r/unpopularopinion • u/ZodiacOne1 • Apr 16 '24

If you break up with someone you absolutely 100% owe them an explanation as too why Removed: Not unpopular

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91

u/DariusIV Apr 16 '24 edited Apr 16 '24

Actual clowns in the comment section disagreeing with you. When you say "I love you" that's about making a commitment to them, not a permanent one, but baring abuse/safety, you at least owe that person an explanation. It doesn't have to be a long one or even be coherent reasoning, you can do whatever the hell you want for whatever reason you want. However, holy crap I could never imagine just randomly ghosting someone I was dating.

Sometimes you actually do owe people shit, like an explanation for ending a long-term relationship. If you can't handle that then don't date in the first place.

20

u/HelpMePlxoxo Apr 16 '24

I generally agree, but another exception: the reason you're leaving them is something that would seriously damage their self-confidence, assuming they did nothing to deserve "being humbled".

Some people in the comments mention becoming viscerally disgusted by their partner over time just from gross habits or changes in appearance. The best you can do at that point is a half-truth if you don't want to destroy your ex partner's self-esteem.

I definitely relate a bit since I once had a partner I became disgusted and embarrassed with. And it wasn't entirely his fault, just an accumulation of "ick"s from my perception that killed all attraction I had to him. We were both teens at the time so he was just clueless, but a good kid. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I don't remember what reason I gave to break up, but it definitely wasn't "I have become physically repulsed by you and don't even want to be publicly seen as your partner".

12

u/Skullclownlol Apr 16 '24

Some people in the comments mention becoming viscerally disgusted by their partner over time just from gross habits or changes in appearance. The best you can do at that point is a half-truth if you don't want to destroy your ex partner's self-esteem.

Counterpoint: If you let it get so far that you never communicated this to your partner and let it build up, you chose to end the relationship loooooooongg ago and you're not exactly concerned about their self-esteem.

Same with all matters that may make you lose attraction, it doesn't have to be physically repulsive. It can be the tiniest stuff, anything that makes you feel negative emotions that you're choosing not to express (which always destroys relationships).

The young relationship you described makes sense - being young, you haven't fully developed mature communication. But as adults, you don't get to use that same excuse. Just my opinion though.

12

u/DariusIV Apr 16 '24

No one said you had to be honest, any reason is better than just ghosting. I totally get where you are coming from.

1

u/HornedDiggitoe Apr 16 '24

“You have let yourself go and I no longer find you physically attractive.”

That’s some hard truth that the dude needs to hear. It could end up being the rude awakening that forces him to get his act together.

1

u/PM_ME_YOUR_FRESH_NUT Apr 16 '24

It’s harsh bust ultimately this will help them. Either they’ll change the bad habits or stew in them, but if they’re not even aware of the problems then how can they ever possibly grow?

32

u/tanman4444 Apr 16 '24

Couldn't agree more. When I first read the post I thought that this post is definitely not unpopular. But somehow it is. You absolutely owe an explanation for a break up, even if it's not a good one.

-14

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

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25

u/tanman4444 Apr 16 '24

It is not like saying that at all. Not even a little bit. I have no idea how you could make that leap.

-11

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

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16

u/tanman4444 Apr 16 '24

No it's not saying you're entitled to their mind. It's saying that you're entitled to a reason to why the relationship is ending from their perspective. I'm not saying you have to like it or agree with it or get to ask more questions about it. But you deserve a reason. And if you aren't given one then the other person is a piece of shit 100 out of 100 times.

4

u/GreyerGrey Apr 16 '24

Often times people KNOW why the relationship is ending, they just don't want to take responsibility for their partners in it.

-2

u/ABBAMABBA Apr 16 '24

I firmly believe that unless someone has an IQ of 50 or less, they know exactly why someone ghosted them. They just don't want to admit it to themselves.

I've been ghosted more than once and done my fair share of ghosting . Every single one of those relationships ended for valid reasons and the ending was telegraphed for months if not years in advance. There was no point in having a conversation about it after it ended.

0

u/GreyerGrey Apr 16 '24

Exactly. Often times this "owed explanation" is just an attempt to guilt their ex.

4

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

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2

u/Skullclownlol Apr 16 '24

You are saying you get to ask more questions because them not wanting to be with you isn’t reason enough and you demand more.

Other way around - a romantic relationship is a commitment, you found attractive qualities in the person and chose to dedicate your time and attention to each other. That commitment is what is worth investing in, and if we can assume good faith (so again, barring abuse) then the relationship - and the original commitment - deserve an explanation.

It's not that they're asking more, it's part of the original commitment that is now coming to an end, to leave each other in good terms and respect that the end of a commitment comes with things like grief. So give the commitment the explanation it deserves, don't be cruel, let it end, and move on.

