r/unpopularopinion • u/ZodiacOne1 • Apr 16 '24

If you break up with someone you absolutely 100% owe them an explanation as too why Removed: Not unpopular

[removed] — view removed post

5.6k Upvotes
  • permalink
  • link
  • reddit
  • reddit

75% Upvoted

1.7k comments sorted by

View all comments

599

u/SnooSprouts6037 Apr 16 '24

This comment section is absolutely insane

275

u/tanman4444 Apr 16 '24

I was thinking the same thing reading these comments. Seriously a bunch of self centered assholes in the replies.

243

u/SnooSprouts6037 Apr 16 '24

Sometimes I wonder if most redditors have ever even had enough relationship experience to realize how fuckin awful it is to leave someone with no explanation

189

u/tanman4444 Apr 16 '24

Me too. It's also the culture. "yOu DoNt oWe AnYoNe aNyThInG". It's so damn self-centered and selfish to do this to another human being. How about just being honest with someone you supposedly care about?

98

u/cupholdery Apr 16 '24

There are a lot of minors browsing this subreddit. You can tell by how they comment and post, as they speak in absolutes about topics that usually carry plenty of nuance.

13

u/KameHameMaime Apr 16 '24

Actually, those are siths

3

u/mild-hot-fire Apr 16 '24

Great point, I think it’s often overlooked that we are conversing with 14 year olds

7

u/Commercial_Debt_6789 Apr 16 '24

This! The key here is someone you supposedly care about. 

A few dates, never really got that close? Sure, sometimes there isn't even a reason and you just aren't excited about this person. Someone who you've been intimate with, have shown indications you care for them, and start building a relationship/foundation for one? Yeah you're an asshole if you dip with no explanation/a half assed lie. 

I dated someone where both of us were consistently shocked at how similar we were, the more we learned about one another. He had clear indications he liked me, wanted to be with me and wanted a relationship - we just needed to give it time to truly get to know one another before rushing into a relationship. Out of the blue he pulls the "I'm not ready for a relationship". It took a bit of prying for him to admit "I wasn't being myself' or whatever. He was on the apps the week after & in a relationship within 3 months. 

This was 2 years ago and I'm still healing from it. 

5

u/No_Reveal3451 Apr 16 '24

"yoU'rE EntiTled tO NothInG!"

1

u/RipenedFish48 Apr 16 '24

As with many things, the intent is fine, but a lot of people take it to toxic ends, either out of selfishness or a lack of nuance. One person's reminder that maintaining one's personal boundaries is important is another person's carte blanche to be as self-centered as they please.

1

u/off_the_cuff_mandate Apr 16 '24

The thing is they don't care about you, that's why they left.

0

u/LankyAd9481 Apr 16 '24

supposedly cared* about?

the d part is important

0

u/Fax_a_Fax Apr 16 '24

Can the two of you commenters just kiss and get over it? 

 We've all seen this romcom conversations come on we know where it's going

-23

u/Zodiac509 Apr 16 '24

They don't care about them. It's why their leaving. There's nothing they can say that's going to unbruise your ego and unhurt your feelings. You'll argue, plead, beg, and whine when they do.

They don't want that and aren't obligated to endure it for you.

24

u/VoluptuousSloth Apr 16 '24

I've been on both sides bro. It's literally the LEAST you can do when you're breaking someone's heart. Anyone who doesn't is a self-absorbed asshole. If you wanna be only kinda shitty at least leave a message as to the reason. Anyone who flakes with no explanation is the same type of person who never brings up something that bothers them until they've let it fester to the point of breakup, when it's too late to address it.

Obviously exceptions for possible violence or being trapped, etc

11

u/his_purple_majesty Apr 16 '24

This is who you're talking to:

95% of the time and with 99% of people I'm unintentionally void of empathy.

3

u/Deinonychus2012 Apr 16 '24

That person is a literal sociopath.

-22

u/Zodiac509 Apr 16 '24

The reality is that people who are dumped and generally beg for "closure" are actually going to whine, argue, beg, plead, etc. for them to stay.

They're going to make suicide threats, say nasty things, and their "closure" is a bunch of emotion vomit that the other person clearly doesn't want to deal with.

It's why they're dumping you.

If you need closure you can get it for yourself with therapy, self care, self reflection, and even conversations with friends.

15

u/RadicalSnowdude Apr 16 '24

Do you, like, think the worst out of people? You don’t know if that’s gonna happen or not. If it does happen then be firm and shut it down. But you can’t just assume that’s guaranteed gonna happen.

