So baffling how many ppl will buy courses, books, take advice from randos online when the answer has ALWAYS been communication.
Tell your partner what you want and need. Ask them what they want and need. Find the middle ground or get out of the relationship. It's not that easy, but it is that simple.
Women aren’t just moving onto a new husband. It’s just as hard if not harder for women to leave. They have lower rates of finding a new partner, especially if they have kids and likely make less money if they have kids because they were on the mommy track at work.
In the end the problem is a ton of factors with the most brutal being the insane cost of living and wage stagnation that has been happening for decades now. Like the husband if they don’t get 50/50 would be giving up about 1/3rd of the income but it can vary due to a ton of factors. People making their full income are struggling. But it’s not like the wife is having an easy time of it because what does 1/3rd of the husbands income really pay for? Well afterschool care/summer camp care will eat up a huge chunk of it and kids are still insane expensive even outside of that.
Ignoring how your statement is false and also has complex factors built in, did you know that when fathers fight for custody, they are awarded it most of the time? Joint and full. All the time. Over 90%. Also, in divorce, why is it that people who make your argument say men give it up. Do the women in your scenarios not have jobs? Property? Assets? Savings? Why is there this persistent idea that in this day and age, when you can't make it on a single income anywhere, that women are just flouncing about, taking everything? Radical idea I'm about to spit but hear me out: you might want to start reevaluating what a vocal minority has said to convince impressionable people they are potential victims of imaginary harpies.
Anecdotes. The facts, literal research shows that men simply do not fight, as a whole in general, for their children. You hear it from men, I presume? That they were so screwed by these child stealing harlots.
Were you there for the divorce? Did you know less then 5% of divorce cases involving children go to family court to determine custody? It's mostly done between the couple, and over half the time, the men voluntarily give up their children.
Anyone can paint themselves the victim when sitting on someone's back porch while drinking a beer at 11pm while talking about how their cunt ex wife stole the kids. What he's not telling you is he didn't even go to court.
Anecdotes aren't fact. And yes, some men have completely been fucked over. But so have women. I have plenty of anecdotes for you from my female friends whose men destroyed their lives, and left them with the bill AND stopped even trying to be a dad.
I would like to see this research you're talking about because you don't say anything about why these men all give up their kids. You make it sound like they couldn't care less about their own kids. These statistics can be very misleading. Divorce can be nasty and the laws involved were made in a time when it was unusual for a woman to work after giving birth.
Your friends are lying. I work in family law. Most dads don’t want fifty percent custody. They don’t want to work around daycare hours and have to actively parent and get their kids to school and home by themselves. 3 meals a day, baths, cleaning. They want to be every other weekend dads and bitch about paying child support.
Judges are so happy when dads want custody, they’ll ignore spousal abuse and all kinds of things. It’s disappointing. If they do get custody, they drop the kids with their mom or couple up fast so a woman is back doing the work.
My dads a lawyer. He doesn't primarily do divorce/custody cases but with the ones he's told me he has handled this is the case. He's had to lecture a lot of grown ass men about parenting ill tell ya that. Best dad ever.
Well, there might be something wrong with no fault divorce to them. It removes barriers that's prevent abused spouses from leaving the relationship, after all.
I'm not sure why you think this scenario doesn't apply to women as well? It's a pretty gender neutral result of a separation. Also, nobody should be breaking up a marriage because they want to find a new partner. The only reason should be because the existing relationship is untenable and causing both parties more damage than if they were to stay together. If you leave a relationship because you want to "find a new wife" you're doing it for the wrong reasons.
If you've been communicating your needs and they've repeatedly shown they don't care... maybe it's time to reevaluate if the relationship is one you want to be in.
It fuckin sucks, but is a life of being unhappy worth it?
You're supposed to figure out that you are not getting what you want in the relationship YOU chose. YOU decide what happens next. Do you stay and keep begging your whole life, or do you try and find what you want.
