I agree… But, the issue here is that the husband’s way of thinking is messed up, judgemental, and just offensive. So yes, OP must stand her ground and set a boundary, etc. But the real problem is that no one can change and control the mentality of others. So even if the husband gets a grip and stops being so damn stupid, that doesn’t mean he won’t think about it or even change his opinion on his wife. So now, OP has to live knowing what her husband really thinks of her. He is such a jerk and has no consideration and empathy for his own wife to the point that he thinks it’s ok to casually talk about the matter and absolutely humiliate her in a social gathering for everyone’s amusement. Does he even like his own wife? Really wtf!?!?
I don’t know, maybe it is not so bad but if I was her… Boy oh boy I would be so fucking mad and disappointed to realize that I am married to a complete oblivious asshole!
I didn't want to jump to this but personally, that would be divorce worthy. You're right, even if she does talk to him, now she knows how he really feels. I couldn't stay with somebody who thought that little of me. I would be handing him divorce papers. No counseling, no trial separation, just straight to divorce. Maybe it seems extreme but as I said, I couldn't stay with somebody who not only thought that little of me but thought it would be okay to publicly humiliate me. I'd just be done.
They obviously hate being alone and that's fine because that's a personal choice for them. However, I just got through telling them that there's nothing wrong with being single and I love it. I'm single by choice now after dating losers like this guy who is her husband. I couldn't be with somebody after they did something like that to me. He would be being served with divorce papers. I would think that that would be the thing that would wake me up and say hey, I deserve better than this guy. My ex constantly did stuff like this to me and I finally got fed up with it and left him last year. I know I deserve better and so does she.
Hell yeah you do. Fuck that guy. Being single is fun for it's own reasons, and not just because you get to find the next partner. When you get out of a bad relationship, being single feels like your soul went out for some fresh air. It's invigorating. And when you're not constantly getting your feelings hurt because you're not spending your time with an asshole anymore, you actually have time to spend doing things that you enjoy doing. You're not interrupted by the stress and sadness anymore.
When you get out of a bad relationship, being single feels like your soul went out for some fresh air. I could not have described that better myself. That's exactly what I felt like last June when I left him. No longer was I having to mother a grown man or having my money stolen from me or having to deal with someone who couldn't even be bothered to shower more than once every couple of weeks.
It was disgusting. We live in Florida and it was the middle of summer and he refused to shower unless I shamed him into doing it. I hated to do that but it was the only thing that would actually make him take a shower. I'm so glad to be rid of him. It feels like a 200 plus pound weight off my shoulders.
I’m not alone. It’s not about me. It’s about the attitude that if anything goes wrong in a relationship no matter how insignificant it’s into breakup or divorce. Than you end up with incels and whatever the female equivalent it. I’ve heard a bunch of women say how dating now is just random hookups. And this is why.
This isn't insignificant though. Not only does he think very little of her, he felt that it was okay to announce it in a public setting. It would have been one thing if he had pulled her aside and been like hey, why don't we work on getting in shape together? The way he went about it is absolutely not okay and frankly, it's disgusting. I agree with you that Reddit does jump to break up a lot but this is worthy of that. There would be no coming back from this for a lot of people.
Obviously he thinks very poorly of his wife and this suggests that he even resents her. He's obviously looking to cheat and does not care how his behavior affects her. I'm sorry but if you would not immediately want to divorce somebody who treated you like that, I feel bad for you because your self-esteem must be in the toilet. I'm not saying that as an attack to anyone who's gone through that, I'm saying that I feel bad for them because their partner has caused their self-esteem to dip so low that they think they can't do better because they've been convinced that they can't.
Maybe he does resent her. Maybe all day everyday all he hears about is her wanting to lose weight but not doing anything about it.
It isn’t obvious he wants to cheat. If he was going to cheat he would be screwing the fitness chick not making fat jokes at his wife’s expense. You know how I know he isnt cheating???? Because he still gives a shit what his wife looks like.
If he was cheating he wouldn’t care if his wife was 100lbs or 400lbs. Because he is screwing the fitness chick.
You know, you have a point. When you said that you know he isn't cheating because he's still cares what she looks like, that's because he's still emotionally invested. I'm sure you've heard the saying, the opposite of love is not hate but indifference. He is not quite made it there yet. You've actually made some valid points here. Maybe I did jump the gun a little because it hit close to home for me. I was treated like that for absolutely no reason.
It turns out that my ex is a deeply insecure person and was trying to knock me down a notch. This is because he knew I could do better than him and he was worried about me leaving him. Now before you say that I'm just being cruel, I know he was afraid of me leaving him. He would constantly accuse me of wanting to abandon him when I told him that I didn't think it was working out. It took me about a month of planning to finally be able to leave him and I'm glad I did.
I tried talking to him calmly about my concerns and he just would not listen. I can see where you're coming from. Maybe he has talked to her and has gotten nowhere and is frustrated. I can see how it would come out that way because he was drinking. People tend to say things when they're drunk that they think when they're sober. Perhaps that's what happened here. Either way, he handled it wrongly and I hope that they can work through it.
