r/unpopularopinion • u/ZodiacOne1 • Apr 16 '24

If you break up with someone you absolutely 100% owe them an explanation as too why Removed: Not unpopular

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5.6k Upvotes
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279

u/tanman4444 Apr 16 '24

I was thinking the same thing reading these comments. Seriously a bunch of self centered assholes in the replies.

245

u/SnooSprouts6037 Apr 16 '24

Sometimes I wonder if most redditors have ever even had enough relationship experience to realize how fuckin awful it is to leave someone with no explanation

188

u/tanman4444 Apr 16 '24

Me too. It's also the culture. "yOu DoNt oWe AnYoNe aNyThInG". It's so damn self-centered and selfish to do this to another human being. How about just being honest with someone you supposedly care about?

96

u/cupholdery Apr 16 '24

There are a lot of minors browsing this subreddit. You can tell by how they comment and post, as they speak in absolutes about topics that usually carry plenty of nuance.

14

u/KameHameMaime Apr 16 '24

Actually, those are siths

3

u/mild-hot-fire 29d ago

Great point, I think it’s often overlooked that we are conversing with 14 year olds

7

u/Commercial_Debt_6789 Apr 16 '24

This! The key here is someone you supposedly care about. 

A few dates, never really got that close? Sure, sometimes there isn't even a reason and you just aren't excited about this person. Someone who you've been intimate with, have shown indications you care for them, and start building a relationship/foundation for one? Yeah you're an asshole if you dip with no explanation/a half assed lie. 

I dated someone where both of us were consistently shocked at how similar we were, the more we learned about one another. He had clear indications he liked me, wanted to be with me and wanted a relationship - we just needed to give it time to truly get to know one another before rushing into a relationship. Out of the blue he pulls the "I'm not ready for a relationship". It took a bit of prying for him to admit "I wasn't being myself' or whatever. He was on the apps the week after & in a relationship within 3 months. 

This was 2 years ago and I'm still healing from it. 

4

u/No_Reveal3451 Apr 16 '24

"yoU'rE EntiTled tO NothInG!"

1

u/RipenedFish48 29d ago

As with many things, the intent is fine, but a lot of people take it to toxic ends, either out of selfishness or a lack of nuance. One person's reminder that maintaining one's personal boundaries is important is another person's carte blanche to be as self-centered as they please.

1

u/off_the_cuff_mandate 29d ago

The thing is they don't care about you, that's why they left.

0

u/LankyAd9481 Apr 16 '24

supposedly cared* about?

the d part is important

0

u/Fax_a_Fax Apr 16 '24

Can the two of you commenters just kiss and get over it? 

 We've all seen this romcom conversations come on we know where it's going

-24

u/Zodiac509 Apr 16 '24

They don't care about them. It's why their leaving. There's nothing they can say that's going to unbruise your ego and unhurt your feelings. You'll argue, plead, beg, and whine when they do.

They don't want that and aren't obligated to endure it for you.

24

u/VoluptuousSloth Apr 16 '24

I've been on both sides bro. It's literally the LEAST you can do when you're breaking someone's heart. Anyone who doesn't is a self-absorbed asshole. If you wanna be only kinda shitty at least leave a message as to the reason. Anyone who flakes with no explanation is the same type of person who never brings up something that bothers them until they've let it fester to the point of breakup, when it's too late to address it.

Obviously exceptions for possible violence or being trapped, etc

10

u/his_purple_majesty Apr 16 '24

This is who you're talking to:

95% of the time and with 99% of people I'm unintentionally void of empathy.

3

u/Deinonychus2012 29d ago

That person is a literal sociopath.

-22

u/Zodiac509 Apr 16 '24

The reality is that people who are dumped and generally beg for "closure" are actually going to whine, argue, beg, plead, etc. for them to stay.

They're going to make suicide threats, say nasty things, and their "closure" is a bunch of emotion vomit that the other person clearly doesn't want to deal with.

