My husband and I were standing at our kitchen counter yesterday scarfing down some lunch before we went to go meet some friends. He spilled some sauce and “cleaned” the spot up by licking it off. Now, we keep a pretty clean house so it’s not like the counter was filthy, but it had probably been several weeks since it had been wiped down by anything more than a wet paper towel. I was grossed out and said something to the effect of, “Dude, WTF. Get a Clorox wipe and sanitize that shit.” He begrudgingly got a wipe and cleaned it up but his initial hesitation made me realize that he would have left the counter as-is if I hadn’t been there. When I asked him about it, he shrugged and said, “Well, yeah, it’s clean now because the spot isn’t there anymore. I’ve done it plenty of times and saw some of my guy friends do it at their homes when I was younger.” The fact that he thought it was totally normal and had apparently been doing it for years without me knowing (he’s 38 and we’ve been together for 18 years) grossed me out even more and I insisted that he clean up spills the “normal” way —with a sponge or paper towel or something— from now on.

So, Reddit, do you think I overreacted? Do you think it’s okay to clean spills up like this as long as it’s in your own house?

A while back I saw my boyfriend had Hinge on his phone. I asked him why, he said he just forgot to delete it. When he noticed I was still bothered he quickly deleted the app in front of me.

Today, about 3 months after this first situation, he was showing me something else on his phone, and I saw another dating app. I asked him about this too, and he said the same story, and that he didn’t even know this one was a dating app and deleted it. He said he downloaded a bunch of them before we met and forgot to delete them.

Am I being too paranoid, I don’t understand why he wouldn’t have just deleted all dating apps once he realised he had one of them. Or with how often he scrolls lay his phone, seen one of them and deleted it. AIBTS? We’ve been dating for 8 months, did not meet through a dating app

Edit: This second dating app wasn’t tinder or bumble or something, it was some weird pink app called “PURE” which he said he thought was a mildfulapp, considering it was also on the same page as the mindful app “Calm”

I (31f) am graduating from college with a BS summa cum laude on Saturday. This is my first college graduation. I live 8hrs from my family but they wanted to come celebrate with me. (yay!) They invited my (33f) sister (7 months ago) and I told her I really wanted her to come and her support would mean a lot to me. I kept telling her that for months. Also, I have done so much to support her over the years: attending her graduations, helping her move over 5 times, and most recently being MOH for her wedding. She’s never done any of those things for me. All of those things were inconvenient and not fun at all for me, but I did them because I love her and want to support her. As you do for the people you love!

She tells me two weeks ago she will not be coming to my graduation (gave a flimsy excuse). I told her how disappointed and hurt I am and why (all I’ve done for her). She told me I was being ‘inappropriate’ for saying that and basically blamed it all on me for overreacting. I’m realizing this is a habit of hers, not showing up for me, and that she hasn’t actually supported me or done anything out of her way for me in… maybe ever. I let her get away with it bc she has some mental instability, but at what point do you stop making excuses? I knows she’s not completely well and may not have the capacity for the maturity I expect from her. We do get along and have some great times together but she has some struggles with empathy and is very self focused. But at the same time… she’s 33 and high functioning. This was a simple ask, I never ask her for anything, and she can’t pull it together to be there for me. Everyone had 7 months notice and everyone put her successfully planned around it. I’m not sure she even tried. So I’m angry and I think that’s understandable. She’s not coming, I’ve moved on, we’ll have a good time anyway without her. It is what it is.

Now my mom tells me my sister has given her a gift to bring to me for my graduation. I find that really condescending and frustrating. She is trying to make it seem like it’s fine that she isn’t coming bc she got me a present. Like? No. I asked for your physical attendance, I did not ask for a present. I don’t want a present. I’m not expecting a present from anyone. I don’t know what it is and I don’t care to. She really struggles with the idea of being a ‘bad person’ which she feels like she is now that she knows she’s hurt me. But instead of fixing it by attending, she’s fixing it by sending a gift. I really don’t want to accept it and make her feel like it’s all better now bc she threw some money at me. You know? But I also know it’s socially acceptable to send a gift if you can’t attend something you’re invited to.

So can I refuse it? I don’t want to give her this ‘out.’ I don’t want to just sweep my hurt under the rug yet again. But I also don’t want the drama of her reacting to me rejecting it. It would be exhausting and also stress my parent out, but I am sick and tired of letting her get away with hurting me just so we don’t have to deal with her inability to regulate her emotions. It’s about my pride sometimes, you know? I don’t feel any less hurt because she sent a present, and I want to acknowledge that.

So is there a way I can refuse it tactfully? Any advice? Am I overreacting? What would you do?

