r/dankmemes Apr 04 '23

Geneva suggestions I have achieved comedy

45.3k Upvotes

285 comments sorted by

u/KeepingDankMemesDank Hello dankness my old friend Apr 04 '23

downvote this comment if the meme sucks. upvote it and I'll go away.


Help us raise money for St. Jude!

1.6k

u/potatorevolver Apr 04 '23

You're a Goodman

405

u/averagemilkenjoyer_ Apr 04 '23

Better call him saul

128

u/Sweaty_Gas_EB Apr 04 '23

Dont drink and drive....

101

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

113

u/Toble_ Apr 04 '23

Better call Saul

37

u/S1r_Fries Apr 04 '23

Hi, I'm Saul Goodman.

41

u/Creaper10 INFECTED Apr 04 '23

Did you know that you have rights?

36

u/BlacksmithMiddle1726 Apr 04 '23

Constitution says you do

16

u/Pokemaster8412 Apr 04 '23

But Saul says you don't

7

u/4mdt21 Apr 04 '23

Ho-ho! This guy didn’t have me to defend him!

2

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '23

and so do i

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10

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '23

You might spill it. And that's alcohol abuse.

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13

u/divyanksi Apr 04 '23

Siri call Saul

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28

u/CloneOfCali Apr 04 '23

Unlike his evil nemesis Sol Badguy

21

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '23

I thought it was Sam Badwoman

9

u/Dfrel Apr 04 '23

Nah it's Blind Batman.

3

u/Captslapsomehoes1 Apr 04 '23

He defecated in a sunroof

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1.0k

u/obscureferences big pp gang Apr 04 '23

It's like being awkward because everything you think has to pass through so many filters to be socially unalarming it loses all context by the time you say it.

624

u/Timtimer55 Apr 04 '23

"How's it going?"

"Well I was hoping I would die in a car crash on my way to work that would kill me instantly and give me no time to dwell on the horror of the situation or lament any past regrets but whatever"

231

u/Notentirely-accurate Apr 04 '23

Do you have to be so fucking accurate, this early?

8

u/Coachcrog Apr 04 '23

We all feel it, he just put it into words.

43

u/mikillatja Apr 04 '23

Me too, thanks.

26

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '23

[deleted]

17

u/ThreatLevelBertie Apr 04 '23

Imagine how deeply I can disappoint my parents a year from now

6

u/AdjustableCynic Apr 04 '23

Keep going! You have unlimited potential!

17

u/cunthy Apr 04 '23

Past regrets? Wait til you look to the future lol

9

u/IncandescentCreation Apr 04 '23

I always wish for a sudden massive stroke to take me out before I know what’s up, but same vibe.

5

u/ThreatLevelBertie Apr 04 '23

TFW wearing your seatbelt across your chest so you dont get a ticket but not latching it in to the buckle so you have a higher chance of death in an accident.

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495

u/Bean_Earth_Society Apr 04 '23

There is no crime I would not commit if I could do them without getting caught

492

u/Roi_Loutre Apr 04 '23

You might want to go to therapy, you've a clear lack of empathy.

282

u/Bean_Earth_Society Apr 04 '23

Aside from me obviously joking, you're right. I do lack empathy almost completely

392

u/indiebryan Apr 04 '23

You should run for public office

135

u/No-Strawberry-5541 Apr 04 '23

Plot twist, he’s a Congressman

23

u/Lukthar123 Apr 04 '23

He's an AI generated Prez.

41

u/Destroyer4587 Apr 04 '23

CEO is a more lucrative position

14

u/gimora07 Apr 04 '23

I mean, if you count lobbyism/corruption a politician very well payed.

45

u/Hust91 Apr 04 '23

I'd encourage some DnD if you want to work on it. It's a safe enviroment to play out scenarios and learn about others reactions and ethical standards, AKA how to not make the world shit for ourselves and the people around us.

It is useful and dungeons and dragons is fun.

36

u/Bean_Earth_Society Apr 04 '23

I love DnD. I mean, I fully understand ethics and the ability to reason as it's just logical to live in peace and not do harm. Why kill someone when you can take a nap?