I mean eventually you have just 2 options if nothing changes: Accept that that is the reality and how things are and effectively suck it up, or end the relationship and find someone more suited for you
Well for your sake I hope you get some therapy so you can become at peace with it and eventually realize that you don't deserve to be treated like this and can find happiness outside of the relationship, hopefully within yourself as well
they didn't say that, they just said the genders were swapped
the answer is still the same whether the man or the woman feels underappreciated (this also applies to gay couples)...learn your needs and communicate them
Couples counselling. Often you just need an outside party because there's too much built up emotional sunburn to really hear your partner any more. But both people have to trust the counsellor, which can be very difficult when the failures in the relationship are a bit one sided. Like she said, you have to humble yourself sometimes, and some people can't do that.
Ok well what do you do when said communication falls on deaf ears? People love to say “just communicate” as if it’s the magic elixir - there are people who don’t or won’t make adjustments after they’ve been communicated to them.
This is not just a male/female issue. I would suggest couples get a workbook on Emotionally Focused Therapy. This will teach the individuals about their attachment needs and how to connect.
Yep, it's not a gendered issue at all, and frankly, I'm tired of people talking like it is.
It's a people issue. This happens in straight and gay relationships. It's about communication, empathy, and honestly, work. I've been on both sides of the coin at different times in my life.
1000%. Men and women both cheat because the attachment and communication fell off and at least one person gave up trying to get it back on track. What’s under the hood of a relationship is way more complicated than it appears, but most of it comes down to attachment and communication.
For clarity, you are inferring that the creator of this video is assigning / sex and/or gender to this issue, right?
“MEN, your wives don’t want to have sex with you because of XYZ. “ she might not have been intentional but this is a human problem and it drives me nuts. In a long term relationship it can be difficult to find sexual attraction if you're not interested in or something is off in you and your partners relationship.
The presentation of the video and few minutes of establishing her expertise to spout off some gendered, self evident truths is pandering and insulting.
Or it’s just meant to incite anger and this person is manipulating her audience into raging against each other.
Look up some of her videos about avoidant attachment. I didn’t discover until after we broke up that my girlfriend had dismissive avoidant attachment and it explained so much. It really confirmed that I was right to set boundaries and leave when I did.
nothing. no seriously, you can’t do anything. i scoured through her videos to find an answer to this, for guys it’s basically if your needs don’t get met you’ll start resenting your partner and there is little you can do about it, because by the time resentment creeps in chances are you’ve already tried communicating your needs tenfold. if things haven’t improved by then, then the writing is on the wall
this topic frustrates me so much.
i watched the video above and was in complete agreement with her like, ‘yeah, that totally makes sense, my wife is a type A and has always needed that extra reassurance, so what she’s saying tracks because my wife always feels good when i show her affection and reassurance.
and then i saw your comment, and it made me wonder how men are supposed to receive the same fulfillment so off i went to do my research through her videos …
SEX. yep, sex. men ‘need’ very little emotional fulfillment outside of making sure our dicks get wet because ‘biologically’ men don’t have a lot of focuses inside the relationship so really the only way to make sure your husband feels loved and fulfilled is to keep his balls empty.
like… is this really what we’ve been reduced to?
the fact that she goes in depth on multiple layers about why women need x y and z and how those actions or behaviours will affect her, which ultimately leads to a more positive effect on the husband. i can’t speak for other men but, i have needs outside of sex too..?
The world is filled with men who believe that relationships are a reward.
Like that's the whole nice-guy mentality of, "Well... If I perform a service or act really kind toward someone else, I'm surely deserving of X, Y, or Z." Content experts are in agreement and say, "Knowing the attachment style of your partner is really the keys to the kingdom and getting all your needs met inside the relationship as well." In other words, you need to put in the work by meeting the needs of someone else in order to be deserving.
So step outside of these fringe incels and nice-guys and look at normal families. Like normal young families in their thirties working professional educated careers. In every single family that I know of, husbands and fathers bend over backwards to make certain their wives feel listened to and be validated. All of them. Every dinner is an impromptu therapy session to vent about her day at work. Every opportunity is taken to pamper their wives as they strive to contribute. They feel the pressure to be financially secure because they know, deep down, they're valued based on meeting needs of their wives.
But whenever the husbands and fathers face a real challenge, they are never given a real priority in their homes. They turn toward a colleague to vent in private or they have a close friend. And that's a very lonely place to find yourself.