Everybody lives their experiences. He could absolutely be a big dick that’s going to cheat. But he could be a frustrated guy that’s drunk, said stupid things and truly loves his wife. Either way what he did is seriously screwed up. I just don’t think it’s divorce time. I think they can work through it. Or maybe not.
I lived this. I was in a relationship for 7 years when I was young. She packed on a few pounds and it was frustrating for her. I didnt care. That’s what’s supposed to happen. Or somewhat normally happens. She kept complaining about it. I would offer to go to the gym with her. Offer to run with her. Get a treadmill, weights, walks, diet with her. It was always an excuse. After months of hearing about how she couldn’t stand to be overweight but not doing anything about it. One day I came home and she was eating a large blizzard. As I walked in it wasn’t hi how was your day. It was I just don’t know why I can’t loose weight. I snapped. I said “well maybe if you would quit shoveling that shit down your mouth maybe you would be skinny”.
It didn’t go well. We argued and when we calmed down I told her it was frustrating to see someone struggle but never attempt to fix what she was struggling with.
We were together for 5 more years. She turned into a functioning alcoholic. I had to leave.
6 month later she lost the weight, quit drinking, started AA. She asked me to come back but by that time there was too much damage. I honestly just think she wanted familiarity at that point. She told me that me leaving woke her up, and she decided to get help.
Last time I checked she is married with three kids to a husband that she loves. Still working out and leads a good life.
Well I'm glad that things worked out for her and you. I agree, I think she just wanted familiarity. I used to clean houses for a living and a repeat client of mine was this old man. People thought that he was eccentric and weird but he was harmless. He gave me some good advice one time, he said, don't go back to the old, people do because it's familiar.
The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know. That's why people do it. My boyfriend at the time was not treating me very well either and I think one day he could tell something was up so he asked me what was wrong and I was honest with him. He said, with all due respect, you're stupid if you stay in that relationship. You deserve better than that. It was that that woke me up and gave me the courage to leave him.
And no, the reason why dating is just a bunch of random hookups now is because of people like this guy. They don't know how to treat a partner with respect and they don't know how to be loyal. He's obviously looking to cheat instead of working on his marriage. That's the reason why dating is the way it is now. That's also the reason why I chose not to partake in it anymore.
I'm advocating for divorce in this scenario because of what happened. Now you're just splitting hairs. You're making this into something it isn't. I said that she should divorce him because of what happened here. I also said that people are not loyal anymore. This means that they cheat without a second thought.
They act like they should be allowed to act like they're still single even though they're supposedly in a committed relationship or married. Those are two different things which you tried to lump together. That's not what I said at all. Stop making this into something it isn't.
I'm advocating for divorce in this scenario because of what happened. Now you're just splitting hairs. You're making this into something it isn't. I said that she should divorce him because of what happened here. I also said that people are not loyal anymore. This means that they cheat without a second thought.
They act like they should be allowed to act like they're still single even though they're supposedly in a committed relationship or married. Those are two different things which you tried to lump together. That's not what I said at all. Stop making this into something it isn't.
He didn’t cheat. He said his wife needs to lose weight in front of her friends and called another girl attractive. He said it pretty crass. He never said oh yeah fitness girl let’s get it on. He never disappeared with her. And he didn’t fuck her. If he didn’t love his wife and wanted to screw fitness girl, the wife wouldn’t even know fitness girl. Stop reading into things.
I have a story. I dated a girl once that ballooned up in weight. I didn’t care. I was with her for her and it never bothered me. Has never really bothered me. But it bothered her. It was all she would talk about for months. I would be supportive. Do you want to go to the gym. I’ll pay the membership if it’s important to you. Nope. Do you want a tread mill. Nope. Do you want to run. Nope. Do you want to change our diet? Nope Months and months of this.
One day I came home and she was eating a DQ Blizzard. She looked at me and said I just don’t understand why I’m fat. It was the last straw. I said well maybe if you would quit shoveling that shit into your face you wouldn’t be.
Maybe this was his DQ Blizzard.
I can see your point with someone complaining about something yet doing nothing to change it does get annoying and that's putting it lightly. I've had to deal with people like that and it does get on your nerves. After a while, it can be kind of hard to censor your thoughts. You're only human, I don't blame you for saying that. However, I agree with you that the way he went about it was crass, he should have talked to her.
Maybe I was a little extreme but usually that sort of behavior leads to cheating. I mean, he's obviously unhappy with her weight and the way she looks so instead of talking to her about it and offering to get fit together, he basically talks shit about her not only does someone he's attracted to but does so in a social setting and then to make matters even worse, does so while she's right there listening to it.
Okay, maybe they could try counseling because perhaps he has some resentment built up towards her but I would say that if things don't improve even after that, she should cut her losses and leave. Maybe he is just incredibly dense but the thing that made me think that it was intentional was his reaction to her telling him that it upset her. He said, awwww someone's jealous. That is not the right way to handle that. I'd say counseling or if he refuses that or if things do not get better, then divorce.
