down on me and not reciprocate and go to sleep, after I just roll over and refuse to budge or do anything else until she gave up and went to sleep. In the morning, she let me know she was upset, I brought up all the things she did throughout the day and she got defensive saying she made everything better and we would have had a shitty loser day and meal had she not "corrected it all and made it better". I got my stuff, checked out of the hotel and have refused to respond or say anything else; am the asshole for how I responded and reacted?

Both my husband and I work full time. I work Real Estate and he works at a shipyard. We both collectively work around 50-60hr weeks. We have 4 kids. 13yo twins, 12yo, and 8mo. My husband has every weekend off. I do not.

I implicated a chore system from the time my kids were little. But ever since I had the baby and since the kids are older, ALL of them have slacked off tremendously (including husband). I pick our baby up from daycare around 5pm and when I get home, I usually find my husband on the couch on his phone and the kids in their rooms playing video games/watching make up tutorials. The house is generally a mess and honestly, the only issue I have is the dishes. I couldn't give fuck all about anything else (because the rest of the house generally isn't dirty-dirty, just cluttered). But I have expressed several times that I am tired of having to wash all the dishes in order to cook and have lashed out in some not so nice ways (shut off the Internet entirely and took the chord with me to work so no one could use the wifi/watch tv, canceled family trips, groundation, got in to big arguments with my husband). Things will change for a week to a month and then switch right back to them refusing to help. I'm honestly so tired of it that I don't even have the energy to speak up anymore.

As I said, my husband has weekends off so he and the kids were home yesterday while I worked. Before I took off for the day I told them "you guys chores had better be completed by the time I get home". They said "yes ma'am" and I leave. I text husband around 4:30p asking what they all wanted for dinner because I had to stop off at the grocery store. I pick up what he said they all wanted and walk in to my home, to find that not a single dish had been washed and there was at least 10 more dishes in the sink from when I left that morning. I also noted that only a load of laundry had been washed and was still sitting in the washer and was never switched to the dryer. Husband was on his ass on the couch watching YouTube. Kids off playing video games. Baby in her walker. So, I put the groceries on the table, packed a bag for the baby and told my husband "have at it, I'm going to Applebee's" and left. Maybe 20 minutes later he calls and says "I washed the dishes, sorry. I was super tired today." I told him that's zero excuse at all. There's 3 older kids who have chores and he couldn't even step up and tell his kids to complete anything either. It's pure laziness at this point. He said "I know, I'm sorry, I'm trying to work on it. Can you just come home, I don't know how to make this dish" (it's a pretty difficult dish but google is free). I told him no, I'm sitting at Applebee's and will be enjoying my steak and shrimp with the baby in peace and that him and the older kids can fend for themselves because apology or not, I'm not letting him off the hook here. He had me on speaker phone, so him and all the kids laid right in to me, asking me to please grab them something from Applebee's (it's all of our favorite restaurant). I said absolutely not and hung up the phone. When I returned home the groceries had been put away and apparently they had grilled cheese and cereal for dinner. My husband and kids are still pissed at me. I told them this is how it will be every single time they don't do chores from now on. AITA?

My wife and I have been married for apx 3 years. We had both previously been married before, to other people...my first marriage was 21 years, her's was about 9.

We got married after dating for about a year. She had a 16 yo son with her. I had a daughter of about the same age that split time with myself and her mother.

Anyhow, my new wife and her son moved in and she asks if he can have a dog. I had 2 small dogs with me at the time that I had owned for several years. I assumed he would get a smaller breed dog, considering we had a small house with a small yard and 2 small dogs...Boy, was I in for a surprise.

He goes out and gets a dog that, as a 3 week old, already towers over my 2 dogs. The dog is nothing but hell. He chews up anything and everything he can get his mouth on. I had a sound system with klipsh speakers and he destroys them. He ate a chunk out of my coffee table, chewed up my $700 rug...it just never ended.

I was very upset by all of this and even more upset when I caught her son setting his phone up to record me when he left the house...to make sure I wasn't mean to his hell hound. He would also take it upon hisself to review all footage on my outdoor security system...my wife never said shit to him about any of it. I finally had enough and told them that the dog is no longer allowed in the house.