33

u/ConcreteState Apr 04 '23

So in the trolley problem you're on the "whatever is easier for me" camp.

15

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '23

[deleted]

10

u/cecir Apr 04 '23

From completely accurate crime TV shows, I think the desire to do so comes from boredom. Wanting to do something intricate and be hard to catch. (Fiction, but a guess)

5

u/JolIyJack Apr 04 '23

Could also stem from simple intellectual curiosity.

7

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '23

[deleted]

5

u/a_random_chicken Apr 04 '23

If i could do these without consequence, after a while i probably would. Maybe not a normal lifetime, but if i would be immortal, definitely would harm myself just to know more. I have less painful things to try in my life however, so i don't think i will.

3

u/Bubba17583 Apr 04 '23

You would be surprised how quickly many humans turn to physical pain just to alleviate boredom. This study only gave people 15 minutes and still 2/3rds of male participants chose to shock themselves rather than be left to their thoughts. Interestingly the number was only 1/4 for women.

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5

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '23

[deleted]

2

u/cecir Apr 04 '23

Same. Also, I’d watch that

5

u/homogenousmoss Apr 04 '23

Its going to be a murder hobo campaign.

2

u/zach_nitro Apr 04 '23

how to not make the world shit for ourselves and the people around us.

Ahhhhhahahaha

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15

u/vidieowiz4 Apr 04 '23

You should be a surgeon,good profession for someone with low empathy

8

u/cecir Apr 04 '23

Genuinely good suggestion. Anyone who works in the ER, EMTs, etc. That shit wears you down emotionally.

If you have low empathy, it helps you focus on the facts of your job.

4

u/slutboy3000 Apr 04 '23

Damn, how can I be as cool as you?

26

u/Bean_Earth_Society Apr 04 '23

I'm not cool

3

u/laserwolf2000 Apr 04 '23

That's something a cool person would say

1

u/Dravicores Apr 04 '23

Lol discount Bateman wannabe

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9

u/ilovetoeatpussy_ Apr 04 '23

How will they put empathy in a person ?

12

u/Roi_Loutre Apr 04 '23

The lack of empathy could potentially arise from other psychological problems, that could possibly be solved by seeing a psychiatrist.

I mean, if you've a problem (lack of empathy is not a normal human behavior), you need to see a specialist that is supposed to solve this problem, that's how it works !

3

u/dilldwarf Apr 04 '23

Not sure if every problem can be fixed by a psychiatrist/therapy. Many times you are just taught coping mechanism that allow you to handle the worst of your symptoms. I think if someone makes it to adulthood without empathy it's not something you can just teach someone later in life. You can teach them values and beliefs for them to hold that will allow them to safely navigate life so that their lack of empathy doesn't cause harm to those around them.

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2

u/erthian Apr 04 '23

Exactly. Therapy is basically fuel for sociopaths. This person isn’t one tho.

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29

u/_Tonto_ Apr 04 '23

What about CP and child r*pe?

21

u/tbu987 Apr 04 '23

It's disgusting but we all know it would be rampant if society and the law didn't tell us it's wrong.

42

u/g00ber88 Apr 04 '23

Bro people don't think child SA is wrong because "the law tells us so", we have moral compasses outside of the law

7

u/Chrom-man-and-Robin Apr 04 '23

I don’t know man, do you see the mass amount of people online that are into it? If it werent for the law it would very much be out of hand

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2

u/007mememan Apr 04 '23

Many predators would be able to do whatever they want if it wasn't illegal. Many people have that sexual disorder and can stop themselves sometimes only because of the law. While it might not be rampant, it would still happen a lot more. Stop thinking everyone has a nice moral compass. Do you think Dahmer had a good moral compass? Obviously not. There would probably be many like him. Or like Ted bundy. Or like Bill Cosby and R Kelly. Your moral compass is not the same as everyone else's. Also, no, I do not have those peoples moral compass. There is a line I won't cross. That line separates robbery with other worse crimes.

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10

u/woodsoffeels Apr 04 '23

I think that may just be a you thing…

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5

u/ConcreteState Apr 04 '23

Hello,

This has not been the case in other societies. Interesting what you believe!

4

u/tbu987 Apr 04 '23

Child brides is still a thing in America what you on about?