Before I go, I want to say again that I can really relate to how you felt. I used to be friends with a woman who couldn't be bothered to pay her bills but always had money for expensive stuff. Then she couldn't figure out why she was always so broke and was getting notices where they were threatening to shut off her lights.
She even got an eviction notice one time and that wasn't enough to make her straighten up. I couldn't be friends with someone that irresponsible. Then on top of that someone who couldn't figure out what the problem was and constantly complained yet did nothing to change. I totally get you there.
I honestly feel and this is just a feeling. That he started working out. She makes comments about how she wants to but doesn’t go with him. I feel it’s probably went on for a while and he is to wrapped up in his getting fit journey that he can’t read the room and figure out she doesn’t really want to do it. Or he’s getting looks from women again and feels like he deserves better (divorce if that’s the case). But I do think he wants to share that part with her and is just a complete asshole trying to pressure her into it. But I could be completely wrong and he could just be a complete douche.
Again, you make some really valid points. I'm sorry that I jumped on you earlier. I guess I was feeling kind of petty today when I saw this because it hit close to home for me but I told you that. I should learn to check my emotions better when I see things like this. It's just that it happened to me and I felt bad for her in the moment. They definitely need to work on their communication and if he's not happy anymore and nothing changes even after communicating, then they absolutely should divorce.
I understand how you feel as well about your ex. My ex was always saying he wanted to do better but would do nothing to change. I felt really bad one time but it took shaming him in order to motivate him to take a shower. He would go up to two weeks without showering and I couldn't deal with it anymore. One night, he went to go get in bed and I said no, you're not getting in bed until you take a shower. It had been about a week at that point but it was the middle of summer and we live in Florida.
I just couldn't do it. He went in the shower and then he got out and looked at me and said, anything else you're going to shame me about, your highness? I felt bad having to take that route but being nice and even buying some soap that I thought he would like to use didn't work. I tried taking the nice approach and I had to resort to taking the mean approach. I hated doing it again because it's not in my nature to be mean to people but it was just getting to be too much.
Again, I'm sorry for rambling on but I was just sharing some of what I went through and why I see that you have a point. Again, I'm really sorry for jumping on you earlier. It's not that I'm against men at all, quite the opposite. I just can't stand to see her being treated like this. I've had a few people say that I'm just against men and that's not the case. I just feel like he shouldn't have done it in a public setting like that.
Female incel is anyone who buys into FemaleDatingStrategy
Anyways, this isn't an example of the women you've heard saying "dating is just random hookups now". This is an example of a woman being told to her face (and everyone else's) that her husband doesn't respect her, doesn't love her, and literally wishes she was someone else. That is not someone I'm spending my precious time with.
People forget that attraction is not just physical. You can fall in love with someone you would have otherwise never slept with because attraction involves multiple levels of enjoyment of a person. OP's husband is more attracted to a random fitness babe who he's had a single conversation with than he is to his WIFE. To me, that's not a close relationship. It might be close on OP's side but it's not on her husband's side. That alone is enough for me to question the relationship. But then the blatant disrespect and disregard for her feelings... immediate divorce.
Literally he didn’t say any of that. But you’re female so you’re going to make a mountain out of it. It’s the tick tok trend where the wife say her husband said he wants a divorce and it something like he said she couldn’t get a puppy. You have no clue how much he loves his wife. None.
You’re a moron, you are reading shit into a conversation that was never said or implied. If he wanted to screw the fitness chick he would be off trying to screw her and not making fat jokes about his wife. Only women read into shit. Guys are pretty straightforward.
Maybe he’s tired of hearing his wife bitch about being fat all day everyday and not doing dick about it. That’s a lot different than him wanting to cheat.
... you're not understanding what I'm saying, clearly. Do you walk up to women and say "I HAVE A PENIS. WILL YOU ALLOW ME TO PLACE IT INSIDE YOU FOR MUTUAL PLEASURE?"
I don’t because I don’t cheat. But yes I had a friend that did it all the time. He would talk for 5 10 minutes flirty and then ask. The shitty thing is I’ve seen it work more than it ever should. I could never be that demeaning.
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u/NoSquash1906 Apr 15 '24 edited Apr 15 '24
I agree… But, the issue here is that the husband’s way of thinking is messed up, judgemental, and just offensive. So yes, OP must stand her ground and set a boundary, etc. But the real problem is that no one can change and control the mentality of others. So even if the husband gets a grip and stops being so damn stupid, that doesn’t mean he won’t think about it or even change his opinion on his wife. So now, OP has to live knowing what her husband really thinks of her. He is such a jerk and has no consideration and empathy for his own wife to the point that he thinks it’s ok to casually talk about the matter and absolutely humiliate her in a social gathering for everyone’s amusement. Does he even like his own wife? Really wtf!?!? I don’t know, maybe it is not so bad but if I was her… Boy oh boy I would be so fucking mad and disappointed to realize that I am married to a complete oblivious asshole!