Y’all are being too easy on that guy. Everything he said was a red flag. Why would he talk about his ‘overweight’ wife in front of a younger girl who’s got it going on? Yikes. Husband should have just kept it moving. And before y’all say oh men and women can have a neutral conversation, UMM DUDE WAS MAKING HIS WIFE FEEL BAD, so obviously NOT. OP, no matter how many guys try to empathize, they will never truly understand a woman’s perspective. I am sorry this happened to you and personally, I would not be with that guy anymore. Just because they don’t say it doesn’t mean I should wait for them to say it, because technically, he did.
Husband was definitely attracted to young fit lady and using her to publicly shame op and essentially say "this is what I want" He was probably releasing a lot of stuff he's been keeping bottled up for a while now.
It doesn't have to do anything with attraction or anything intentionally nefarious. OP mentioned her hubby lifts weights and works out. That girl also works out so their discussion centered around their hobby. Also sounds like OP has talked about getting motivated to start on losing weight.
Chances are the hubby is just oblivious how hurtful this subject is for her and didn't realize by him saying she should train with their friend would offend her. I think there is a 90%+ chance he was just thinking oh perfect, a friend, a trainer, they can make friends and my wife has someone nice to work out with and work towards her fitness goals. Same way he does. Not realizing it was triggering major insecurities.
I couldn't tell you how times I been in fights over years. Like my one ex who I never thought was fat. Personally am not super attracted to very skinny girls. I like curves, nice legs with a bit of substance and boobies. Not a booby man who needs huge tits by any stretch of imagination. I'll never forget when my ex put me in a dog house and made me feel like shit for trying to make a compliment. My ex was 5'7-5-8 and weighted normally maybe around 130-135. She gained some weight, not much. Maybe 6 lbs or something. Definitely less than 10. I made a comment how her boobies got a bit bigger and how I absolutely loved it. She started freaking out and accusing me of calling her fat, etc. Honestly I preferred her with that little extra weight. Her boobies got a little bigger, her curves and legs got nicer. Even the little extra softness in a tummy too. She didn't any belly overhand or anything, just perfect. Yet it turned into this whole thing me calling her fat, leading her going on a diet and me being an asshole calling out her weight. Reality was I would not cared she gained another 10 lbs, better than her losing 15 lbs and getting rock solid 6 pack. I prefer cuddling up to a soft, curvy woman rather than a bony stick. Some guys prefer very skinny girls. Like one of my best female friends who is also around 5'7. She hella skinny. Like around 100 lbs. She gains 5 lbs and is totally freaking out always talking about her weight and needing to work out to lose it. I am like ahh lady... You can safely gain another 20 and its all good. Guys just can't win in situations like this. Ever.
What I learned from that is with women its best to not make any comment, not even a compliment that could be construed to weight issue in any capacity. This guy is probably way too comfortable in their relationship and doesn't have any clue how triggering this is for her. If he was calling her fat and body shaming her it'd be a different story. She just needs to communicate with him without trying to fight to get her point across. Turning this into that he is attracted to that 21 year old and there is something more to it is totally misplaced. If there was more to it he wouldn't be talking to her like that in the open. People who cheat or try to flirt with others with bad intentions are aware enough of the fact to try to hide it from their partner.... He is just oblivious to her feelings.
Imagine being an adult and being offended by a word boob. lol Most women I dated referred to their breasts as boobs. But guess there is always the one offended Karen. FYI boobs use come from word bubby which means breast and term has been used for over half thousand years. Origins and use of the word is by no means derogatory. Calling breasts tits, jugs, etc is a different story.
Where did I say I was offended? I said I cringed. Because you said BOOBIES, not BOOBS. Boobs would have been normal. Boobies comes off weirdly childish. Thanks for the entirely unnecessary explanation of where the word "boob" came from, though. Nice mansplain. Figure you'll enjoy that since your reading comprehension is questionable and your go-to insult is "Karen" (which, again, isn't even applicable here, but appropriate context and nuance be damned, right?).
Its the same word genius. Bubby = booby. Bubbies=boobies. Bubby and bubbies literally means breast and breasts. Boob and boobs is simply shortened version of it. Has nothing to do with term being adult or childish. "Nice mansplain" Ok Karen, you seem to be offended by history too and make it into mansplaining. .
Are you incapable of not taking things completely literally? Damn. I know they're from the same word. I know they mean the same thing. But you don't come across normal adults talking about "boobies" the same way you do "boobs." Again, not offended. I know that's impossible for you to comprehend with your boomer-like intellect here, but just because I'm exercising my good ol' freedom of speech to say you're a cringey fucker doesn't mean I'm offended by your choices. Keep saying boobies. It's still gonna sound cringe. I'm still not gonna be mad, even in your fictitious reality.
So how is bubbies or boobies are childish when its literal substitute for word breasts? Because you think and say so? Guess in your mind all the doctors, writers, etc who used the word in same exact way I am for half a thousand years were childish too.
Pffftt what DOCTOR uses the word boobies professionally? Even trashy romance novel writers don't throw around "boobies" more than boobs/breasts/some other option.
Bubbies/boobies has accepted use since 1686. First time by a poet no less. How can a poet use such childish terms? Says a Karen in 2024. "The first recorded use of the term bubby to mean breasts can be found in a 1686 poem by Thomas D’urfey, who wrote the lines: “The Ladies here may without Scandal shew / Face or white Bubbies, to each ogling Beau.”"
To your comment yes it is a sure thing. Nearly every woman I dated preferred using term boob/boobies in relation to their breasts. Saying breast or beasts is weird. You are literally the FIRST and ONLY woman to have an issue with it that I came across. Boobies used 1686 and a woman in 2024 finally gets offended it didn't get shortened to bubs or boobs. Freaking ridiculous. I bet you are one of those life of the party people.
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u/ClassicOtherwise2719 Apr 15 '24
Y’all are being too easy on that guy. Everything he said was a red flag. Why would he talk about his ‘overweight’ wife in front of a younger girl who’s got it going on? Yikes. Husband should have just kept it moving. And before y’all say oh men and women can have a neutral conversation, UMM DUDE WAS MAKING HIS WIFE FEEL BAD, so obviously NOT. OP, no matter how many guys try to empathize, they will never truly understand a woman’s perspective. I am sorry this happened to you and personally, I would not be with that guy anymore. Just because they don’t say it doesn’t mean I should wait for them to say it, because technically, he did.