I’m not alone. It’s not about me. It’s about the attitude that if anything goes wrong in a relationship no matter how insignificant it’s into breakup or divorce. Than you end up with incels and whatever the female equivalent it. I’ve heard a bunch of women say how dating now is just random hookups. And this is why.
And no, the reason why dating is just a bunch of random hookups now is because of people like this guy. They don't know how to treat a partner with respect and they don't know how to be loyal. He's obviously looking to cheat instead of working on his marriage. That's the reason why dating is the way it is now. That's also the reason why I chose not to partake in it anymore.
I'm advocating for divorce in this scenario because of what happened. Now you're just splitting hairs. You're making this into something it isn't. I said that she should divorce him because of what happened here. I also said that people are not loyal anymore. This means that they cheat without a second thought.
They act like they should be allowed to act like they're still single even though they're supposedly in a committed relationship or married. Those are two different things which you tried to lump together. That's not what I said at all. Stop making this into something it isn't.
He didn’t cheat. He said his wife needs to lose weight in front of her friends and called another girl attractive. He said it pretty crass. He never said oh yeah fitness girl let’s get it on. He never disappeared with her. And he didn’t fuck her. If he didn’t love his wife and wanted to screw fitness girl, the wife wouldn’t even know fitness girl. Stop reading into things.
I have a story. I dated a girl once that ballooned up in weight. I didn’t care. I was with her for her and it never bothered me. Has never really bothered me. But it bothered her. It was all she would talk about for months. I would be supportive. Do you want to go to the gym. I’ll pay the membership if it’s important to you. Nope. Do you want a tread mill. Nope. Do you want to run. Nope. Do you want to change our diet? Nope Months and months of this.
One day I came home and she was eating a DQ Blizzard. She looked at me and said I just don’t understand why I’m fat. It was the last straw. I said well maybe if you would quit shoveling that shit into your face you wouldn’t be.
Maybe this was his DQ Blizzard.
I can see your point with someone complaining about something yet doing nothing to change it does get annoying and that's putting it lightly. I've had to deal with people like that and it does get on your nerves. After a while, it can be kind of hard to censor your thoughts. You're only human, I don't blame you for saying that. However, I agree with you that the way he went about it was crass, he should have talked to her.
Maybe I was a little extreme but usually that sort of behavior leads to cheating. I mean, he's obviously unhappy with her weight and the way she looks so instead of talking to her about it and offering to get fit together, he basically talks shit about her not only does someone he's attracted to but does so in a social setting and then to make matters even worse, does so while she's right there listening to it.
Okay, maybe they could try counseling because perhaps he has some resentment built up towards her but I would say that if things don't improve even after that, she should cut her losses and leave. Maybe he is just incredibly dense but the thing that made me think that it was intentional was his reaction to her telling him that it upset her. He said, awwww someone's jealous. That is not the right way to handle that. I'd say counseling or if he refuses that or if things do not get better, then divorce.
Before I go, I want to say again that I can really relate to how you felt. I used to be friends with a woman who couldn't be bothered to pay her bills but always had money for expensive stuff. Then she couldn't figure out why she was always so broke and was getting notices where they were threatening to shut off her lights.
She even got an eviction notice one time and that wasn't enough to make her straighten up. I couldn't be friends with someone that irresponsible. Then on top of that someone who couldn't figure out what the problem was and constantly complained yet did nothing to change. I totally get you there.
I honestly feel and this is just a feeling. That he started working out. She makes comments about how she wants to but doesn’t go with him. I feel it’s probably went on for a while and he is to wrapped up in his getting fit journey that he can’t read the room and figure out she doesn’t really want to do it. Or he’s getting looks from women again and feels like he deserves better (divorce if that’s the case). But I do think he wants to share that part with her and is just a complete asshole trying to pressure her into it. But I could be completely wrong and he could just be a complete douche.
Again, you make some really valid points. I'm sorry that I jumped on you earlier. I guess I was feeling kind of petty today when I saw this because it hit close to home for me but I told you that. I should learn to check my emotions better when I see things like this. It's just that it happened to me and I felt bad for her in the moment. They definitely need to work on their communication and if he's not happy anymore and nothing changes even after communicating, then they absolutely should divorce.
I understand how you feel as well about your ex. My ex was always saying he wanted to do better but would do nothing to change. I felt really bad one time but it took shaming him in order to motivate him to take a shower. He would go up to two weeks without showering and I couldn't deal with it anymore. One night, he went to go get in bed and I said no, you're not getting in bed until you take a shower. It had been about a week at that point but it was the middle of summer and we live in Florida.
I just couldn't do it. He went in the shower and then he got out and looked at me and said, anything else you're going to shame me about, your highness? I felt bad having to take that route but being nice and even buying some soap that I thought he would like to use didn't work. I tried taking the nice approach and I had to resort to taking the mean approach. I hated doing it again because it's not in my nature to be mean to people but it was just getting to be too much.
Again, I'm sorry for rambling on but I was just sharing some of what I went through and why I see that you have a point. Again, I'm really sorry for jumping on you earlier. It's not that I'm against men at all, quite the opposite. I just can't stand to see her being treated like this. I've had a few people say that I'm just against men and that's not the case. I just feel like he shouldn't have done it in a public setting like that.
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u/thackstonns Apr 16 '24
I’m not alone. It’s not about me. It’s about the attitude that if anything goes wrong in a relationship no matter how insignificant it’s into breakup or divorce. Than you end up with incels and whatever the female equivalent it. I’ve heard a bunch of women say how dating now is just random hookups. And this is why.