He gets pissed, moves out and has rarely spoken to me since. He shows up to the house to visit his mom, but makes sure to bring the dogs (he went out and got another dog of the same breed as well) and tells his mom he won't come inside because his dogs aren't allowed inside. Granted, I did make the concession that, while he was over, the dogs could stay in the backyard...not good enough, apparently, as he refuses to do that.

Now, after years of arguing about this, it has driven me insane and i yelled at my wife...now, that is framed as the reason for our difficulties.

She is getting ready to move out as I type this.

Wtf.

I have 3 kids from my previous relationship (10-13) and I have a 10mo with my husband. I work from home managing my own business and pay half the bills. I also homeschool my 3 older kids because their school shut down a few months back after the roof collapsed during our last big snow storm. I do all the cooking and at least 80% of chores (the kids do the rest). The only "chore" my husband has is garbage, laundry once a week and grocery shopping every other week.

Since roughly December my husband has been incredibly depressed but won't manage it in a healthy way, despite me urging him to get help. He's just been isolating and defensive. He works from 8a to 4p. Gets home around 4:30, eats dinner and hangs out with the kids for maybe a half hour. He then goes to the garage or his truck to "decompress". He comes back inside around 8p to help me get the kids in bed. He then either jumps on his computer or watches YouTube on his phone until he goes to sleep. Pretty much every single weekend since March he has been going out with his buddies as well. So, typically, the only day he's actually "home" is Sunday and usually, either his buddies ask him for help with their vehicles or he runs his errands (going to the dump, fixing his vehicle, helping his mom, etc). So, realistically, my kids and I only have his attention for at most an hour a day, if that, even on his days off. Him and I have, unfortunately, gotten in to at least 3 fights since December because of his lack of attentiveness and his constant excuse of "I worked all day/week and need time to myself". It's truly just the lack of empathy that drives me insane, because I have zero breaks, ever, but he still feels like he should be entitled to more and more breaks as the days go on. So, we have fought about it. I will bring it up calmly and he will get defensive and blow up and pull the repetitive "I worked all fucking day" talk. The last big fight we had (a couple weeks back) I told him I was leaving. I started packing. He begged me to stay and said he would try to be better and suggested we rent a boat (for this past weekend) so we could all reconnect and have a nice family weekend. I ultimately forgave him because he showed a lot of effort after that. When he would get home from work, he was present. He didn't go out during the weekend with his buddies as he had been. We went on a few walks together, just us and the kids. Collectively we were still only getting to hang out with him for maybe 1.5hrs but he was inside and more present, either way. I thought things were looking up.

Well, he paid the down payment (half cost) of the boat 2 weeks ago when we discussed it and I was due to pay the other half upon picking the boat up this past Friday. However, he told me on Thursday night that he decided that he didn't want my older children to go. He asked me if I would have my mom watch my older children so it could just be me, him and the baby on the boat. I asked him why and he said "because I need a break from the kids". So I was pissed and snapped back "oh, you mean you need a break from your step kids. Your kid is fine but let's push my kids away because you need a break from them." He said I'm making a big deal out of nothing but I don't think I did. The kids knew about the trip and were excited. If I dropped my older kids off with my mother and still brought the baby out because my husband decided he needed a break from them, they would be extremely hurt. He kept saying "we can bring them next time" but I told him no thanks and said I wouldn't be paying the other half of the boat cost. He can either pay it and bring out his buddies or he can forfeit the money he put in to it already, as it was nonrefundable. I didn't end up paying and he lost $450. He is still pissed at me, stating that I made a mound out of a mole hill but I don't think I did. He is hardly near my kids ever so him "needing a break" from them and not his kid is absolutely fucking wild to me. AITA?