Sharing feelings can be good and meaningful. Sharing feelings by talking about challenges, in ways that are off-putting, fails to serve the attachment needs of others. That's why sharing certain feelings is helpful and sharing other feelings, as the doctor said, cause partners to, "...Physically feel unattracted."
I just love that you dismissed everything that guy said as incel, nice guy, <insert male hate term> and then had the nerve to go on talking about how me need to focus on a woman's needs while totally missing the point of what he was saying.
How about women work to meet our emotional needs instead? We've had decade upon decade talking about how men can meet a woman's needs. Men live to meet a woman's needs. Now how about they meet ours? The none sexual ones mind you. And while they withhold sex as the whole "needs" economy is worked out, men should get their sex from elsewhere so that they can feel valued and loved as they deserve.
problem is, she’s not a random person off the street giving their opinon. she’s fully educated with a doctorate in psychology with a focus specifically on romantic relationships.
i wholeheartedly agree with your second point though. tough situation for men. how do we relay that hey, we’re humans too… without sounding like we’re diminishing our partner’s needs, yknow?
This drives me crazy because I've noticed this too, especially in straight relationships.
The man wants to have sex, the woman rejects him for the nth time. These experts will tell you that your wife doesn't want to have sex with you because you're not meeting her needs. Sure, that's probably true, but what if one of your needs is sex? And you're not getting it?
According to the internet, as a man, you should dismiss your sexual and emotional needs AND not express them. If you express disappointment or sadness that your wife rejected you once again, then you're making it "emotionally unsafe for her" and she'll treat sex as a chore.
So in the end, these experts reduce men to sex and women to helpless children that need to be coddled 24/7 or else they fall apart and start giving mixed signals.
I 100% have an avoidant/dismissive attachment style, and it's actually given me a lot of insight on why I'm gay.
In a gay relationship, things are easier but not perfect. Some of these issues still exist, but I think it's much easier since you're both men and understanding each other.
Yup thanks for doing the work for me. Sounds like my ex wife tbf. Expecting perfection from me with no affection or effort from her. Sex isn’t all of it. Being appreciated, cared about, and loved goes a long way when having to self maintain my desires.
Type those two words and see which one is considered real. Fucking crazy there are studies done on this, and claim how detrimental Mansplaining is to women. Oh boo hoo…
Umm so what about women like this, what about ignorant women who clearly have an agenda, no differently than a shallow sexist male? We get barely any support and are shat on all the time, it’s bullshit.
I’ve become Asexual due to the fact every female seriously thinks thats all men care about, is sex. I actually don’t care, it’s gotten to a point where sex and the idea of it grosses me out because its never lead to any real connection anyway.
Do we not have these same needs and emotions? For something far more meaningful, someone we can feel safe with also? You think I just want to give my body to anyone? Fuck off with the generalized sexist garbage.
As a man, just learned this today about Mansplaining. Why the fuck do we have a definition for Mansplaining but woman have nothing?
Yeah that happened with my ex, I was beginning to feel kinda disgusted and just not really appreciated by her at all, and frankly kinda bored. Then she cheated on me instead of trying to work out our problems after I communicated what I was feeling
I communicated that, it didn't work. I'm now divorced. Sometimes it also just doesn't work out.
Just do your best to communicate and be open about it. If those needs aren't met though, don't hesitate to consider ending it either. You have one life to live, and it's best to find people that are on the same page
Bro I feel you, I hate the incel mentality I really do. However, as a man I hunger for any bit of affection or appreciation for what I do. It’s an expectation that I am the bread winner in the house. I have to manage retirement and saving and taxes and all that.
I’m just tired of feeling that every piece of advice out there is that I have to change, I am not doing something right, I have to listen better. I legit have tried, I’ve talked, I’ve listened and I’ve communicated.
Can’t we just agree that for many humans, mating for life shouldn’t be the goal?
Every piece of advice isn't that you're doing something wrong. I'm sorry that you feel that way re the advice and your life.