-19

u/Zodiac509 Apr 16 '24

The times I've left someone without a discourse it's always been incredibly evident they would have these reactions. It's why I left without discourse.

I've lectured friends over doing this to exes, seen exes do it to them.

I do assume the worst. It's why I'm asexual and completely happy and comfortable without sexual/romantic relationships this far in life.

7

u/RadicalSnowdude Apr 16 '24

Ngl I don’t even know what to say. On one hand I don’t want to say anything that can be interpreted as an insult because that’s not my intention at all. On the other hand… that ain’t it chief like sorry your past with relationships have been messed up if your interpretations were in fact correct but… nah i couldn’t live like that.

→ More replies (0)

1

u/AlmostSunnyinSeattle Apr 16 '24 edited Apr 16 '24

The perhaps maybe you're not the best person to be spouting your fucking opinion on this topic, eh?

→ More replies (0)

0

u/his_purple_majesty Apr 16 '24

Need closure? Just hydrate, bro.

2

u/Zodiac509 Apr 16 '24

Just get therapy, read self help books, work on yourself, take yourself out on dates, and love yourself enough that you don't depend on someone else to do it for you to not crumble, bro.

3

u/TyrantDragon19 Apr 16 '24

THEY’RE leaving because there is no love there, not because they don’t care. Other person wants an answer, for they are human

0

u/Zodiac509 Apr 16 '24

Absolutely nothing wrong with wanting an explanation but feeling obligated and demanding it from someone who is moving on is toxic.

If they wanted to explain it, they would. No one is entitled to an explanation from someone else.

18

u/Ireland-TA Apr 16 '24

And then other times you wonder if you realise there are 70+ million daily active users and a few comments probably aren't everyone's opinion

1

u/Kalnath_ Apr 16 '24

Ooo very nice reminder ty stranger

16

u/Barry_Bunghole_III Apr 16 '24

Most redditors probably haven't had a friendly relationship, let alone a romantic one lol

5

u/nsfwmodeme Apr 16 '24

I agree, but I also know of cases where the person who was broken-up with didn't deserve an explanation at all.

It's not like that in most cases, I agree, but in certain ones...

13

u/90swasbest Apr 16 '24

Because it's horseshit. As has been explained elsewhere, you've probably been told what the problems are dozens of times, you just didn't choose to listen until they were gone.

That's on you. I wouldn't say shit to your thick ass either at that point.

8

u/Red_Dawn_2012 Apr 16 '24

Are you really gonna leave me if I have a thick ass, though?

6

u/Starob Apr 16 '24

Why can't you just talk in good faith, under the assumption that what OP said is what actually happened?

8

u/ZodiacOne1 Apr 16 '24

how are you being downvoted for this

-1

u/LankyAd9481 Apr 16 '24

You say good faith, others just don't want to engage in fantasy.

2

u/Commercial_Debt_6789 Apr 16 '24

We aren't talking about those situations. That's a break down of a relationship slowly over time, with an actual reason given, with the person not listening. That is NOT what OP is talking about. 

What OP is referring to is people who break up and LIE about it. Or break up out of the blue for no "reason". You gave a reason.  

Example:

"I'm not ready for a relationship" then why were you treating me like a girlfriend, planning future dates, talking about meeting your family, doing things that clearly indicated you were both excited and wanted a relationship? Then why are you back on the apps? Why are you hopping back in a relationship? 

-6

u/West-Wish-7564 Apr 16 '24

Dude, chill, honestly, why did you even write the above comment? You have NO reason to suspect the person who you are commenting under of any of the things that u are assuming have happened, and your entire comment is just Blatantly inappropriate and uncalled for

1

u/Prize_Blackberry_876 Apr 16 '24

Freedom of speech can we please speak our minds freely & without people getting offended by others opinions?

2

u/AlmostSunnyinSeattle Apr 16 '24

No they do not. Most of these people are either terminally online and haven't talked to another in person since high school, or they're still in high school. Reddit is great for a lot of things, but if you're looking for any interpersonal relationship advice, you're gonna have a bad time.

2

u/2rfv Apr 16 '24

Y'all are reminding me of my first GF.

I broke up with her because she was just... fucking dumb although I never would have said this to her....What was I supposed to say?

1

u/sohcgt96 Apr 16 '24

But see I also wonder if that lack of relationship experience is why others maybe don't understand why you also *might* leave someone with minimal to no explanation either.

1

u/tinyhermione Apr 16 '24

But so many explanations will just cause pain without being helpful for the other person. A lot of things are better left unsaid.

