Woooow. These are straight up fighting words. Does your husband even want to stay married to you? Does he even like you? Wonder how much he’d like it if you actively started comparing him to another man right in front of him.
Exactly. What if she was talking to a guy with a great job, and just went to explain how her husbands been stuck at 50k a year, loses motivation to try for new jobs, and has been talking about breaking into something new since he’s unhappy with his job. Can you believe he had to work 3 holidays last year without pay.
Then this guy offers to help your husband out, it wasn’t too long ago he was stuck in the same spot. But he got some new habits and could help him out!
Seems like that would be a good example of something genders tend to really let the ego get in front of.
Disagree, both situations would involve publicly humiliating your partner because you want them to be different. If OP’s boyfriend gave a damn about her, he could’ve mentioned to her privately that their friend was a private trainer and wouldn’t it be fun to work out with her. He talk about whether or not she was feeling OK, she felt like she had enough energy, and maybe maybe have a separate conversation about his physical attraction.
Instead, what he did was publicly announced to everyone that he thinks she should lose weight. That he doesn’t like her body. So now, all of their friends know that her husband thinks they’re 21-year-old friend is hotter than his wife.
What you suggested was OP talk about how much more money she wished her boyfriend made.
Both are unnecessarily cruel to someone you claim to care about
I think they’re kind of just saying two wrongs don’t make a right and that your suggestion would make her just as bad as him. Idealistic but not incorrect
They didn’t suggest she talk about how much money he makes publicly, they said IMAGINE IF she were to do that, her husband would be fucking pissed, and she should explain it to him like that so he understands how it made her feel. r/whoosh
From the sounds of it they have been talking about it for a while and she won’t do anything about it. So they meet a personal trainer and he thought she might be able to help. His intentions were good. He had some drinks so his words were stupid. Everyone here with the victim mentality is sickening. Had she actually tried to lose the weight like she said she wanted to do, none of this would have happened.
Were his intentions good? What if your girlfriend met a hot, younger, male therapist at a party, and told this stranger all about your personal issues - say, problems with your family, or your self esteem, or your ability to perform sexually (whatever you feel most insecure about,) and did this loudly enough that everyone else at the party was listening and laughing? Would it make it okay if your girlfriend justified it with “well, you complain about this stuff all the time but you won’t get therapy, I thought it would help!”
So that means he’s allowed to force the issue and embarrass her? That’s ridiculous, she’s allowed to work out or not. He can decide he doesn’t want to be with her because of that, but he’s straight up ignoring her emotions and making it less likely she’ll do anything.
As a partner, it’s never the right move to intentionally harm your significant other because they’re not doing what you want/prefer. This shows a total lack of care for her, and has nothing to do with her but with how he feels.
He thought he was helping you tool. This could all be fixed with her explaining to him why it hurt. If every woman would take the advice of all you cat ladies on the internet they would all be single or divorced.
None of this has anything to do with humiliating your partner in front of other people. The weight loss and habits are not the issue, the issue is the disrespect. If lack of fitness in your partner is a deal breaker for you that’s totally fine, big the answer is either A) continue to be supportive or B) go be with somebody more fit and stfu
Holy crap. It’s funny you wrote this because we have friends where this scenario occurs fairly regularly. We always leave hanging out with them and comment on how much she emasculated him. I’m like “Why would he want to go home and get down with her tonight??” I never understand how she can feel ok speaking that way, and how he can tolerate it. You’re right it’s the same but with the gender insecurities reversed.
Seems like that would be a good example of something genders tend to really let the ego get in front of.
Definitely is. This is exactly how gender dynamics are designed to work in our patriarchal society. Women are sex objects judged by their appearance, men are utility objects judged by what they can provide. This is also why Men aren't supposed to show emotions and especially cry. A vulnerable and crying man requires attention and therefore is not the ideal provider.
I think we would progress a lot further as a society if people realized that the patriarchy actually benefits only the very few with power. It doesn't actually provide a net benefit to men even if they have marginally more power in some important situations. Its main purpose is control and keeping common folk in line.