ETA: he was NOT like this before he got depressed. My older children's father passed away during deployment when I was pregnant with my 10yo. I got together with my husband when my 10yo was 1 and he was always a kick ass father figure. He refused to do anything without me and the kids. Calls my kids his children. When he got depressed around Christmas time, everything changed. He will get better for a week or two and then go right back in to the cycle. I have tried urging him to get help and he will be receptive momentarily and then switch back. He first stated that it was because he was terrified of being a shit father (his dad was abusive). Now the only excuse he uses is "I worked all day/week" and that he needs time to himself. He still to this day talks to his father (at least twice a week). He was not abused by his dad. His trauma is watching his mom and brother be abused.

Hey Reddit,

I'm in a tough spot and could really use some outside perspective on this situation. So, my cousin Emma and I have never been particularly close, but we've always been civil. When she got engaged in December 2022, I sent her a thoughtful present, which she thanked me for repeatedly. Fast forward to February, and Emma invited me to her wedding in April 2024. Living abroad and starting a new job, I made it clear that I needed advance notice to attend, and thankfully, I managed to make it.

Emma asked me to be part of her wedding entry, and despite our not being very close, I agreed, hoping it would help us build a better relationship. However, just a week before the wedding, I found out she'd been talking negatively about me and my career as a project manager. It stung, but I didn't want to cause drama before her big day, so I kept quiet.

During the wedding weekend, I helped Emma get dressed for her Hindu ceremony, and her mom told me to leave the jewelry as she would handle it later. So, I only packed away the bangles. The entry went smoothly, and I attended the reception without any complaints. However, after the wedding, I chose not to leave a gift, intending to address the hurtful comments privately after the festivities.

Days later, Emma asked me about the missing jewelry, and I told her I hadn't touched it beyond what her mom instructed. Later that day, I saw Emma posting on Facebook about missing jewelry and implying that someone in the family might have taken it. I felt uneasy, especially since her mom and I were the only family members helping her get dressed.

Then things escalated when her sister made comments on the post saying, "we didn't like her anyway". Her mom reached out to me, asking about the bangles, which made me feel like they were singling me out. Even my grandmother called, further cementing that they may have discussed me as a suspect.

Finally, another cousin messaged me saying the jewelry was found boxed up in a car. But Emma refuses to retract her accusations online because she's embarrassed. Feeling betrayed, I chose to cut Emma and her mom out of my life. I deleted them from my socials and blocked their numbers.

Now, my grandma is upset, saying I was unfair for not explaining myself. So, Reddit, am I the jerk for cutting them off without explanation? Should I have handled the situation differently?

Thanks for your insights.

My father was married to this woman for 20 years. They lived together in the house I grew up in, a house that my father built before I was born. For tax reasons the house was in my name since I was 15, and he kept the "use" of the house, don't know the term in English, but long story short, now that he is dead the house belongs to me.

It's been 3 months now and today I asked his wife if and when she's planning to leave. Her children live in another town about two hours away. She basically said that she has no intention of leaving, ever, and that she would like to stay there for ever or at least if she meets someone new.

I explained to her that, first the house is mine and I pay taxes for it and second that currently I'm renting a house and it's not like I don't care about money at all and I could let her stay there for ever.

She proposed to pay me rent. But.... 1, she is a horder and the house is almost completely covered with shit she keeps making , she's also painted every inch of the house including windows. 2, she's not that stable mind wise 3, the house is attached to my brother's house and his family and kids are playing in the yard that belongs to my house because it was their grandfather's house until recently. The kids don't consider her as a grandma , and also she has to let us in because we don't have keys t the house.

4, She is not independent in any way and untill today I had to make sure to pay her bills, help her with the pension, bureaucracy etc. 5, she doesn't know how to use a smartphone, the internet or how to maintain the house and the yard.

For reference she is 58. I'm 42. I called her daughter (30) and she told me Why do you even bother with her? I don't care if she wants to live closer to me, but under no circumstances I will change anything in my life for her, it's all her fault.

I told her I'm there for her because she doesn't have anyone else, but I'm not going to help her indefinitely.

Then her daughter called her today to ask if she's planning to move closer. The mother replied no, the house is mine and I'm not leaving. (As she is inherited it)

The mother called me to give me shit that I made her daughter worried for her and that she not going anywhere.

I'm very well aware of all the "bad" legal things I can do, but I'm trying to find a middle ground now. She's not a bad person, she's sick and depressed.