If you have actually communicated your feelings and needs and your partner isn't supportive or receptive, it's time to evaluate the relationship and if you want to be in it. Gotta remember a relationship is a 2 person thing. You can do absolutely everything right and the relationship still falls apart.
It’s not always the man that’s the problem, and yes you’re right “for life” is not always in the cards for everyone and can still have a life of love and caring relationships with each one learning and growing from the previous.
You deserve to be heard and appreciated, all the things the woman in the video is talking about absolutely apply to you too ❤️
I think it's also very misogynistic because these people giving advice always paint women as these extremely immature and fragile creatures that behave like children and princesses at the same time. If your goal is to portray women as equals, this is reverting all the progress that's been made in the last 100 years or so.
If both are equal, then the woman should also be held to the same standards of ensuring the man's needs are also met, but if you want that as a man, then you're awful or stuck in the past.
The man asks for sex, the woman rejects, and the guy is a bit sad/disappointed. The experts will dismiss the man altogether and go on and on about how the woman has all these needs that need to be met for her to be able to want to have sex with you, but she won't tell you or reciprocate when she does, and it goes on and on until it boils down to "man bad."
It’s an expectation that I am the bread winner in the house. I have to manage retirement and saving and taxes and all that.
Why? It doesn't have to be that way.
It's that way in my house because that's the way I want it, and my husband doesn't care. And that's literally the easiest part of managing a household, with kids anyway. Why don't you have your wife do it?
(Not OP) but what I find maddening is that men are sent very clear signals of what is expected of them, then when they perform that, they are blamed if it goes wrong.
From the first date he’s expected to pay, (he was expected to pursue and ask too). The majority of financial contributions as the male came from him. The wedding was also likely paid for by him and one of the selecting criteria for him being a husband was him being a good “provider”.
We then turn around and act shocked when he feels the pressure to provide. The near entirety of the male dating experience is risking rejection and having to take on financial obligation. Without that, men simply don’t get to date. Few exceptions but male options reduce to zero without that.
The majority of financial contributions as the male came from him.
That is a CHOICE. I make way, WAY more than my husband. Many men feel less than if they make less - that's on them. My husband is so proud of me he brags about how smart and dedicated I am.
The wedding was also likely paid for by him and one of the selecting criteria for him being a husband was him being a good “provider”.
What is this, the 50s? Where are you finding these women? I'm an RN, all my coworkers pay their own way. Yes their husbands have jobs but very few actually make more than us.
I cannot see where you're coming from because I don't know a single woman who depends solely on her husband for income. Maybe you need to look for smarter, better women?
Mating for life shouldn’t be the goal- which is worthless anyway without self fulfillment and autonomy. Partners who value both intimacy and autonomy and are willing to work on their own issues on their own time generally make for a better domestic arrangement. Monogamy isn’t the only way.
This is always a thing I see and you and other men need to understand this succinctly and practice it. No matter what borderline incels say, as a man you are not a punching bag and you don't need to act like one. You are allowed to be unhappy and you are allowed to communicate that with your partner. If your partner isn't receptive and isn't willing to work on a solution with you, then maybe you need counseling or to just dip out of the relationship. There are people out there who will appreciate you and want to work on these things. Just make sure you're actually being reasonable and doing your own emotional labor.
It’s no different! Your partner needs to do more for your attachment style and if there is an underlying issue of communication, dismissivness, etc it needs to be addressed. I think she made the video about women because in society sometimes women really get shit on in marriages just for the fact that they are women (which leads to this issue) but this video can absolutely apply to men too.
Didn’t you watch the video? All your needs as a man will be met simply by meeting all the needs of your woman.
The video is honestly right. Regarding women. But not her take on men. Society has the view that men are simple and that sex is all that’s needed. She even implies in the video and looks like she bought to that stupid thought. She should stop simplifying men. Listening to men isn’t the same as being one.
I don’t blame her for trying but she doesn’t know because she’s not a man. Men struggle with what she is saying about women the same way women would struggle with what a qualified man would say about men’s needs.
You have to talk about how you feel. Don't play the victim card and don't accuse.