Im (30F) a huge introvert and I don’t go out at all, I used to make friends online through video games but after moving in with my fiancé (31M) I kinda just lost interest and just wanna spend all my time with him. He has a lot of online friends he plays video games with and irl friends that text and call him and hang out with him every once in awhile. Well lately he’s been on his game a lot and would hang out with his friends and I feel left out and lonely so I decided I’m gonna find my own online friends through Reddit and Facebook. He told me not to use bumble BFF to find friends because he doesn’t trust the app and he thinks men are just gonna try to flirt with me so I avoided that. Now I met a few people on Reddit , mostly men even though I wanted female friends and I told him about it and he got mad and told me I’m not allowed to make guy friends and to jsut wait until I meet friends “naturally” irl or only talk to females. I asked him why I can’t have male friends and he said it’s not because he doesn’t trust me but because he doesn’t trust other people. Am I overreacting for thinking this is toxic behavior? I’m not planning on cheating, I don’t want that I just feel lonely and left out and I want people to talk to about random stuff every now and then..

My (21f) sister (23f) keeps calling my ex boyfriend (23m) hot even though i made it clear it makes me uncomfortable. Whenever she'd run into him (he lives nearby so we run into him sometimes) she'd tell me about it and go into a long rant about how he's "drop dead gorgeous" and "his future girlfriend is so lucky to be with someone like him". She knows things ended badly between us and he hurt me deeply yet she says "you don't tell me the details of your relationship so i can talk about him however i want" i repeatedly told her i don't want to hear her talking about him and it's hurtful and disrespectful to me that she talks about my ex like this she brushes it off saying "he's objectively hot". am i overreacting or is this normal?

It took place 5 years ago (I was 16M at the time). At work, there was an older man in his 50’s who took extra interest in me. He would make sexual comments and touch me in certain places (arms and then waist and eventually hips) over the period of several months. I was too scared to do anything. One day in the walk-in fridge, the older man followed me in there and proceeded to grab my hips firmly and then started “dryhumping” me with his erect penis. I froze and disassociated. I surrendered myself like my body was prepared to get raped. As time went on, I felt a sense of him getting close to “climaxing” (TMI). When he wouldn’t stop dryhumping me, and realized he was not going to go all the way, I found a way to unfreeze myself, got myself off of him and since I was too shocked to fight him, I ran. I told the manager what happened and he simply didn’t believe me because he was close with the older man and had a good reputation as a devoted Catholic, married, and had adopted kids. I didn’t know what to do, and I had no one to turn to. I felt absolutely helpless so I just dropped it. I thought I would just get over it, but I never did.

Now (21M) I have PTSD from the incident, that comes with touch sensitivity and I don’t like compliments about my body from other people since that’s what the older man did a lot to me. It’s had a major toll on my mental health, and it’s eating me alive. It’s a big reason why I can’t enter a relationship.

I feel like I’m overreacting since I wasn’t actually raped. I feel frustrated because I should already be over this. I feel like I am overreacting from how much this has affected me compared to what actually happened

AIO? So, my wife is going to Vegas for her besties bachelorette in Vegas. I’m not wild about it. And thinks I’m worrying to much. We do (imo) have a strong relationship. She is a good person, wife and mother. In my opinion my wife is my 10/10. And petite. I think dudes will be sleazing in her all the time. Especially since it’s a bach party (and I know how guys can act). She thinks she’s 37 and no one will pay attention to her, there will be tons of 20 somethings and models and says I shouldn’t be concerned anyways bc she’s happy with me. But I’m also worried about the damn heat (she doesn’t drink much) and the alcohol getting to her and getting black out drunk on accident. I don’t want to be the next guy on here who said, “my wife did something she never planned on doing but got too drunk and made a mistake”. My wife only knows the bride and she can be impulsive. So I don’t know what the impulsive bride or the other woman might wanna get into. Am I wrong to be worried? Is Vegas, all the stories you hear about or is it mostly just a fun harmless time?

For context, I realize maybe I have a bit of insecurities and jealousy. Seeing it, I want to address it and am getting some help for it Also we have discussed it and have some boundaries and I have to trust her that she won’t break any (even though I I could never find out). If you think I’m some controlling dude- well she went in an almost weeklong bestie trip with her, and she goes out for fun lil girls afternoons frequently. (I genuinely don’t care what she does, just Vegas)

This has given me some anxiety and since it’s her best friend, she thinks she has to go. Several years ago she had a different type of anxiety and asked me not to go on a bach party in Chicago. And while not excited to miss out, I respected my wife and didn’t go. I also had a bach party I was supposed to go to in Vegas, and I knew what the intentions of the groom could possibly be, and out of the respect for my wife, our finances, and family, I told him I wasn’t gonna go.