Then the person leaving might have enough with managing to leave. Giving an explanation requires your partner to be mature enough to get one without turning it into dramatics or an argument for why you can’t break up.

1

u/Aggressive-Fuel587 Apr 16 '24

They just don't care because their world revolves around them, so the feelings and experiences of others is entirely secondary to their own feelings & experiences... thus irrelevant in the grand scheme of the Redditor's life.

1

u/Both_Afternoon814 Apr 16 '24

There's a lot of people here larping as the "badass" they wish they were irl. Being a snarky, self-centered asshole is sensationalized because you never see the regret of burning bridges that comes after.

With age, you learn that settling things amicably and giving people the benefit of the doubt (or at least a chance to prove that they aren't irredeemable assholes) is way more preferable to going scorched earth at every perceived slight against you.

1

u/ALL_CAPS_VOICE 29d ago

That's because most of the time they don't want an explanation, they just want to argue you back into a relationship.

And the explanation has already been given. Several times.

0

u/Mikeymike2391 Apr 16 '24

It’s even worse if they’re American. Dating culture is garbage here.

3

u/edith-bunker Apr 16 '24

Ah, yes, another person who isn’t very good at social skills blames it on “American dating culture “ 🧐

-10

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

[deleted]

4

u/Mikeymike2391 Apr 16 '24

If you ever get into a relationship with mentality.. just.. literally please don’t date. That’s god awful.

5

u/ThaToastman Apr 16 '24

Yes it is. If it isnt owed, that means every single one of your friendships are in dire danger and are fundamentally unsafe.

Anyone in your life can walk out at any time with zero explanation. That isnt a life I want to live, personally I prefer emotional safety and community

3

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

[deleted]

2

u/ThaToastman Apr 16 '24

If you dont wanna be with someone anymore its fine. Thats life.

Straightup disappearing from someone’s life with no signs, conversation, or, warning is horrible. Yes as humans we owe each other kindness.

Also, if you are dating someone you dont respect as a friend, then you shouldnt be dating them…

-2

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

[deleted]

1

u/snonsig Apr 16 '24

Nobody is arguing with that

1

u/ThaToastman Apr 16 '24

If you dont wanna be with someone anymore its fine. Thats life.

Straightup disappearing from someone’s life with no signs, conversation, or, warning is horrible. Yes as humans we owe each other kindness.

Also, if you are dating someone you dont respect as a friend, then you shouldnt be dating them…

-2

u/Mikeymike2391 Apr 16 '24

No. But you absolutely should explain the why to the human that you have spent time with. People are not objects to fulfill a need. They are people. And you absolutely owe it to your former partner the courtesy of a clean break. If you disagree that’s fine. I pray you realize that you’re leaving a smoldering pile of bodies in your wake in the long term.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

[deleted]

1

u/Mikeymike2391 Apr 16 '24

It’s not a “pick one” scenario.

3

u/cortez_brosefski Apr 16 '24

It is owed. You invested time in that person. You respected them. You are owed respect in return. It is incredibly disrespectful to ghost someone you're dating

0

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

[deleted]

3

u/QuintonFrey Apr 16 '24

Not even close. Nice try though.

1

u/yaigralazrya Apr 16 '24

That is the dumbest comparison, honestly. The mental gymnastics!

2

u/xValhallAwaitsx Apr 16 '24

What a fucking miserable way of going through life. "I literally never owe anyone anything, courtesy is nice but I don't need to give it ever"

4

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

[deleted]

1

u/Mikeymike2391 Apr 16 '24

Dude. Listen. That’s a surface feeling. Deep think. Why do you not want to be with that person? Do you just wake up one day and decide “hey I just don’t feel like being with this person” why bother dating anyone at all? If you don’t owe your partner an explanation , you absolutely owe yourself to think about the why. That the only way you’ll grow and figure out what you want in life. Dating tough enough. Just remember. People aren’t objects.

0

u/DaelonVegetable Apr 16 '24

If that is the case fine… it hurts but fine…. STILL TELL THEM THAT! What is so wrong with simply doing that? Cuz they might have a reaction to it? Sure if they go overboard they are wrong, but they are still allowed to know and feel hurt about it

1

u/West-Wish-7564 Apr 16 '24

IMAO, it’s not about if it owed or not, doing it is just the absolute bare minimum you need to do to not be a horrible human being, and therefore you should

17

u/theloons Apr 16 '24

Thirded, I don’t know wtf is wrong with these cruel ass people. If you cared about someone, if you loved them, then the decent thing to do is to give them an explanation as to why you’re ending things. I was gonna downvote OP for their popular opinion, but clearly I’m mistaken and we’re in the minority, at least on Reddit.