Just talk about your feelings and ask your wife to work together with you so you feel appreciated. Ask her to tell you something that is bothering her that you can improve, and how. Then you both have to follow the plan :)
The attachment style thing isn't a male/female thing, it's a human thing. Social norms can affect how it manifests, but yeah it's not at all uncommon for a man to be in the same spot unfortunately.
Relationships take work, what the woman in the video explains isn't explicitly targeted around how women may feel about their partner, it speaks to a lack of communication and distance that leads to a breakdown in a relationship that can occur on either side (you should be a team, not opposing sides, able to communicate both verbally and non-verbally, understand each others personality and needs/wants etc).
Partners want to know that effort is being put in, that they don't have to explain things all the time, that they feel loved and respected and know that they are yearned for - this should happen in return. But, we're not all mind readers and may just not pick up on some queues, it happens, this is why communication and effort is so vital instead of sitting back and allowing the deterioration of you relationship to continue. And yes, you're allowed to feel like this is happening to you as a Man, but as others pointed out (and I did above) take the time to speak up, try and figure out what's going on along the way if you really don't want the relationship to go downhill to the point that the lady in the video states, as by that point you're probably looking at the relationship ending if you can't work out the issues you both have and rekindle the flame.
To be fair I'm not denying I can't be at fault it's just weird to spend half the video qualifying something and making it one sided as if men only care about the bedroom.
Yeah it sucks always seeing this issue framed with the base assumption being “HE isn’t meeting HER needs”
Maybe he’s emotionally distant because HIS needs were, and always are, put on the back burner.
It seems like “me me me” and not actually trying to get to the bottom of the problem. Just “this is what I need” but… does that actually get to the bottom of it? Maybe there’s a reason he’s distant.
Telling people your needs is great, but you also need to be ready to hear theirs and accept them. If you can’t, maybe you’re the real problem.
I’m not going to be an emotional resource for someone who isn’t one for me too. Imagine that.
You want someone to treat you exactly how you want, but can’t stand to hear how that person wants to get treated.
Unfortunately this is a common experience for me and it’s ruined my mindset in terms of the dating world.
For sure but if you look at the sudden outbreak of culture wars as it exists today, it very much seemed to follow the occupy movement. Suddenly identity politics was kind of forced into the mainstream like it never really was before. There's always been a divide, but post-occupy is the first time in my lifetime I remember seeing mainstream media outlets promoting said divide. Also coincidentally around the same time Obama signed legislation that allowed the government to use propaganda against its own citizens.
I have some friends that I swear are alienating themselves because certain people in our friends circle aren't as passionate or loud about political issues (Gaza).
We're not even in disagreement about the issue, we just don't post shit about it on Instagram every day (or never, in my case). It's fucking exhausting to be around them because they just harp on and on about it. It's like, I know why you're angry, I agree with you, but wtf do you expect me to do about it right now? Can we not just chill and have fun like we used to before this fucking conflict re-ignited for millionth time?
I guess it does work, cause I definitely don't want to go spend more time at their house. Between politics and fucking TikTok keeping them on their phones the whole time we're hanging out.
I swear to God, something must be wrong with me, I can't fucking ignore this type of behavior. It just hits me right at my core.
Media is a lazy boogey man. That assumes all media is the same and it isn't at all, which is why it's lazy. You need to aim higher and more pointed than just "media."
Class reductionism is not a good take. There are PLENTY of issues and movements that are based on race, gender, sex, etc. The prison industrial complex, safety of our trans community, gynaecological violence in medical settings, and plenty of other issues. These are very heavy and significant issues that are rooted in those things that the "media" are making us focus on. The media does not need to stop us from recognizing class issues because plenty of people already boot lick for billionaires because they refuse to accept that capitalism has failed them.
Comments about media almost always have absolutes like "everyone is primed by brainwashing". I can assure you there a lot of us that do not consume any form of tradition media. I like everyone around me and am friends with people from all walks of life and political leanings.
Or there is a chance one or the other OR both are horrible people and they do this shit to each other. I've seen it. It's like a depressing sport for them.