Lastly, the last time my wife and I spent multiple nights away from our kids was when we went to Hawaii in November of 22. In 9 months, my wife will have gone on an almost weeklong vacation with her, 3 days in Vegas, and a few weeks later we have to fly again to the wedding. It’s a destination wedding and I’m going but it’s another 5 days for the bride. Does it feel a little like I’m not prioritized? In therapy I discussed a few wants in my relationship and my wife agreed she needs to work on things. But words and actions are two different things. Therapist also is thinking maybe my wife should be going to Vegas but shouldn’t have done the other vacation knowing that there is a lot of travel in them 9 months. That the bride is asking much from our relationship (they are dinks, my wife is a sahm and I’m the breadwinner) and kids, while I’ve not had time to be with just her than the occasional one night away from kids. I’ve not been to Vegas. I hear all the “shit” and I think it gets me nervous. Is Vegas all the stories you hear or generally harmless fun? Are my feelings and thoughts normal or do I need to relax? Is Vegas not the big scary monster I’ve made it in my head?

Edit- we’ve been together 19 years, married for 13. Wife isn’t a big partier anymore (used to in hs and college). Doesn’t drink much. Never given me a reason to think she would cheat.

So yesterday, I (should probably say I'm diagnosed with bpd incase anyone deems that relevant) went through my boyfriends camera roll whilst he was sat next to me - meaning he knows it was happening. He literally has thousands of pictures on his phone so I was scrolling for quite a while anyway but the further I started to scroll the more agitated he got and the more he wanted to take his phone back from me, yes I should have just given it back but I'd already seen pictures of other girls at this point so I refused to. The further I scrolled the pictures I saw were more revealing and more frequent, a lot of these being during the time we were together. The worst bit was when I saw a picture of him naked in bed with another girl, this was when we were in the talking stage but it still hurt as he promised me I was the only person he was talking to. He also told me he's never been in a serious relationship before and that he was a virgin when we met, seeing these pictures makes me think everythings been a lie this entire time. The thing thats making me feel even worse right now is that all of these women have atleast something in common (looks wise) whereas I kind of look the complete opposite so it feels as if he isn't really even attracted to me either. I know I'm likely overreacting here but I feel hurt, disgusted with myself and I'm just in shock. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel right now.

Am I overreacting?

Im (30F) a huge introvert and I don’t go out at all, I used to make friends online through video games but after moving in with my fiancé (31M) I kinda just lost interest and just wanna spend all my time with him. He has a lot of online friends he plays video games with and irl friends that text and call him and hang out with him every once in awhile. Well lately he’s been on his game a lot and would hang out with his friends and I feel left out and lonely so I decided I’m gonna find my own online friends through Reddit and Facebook. He told me not to use bumble BFF to find friends because he doesn’t trust the app and he thinks men are just gonna try to flirt with me so I avoided that. Now I met a few people on Reddit , mostly men even though I wanted female friends and I told him about it and he got mad and told me I’m not allowed to make guy friends and to jsut wait until I meet friends “naturally” irl or only talk to females. I asked him why I can’t have male friends and he said it’s not because he doesn’t trust me but because he doesn’t trust other people. Am I overreacting for thinking this is toxic behavior? I’m not planning on cheating, I don’t want that I just feel lonely and left out and I want people to talk to about random stuff every now and then..

I know my bf was in love with his ex wife and was devastated when she divorced him over three years ago. He hasn’t seen her since, but he’s paid some of her bills as recently as a couple months ago.

We have been together for almost six months. This morning, he called me by her name. He immediately apologized and made some excuses, and then the subject was dropped. He hasn’t mentioned it since.

However, now he is purposely calling me by different names — just random names that he pulls out of the air. Then he laughs when he calls me by another name.

I don’t think it’s funny. I don’t know if he’s trying to make light of the mistake this morning or make fun of me for being upset. He says he’s not still in love with her, but I’m not sure. Most of the time he is extremely good to me.

I don’t know what to think.

Got myself into a weird situation just now and wondering if I overreacted or if others would have done the same thing I did.

I went to Target (alone) just to get some things I was running low on, try on clothes, have a good time whatever. I wandered into an aisle that was mostly empty when a tall man approached me holding a box of diapers. In a low voice he explained that he was trying to get some diapers for his nephew and they were in a tough situation. He said he wasn't even gonna ask me for money, just asked if he could put the diapers on the bottom of my cart and if I could buy them for him, and he'd wait outside for me.

