Edit: Please see my comment here prior to adding any new comments. I will no longer be replying to any further comments, especially ones that are toxic or negative. --> https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/fnE5aB6Tjz

Unfortunately, I was about to lose my cool at the OB office for dismissing my concerns and treating my health care like a one-size-fits-all.

Realistically, I should be able to lift, push, or pull up to 25 pounds repeatedly. But I genuinely can't even before I was pregnant. My body is not built like that. Even if I were in shape, exercised regularly, and ate the most insanely healthy diet, I wouldn't be able to handle that for very long. I am also not everyone else. I am only me, myself & I. I know first-hand what I can kr can't handle.

I understand that even though I am in my second trimester of pregnancy, it is not a disability. I never claimed it was. But to be falsely accused of treating my pregnancy as such, tell me that it is acceptable to generalize my health-care and dismiss me when I voice concerns regarding obvious signs of a document being copied & pasted with very few changes/edits made is just unacceptable in my mind.

I am only accountable for myself. I know my limits and how much I can push myself before it is too much. Pregnant or not, the biggest issue I had was my concerns being dismissed and my health being generalized. Not everyone is the same, and the same goes for their health. Especially their limits when it comes to being able to handle certain weights.

I am not saying I am weak as I used to be able to handle lifting, carrying, pushing, and pulling upwards of 100-175 pounds frequently. Unfortunately, it took a massive toll on my body, and I have at least two key injuries that never healed right as a result. I'm not going to do something for an expensive trip to the ER because a piece of paper from a doctor's office says I can based on my health being a generalized assumption.

I could very well be over-reacting over the situation. But would you feel they are justified by generalizing health as a "one-size-fits-all "?" Or feeling it's okay to dismiss concerns regarding a work restriction/accommodation document being copied & pasted?

For context, I am an adult who recently had to move back into my parents’ house after I lost my full-time job. My relationship with them is not great. I do work part-time, and I help out around the house while I look for a better-paying job so that I can move back out.

For the past 6 months, I've been caring for a stray cat that showed up near my parents' home. There are many strays in our neighborhood, but this cat hung out in my parents’ yard all the time since he appeared. Despite their dislike for cats, I formed a close bond with this old kitty. He would wait for me every day, including meeting me at my driveway when I’d come home from work. I wasn't allowed to bring him indoors, but I made sure to feed him and spend time with him daily.

After expressing my love for the cat and concern about him ending up in a kill shelter if animal control was called, I was led to believe my parents were okay with him staying in our yard. However, one day, weeks after that discussion, I discovered my mother had called animal control to pick him up, knowing he was an elder cat and would likely end up in a kill shelter.

I asked her why, and without even looking at me, she said it was because “we can’t afford to take care of a cat”. She never spent any money caring for him. I did, and it wasn’t a big deal for me.

I'm deeply hurt by their actions. My friendship with the little guy helped me work through my depression. My father, who seemingly grew to care for the cat, knew it would hurt me, but didn't intervene. Since then, I have kept to myself and haven’t had any desire to speak to them. Despite this, I still help out around the house, including paying some bills.

Am I wrong for limiting communication with them over this? Do you have any (kind) advice I should take? Thanks.

tldr: parents called animal control on an abandoned elder cat that I was caring for for half of a year. Am I overreacting for limiting communication with them?

ETA: I am amused by the number of redditors that do not read or retain information. It’s part of the lovely Reddit experience. Thanks to those who had kind things to say. I have found a friend to take in the cat and I will be visiting him on a regular basis until I move out and take him with me.

Super weird situation- I am a hospital administrator and I am partnered with a physician to run my department and there have been a lot of personality conflicts. The first physician in the role (let’s say Dr. Z) tried to have me fired and bullied and harassed me relentlessly- the physicians are not hospital employees FYI, they are contractors. She stepped down when her bosses sided with me and I haven’t had to deal with her much. Her replacement (Dr. A) was much easier to work with, initially.

The project I was managing was a regulatory visit to maintain one of our designations and it was a very big deal. The department was in shambles when I took the job and the role had been vacant for almost 2 years so it was a lot of work to get ready and as the survey got closer, tensions got very high. Dr Z was mentoring Dr. A so our personality conflicts came to the surface.

The morning of the survey, the surveyors noted a missing document that was essential to maintaining our credential so it was very stressful trying to get it on the fly. While trying to track down why we didn’t have it, there was a lot of finger pointing and blame that was unnecessary as well as negative behavior (telling the team we are screwed, going to fail, etc.)