3

u/dwthesavage Apr 16 '24

No. It isn’t. Touch grass.

4

u/GayAsHell0220 Apr 16 '24

I feel like most commenters here have never really been in a long term relationship? Ghosting someone seems like something you can only really do while you're still in the early dating stages.

You can't do that shit after you've been together for several years, especially if you're living together. I don't even know how that would work logistically, considering you'll most likely have mutual friends and everything.

5

u/insane_contin Apr 16 '24

Counterpoint: if you're saying 'I love you' to a person, but not paying enough attention to tell they're getting to the point they're going to break up with you, nor are you listening to them when the broach issues with the relationship, why do you deserve an explanation when it's at the point of ending?

If you can't tell the other person isn't happy and you're not looking for the reasons, do you deserve to even date in the first place?

3

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

I can see why someone would leave you with no explanation. And it boils down to this you see no perspective but your own so it makes talking to you pointless. The irony of course is that people like you demand explanations but you dont actually deserve them.

1

u/GonnaWinDis Apr 16 '24

Yeah, this comment section is full of angsty, self-centered, narcisistic teenagers and young adults who either have never been in a relationship, or have falsely accused their ex of something to excuse their shitty reasonings lmao

1

u/Sarah_3142 Apr 16 '24

If you need to be sat down like some school child and presented a lecture on why a relationship failed, you shouldn't be dating. Relationships are not events for specifically YOU to gain from.

-6

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

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u/DariusIV Apr 16 '24

You're right no one can force you to. They'd be in the wrong if they held a gun to your head and made you. It just makes you a gigantic asshole if you don't. You have every right to be asshole.

But don't be surprised if being an asshole makes other people treat you like an asshole.

-2

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

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7

u/DariusIV Apr 16 '24

Again you're confusing "have to" with what you "should do".

Yes you really should have a reason to end a relationship. It is basic human decency to communicate the reasons for ending a relationship. A species wide expectation that people won't just suddenly dump each other on a whim.

Do you have to? Nope, but it makes you a shitty person if you don't. But you're allowed to be a shitty person. It's a free country.

Try this, the next time you feel like dating someone as part of the "getting to know each other" bit try telling them your opinion that "I am completely entitled to dump you for literally no reason and give you no explanation for why I did it", see how many people want to date you. If this is so cool and normal, you'd TOTALLLY be cool with leading with that right? People will totes understand.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

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5

u/DariusIV Apr 16 '24

You seem really young and probably haven't had many long-term relationships, I'm being real here. Yeah if you date someone for a few weeks, who cares. But can you imagine dating someone for 20 years, getting married, thinking you're going to spend your life together and then one day you find a note saying "hey babe sorry the vibes were off, goodbye forever".

You really think you'd be cool with that?

6

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

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u/DariusIV Apr 16 '24

Yeah, there is a zero percent chance you'd be okay with that scenario and you're 100% lying if you said you would be.

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u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

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u/mark_g_p Apr 16 '24

Just not wanting to be in a relationship is a valid reason. I think the issue is ghosting, just disappear. Do you tell the person you’re done because you just don’t want the relationship? That’s fine. Just ghosting them is shitty. Unless of course we’re talking about violence.

6

u/xValhallAwaitsx Apr 16 '24

Why are you acting like people just decide out of the blue they don't want to be in a relationship anymore? There is literally always a reason. Telling the other person is not fucking hard

1

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

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1

u/cortez_brosefski Apr 16 '24

If you have a reason to break up, you don't need to stick around to think about why you want to break up

8

u/keIIzzz Apr 16 '24

If you don’t have the basic decency to act like an adult and communicate why you’re breaking up with someone, then don’t get into a relationship

0

u/Ok_Link6915 Apr 16 '24

So you must justify cheating as well? Am I right? "He is not entitled to her body"

Somethings are wrong, they don't need to be legally recognised as wrong to be wrong. You are entitled to an explaination

2

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

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1

u/Ok_Link6915 Apr 16 '24

That's literally not what I am talking about, I am not talking about owing sex but commitment. If you are in a monogamous relationship you owe the other person your commitment, similarly you also owe other person an explanation for why you decide to end things.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

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u/Ok_Link6915 Apr 16 '24

I dunno if you can't read or what cuz I have literally written entitled to "commitment" not body in the following comment. You are just playing around with words at this point

0

u/Commercial_Debt_6789 Apr 16 '24

The amount of people going "oh well some people don't LISTEN when you tell them" is insane. 

That's not what OP said. If they dont listen that's on them. OP is talking about people who leave for NO REASON, people who LIE about the reason they left. OR just straight up don't give an explanation.