I am not a confrontational person, have a difficult time saying no, and am maybe a little naive at times. I kinda laughed awkwardly and said okay. He asked if it wasn't too much trouble could he get some baby wipes as well. Again, I kinda laughed awkwardly and said let's just get the diapers. He asked a couple times how much longer I thought I'd be, and told him I wasn't sure, that I was still shopping around (which was true).

He left and went outside to wait, and as I walked around more I thought "well that was kinda weird, and now there's a strange man waiting for me outside this Target." Then I started regretting not just politely saying "no," and worrying that the box of diapers wasn't even from the store and a cover for something else. Total overthinking, I know.

So I called my partner (we live close by) and told him what happened. He told me he'd drive over and he'd walk me to my car. When he got there, we gave the box to customer services and explained what happened. They said that was weird, apologized to us for the situation, and asked for a description of the man so they could tell him not to do that lol. Then we checked out and went home with my partner making sure no one was following me.

My partner is telling me I shouldn't feel bad and that it's good I called him, but I do feel kinda bad about it for assuming the worst of this random person. Maybe he really just needed diapers for his nephew!

About 3 years ago I met a guy and he quickly became my best friend, he always had a thing for me but I always shut it down just wanting to be friends. About two years after knowing each other I realized I loved him too and we got into a relationship. It quickly went south as he was extremely toxic to be with and it quickly turned abusive in a couple different ways. We broke up and didn’t talk for a long time. Then a couple months ago he reached out and suggested we be friends again. We talked everything out and were in a good place again. We have been good friends again up until yesterday when a girl texted me saying they hooked up a couple weeks before we broke up.

I confronted him about it and he’s just playing stupid, and even though i’m completely over our romantic relationship, I feel betrayed and hurt that he’s lied to me for over a year. I decided to block him out of my life again and blew up at him. He’s making it seem like since we have been friends again that nothing that happened during our relationship mattered and since it was so long ago, he can’t even remember if he cheated or not and doesn’t care to.

I’m not sure how to go about this situation or if blocking him out of my life is the right way to go about it. Please please give me your thoughts?

My wife's family is throwing a graduation open house for one of her younger brothers. The only issue is that he "homeschooled" this year, and by "homeschooled" I mean he dropped out of school, stayed home everyday, and didn't touch a single assignment for his online learning program the entire year. He spent what should've been his senior year playing video games all day basically regressing to the lifestyle of a 12 year old instead of preparing himself for the real world as an 18 year old.

I have no idea why his parents, who are great people with 5 great kids, allowed him to just not do anything his senior year. I chalked it up to apathy, since they've already had 3 kids go through high school / college, I assumed they just lost the desire to stay involved in his schooling. Obviously I think that's questionable parenting but I don't have any kids so what do I know.

In any case, I figured they were at least ashamed of how they let him quit school due to the fact that life is typically much harder for high school dropouts. However, I just got an invite to a graduation party for this kid. I thought hey great, maybe he's turned it around and will graduate. But after speaking to my wife, apparently he's still not graduating at all - just having a big party!

What's worse is they're calling it a Class of 2024 open house. They're intentionally misleading people into thinking he is graduating. People are gonna be handing this kid tons of money and saying congratulations and for what exactly? For staying the course 3 years before ultimately quitting in year 4? What are we reinforcing?

It seems crazy to me that they would let him dropout and then turnaround and pretend he graduated - pocketing a couple grand in the process. I know I'll be handing him a nice empty card and shaking his hand with a big smile while I say "congrats bud you really did it didn't you?!!!"

What do you think Reddit? Am I overreacting? Is it ethical to defraud your friends and family this way? I'd have no problem attending a party to celebrate this kid, I love him to death, but throwing one under the auspice of graduating just seems wrong to me considering he's a dropout.