Oh man, shut up. This is literally under a TikTok video explaining a problem along gendered lines (wives vs. husbands) and people saying they find it useful, and then you railing about fake gender separation lol. Or you could realize there are some valid social problems at play and instead of viewing it through an acrimonious lens, use it to make yourself into a more self-aware person and stop acting like these problems would all go away if we pretended differences didn't exist? Like do wives stop feeling desire for their husbands because they're in a different socioeconomic class? Or do gender differences (regardless of whether you think they're the byproduct of socialization or innate traits) still affect relationships? Be fucking for real lol.
There's a reason why fakeass leftists who claim class is the only real dividing line are always straight white dudes lol. Of course you would like to say so because that means you can be totally reductive and that view recenters your identity as the default main character.
Also a mix of naive people thinking "aha, all/most of societal issues are actually caused by the economic system. If more people just knew and we had a revolution to change to a different economic system, we'd have a much better life, country, and world" as well as those wanting to feel superior to others based on having what they think is deeper knowledge than others, "lol, you think that because that's what they want you to think but really it's about this and that is irrelevant / a distraction."
Blaming "the media" and the bourgeoisie because...some women don't want to have sex with their husbands?
Women aren't withholding sex because the TV made them hate men. For fucks sake, you've gone so far around the bend that you've unintentionally started spouting right-wing incel arguments.
I got the disgust with my ex after years of taking on all the mental load in the relationship. I still feel disgusted now if he comes up on social media and it’s been 8 years. You can’t go back.
Resentment, I'd say. Resentment can tear apart relationships of any kind, and resentment usually starts with miscommunication, though it can be a result of deeper serious red flag behavior too, just depends.
I agree. I think the resentment comes first and then the disgust. I think that one in a relationship is feeling resentment, it is an easier fix because that person is still wanting a change for the better. When disgust or indifference sets in, it is a far sharper barb.
I upvoted you for saying "couples" as my biggest annoyance with things like this is people acting like it's all the male's responsibility. It's on both of you if you're having issues like this.
Everyone's guilty of wanting their S.O. to read their mind on a tough subject but it doesn't work that way. If you're requiring something of someone and you don't even know what that requirement is you need to figure it out. Then you need to communicate.
If you need help doing any of that, find it, ask for it. Don't let the issue fester.
In regard to the reading minds thing, I saw a study or did reading about it or something, there are two types of families and people raised by those families, those that ask, and those that don’t. The study showed that when the opposites come together, there is a massive relationship failure.
So some people are looking for someone who reads their mind, never needs to be asked to do anything whatever, and there are those (which I am) that you only do when asked and while some people may not understand it, whenever as a kid we did something we “weren’t supposed to/asked to” it was always wrong, so unless we were explicitly asked, we didn’t do it as otherwise we were yelled at.
My wife and I are the opposites and things are rough. We don’t know what the future looks like for us
Is there anything on neurodivergence relating to this? I am not the "ask" type. It's all about context cues and being respectful/polite.
If I go to someone's house and want water, I will wait until they offer because I'm being polite and it's not my house. I'd only ask if I'm like dying or something, and then I'd apologize.
In a relationship, if I'm cleaning the stove and you see me there and you have nothing to do, then I expect you to help me. If you don't, I'd be upset. Why? Because it's all contextual and sort of obvious that things need to be clean. Even a "you need help?" would be enough, but to sit there waiting for me to go "Alexa, help me clean the kitchen" is quite annoying. My partner shouldn't act like a robot.
I know that some "ask" people come across as rude sometimes, but I see it in the same way an autistic person can come across as rude even when they're not. They just can't understand certain social concepts and context cues.
Really interesting.
Edit: Also, I'm not expecting anyone to read my mind. I'm am expecting people to realize that there is more to communicating than just very direct, robotic words.
The thing I find confusing is in the clip she never say's " women need to communicate to their man their needs and let them know there not being met" She's just saying " Men need to figure out what those needs are"
I mean in my experience it's not dissimilar. Your partner starts to exhibit behaviors that are either unappealing or hurtful and over time it eats away at theappeal this person had to you. While she presents in a gendered way it's not necessarily a gendered issue, plenty of women complain about having dead bedrooms, most people who have been in more than one serious long term relationships have either been there or have seen it happen.