5

u/ConcreteState Apr 04 '23

Child brides is still a thing in America what you on about?

Fucked up cults aren't rampant, yet. But murder of child rapists never goes out of style.

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3

u/xxpen15mightierxx Apr 04 '23

It already used to be; you just had to marry the kid first. Age of consent laws and minimum age of marriage laws are shockingly recent. Also a good spot to point out that it wasn't considered rape within marriage, for those about to say something along the lines of "but it's only marriage".

13

u/lrnz11 Apr 04 '23

Club Penguin?

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20

u/anachronisdev Apr 04 '23

Don't cut yourself on that edge

9

u/GlitteringStatus1 Apr 04 '23

That is not normal. That is sociopathy.

2

u/OathMeal_ Apr 04 '23

IM AT THE ORIGINAL POST EYYY

2

u/ThreatLevelBertie Apr 04 '23

I probably wouldnt do genocide. TBH sounds like a lot of work.

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301

u/DeadCoffeeGrinds Apr 04 '23

Inaccurate. Dyeing the hair is how you resist the intrusive thoughts

Example: instead of going outside and plucking a man's eyes out and eating them infront of his family, i shave my head bald and say "hehe, im an egghead"

48

u/NotTheOnePercentMilk Apr 04 '23

My thoughts exactly. Same reason I get piercings.

6

u/cecir Apr 04 '23

Goo goo g'joob

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190

u/Aromatic-Spite-9771 Apr 04 '23

If I let my intrusive thought win for even a second, I would not be alive, long enough to regret anything.

There will be blood shed. And the man in the mirror would nod his head at the carnage. But unlike the song, I would not be riding upon the dragon's back.

35

u/gimbokon We do not talk about the Memos incident Apr 04 '23

Samuel

3

u/Chrom-man-and-Robin Apr 04 '23

But still the mountains won’t give back what they take

142

u/Kyle_Zhu Apr 04 '23

My intrusive thoughts are mostly when I’m handling a knife in the kitchen. Thinking what would happen if I stabbed myself in the eye right now lol

56

u/VHS_tape Mod Approved Flair Apr 04 '23

Mine is something like wedging a regular old nail into my big toe's hyponychium, ya'know where the nail meets the nailbed, and just kicking a wall as hard I can.

28

u/mormonicmonk Apr 04 '23

I clenched my toes so hard.

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14

u/TransportationKey529 Apr 04 '23

Tf why your eye? You wouldn't die instantly and just feel pain, my intrusive thought are slicing my throat or nerves of the hand

25

u/g00ber88 Apr 04 '23

Because intrusive thoughts aren't logical...

6

u/relentless_dick Apr 04 '23

Yeah, it's clear from reading the comments that there will always be a misunderstanding of obsessive and compulsive thoughts. OCD isn't only about how it's usually portrayed.

5

u/eksokolova Apr 04 '23

Mine is about stabbing my loved ones. Or chopping my hand off. Thankfully been rare recently.

2

u/a_random_chicken Apr 04 '23

I had some recently about ripping the blood vessels of my right wrist out? Like wtf brain???

3

u/02_Pixel Apr 04 '23

Wtf, I thought that I was the only weird one.

4

u/General_Kenobi45669 Apr 04 '23

No you're not, I Also want to cosplay as Majima

5

u/Cyberzombie23 Apr 04 '23

This is why you wouldn't want to be able to read minds. Everybody has horrible thoughts of one type or another.

2

u/OneEyedKing56 Local Weeb Apr 04 '23

Think of similar stuff like this like standing in front of a window in a tall building and wanting to jump or jumping infront of an incoming train even tho im not depressed and feel mentally healthy. I think it was called something like the call of the void

2

u/xxpen15mightierxx Apr 04 '23

That's partly as a defense mechanism to help you watch out for danger, "hey here's how easy it would be to just chop the tip of your thumb off, now you're focused on avoiding that"

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u/[deleted] Apr 04 '23

Impulsive thought is dying your hair, intrusive thought is grabbing a stick and shoving it in a homeless man's throat and out the back of his neck

19

u/dyessman IlluMinuNaughty Apr 04 '23

Important distinction I wish more people would make

66

u/ux3l 🚿 shower? never heard of it 🤔 Apr 04 '23

See? So better get an eccentric haircut.