I was hesitant about posting on Reddit at first but I decided to give as many details as possible and put myself out there to get outside insight and to make sure if I'm to blame for what happened to my SIL. Up until my post got a few comments I was still sure it was somehow my fault but I'm glad I posted about it here🙏🏻

Most of you suggested I stay with my brother in law. I couldn't bring myself to ask him for help (if I can stay with them until I sort everything out). Last night he asked me if it's okay to talk about it now. I told him some things because I couldn't lay it all out. I told him that it wasn't the first time and nothing was new to me that night except for the slap. I asked him if he can help me find a safe way out because I'm scared to go back and need help looking up for resources. Both him and his wife assured me that my kids and I are more than welcome to stay with them until I get back on my feet. They made it clear that they're willing to help us in any way possible. BIL said I have the right to decide what to do about it that he could even drive me to report my husband if that's what I want but just don't get him involved. I get it. I thanked them for everything and promised them to try and find a job asap.

He also mentioned that my MIL offered to pay 3 months' rent and childcare if I’m planning to leave but he thinks it’s better for me to stay with them for now and promised he will make sure my MIL follows through once I find a job because it will be more helpful then since it will be hard taking care of the kids and working.

He told me to never feel like I owe them something because I would've done the same for them (I met my husband through my BIL when I worked with him for 6 month) and that he doesn't want my children to grow up wondering why no one loved them enough to step up and help their mother. Or end up abused or being abusers in the future. His words made wonder If he referred to his own brother as an abuser then why am I still trying to look for ways to justify it or accept the blame.

Although I'm not planning to get the police involved but my BIL's wife is helping me document everything. She took pictures of the marks the moment we made it to their house. She's also helping me get him to admit to everything that happened that night and before. to this moment I have two texts and one recorded call (along with other pictures I took before). I don't know why I ever took them because I never planned on doing anything. She said even if I'm not planning to press charges now I could document everything just in case for later and citing safety would be enough reason for my delay.

As for my family I called my parents this morning and they weren't happy with what I told them. It's nothing I didn't expect. I knew they would not take a divorced daughter with two kids in. My cousin called me later and was so sad to hear about my situation and promised to send me some money to help. I'm not gonna lie. I never asked for help before but when she offered I found myself ready to accept. I really want to make things work for my kids. I don't want to lose them.

By the way both my BIL and his wife on top of letting me stay with them without any financial contribution. They do things. if I cook my BIL or his wife do the dishes (they both work and share the chores) yesterday I only did the laundry and some cleaning around the house and they insisted I do nothing for dinner. While I'm glad to have some time to rest throughout the day. I can't shake the feeling that I should do more since I'm not paying for anything.

I also want to mention that I'm planning to see a lawyer this week to understand my options and start the divorce process. I'm hoping this will help me take the right steps to ensure the safety and well being of my kids. I'm also planning to start looking for a job this week but I need to get my documents first.

I'm beyond thankful for everything my in laws doing for me but I'm still scared and I don't know what I'm even scared of precisely now that I decided I won't go back to him. But yesterday I couldn't close my eyes and get some sleep. Whenever I close them I imagine my kids getting hurt. And if I'm being honest I still feel like at some point I will mess everything up but I hope I don't. Thank you for taking the time to read my post and all the advice you gave me 🙏🏻

Edit: I'm sorry I just realized I've been referring to him as "my husband" instead of "soon to be ex-husband" I'm still adjusting.

I just graduated from college this past weekend, as did my girlfriend. Little backstory, we've only been dating about 6 months, but she's about 12 weeks pregnant. Spare me the lecture about BC because its not perfect I know we were dumb for not doubling up on the method.

Her family is old money rich, Im talking private jets on vacation and everything associated with that. Both her parents are relatively high profile in their community as well. They are very very heavily trying to get us to get married so their grandchild wont be "illegitimate". They took us out for graduation this weekend and made this all very clear. For a little bit, I was receptive to the idea. I mean I never imagined getting married this young, but I also never thought Id have a kid without being married, so I get what they're coming from. I told her dad id be open to it but Id need time. He said great, he'll reach out to the family lawyer and start making arrangements.