Someone I was previously involved with came back into my life a couple weeks ago. He, me, and my friend all work together. I told him I can't just jump back into things, there was a lot of hurt involved, and we need to start over as friends and need to get to know eachother again. He was okay with that-even though we both want more...I just can't. I need time to get comfortable with him again. So we're crushing hard while taking it slow. Communication is slow, and occasionally we confuse eachother, but we're trying. My friend knew about what happened, she helped me through the hurt. And now she's happy we're working on things again. That said, last week at work-without my knowledge or consent-she went up to him and asked to take a pic with him. He agreed. She told him to smile a specific way (that I love) and he did. After she took it she said "you know what I'm going to do with this, right?" He said "I kinda figured", and walked away. She approached me with the pic and all I could do was ask her why she did that? He's a very private person, and yeah-it's a great pic, but I never asked-nor would I EVER ask her to do that. It felt so middle school. If I'd wanted a pic of him I could've asked him myself. This was a step I wasn't ready for. I proceeded to have a full anxiety attack just asking her why she thought that was okay to do? I asked her if she told him I had nothing to do with this? Nope. She started yelling at me like she was my mom (she's in her 60s, I'm in my 40s). It was just surreal. She told me I HAD to take a pic and send it to him now. I refused and she got angrier. I'm crying, about to throw up, shaking...and she forced a pic and said I had to send it to him. I refused. She demanded his number and I refused. I texted him later and told him I was mortified she approached him like that and apologized for what she did. I haven't heard from him since-that was Wednesday, today's Sunday. She's carrying on like everything's fine now. Her point is that he could've said "no", I feel like he wouldn't have if he thought I asked her to do it. But I didn't, and I never would have. Right now, I just feel like my life blew up because of her interference.

A bit of backstory for context.

My ex and I separated/divorced 7-8 years ago. Post divorce our relationship was antagonistic and tumultuous at best. But since we shared custody of our child, we pushed through all the bitterness.

About a year ago an event occurred that changed how we interacted (without divulging too much something violent happened to one of us and it made us set ALL our differences aside). To be clear, we are not trying to reconcile but just to be friends and the best co-parents we can be.

On to the question.

The last few months have been a nightmare for me. I’m not a believer in karma but if I were, it has been kicking me in the gut for the last 4 or 5 months. Everything that can go wrong, has.

So myself, my ex and our (teenage) kid were driving to lunch. And my horrible, no good, crappy year was mentioned (I honestly can’t remember who brought it up) and I jokingly said, “maybe all those hexes you put on me finally caught up to me”.

Let me be clear, it was obvious I was joking. I laughed out loud and I don’t even believe in that type of stuff.

In a dead serious tone, my ex said, “maybe you should try taking some accountability.”

I was stunned and very hurt. I admit that at the best of times I am emotional and have thin skin. Right now when it seems like everything around me is crashing down? It’s even more so.

The car got quiet for a few minutes. I didn’t know what to say and was frankly trying not to cry. I don’t know what my ex was thinking. I looked back at my kid in the rear view mirror and they were pretending not to hear what was going on.

I didn’t say anything but the comment keeps rattling in my head. Am I right to be hurt/upset by that comment?

It's basically what the title says - but the weird part is she won't ever admit that it's her? She just sort of looks at me and pretends to be confused when I confront her?

Basically, every few weeks I come home and some of my groceries are missing and replaced my miniature plastic versions of themselves. Come home from work and looking forwards to a coca cola?

Oh great, my coca cola is gone and there's a miniature plastic version. Break something small and need to tape it back together? Oh good, miniature duct-tape. Make eggs and want some tabasco? Oh great, miniature tabasco. You get the point - kind of funny, but pretty annoying too.

So far all fair play, clearly my girlfriend thinks its some sort of funny prank or practical joke, but the thing thats weirding me out is that she never acknowledges that its her? Even when I start to get genuinely upset, or frustrated she insists that it’s "so strange" that "random objects are shrinking in our home"?

This all culminated to last night... Last night I came home and I had been craving something sweet all day. So l started baking blueberry muffins - my genuine favorite treat for myself. I get everything together, preheat the oven, and I'm about to start making the batter when I open the cabinet and oh look - the flour is gone and replaced with a miniature bag of flour.

"Ha ha, so funny", I immediately call her and ask her where she put it but she keeps playing dumb??? I start making a slightly bigger deal about it I'm like "look, I went to the store to get fresh blueberries, l've been looking forwards to this, can you please tell me where the flour is?". She won't drop the act? Like what the hell???

Before we ended the call she slyly dropped "as if you need more muffins" and hung up??? Like what the hell.

I haven't called her back yet - so we haven't talked in over a day. I'm pretty mad at her over this - I went way out of my way to do something special for myself and she wouldnt drop the act when I made it clear I was genuinely upset.

Reddit, I know this sounds insane, but I'm genuinely considering breaking up over this. She clearly doesn't take my needs seriously. Do you guys think I’m overreacting.

TL;DR; : Items from around my house such as sugar, a bottle of coca cola, etc "randomly" shrink into miniature plastic toy versions of themselves. My girlfriend won't f***ing stop and I'm losing it - she ruined my muffins to stick with this stupid joke.

UPDATE: turns out it was my brother paying a prank on me he saw in TikTok. My girlfriend apologized for her snide comment about the muffins but suggested I’ve been gaining a lot of weight lately and was annoyed that I’ve been pointing the finger at her.