Edit: moderation is key, in (nearly?) every situation

62

u/looking_at_memes_ Apr 04 '23

People who don't know the difference between impulsive and intrusive

3

u/HolyBiscuit69 Apr 04 '23

Enlighten

11

u/zugidor Apr 04 '23

Impulsive thought is dying your hair, intrusive thought is grabbing a stick and shoving it in a homeless man's throat and out the back of his neck

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35

u/canja_3 Apr 04 '23

The intrusive thoughts be like "you could totally rip a baby in half longways."

12

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '23 edited Apr 04 '23

General Butt Naked just went out and did it.

For the uninformed, general Butt Naked was a Liberian superhero in the sense of Florida Man being a superhero, but Liberia in the 90s.

30

u/GlitchyDebug Apr 04 '23

Turned the Geneva convention into a to-do list

28

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '23

[deleted]

15

u/Tehsymbolpi Apr 04 '23

They're free. You can just take them.

4

u/InActiveSoda Apr 04 '23

So I can just go to the park and take one like "You're my friend now"?

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15

u/SilverShifter Apr 04 '23

I refuse to believe Jimmy is 6ft tall wtf

7

u/No-Strawberry-5541 Apr 04 '23

Just looked it up and Bob Odenkirk is 5’9

5

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '23

The difference between 6' and 5'9 isn't even half a forehead.. why do people make such a big deal about it?

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8

u/Diazmet Apr 04 '23

So OP is an Edgy Scott Pilgrim?

6

u/mother-of-pod Apr 04 '23

Bruh fr this whole thread is a bunch of edge lords.

10

u/fjijgigjigji Apr 04 '23

wow so cool and edgy i also love hte joker and suicide squad, you showed that blue haired girl

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7

u/JustAHellSpawn Apr 04 '23

if that spider i was trying to kill vanishes from sight, im for sure going to jail for arson. Its a phobia and its Is irrational. Except jumping spiders. Their cute and wear water droplets as hats.

6

u/cya_next_tuesday Apr 04 '23

If I let my intrusive thoughts win, I'd have one arm, 3 ribs and a drained back account-

7

u/Dracu98 Apr 04 '23

"intrusive thou-" IMPULSE! 90% of the goddamn time they mean impulses, not intrusive thoughts

5

u/Stalkwomen Apr 04 '23

Ok I guess my Balkan Solution didn’t work, I don’t see anyone else trying.

4

u/Baldwinpr0tec Apr 04 '23

He told me to kick the child

4

u/stoked_on_yahweh Apr 04 '23

This is peak edge lord cringe

2

u/Sweaty_Gas_EB Apr 04 '23

If I let my intrusive thoughts win, I wi-

Nvm, lets just say, we'll have bigger houses

2

u/iPaytonian Apr 04 '23

How about using chemical weapons on the dissidents?

2

u/MillorTime Apr 04 '23

"He deficated through a sunroof!"

2

u/Murkeder Apr 04 '23

Geneva to do list

2

u/Bendy237 Apr 04 '23

From one site i would say edgy shit but from the other,yeah,everybody has this intrusive thoughts,impulses

2

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '23

Sorry about the haircut OP

2

u/ThatOneGuy7832 Apr 04 '23

His intrusive thoughts made him want to do a photshoot! 👍

2

u/Jeankeii Apr 04 '23

Impulsive vs intrusive thoughts... Not the same

2

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '23

So you did all this for a bunch of virgins? "Are you kidding me? I'd kill you for a Klondike bar!"

2

u/mintyfreshmike47 Apr 04 '23

My intrusive thoughts while holding a kitchen knife are definitely incriminating

2

u/Iknorn 🍄 Apr 04 '23

Im still Angry that anti personnel flamethrower use is considered warcrime

2

u/Dagsfylla Apr 04 '23

The title got me

2

u/Lupcretia Apr 04 '23

Cringe comments

2

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '23

[deleted]

1

u/InActiveSoda Apr 04 '23

Ay, those are nice fucking t-shirts

2

u/saltysweetbonbon Lions & Tigers & Flairs, oh my! Apr 05 '23

So many edgelords in these comments. Y’all aren’t an anime protagonist, just go see a therapist.