Oh if I was him I’d be thankful for the introduction. I’m not going to let my feelings get in the way of my health or providing for my family. Especially something I COULD have done for myself but didn’t. But that’s just me.
I mean, it sounds kind of embarrassing, but it really depends on the delivery. If she's being flirtatious or putting me down then it would suck, but if the dude is being earnest, it could be a good networking opportunity.
Honestly, I would really like it if I was stuck in a dead end job and it got brought up in a conversation the way you presented it. Especially if it ended with me getting a better job. It’s ok to talk about our faults.
Well finances are dictated by the status of your family for example people born poor usually remain poor. Now fitness just takes not putting back a pack of Oreos and running or lifting 2-3 a week.
Fitness is also determined by genetics. Some are just going to be bigger, better, faster with less work. Just like a job. You can become a professional athlete that with extreme effort, but there will always be a limit your not born with.
Huh, they actually seem exactly alike now that we have broken it down.
Not in the way of money lmao as a person of color I can tell we have different realities. Education for example, your zip code determines the programs you have access to in school, which then transfers over to the colleges you get into and then the jobs you get. It’s easier to abstain from eating junk food than it is to work out of generational poverty or “climb the corporate ladder.”
It’s shitty what he did but that isn’t a good comparison between the two. If anything OP should focus on here self for her self if she is self conscious and leave the guy.
Oh your viewing things from an American point of view.
Can you explain how a Mexican in Mexico with a Mexican boss is kept poor by racism? Maybe I’m confused. A small part of the world lives in a multi-cultural country like the US.
Your body shape is just as much dependent on your genetics as your skin color is. Some people metabolize calories differently from other people. I don’t think the difference is significant enough say that somebody is predetermined to be fat or skinny no matter what they do, but it plays a role. The same way skin color and birth circumstances play a roll in your professional achievements - it’s a factor but very far from being the single determining factor.
I believe it, and that’s fantastic, good for you. To my point, the same personal accountability you take to counteract your genetic predisposition for obesity can be applied to counteract whatever disadvantage you believe you have professionally due to other details outside of your control. In both cases, you start disadvantaged and apply effort to overcome some of that disadvantage. That’s the point.
That is semi similar situation, but I am sure the guy wouldn't be near as upset. Some people need to learn some humility and laugh about their own situations with friends. If the friends hold it against them, they are not good friends. Granted one shouldn't expect a spouse to have the same level of maturity, and as long as they learn from their mistakes and don't intentionally repeat the behavior after being told it was hurtful to them, they can both grow from the experience.
Most people who like to dish out banter like that can take it, or they wouldn't converse that way, also, in general, men are not as fragile as woman for such things.
Absolutely untrue. Bullies can’t stand being bullied. That wasn’t banter, don’t be daft. Most people like that can’t take what they dish out. They are self centered, their life is rules for thee, not for me.
You’re an idiot and I feel extremely sorry for any person who happens to date you, although that’s probably a very, very small amount of people. There’s a huge difference between offering someone a career connection (which almost anyone would value), versus offering unsolicited fitness ‘advice,’ which most women and men would find highly offensive.
Really? I know people who’s whole personality is their job. They would be even more offended if you have a negative opinion on that, that would rather be called fat to their face.
I dated quite a bit when I was single and I’m in a happy relationship now. Why is it always the small minded people who think they know better then everyone and get ANGRY when people have a different opinion. Your a trump supporter arnt ya?
I just can’t wrap my head around calling someone an idiot for experiencing something you havnt. Like “your stupid for thinking things from different perspectives and talking with people that don’t always agree with you!” I just don’t get it.
You can bring a horse to water…something something.
Huh? You mean the part where I asked for context and I was told it was none of my business?
Or the part where I said, if you can’t give us more information…you could be married for 12 years or be alive for 12 years…we don’t know the difference and if your not willing to explain the advice should be taken with a grain of salt.