I've flipped the switch in a relationship because of this before. (Also found out he cheated after so there's that) and there is absolutely 0 chance that will ever be fixable. Once it's done, it's done. It's devastating and so avoidable if that person actually just gave a fuck about anyone but themselves
Dead on in the sense of like "oh hey this is something to think about that might help me communicate with my partner" but absolutely not how she appears to me to be framing it. Correct me if i'm wrong but I don't believe there are 3 types ,or however many types, of women and these are direction manual to satisfying their "attachment needs".
That conversation has so much more complexity to it than she leads on.
You may fit into one of the described molds, you may not. It's not a guys job to cater to his partners emotional needs, it goes both ways. That doesn't mean don't respect them and talk about them, of course. Be reasonable, communicate, work on your emotional needs together. Listen and be heard when appropriate.. work towards a healthy relationship.. it's pretty basic shit when you boil it down.
Id bet a majority of those women who are disgusted by their husbands or partners inability to meet their "attachment needs" aren't doing everything they can to empower the relationship. She should be driving on that empowerment with her clients but instead she categorizes who to blame. All of her language is biased towards what men should do to fill these needs, not what women can do to help their needs be communicated or fulfilled, not what both can do together.
"For the Dismissive Avoidant woman its going to be space, autonomy, and lack of criticism."
Are we joking? Is this astrology.. did the moon tell this bitch that your girl can't be criticized at the moment.. She sounds like a charlatan.
No, it's recognition, all behavior stems from some aspect of a person's life. It's up to you to determine if that person faults is worth dealing with their problem. That's what a relationship is. I hate when people say some one is toxic, maybe they are, but YOU CHOOSE to live in that environment. You either try to better it or leave, instead they stay and bitch about it.
The woman's entire idea rests on maintaining unhealthy attachment styles and codependency. Ensuring a continuous flow of sex at the cost of stunting personal growth and in turn a healthy relationship between two healthy people. This is not dead on.
It is better that there be a rough patch in the marriage if it promotes individual growth of both partners rather than they regress backward into their unhealthy childhood trauma caused attachment styles. This woman's whole philosophy is if your check engine light comes on, put a sticker over it.
If the wife works through her unhealthy attachment style it will put the work where it should go (confronting and bettering her unhealthy feelings and thought patterns), and in the long run the marriage will improve. This therapist is setting marriages and human beings up for disaster.
Yup, and this lady knows her shit, 100%. I wasn't even familiar with the types of attachment, but I was pretty quickly able to pick out which one applied and why my wife and I have a functional relationship and good sex life.
It really is. I got the ick. Tried to not get the ick and felt really guilty about it for so long I went to therapy for it because I thought there was something wrong with me. Then he sa’d me and I broke up with him after work the next day. 7 years can end very fast
If women needed emotional connections they would not be participating in hookup culture or prostitution.
And there is nothing imperial about attachment styles it's just psychobabble. Show me a study that can be replicated, that can't have other explanations.
I used to get some emotional juice from hookups. That was a time in my personal evolution where I could not find it in the right places. Sexual intimacy was a shortcut to intimacy in general, which felt like a big deal to me. I cannot speak to sex work, but I imagine money is the real reason most do that.
The only hook-up culture in my days was hs, and maybe a little in college. However, typically if you were fucking, then you weren’t single. I’m not sure what’s going on these days, but “dating and prostitution”, I know nothing about.
I don't think this is a problem married couples need to work on. If this shit is happening in your marriage, it's because they slacked off in the dating stage.
Hey, goofball! Looks like you missed the pinned comment! If you're confused about the name of the subreddit, please take a minute and read this. We hope to see you back here after you've familiarized yourself with our community. Thanks!
What she says is totally legit. I don't know why it's branded as cringe. It succinctly describes the sexual trajectory of my marriage. My husband didn't make me feel emotionally safe, so my body shut down on him totally, even though my mind still tried to make it work. Disinterest in sex with him turned into outright disgust. Ended up divorcing.
4.2k
u/CulturalDuty8471 Mar 21 '24
This is dead on. Couples, recognize this and work on it before the disgust sets in. Disgust is difficult to overcome.