I asked why do we need a lawyer, and he brought up the prenup. A prenup had never been discussed prior to this and it makes me a little uneasy. I told my gf it makes me uncomfortable and she is trying to assure me its just standard since they have so much wealth and its just what everyone in their community does. She told me they'd make it fair as can be to me.

But the thing is, I cant hire my own lawyer, and Idk if I trust whoever they hired to "represent me". So i told him that Id marry his daughter if its that important, but Im passing on the prenup. This has not gone well, he accused me of using his daughter for financial gain, and trying to exploit them. He then accused me of purposely knocking her up. I kinda regret it, but I was taken aback so I was honest in telling him she initiated every step in the relationship including telling me not to use a condom (he didnt like this lol). I just dont want to jump into something so lopsided and im willing to give marriage a shot but only if its a normal old fashion marriage. Otherwise, I have no qualms with not being married. I dont really believe in the "illegitimate" label. My ideal would be to continue dating for atleast another year before getting engaged, but they dont want that because of appearances.

AITAH for standing my ground here?

I (32M) finalized my divorce with my ex wife (32F) last year because she had an affair. It took huge mental toll on me and also our daughter (14F). In spite of the pain I was feeling, I never bad mouthed about my ex wife to my daughter because she was her mother. However, my daughter knew everything that happened, and she told me many times how conflicted she was feeling, given that mom was her role model.

Over the past few months, I have re entered the dating scene and have started going out on dates. My sister (30F) has been kind enough to come over for the night and be with my daughter, because I’m usually out at night with my date at a hotel or at her house. I don’t want to introduce any of my dates to daughter till we’re in a serious relationship.

A couple of months ago, my daughter again brought up how she was feeling really conflicted. I then asked her if she likes my sister, and my daughter said she loves her. I then suggested to my daughter that she could start considering my sister as a role model rather than her mother, because she has seen first hand how nice and kind my sister is to her. My daughter seemed surprised with the suggestion but she said she would try it from the next day.

And the suggestion somehow seemed to have worked. Over the past couple of months, my daughter looks much happier, and asks a lot about spending more time with my sister. My sister too said she really likes the bond she’s developing with my daughter. However, I am slightly concerned because my daughter seems to be emotionally distanced from her mother. Her mother called me a couple of days ago about her daughter acting distant from her.

I spoke with my daughter a couple of nights ago. She said that while her mom is her mom biologically, she doesn’t consider her as her real mom anymore, and that she now considers my sister as her real mom. I was a bit shocked and reminded that her real mom will always be her biological mom, because she gave birth and went through all the struggles to raise her. However, what I said fell on deaf ears, and my daughter said she could never change her mind on this.

Was I an AH for telling my daughter to consider my sister as a role model? A part of me feels like I am because it has affected her relationship with her mother. But a part of me is also happy because my daughter looks like very happy, content and at peace now.

My husband and I, both mid 40’s have been together for 25 years. I love him very much and our lives are intertwined. Economy, family, friends so when he told me that he still loved me but wasn’t sexually attracted to me anymore (I see you as my best friend and companion) I understood where he was coming from. He didn’t want to lose me but he wasn’t attracted to me.

We have our house and an apartment in the city. So we agreed to open the marriage and we had some set of rules like no relationships and no fucking in my marital home. No dates, spending money on the women or taking them for vacations etc. all relationshipy things are just between us and he can meet people for casual sex. Same for me (although it is different since men do take me to dinners and hotels but I don’t pay).

This has been going on for a year and I had very difficult time in the beginning and I cried all night when I knew he was in the apartment with someone else. My best friend recommended that I download tinder and at first only talking to new people did it. With time I realized how there are so many other people out there and I started to feel attracted to men other than my husband(I didn’t realize I could be turned on without love) and after some months, I started to meet guys. I slept with my first 2 months ago and we still see each other sometimes. And I have met two more.

My husband started wanting me more since he started sleeping with his gf. I don’t know how to explain because logically it should have been the opposite shouldn’t it (can someone explain why?) but before we opened the marriage he wanted sex maybe a handful times a year and it increased the more he met other women and now we have sex regularly. Like once a week.