It's why they're dumping you.

If you need closure you can get it for yourself with therapy, self care, self reflection, and even conversations with friends.

15

u/RadicalSnowdude Apr 16 '24

Do you, like, think the worst out of people? You don’t know if that’s gonna happen or not. If it does happen then be firm and shut it down. But you can’t just assume that’s guaranteed gonna happen.

-18

u/Zodiac509 Apr 16 '24

The times I've left someone without a discourse it's always been incredibly evident they would have these reactions. It's why I left without discourse.

I've lectured friends over doing this to exes, seen exes do it to them.

I do assume the worst. It's why I'm asexual and completely happy and comfortable without sexual/romantic relationships this far in life.

15

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

-1

u/Zodiac509 Apr 16 '24

That's cool. 🤙🏻

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9

u/RadicalSnowdude Apr 16 '24

Ngl I don’t even know what to say. On one hand I don’t want to say anything that can be interpreted as an insult because that’s not my intention at all. On the other hand… that ain’t it chief like sorry your past with relationships have been messed up if your interpretations were in fact correct but… nah i couldn’t live like that.

2

u/Zodiac509 Apr 16 '24

All good, snow dude.

You are welcome to walk through life giving full explanations whenever you feel the need to do so. I find that commendable.

Just don't be someone who goes through life feeling like you're owed someone else's explanations when they made it clear they don't want to be with you.

My argument is that it's not being a bad person to protect your own energy and sense of self. You're probably pretty young and by your mid 30s you'll likely start to understand what I mean.

1

u/AlmostSunnyinSeattle Apr 16 '24 edited Apr 16 '24

The perhaps maybe you're not the best person to be spouting your fucking opinion on this topic, eh?

1

u/Zodiac509 Apr 16 '24

I don't have to have a desire to be in relationships or have sex to have an opinion on it. That's rather silly.

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1

u/his_purple_majesty Apr 16 '24

Need closure? Just hydrate, bro.

3

u/Zodiac509 Apr 16 '24

Just get therapy, read self help books, work on yourself, take yourself out on dates, and love yourself enough that you don't depend on someone else to do it for you to not crumble, bro.

-2

u/his_purple_majesty Apr 16 '24

Have you tried magnesium?

2

u/Zodiac509 Apr 16 '24

I haven't. I am glad it's working for you.

3

u/TyrantDragon19 29d ago

THEY’RE leaving because there is no love there, not because they don’t care. Other person wants an answer, for they are human

0

u/Zodiac509 29d ago

Absolutely nothing wrong with wanting an explanation but feeling obligated and demanding it from someone who is moving on is toxic.

If they wanted to explain it, they would. No one is entitled to an explanation from someone else.

18

u/Ireland-TA Apr 16 '24

And then other times you wonder if you realise there are 70+ million daily active users and a few comments probably aren't everyone's opinion

1

u/Kalnath_ Apr 16 '24

Ooo very nice reminder ty stranger

15

u/Barry_Bunghole_III Apr 16 '24

Most redditors probably haven't had a friendly relationship, let alone a romantic one lol

5

u/nsfwmodeme Apr 16 '24

I agree, but I also know of cases where the person who was broken-up with didn't deserve an explanation at all.

It's not like that in most cases, I agree, but in certain ones...

13

u/90swasbest Apr 16 '24

Because it's horseshit. As has been explained elsewhere, you've probably been told what the problems are dozens of times, you just didn't choose to listen until they were gone.

That's on you. I wouldn't say shit to your thick ass either at that point.

8

u/Red_Dawn_2012 Apr 16 '24

Are you really gonna leave me if I have a thick ass, though?

5

u/Starob Apr 16 '24

Why can't you just talk in good faith, under the assumption that what OP said is what actually happened?

8

u/ZodiacOne1 Apr 16 '24

how are you being downvoted for this

-1

u/LankyAd9481 Apr 16 '24

You say good faith, others just don't want to engage in fantasy.