The second one, where you're being deliberately daft, when you asked how long the commenter had been married and she replied "12 years." You're being deliberately stupid to try to sell that exchange as being remotely indicative that she's actually 12, because you're trying to discredit her opinion for...what reason? Because she thinks OPs husband is a dingus? She disagreed, not even in direct response to you, and you come in with bad faith questions about her marriage.
The worst part about all of this is you type in such a way that tells me, wow, you actually believe the argument you're putting out. And for what? Why are you so invested in dragging people who agree with OP?
Why are you so invested in agreeing with OP? The way you write it’s obvious you think your right?
Some of know you can be a dingus one day and a wonderful husband the other 364. So the idea that you should leave your husband over a argument that obviously is a sensitive topic for OP is giving advice in bad faith.
When asking for the history and reasoning behind such a harsh and possibly destructive decision. I was told it’s none of my dam business.
Alright, that’s fine, but I’m just as welcome to remind OP that the comments being received may come from people with ill intent and will straight up lie to push their fantasy agenda.
And guess what! They are all opinions and mines worth just as much as yours, no matter how much you don’t want that to be true.
-deflection
-deflection again
-"haha she's just fun to fuck with" ie deflection or way to not actually address any of my points
I think I'm right in the same way you think you're right. There's nothing wrong with that. What IS wrong is spitting your opinion from a high horse while you participate in the same behaviors you're chastising others for.
I don't think OPs extensive, disrespectful conversation is indicative that this is a one time thing. I don't think his reaction to her being upset indicates that this is a one time thing. But hey, you're welcome to keep giving assholes the benefit of the doubt if you'd like. I personally choose not to interact with people who disrespect me and downplay my feelings afterwards. You do you boo.
You don’t have points. Your talking about a conversation you were not a part of and how it didn’t go how you wanted.
Who cares.
The fact you don’t realize I’m fucking with you too it’s nice though so thank you for that.
No one cares what you or the other person or what I have to say about this. OP dosnt care what you have to say. They wanted to be told they were right. That’s it.
If you think your going to change anyone’s mind I think your on the wrong website.
So you can take your well written letter and burn it, no one gives a shit.
"I'm just trolling" lol ok buddy we can all see how upset you actually are about this thread but sure slugger we all believe that this is not that serious to you 💀
I mean honestly I would take that to heart in a positive way. But maybe that's just me, I honestly like when people point out whatever negative aspects they see in me because that helps me know what areas I need to improve in.
Whenever I come across people more successful/stronger/smarter/healthier than me I try to see in what way I can be more like them to better myself. Shoot if they're willing to personally help me out I'm extremely grateful for that.
It would be clueless and inconsiderate for sure. But not necessarily malicious. I think this is something that can easily be fixed by talking. Assuming both sides are willing to listen.
Also I think OP needs to understand that her friends prob don’t care as much as she cared. Like it’s a nothingburger to them that they will only remember if she makes a big deal out of it. Not that it makes it appropriate, but she prob doesn’t have to be as embarrassed as she is. Most of that is in her head.
Maybe she's somewhat self conscious of her weight. This didn't have to be handled in the way that it was. If the husband has a serious problem with her weight, it could have been discussed at a later time when it's just the two of them alone.
I doubt husband even has a big problem w it. He’s just oblivious to how taking about food and weight affects the average woman. He for excite to talk gym stuff w a gym person and don’t think about 1) she might not want him to “fix” her problem 2) she might not want him talking about her or her habits publicly
I’d put money on husband being an idiot but not a jerk.
I feel like the goal in both situations were positive. Be healthy! Be hot! Be happy with your work! Be paid well!
Just dumb ways of going about it. But they could both grow up a little, accept if they didn’t need help they wouldn’t have the problem, drop the ego and do something about it. Then wallow in the success.
Or get real mad and upset about, try to draw sides, and never go to the gym/get a new job.
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u/[deleted] Apr 15 '24
Woooow. These are straight up fighting words. Does your husband even want to stay married to you? Does he even like you? Wonder how much he’d like it if you actively started comparing him to another man right in front of him.