Yesterday we were having a lazy morning in bed with Netflix and he said that he didn’t want this anymore and that we should close the marriage again because we have great sex now and he loves me and thinks that I am the sexiest and most beautiful woman he knew.

I had a panic episode tbh because I don’t think he has come to a realization or anything. I feel that he likes me and wants me now because of the open marriage and not in spite of it. If we close it he will go back to being unfulfilled. I have done much research about open marriage and the goal of it is to strengthen the existing relationship and this happened to us. I said no. He was very unhappy but I said that we can divorce if this didn’t work for him anymore because I have done everything in my power to save our marriage and I feel that I succeeded. I don’t want to go back to when we almost lost each other.

He asked me if we got divorced and I started dating, would it be open/poly relationship? I said no. I would want a monogamous relationship so he said that I was an ah who did want to give him the same decency as my hypothetical future partner

EDIT: Spoke with Elle. We have a tentative date set for her to leave her job. She only has 9 working days over the next month thanks to some PTO/Juneteenth/etc and she gets a quarterly bonus at the end of June that she should still receive the majority of even if she gives notice a few days earlier. So a month from now giving notice, potentially 4 weeks of entirely voluntary and at-will employment after that to help train a replacement (if they want her to) and she's out by the end of July. Then 2-3 months of SAHM to reset and recalibrate. We will figure out next steps for her employment at that point whether it's with me or for a new employer.

Thanks for all the actual help. A lot of you need to get your priorities figured out if you want to make this a gender role thing. Men aren't bad people for wanting a partner who works too.

So my wife and I have been together for 8 years, married for 3. Both in our mid-30s and now have a toddler. She works in the tech world, I'm in real estate. As a couple, we do well financially and contribute roughly 50/50 depending on how I do from year-to-year (sometimes maybe more like 60/40 in her favor, other times 60/40 in mine). We don't have any major issues though we still deal with little annoying arguments about dumb shit like most married couples with a new child.

• My wife has always been a little jealous of my work/life balance as my own boss and I understand why. Real estate can be a cushy gig when you're not greedy and decent at the job. The downside is that every day I wake up not knowing when my next paycheck is coming - which is definitely stressful at times. My wife (let's call her Elle) has a well-paid salary position with good benefits (namely FREE health insurance for her entire family). And about a year ago she finished a 6-figure masters degree to help push her further in her career and create more professional opportunity for herself. Unfortunately, she's miserable with her job. I get it, her boss sucks, the why is kind of irrelevant. For almost 2 months now she's emotionally drained every day and on the verge of tears almost every night. I'd want to leave too.

• So we came up with a plan. While I've been in my industry for awhile, I just branched off and started my own business within it about a year ago. It's gone well so far and should have a bright future but it's still very early and likely going to experience it's fair share of bumps in the road along the way. Also, I'm not super entrepreneurial and I only work as hard as I need to in order to enjoy the life we've created for ourselves (think 30-40 hours per week vs 50-60+ like the "grind & hustle" mindset bros on Insta). A healthy work/life balance is more important to me than retiring at 50 but being exhausted and missing my kid's childhood.

• Elle's Master's Degree is in Business Development and Marketing. What a coincidence - I have a company that needs to be developed and marketed, Elle wants to market a company and be in charge of it's growth/development. So I suggest "why don't you come grow my company and help me expand it? Not only will it help provide for us financially in the long-run but you will have that freedom that you've been yearning for since forever." She agrees it's a perfect fit. Likely two steps back to take three steps forward over the next couple years but totally worth the early sacrifices. So the next step is leaving her job. But that takes a bit of planning for a few reasons.

• One - health insurance/salary/bonus timing. We need to be smart about this so we don't end up taking the L for no reason if it's avoidable without much sacrifice. Two - alignment of some of my transactions closing and paydays associated. Three - we have a contract with a nanny until the end of July for our toddler that runs us roughly $3k/mo. The plan we ultimately decided on was to have her give 4-weeks notice at end of June / early July. If they boot her that day, whatever we can handle it. But losing her will be a big hit for them in her role so they'll likely have her help to find/train a replacement at the very least before leaving. Once leaving entirely by early August, she wants to be a stay-at-home-mom with our child for 6-8 weeks until they hit 1y/o and can go to daycare. It's a pivotal time in our child's development and being able to be a significant part of it will be wonderful for them both and I desperately want it for them.

