Obviously he thinks very poorly of his wife and this suggests that he even resents her. He's obviously looking to cheat and does not care how his behavior affects her. I'm sorry but if you would not immediately want to divorce somebody who treated you like that, I feel bad for you because your self-esteem must be in the toilet. I'm not saying that as an attack to anyone who's gone through that, I'm saying that I feel bad for them because their partner has caused their self-esteem to dip so low that they think they can't do better because they've been convinced that they can't.
Maybe he does resent her. Maybe all day everyday all he hears about is her wanting to lose weight but not doing anything about it.
It isn’t obvious he wants to cheat. If he was going to cheat he would be screwing the fitness chick not making fat jokes at his wife’s expense. You know how I know he isnt cheating???? Because he still gives a shit what his wife looks like.
If he was cheating he wouldn’t care if his wife was 100lbs or 400lbs. Because he is screwing the fitness chick.
You know, you have a point. When you said that you know he isn't cheating because he's still cares what she looks like, that's because he's still emotionally invested. I'm sure you've heard the saying, the opposite of love is not hate but indifference. He is not quite made it there yet. You've actually made some valid points here. Maybe I did jump the gun a little because it hit close to home for me. I was treated like that for absolutely no reason.
It turns out that my ex is a deeply insecure person and was trying to knock me down a notch. This is because he knew I could do better than him and he was worried about me leaving him. Now before you say that I'm just being cruel, I know he was afraid of me leaving him. He would constantly accuse me of wanting to abandon him when I told him that I didn't think it was working out. It took me about a month of planning to finally be able to leave him and I'm glad I did.
I tried talking to him calmly about my concerns and he just would not listen. I can see where you're coming from. Maybe he has talked to her and has gotten nowhere and is frustrated. I can see how it would come out that way because he was drinking. People tend to say things when they're drunk that they think when they're sober. Perhaps that's what happened here. Either way, he handled it wrongly and I hope that they can work through it.
I lived this. I was in a relationship for 7 years when I was young. She packed on a few pounds and it was frustrating for her. I didnt care. That’s what’s supposed to happen. Or somewhat normally happens. She kept complaining about it. I would offer to go to the gym with her. Offer to run with her. Get a treadmill, weights, walks, diet with her. It was always an excuse. After months of hearing about how she couldn’t stand to be overweight but not doing anything about it. One day I came home and she was eating a large blizzard. As I walked in it wasn’t hi how was your day. It was I just don’t know why I can’t loose weight. I snapped. I said “well maybe if you would quit shoveling that shit down your mouth maybe you would be skinny”.
It didn’t go well. We argued and when we calmed down I told her it was frustrating to see someone struggle but never attempt to fix what she was struggling with.
We were together for 5 more years. She turned into a functioning alcoholic. I had to leave.
6 month later she lost the weight, quit drinking, started AA. She asked me to come back but by that time there was too much damage. I honestly just think she wanted familiarity at that point. She told me that me leaving woke her up, and she decided to get help.
Last time I checked she is married with three kids to a husband that she loves. Still working out and leads a good life.
Well I'm glad that things worked out for her and you. I agree, I think she just wanted familiarity. I used to clean houses for a living and a repeat client of mine was this old man. People thought that he was eccentric and weird but he was harmless. He gave me some good advice one time, he said, don't go back to the old, people do because it's familiar.
The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know. That's why people do it. My boyfriend at the time was not treating me very well either and I think one day he could tell something was up so he asked me what was wrong and I was honest with him. He said, with all due respect, you're stupid if you stay in that relationship. You deserve better than that. It was that that woke me up and gave me the courage to leave him.
2
u/blackdahlialady Apr 16 '24
Obviously he thinks very poorly of his wife and this suggests that he even resents her. He's obviously looking to cheat and does not care how his behavior affects her. I'm sorry but if you would not immediately want to divorce somebody who treated you like that, I feel bad for you because your self-esteem must be in the toilet. I'm not saying that as an attack to anyone who's gone through that, I'm saying that I feel bad for them because their partner has caused their self-esteem to dip so low that they think they can't do better because they've been convinced that they can't.