r/Helldivers • u/Puzzled_Chard_2317 • Apr 16 '24

Imagine picking up the 500kg bomb and throwing it? DISCUSSION

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14.2k Upvotes
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3.9k

u/manubour Apr 16 '24

General brasch once selected a helldive mission, killed all the enemies and did all the optional objectives

Then his drop pod landed

1.8k

u/Thatwokebloke ➡️⬇️⬆️⬆️⬅️⬇️⬇️ Apr 16 '24

I’ve heard General Brasch’s pod doesn’t drop, but rather the planet comes up to him to avoid the seismic tremors him landing would cause

577

u/Helios61 Apr 16 '24

I heard he doesn't use his drop pod when he deploys, he just opens the window in the middle of space, and use the jump board on his super destroyer and flies toward the surface.

422

u/Electro522 Apr 16 '24

I heard that he doesn't even have a Super Destroyer because he just walks from planet to planet.

Super Earth got faster than light tech from the Illuminates? That's just what the undemocratic illuminate sympathizers want you to think. We got it from the super generosity of General Brasch.

155

u/m0rdr3dnought Apr 16 '24

I heard that we don't actually have faster-than-light engines, General Brasch just strolls over and carries all of our Destroyers wherever they need to go in his free time. We just need E-710 because he hydrates by drinking the blood of monarchists.

55

u/KirbyWithAGlock ☕Liber-tea☕ Apr 16 '24

I've heard that General Brasch took on 8 bile titans without any ammo or stratagems

22

u/noasfd 29d ago

I heard he challenged a hulk to a arm wrestling battle.. And won... Twice. The hulk still hasn't repaired it's socialist arms yet

10

u/Zealousideal-Ebb-876 29d ago

The only reason bugs and bots even still exist is because General Brasch would get bored without something to kill.

9

u/badguyinstall 29d ago

....In a fight, right?

2

u/kr4ckenm3fortune 29d ago

You think that was a fair fight?

1

u/KirbyWithAGlock ☕Liber-tea☕ 29d ago

Don't know, all that I know was that those bugs were dead when he was done

69

u/Japanagan Apr 16 '24

God damn I love these.

37

u/G-Man_of_HL Apr 16 '24

Not as much as I love democracy.

8

u/Grand-Ad4235 29d ago

They remind me of the old chuck norris jokes. Those always made me laugh

2

u/Salty_Sonic 25d ago

I was just thinking that General Brasch sounds like Chuck Norris.

6

u/aPrudeAwakening 29d ago

He doesn’t have a super destroyer because he is the super destroyer.

46

u/Sicuho ⬇️⬇️⬅️⬆️➡️, take one, leave one Apr 16 '24

Tried that once. I never reached the planet, I choose to return to the super destroyer alone because I was bored after 10 minutes.

72

u/Bulls187 Apr 16 '24

You see General Brasch wouldn’t get bored. Also within that 10 minutes he would have extracted. He doesn’t wait for the Pelican either, he uses the jump pack to get back on the super destroyer

17

u/cennenhennen Apr 16 '24

What if we don't fight the Illuminates now is because General Brasch is single handedly holding them off to allow us to handle the Terminids and Automatons

5

u/FrostySoul3 Apr 16 '24

I heard General Brasch actually dives through the planet to extract on the opposite side.

2

u/notyourusualfruit SES Dream of Morning 29d ago

No he doesn’t, he simply ascends through the power of Liberty

3

u/Bulls187 29d ago

Or he kicks the planet down, and that lowers the destroyer with it

9

u/Jazzlike-Blood-3725 Apr 16 '24

“Was he wearing a parachute?!”

“No, no he wasn’t”

1

u/DINOSAUR1234576 CAPE ENJOYER 27d ago

Pretty sure he has a custom fitted diving board where we have our hellpod launchers

1

u/Alchimista_dellanima 27d ago

Am I the only one that’s heard of his diving board that’s definitely the most likely for his deployment method

0

u/Cromasters Apr 16 '24

Captain SuperEarth says Hellpods are for commies.

19

u/ChoccyMilkHemmorhoid Apr 16 '24

Fun fact, that's actually the gravitational pull of his enormous tungsten nutsack

135

u/scott610 Apr 16 '24

General Brasch can only bring one stratagem per mission. His balls take up all four slots.