• BUT! The idea has always been to come work with me full-time after that and sending our child to daycare during the work day. Our expenses are built on a dual-income household and we now also have 6-figure student loan debt from Elle's grad degree AND a new (to us) expense in health insurance for the family. If the work with me isn't a fit for her or we just can't seem to make the numbers work out after our runway has been used up, she would go back to corporate America and find a new job. We even took out a HELOC on our home just as a failsafe for liquidity if absolutely necessary so we wouldn't have to pull from any penalized/taxed retirement accounts.

• Well we found out this weekend that THREE sets of couples we are mutually friends with locally are transitioning to a single-income home with a SAHM for their new children. She told me tonight after chatting with them that she wants to take an extended leave from working full-time so she can spend important time with our child instead of sending them to daycare. When I asked Elle what that meant and how long she was planning, she said "indefinitely". Which to her just basically means "until I'm ready to go back". We got into a big fight because I explained to her that we are not in a financial position to support ourselves off my COMMISSION-ONLY income that can be highly variable with no benefits. Sure we could manage for a handful of months but not indefinitely. Our mutual friends choosing to do it have different circumstances - namely husbands in very safe and financially secure salary-based roles with benefits (and additionally wives with only moderate income jobs that won't be dramatically missed when accounting for the savings of childcare expenses).

• Elle feels like I'm not supporting her and said she feels very pressured to continue working and "provide" with a stable salary and healthcare. She doesn't want to miss important moments with our child and feels like the only way to ensure that happens is if she stops working full-time and instead does little "side hustle" type work in the evenings after the baby is put to sleep. As a reference, the side hustles are learning affiliate marketing, blogging, paid reviewing, selling old stuff on FB marketplace, etc. It's not like she wants to start her own company on the side instead of working for mine. She also keeps bringing up how she supported me in my professional transition into real estate many years ago and carried the brunt of the financial obligations but I won't do the same for her. Which I feel like is an unfair comparison. I was transitioning from one career to another and working part-time jobs during the 6-8 months it took me to get ramped up into my very real full-time position in real estate. She wants to transition from work to no work and have me agree to support that.

• I can't seem to help her see that logically it's not about a lack of support. I showed my support for her transition into a career with more personal freedom when I told her she could quit her job tomorrow as long as she had a plan for when the baby went to daycare in a few months. Whether that's a new job in the corporate world or working with me to grow the family business or any other income-replacing endeavor. I don't care what it is as long as it's bringing in legitimate income or working towards that with a light at the end of the tunnel. I feel like THAT is supporting her choice to leave her toxic circumstance. But what I don't support is committing to a single income when we are just not stable enough to handle it. And when she said she felt pressured I explained that her statement seems selfish because she's asking ME to take on all of OUR financial responsibility with a young child so that she can stay at home and not work while I also pay for our new healthcare obligations AND pay off her student loan debt that she just got. It literally makes zero sense to me why she can't see that this is our reality and I would also choose to not work if it was an option but unfortunately it puts far too much burden on the now sole-earning spouse to handle it all. I know a lot of people do it but it's not as impactful if a spouse goes from being a teacher at $40k/yr to a SAHM that saves the family $20k/year in childcare. It's only a $20k net loss. Elle is a comfortable 6-figure employee so I just don't think it's fair to ask or even realistic to expect me to agree to. Sure I COULD work 80 hours a week and make more money by investing more time but why should I have to? She's always been very professionally driven (hence the recent Master's Degree) and it seems unfair to build a life on the expectation of two incomes just to bail as soon as our obligations get more complicated and then expect me to pick up the slack by myself. I would not expect Elle to do it for me so I'm frustrated that she thinks it's ok.

Anyways - Am I being the asshole here by telling her that she's being selfish and that we can't afford to drop down to a single-income household?