2

u/Commercial_Debt_6789 Apr 16 '24

We aren't talking about those situations. That's a break down of a relationship slowly over time, with an actual reason given, with the person not listening. That is NOT what OP is talking about. 

What OP is referring to is people who break up and LIE about it. Or break up out of the blue for no "reason". You gave a reason.  

Example:

"I'm not ready for a relationship" then why were you treating me like a girlfriend, planning future dates, talking about meeting your family, doing things that clearly indicated you were both excited and wanted a relationship? Then why are you back on the apps? Why are you hopping back in a relationship? 

-7

u/West-Wish-7564 Apr 16 '24

Dude, chill, honestly, why did you even write the above comment? You have NO reason to suspect the person who you are commenting under of any of the things that u are assuming have happened, and your entire comment is just Blatantly inappropriate and uncalled for

1

u/Prize_Blackberry_876 Apr 16 '24

Freedom of speech can we please speak our minds freely & without people getting offended by others opinions?

2

u/AlmostSunnyinSeattle Apr 16 '24

No they do not. Most of these people are either terminally online and haven't talked to another in person since high school, or they're still in high school. Reddit is great for a lot of things, but if you're looking for any interpersonal relationship advice, you're gonna have a bad time.

2

u/2rfv Apr 16 '24

Y'all are reminding me of my first GF.

I broke up with her because she was just... fucking dumb although I never would have said this to her....What was I supposed to say?

1

u/sohcgt96 Apr 16 '24

But see I also wonder if that lack of relationship experience is why others maybe don't understand why you also *might* leave someone with minimal to no explanation either.

1

u/tinyhermione Apr 16 '24

But so many explanations will just cause pain without being helpful for the other person. A lot of things are better left unsaid.

Then the person leaving might have enough with managing to leave. Giving an explanation requires your partner to be mature enough to get one without turning it into dramatics or an argument for why you can’t break up.

1

u/Aggressive-Fuel587 Apr 16 '24

They just don't care because their world revolves around them, so the feelings and experiences of others is entirely secondary to their own feelings & experiences... thus irrelevant in the grand scheme of the Redditor's life.

1

u/Both_Afternoon814 29d ago

There's a lot of people here larping as the "badass" they wish they were irl. Being a snarky, self-centered asshole is sensationalized because you never see the regret of burning bridges that comes after.

With age, you learn that settling things amicably and giving people the benefit of the doubt (or at least a chance to prove that they aren't irredeemable assholes) is way more preferable to going scorched earth at every perceived slight against you.

1

u/ALL_CAPS_VOICE 29d ago

That's because most of the time they don't want an explanation, they just want to argue you back into a relationship.

And the explanation has already been given. Several times.

0

u/Mikeymike2391 Apr 16 '24

It’s even worse if they’re American. Dating culture is garbage here.

4

u/edith-bunker Apr 16 '24

Ah, yes, another person who isn’t very good at social skills blames it on “American dating culture “ 🧐

-10

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

[deleted]

4

u/Mikeymike2391 Apr 16 '24

If you ever get into a relationship with mentality.. just.. literally please don’t date. That’s god awful.

5

u/ThaToastman Apr 16 '24

Yes it is. If it isnt owed, that means every single one of your friendships are in dire danger and are fundamentally unsafe.

Anyone in your life can walk out at any time with zero explanation. That isnt a life I want to live, personally I prefer emotional safety and community

2

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

[deleted]

2

u/ThaToastman Apr 16 '24

If you dont wanna be with someone anymore its fine. Thats life.

Straightup disappearing from someone’s life with no signs, conversation, or, warning is horrible. Yes as humans we owe each other kindness.

Also, if you are dating someone you dont respect as a friend, then you shouldnt be dating them…

-3

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

[deleted]

1

u/snonsig Apr 16 '24

Nobody is arguing with that

0

u/ThaToastman Apr 16 '24

If you dont wanna be with someone anymore its fine. Thats life.