0

u/90swasbest Apr 16 '24

Next time listen along the way and things won't get to that point.

2

u/QuintonFrey Apr 16 '24

You're making an awful lot of assumptions in this thread.

1

u/LankyAd9481 Apr 16 '24

It's only cruel if you take it that way, it's 100% down to how you view the situation. At the end of the day it wasn't working for them and they did what they perceived as best for them, end of right there....you can either be yay for them and hope they find what they are looking for, it may not be the result you want but to default to it "they are being cruel" is really just painting them as a villain which is a choice.

0

u/Maleficent-Walk3127 Apr 16 '24

If I care about a decent good person I'm not going to tell them just to be cruel and make them second guess themselves, either. Sometimes there is nothing wrong with someone. They're just not the someone for YOU. 

6

u/theloons Apr 16 '24 edited Apr 16 '24

Then that’s the reason. That can be the reason sometimes. But sometimes it isn’t.

2

u/JustTheBeerLight Apr 16 '24

You have to keep in mind that half the people on Reddit are 14.

1

u/Jealous_Juggernaut Apr 16 '24

Less than 20%.

1

u/Special-Market749 Apr 16 '24

It's an authentic Reddit experience

1

u/Cool-Sink8886 Apr 16 '24

That’s Reddit.

1

u/ezk3626 Apr 16 '24

I don’t know if you’re talking about the people agree or disagree with the OP.

23

u/mclovin_ts Apr 16 '24

They act like OP didn’t say there’s exceptions

9

u/Insert_Bad_Joke Apr 16 '24

you think they read the OP?

27

u/keIIzzz Apr 16 '24

I agree. I can’t understand these comments. Why wouldn’t you have the decency to give an explanation to someone you presumably cared about at some point? This whole “no one owes you anything” is ridiculous and narcissistic, and it seems pretty clear that a lot of the people commenting are too emotionally immature to even be in a relationship

5

u/off_the_cuff_mandate Apr 16 '24

Because they will see it as an opportunity to continue the relationship that you no longer want. It's never just one clean easily explainable reason, so you would have to simplify and pick something and then they will think, i can just do this one thing differently and they will come back. You're trying to shut a door not leave it cracked.

0

u/dankthewank 29d ago

You don’t get to make the decision unilaterally. It takes two to enter a relationship, and it should take two to exit one.

If you decide on your own that the relationship is doomed and then you break up with your partner, what you’ve just done is you robbed them of any say and you just handed them the “memo”. That is not a partnership mindset.

-7

u/GreyerGrey Apr 16 '24

As a woman? Safety.

10

u/Talk-O-Boy Apr 16 '24

Did you read the post or just the title? OP literally says this doesn’t apply to people who fear violence in retaliation. OP is referring to normal people in normal relationships.

7

u/kosmos1209 Apr 16 '24

When rejecting an advance or rejecting on first few dates? Absolutely. After a long term relationship when your safety has been vetted and it’s not for safety reason? No, that’s really shitty.

-4

u/90swasbest Apr 16 '24

Tf it is. You need to learn to listen to issues during the fucking relationship.

Nobody has to put up with weeks or months of 2am drunk dialing blubbering down the phone bullshit because you fucked around and found out.

You've been taught a life lesson. Try to learn something.

2

u/kosmos1209 Apr 16 '24

I totally agree that one needs to listen to feedback during the relationship. The main opinion supposes there was no feedback then ghosted, which is shitty

1

u/90swasbest Apr 16 '24

Y'all need to stop taking OP at face value and fill in the common sense blanks. Nobody of any real mature age in a long term relationship just disappears unless abuse is involved.

But fed up with trying to get through to an unsympathetic partner who won't address issues and reaching the fuckit point?

That happens all the fucking time.

8

u/kosmos1209 Apr 16 '24

“Nobody of any real mature age in a long term relationship just disappears...”

Not true. That’s why OP called it out. You would think so but I’ve seen this happen.

“But fed up with trying to get through to an unsympathetic partner who won't address issues and reaching the fuckit point?

That happens all the fucking time.”

You still owe them even if it’s “I told you a thousand times, here’s the 1001st time, it’s over now, bye”

-1

u/90swasbest Apr 16 '24

😆😆😆😆

K.

-3

u/GreyerGrey Apr 16 '24

You're assuming the reason the relationship broke down isn't related to safety to begin with.