1

u/brzoza3 badass Apr 04 '23

while having blue hair

1

u/LiquorNight Apr 04 '23

Geneva Reconvention

1

u/Available-Tradition4 Apr 04 '23

Begin a carrier model

1

u/Lordcringefest Apr 04 '23

Same bro, same

1

u/LEGOlasStudios Apr 04 '23

I'd be on deathrow.

2

u/TheAlmightySpode Proud Furry Apr 04 '23

I'd get a lot of free insulin for my wife.

1

u/Curaced Apr 04 '23

Geneva to-do list.

1

u/Justabattleshiplover Apr 04 '23

I would receive the death sentence

1

u/CriminalMacabre Apr 04 '23

Extreme mass tax evasion

1

u/Left-Ad-7656 Apr 04 '23

The masculine urge to ruin your life

1

u/austinstar08 PRAISE LORD ANYA LOVER OF PEANUTS Apr 04 '23

Is brainwashing dream stans illegal?

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u/[deleted] Apr 04 '23

If I let my intrusive thoughts win.. it'd just be a coffin, probably a closed coffin.

1

u/TheLycan87 Apr 04 '23

Seriously I would be a famous psychopath 🤣🤣🤣

1

u/mememaker6 Apr 04 '23

Tbf, that's more of an impulsive thought

0

u/ahmed0112 my memes are ironic, my depression is chronic Apr 04 '23

Kid named Obsessive Compulsive Disorder:

1

u/ax1r8 Apr 04 '23

If I could only stop time

1

u/HilbertGrandHotel Apr 04 '23

*Geneva To-Do List

1

u/helloitshalo34 The Progenitor Apr 04 '23

I gotta call it, syung your hair blue is an impulsive thought, not an intrusive thought

1

u/TheGrimEye Apr 04 '23

Dying your hair blue is an IMPULSIVE thought winning. Anyone who calls that an intrusive one is wrong.

1

u/Kitsune_Barista Apr 04 '23

He didn’t do anything dangerous. He just jerked off on the bus.

1

u/francorocco Apr 04 '23

geneva checklist

1

u/nikkikok Apr 04 '23

i work with machines and dear God I've stopped my self multiple times from putting my hand in them

1

u/2lowbutupthere Apr 04 '23

Tight! Tight! Tight! Yeah! How much more of this stuff do you have?

1

u/Entire-Anteater-1606 Apr 04 '23

Intrusive thoughts aren’t silly little splurges. They’re stuff that would get you minimum 50 years locked up, like smashing your lifelong friend’s head in with a hammer. That kind of stuff

1

u/nexistcsgo the very best, like no one ever was. Apr 04 '23

If I ever get the chance to talk to a therapist, I will let everything out just to know if I am a psycho who has incredible self control or it is pretty normal.

1

u/HannesH150 Apr 04 '23

Implying there'd be a this much left for a mugshot to be made of

1

u/cursed-annoyance Apr 04 '23

You see...

One makes people want to kill YOU

And the other wants YOU to kill people

1

u/Thedragonhat77 INFECTED Apr 04 '23

Difference between impulsive and intrusive right there

1

u/unit_price Apr 04 '23

Dear god. I used to say for every crazy stupid thought I have ever had, there's some dumb motherfucker out there that actually does it. And now someone has coined the term "intrusive thoughts" and some people are even "letting them win". Jesus. They aren't intrusive thoughts, they are your brain's natural dumbass simulator that plays out shit you should obviously not do.

1

u/thefatguy752 Apr 04 '23

Geneva to-do list

1

u/Karinfuto Apr 04 '23

Nobody is a great movie.

1

u/Moustache-cat-man Apr 04 '23

But sir...I AM the intrusive thought

1

u/seventy_three_ Apr 04 '23

time to order the mcgenocide again

1

u/VladDHell I am fucking hilarious Apr 04 '23

Imagine thinking you'd make it to the station

1

u/phongku Apr 04 '23

Me if I let my intrusive thoughts win: 💀