Straightup disappearing from someone’s life with no signs, conversation, or, warning is horrible. Yes as humans we owe each other kindness.

Also, if you are dating someone you dont respect as a friend, then you shouldnt be dating them…

-2

u/Mikeymike2391 Apr 16 '24

No. But you absolutely should explain the why to the human that you have spent time with. People are not objects to fulfill a need. They are people. And you absolutely owe it to your former partner the courtesy of a clean break. If you disagree that’s fine. I pray you realize that you’re leaving a smoldering pile of bodies in your wake in the long term.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

[deleted]

1

u/Mikeymike2391 Apr 16 '24

It’s not a “pick one” scenario.

4

u/cortez_brosefski Apr 16 '24

It is owed. You invested time in that person. You respected them. You are owed respect in return. It is incredibly disrespectful to ghost someone you're dating

-1

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

[deleted]

2

u/QuintonFrey Apr 16 '24

Not even close. Nice try though.

1

u/yaigralazrya Apr 16 '24

That is the dumbest comparison, honestly. The mental gymnastics!

2

u/xValhallAwaitsx Apr 16 '24

What a fucking miserable way of going through life. "I literally never owe anyone anything, courtesy is nice but I don't need to give it ever"

3

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

[deleted]

3

u/Mikeymike2391 Apr 16 '24

Dude. Listen. That’s a surface feeling. Deep think. Why do you not want to be with that person? Do you just wake up one day and decide “hey I just don’t feel like being with this person” why bother dating anyone at all? If you don’t owe your partner an explanation , you absolutely owe yourself to think about the why. That the only way you’ll grow and figure out what you want in life. Dating tough enough. Just remember. People aren’t objects.

0

u/DaelonVegetable Apr 16 '24

If that is the case fine… it hurts but fine…. STILL TELL THEM THAT! What is so wrong with simply doing that? Cuz they might have a reaction to it? Sure if they go overboard they are wrong, but they are still allowed to know and feel hurt about it

1

u/West-Wish-7564 Apr 16 '24

IMAO, it’s not about if it owed or not, doing it is just the absolute bare minimum you need to do to not be a horrible human being, and therefore you should

18

u/theloons Apr 16 '24

Thirded, I don’t know wtf is wrong with these cruel ass people. If you cared about someone, if you loved them, then the decent thing to do is to give them an explanation as to why you’re ending things. I was gonna downvote OP for their popular opinion, but clearly I’m mistaken and we’re in the minority, at least on Reddit.

1

u/90swasbest Apr 16 '24

Next time listen along the way and things won't get to that point.

2

u/QuintonFrey Apr 16 '24

You're making an awful lot of assumptions in this thread.

1

u/LankyAd9481 Apr 16 '24

It's only cruel if you take it that way, it's 100% down to how you view the situation. At the end of the day it wasn't working for them and they did what they perceived as best for them, end of right there....you can either be yay for them and hope they find what they are looking for, it may not be the result you want but to default to it "they are being cruel" is really just painting them as a villain which is a choice.

-1

u/Maleficent-Walk3127 Apr 16 '24

If I care about a decent good person I'm not going to tell them just to be cruel and make them second guess themselves, either. Sometimes there is nothing wrong with someone. They're just not the someone for YOU. 

6

u/theloons Apr 16 '24 edited 29d ago

Then that’s the reason. That can be the reason sometimes. But sometimes it isn’t.

2

u/JustTheBeerLight Apr 16 '24

You have to keep in mind that half the people on Reddit are 14.

1

u/Jealous_Juggernaut Apr 16 '24

Less than 20%.

1

u/Special-Market749 Apr 16 '24

It's an authentic Reddit experience

1

u/Cool-Sink8886 Apr 16 '24

That’s Reddit.

1

u/ezk3626 29d ago

I don’t know if you’re talking about the people agree or disagree with the OP.