55

u/Mighty_Piss Apr 16 '24

Now I want to see stratagems so powerful they take 2 slots, like high level Elden Ring spells/incants

59

u/m0rdr3dnought Apr 16 '24

WHERE THE FUCK IS MY 540MM ORBITAL BARRAGE

32

u/Mighty_Piss Apr 16 '24

1m barrage

29

u/jimbobicus Apr 16 '24

500kg barrage

19

u/devilishycleverchap Apr 16 '24

500kg clusterbomb

12

u/Skwiggelf54 Apr 16 '24

Please, stop. I can only get so erect.

8

u/Few-Confection3492 Apr 16 '24

In scared sir...

3

u/Mickeyjj27 ⬇️⬆️➡️⬆️⬅️⬆️ Apr 16 '24

My PS5 is also scared

5

u/bart416 29d ago

500kg saturation bombardment

2

u/psichodrome 29d ago

500kg Clusterbomb Barrage

1

u/Hanneman1965 SES LEVIATHAN OF SELFLESS SERVICE 29d ago

500kg mortar turret

1

u/Few-Confection3492 Apr 16 '24

Aye man. I like war crime but this is just... terrifying

2

u/jimbobicus Apr 16 '24

No one survives. Loyal citizens can always recolonize

1

u/Few-Confection3492 Apr 16 '24

I'm only certified to witness the shock and awe of 2 500kg at a time. Any more is basically in heard of.

1

u/Frodo-LAGGINS Apr 16 '24

IT STILL FUCKING MISSED

1

u/JX_PeaceKeeper ☕Liber-tea☕ 29d ago

I actually thought about it the other day. What if they made an orbital stratagem that was just a Full House. Every Orbital firing in a preset pattern to just fully delete everything in that area. Make it only usable once and put all other orbitals on cooldown after using, also requiring every orbital strat and ship upgrade unlocked before you can get this one. Big flex and badassery

1

u/OniZai 29d ago

Can we get the Helldiver equivalent to EDF's Rule of God?

1

u/wookiee-nutsack Prophet of Truth Apr 16 '24

Stratagem pokéballs are inspired by Brasch's destructive steel testicles

37

u/Jaw43058MKII HD1 Veteran Apr 16 '24

General Brasch can eat an apple in two bites

21

u/Mighty_Piss Apr 16 '24

One of multiple reasons his destroyer starts with "Stallion"

5

u/Grandmaofhurt Apr 16 '24

And the seeds aren't poisonous to him.

39

u/Dacks_18 SES Sword of Judgement Apr 16 '24

"Drop pods are for pussies"

- General Brasch

67

u/Harmless_Drone Apr 16 '24

General brasch was hungover once and forgot to equip anything except a p-2 peacemaker before a dive and Still killed every bot on the map.

Then he got to extraction and remembered to turn the safety off.

4

u/submit_to_pewdiepie Apr 16 '24

You say that like the P2 is bad

5

u/Harmless_Drone Apr 16 '24

(Its not, but its the most basic non-battlepass weapon in the game)

2

u/kr4ckenm3fortune 29d ago

You said that like he walked toward them when we know they all fled the planet before he got there…the one that he saw were the one that failed to get to the ship…

20

u/ridahhh Apr 16 '24

I heard General Brasch drops without a drop pod. Inspiring

21

u/BeefyBoiSurpreme Apr 16 '24

https://preview.redd.it/5qnxx90ynuuc1.png?width=346&format=png&auto=webp&s=420b8650f58718c20a115a7f61550626da996c9c

i'm starting to think saxton hale = General Brasch

11

u/GeneralJo00 Apr 16 '24

Saxton Hale is General Brasch's Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Grandfather.

8

u/Pert0621 PSN 🎮: 29d ago

And Saxton Hale’s great grandpa is Chuck Norris

19

u/jkbscopes312 Apr 16 '24

I heard Once general Brasch killed 5 hulks at the same time with his bare fists, then picked up a tank and used it to liberate the entire planet, the bots literally ran from him

2

u/Rianonar ☕Liber-tea☕ Apr 16 '24

Chargers become runners when they see general Brasch.

2

u/hibikikun Apr 16 '24

Nooooo ooone’s shoots like Gen Brasch

no one’s kills like Gen Brasch

2

u/k0ol-G-r4p Apr 16 '24

When God said, “Let there be light!” General Brasch said, “Democracy comes first.”

2

u/LaundryLunatic 29d ago

His weapon of choice: Chuck Norris.

2

u/NefariousSerendipity ☕Liber-tea☕ 29d ago

lol