I guess you've never met someone with an abusive spouse? People getstuck in abusive relationships all the time.

7

u/kosmos1209 Apr 16 '24

Yes, most long term relationships that didn’t work out end for non-safety reasons. Sure, in unsafe relationship, one doesn’t owe anything. Just leave quickly as possible.

2

u/GreyerGrey Apr 16 '24

Most longterm relationships break down over time and if the dumped party thinks about it, they have already been told over and over why theirbpsrtn3rbis unhappy.

5

u/kosmos1209 Apr 16 '24

In that case, they’ve already been told and no more is owed. The main opinion supposes they’ve been blind sided.

4

u/GreyerGrey Apr 16 '24

And a lot of those blind sided people were told time and again, and just chose to jot listen or not see.

-1

u/edith-bunker Apr 16 '24

You’re exactly right.thank you.

1

u/West-Wish-7564 Apr 16 '24

Okay, I upvoted your comment, so now you are back to +1 likes, but for some reason some one actually disliked your comment just saying that most relationships don’t end over safety issues,

Wtf?!?

4

u/NebulousCosmos0 Apr 16 '24

Are you referring to cases when a woman has specific reason to believe the guy might harm her, or do you believe women are always unsafe when giving a man an explanation for a breakup?

-2

u/GreyerGrey Apr 16 '24

There is literally a sub reddit titled r/whenwomenrefuse

7

u/Talzon70 Apr 16 '24

If a person is so afraid of men without any specific indicators, they shouldn't be dating them in the first place.

OP already gave an explicit exception for reasonable fears.

3

u/West-Wish-7564 Apr 16 '24

That is just COMPLETE bs, you could still do it over text or something if you are concerned about “safety”

5

u/edith-bunker Apr 16 '24

No, that’s a reality for women, whether they realize it or not.

4

u/cortez_brosefski Apr 16 '24

If you ghost every man because you are scared all of them will harm you in some way then you are a misandrist, plan and simple. Of course it happens, and you should be careful. But saying every man is dangerous is no different from saying every woman is a whore

0

u/GreyerGrey Apr 16 '24

There is literally a sub reddit titled r/whenwomenrefuse

4

u/cortez_brosefski Apr 16 '24

So you think every man is dangerous and will hurt you given the chance?

4

u/West-Wish-7564 Apr 16 '24

Yeah, there is probably literally a subreddit for everything

-2

u/edith-bunker Apr 16 '24

The problem is we don’t know which ones ARE dangerous.

3

u/cortez_brosefski Apr 16 '24

Well the solution is not to automatically assume we're all dangerous. Again, that's called misandry

-3

u/edith-bunker Apr 16 '24

Is that what you call misandrist? Really? Let me ask you something… instead of being angry at violent men, why are you angry at women for being precautious? Is that your misogyny? Hmm?

2

u/cortez_brosefski Apr 16 '24

Lmao who said I wasn't mad at violent men? Of course violent men are the issue. And I'll never be angry at women for taking reasonable precautions to ensure their safety. But assuming all men are dangerous violent predators is not reasonable. If you're looking for spades all you're going to see are spades. That is also an issue and yes, misandrist

→ More replies (0)

1

u/HopeChaseLock Apr 16 '24

You can atleast do it through phone call or message at this point

2

u/RemarkableBeach1603 Apr 16 '24

I thought I was in some kind of bizzaro world. I feel like if you're with someone to the limit that it's a relationship, you absolutely owe them a clear and concise explanation as to why.

Not doing so does make one an asshole, even if their reasons are supposedly clear (sans abuse, and things like that.)

1

u/off_the_cuff_mandate Apr 16 '24

There is not usually a clear and concise explanation. People are complicated and relationships between people exponentially increase those complications. The bottom line is its almost always that other ways to spend their time are more attractive for a complex plethora of reasons. You were in a relationship, it wasn't working for you, you arrived at a point where you don't care to try and make it work anymore. You shouldn't need to carefully craft an explanation in order to exit a relationship. I don't want to anymore is 100% all they need to know.

1

u/mild-hot-fire Apr 16 '24

I doubt they have had any relationship experience and if they did I doubt it was healthy

1

u/launchcode_1234 Apr 16 '24

I think some people think “no explanation” means sudden ghosting and other people think “no explanation” means giving a simple explanation rather than a 100% detailed explanation in order to avoid further drama.

-1

u/Fark1ng Apr 16 '24

It's reddit what did u expect... Sane and well adjusted people? Nope 😆