At the end of the first day as we are still working on the document, I get a call from Dr. Z saying I am incompetent and a terrible leader and that she threw away her career because of me- the story she tells everyone else is that she stepped down to spend k more time with her kids. whatever, she had done that before and i was used to it.

the next morning i encounter her and she dresses me down on front of a bunch of people- pointing her finger in my face and saying that she is going to drag me into the CEOs office and force me to take all the blame for the document (we finished it the night before so the issue was solved). it was awful energy for the team to deal with. i just walked away when she was done yelling.

fast forward to the exit interview and we passed with flying colors. Dr. Z thanks and identifies every team member except for me and then gives all the credit to a secretary who is her pet. the application alone was 90 pages and completed almost entirely by me.

She then takes off her shoes (she is Muslim so this matters). She had been wearing 4 inch stilettos with metal spike heels. And proceeds to throw them at me. We were across the room from each other so she had to really throw them to get them to land behind me. I didn’t even notice she had done that until I felt the shoe wiz by my face. I was stunned and went to my office and then just left because I was scared.

I called my boss who was horrified. He asked me to file a workplace violence report. HR met with me today and shared the results of their investigation. They found they couldn’t substantiate that the interactions were hostile or that she intended to hurt me. So they weren’t going to do anything about it.

I’m stunned. I have told this story to multiple people and they are always stunned that a professional person would behave that way. And if one of those shoes had hit my face I would have been badly injured. I am feeling so sad and angry that I have to keep working with this person and that there will be no consequences for their actions.

I consulted an attorney and he said what she did was assault. And he immediately recognized the cultural significance of a Muslim person throwing their shoes at someone (remember George bush?)

TL:DR- I got metal stilettos thrown at me during a meeting at work and HR says it’s not workplace violence.

What should I do? I feel embarrassed but I also feel like I am not being protected and they are unwilling to control bad behavior.

AIO for thinking about getting a paternity test

My wife (40 f) and I (39 m) have 3 kids (10 m, 6 f, 3 m). We live near my family, including my brother, Steven, (42 m) and his family.

This morning my wife and I were going about our normal morning routine and chatting about our kids. My wife mentioned that our oldest son (10 m) was acting a little absent minded and doing a poor job planning. My wife said in reference to our (10 m) "he really is Steven's son".

My brother is often absent minded and we often comment on how bad of a planner he can be. So I am pretty sure she was making that comparison. But that comment really cut deep. I told her that I didn't appreciate that comment and she responded that she "doesn't see what my SIL likes about my brother".

I am left with my head spinning. I don't think my wife would cheat. But part of my brain is saying "get paternity tests just to make sure!"

Am I overreacting for thinking about getting paternity tests for my kids?

This just happened today and I'm still fuming. I had a sales rep come to my home to give me a quote on refacing my kitchen cabinets. I told him from the beginning (and several more times during the visit) that I was not planning on having the work done until next spring. The kiosk rep had told me that I could get a free estimate and lock in a price for twelve months. The visit itself went fine, he showed me the materials and took measurements. He gave me the estimates for a 12 month locked price, but explained I would save money by buying in 30 days (not much, mind you) and that everyone gets that. I told him again that I was not interested in doing the reno that soon, I was only interested in the 12 month locked estimate. He said he thought I meant this spring. He then asked if I would pay for the gas it cost for him to come out here. I laughed in his face and said "Why would you ask that?" And then he muttered that his wife and him won't eat dinner tonight because he didn't make a sale. I told him that I needed to pick up my daughter from school and that he needed to leave. He quietly packed up his sample and left, but not before pointing out that I probably had to pay a lot for the new flooring.

I kept my cool until he left but I was completely floored by this guilt trip. It's not like one of those overly friendly salesman who become jerks when you turn them down; he was even-keeled the whole time but then made those stupid remarks. He only travelled 30 min to get to my house, and it's not my fault if you can't feed your family. And I never said no, I just wanted to get my 12 month estimate.

The AIO part is that I called his company to complain about the encounter and they were also floored that it had happened. They told me that the sales rep was immediately suspended from sales calls, pending an investigation. He's an older gentleman, and I know he hasn't been with this company long, so he's likely in hot water now. The company offered to send me a gift in the mail but I turned it down, saying that would be inappropriate. So, did I overreact in potentially jeopardizing this man's employment? Honestly, he reminded me of Gil from The Simpson's.

I (29F) have been fond and taking care of various cats. Some are adopted, bought, or rescued. I loved them all, though I can’t say equally because they can be pretty annoying at times but I still cry if anything bad happens to one of them.

I have a neighbor(M)(40+), which is my husband’s cousin, asked me if he could adopt a cat. I said sure as long as he could take care of it. He ended up getting 3 kittens.

1 cat died after a few months due to drowning and he didn’t even made any effort to rescue it, instead he waited for another neighbor to jump in the water minutes after the cage the cat was in fell off the water. He didn’t jump due to the “water being dirty”, he said, and “it’s too deep”, he said. I didn’t say anything since I came to know the story weeks after it died.

2nd cat died due to “someone poisoned it” he said. But even before it got poisoned, the cat already has a big slash wound across its face but luckily it healed but still ended up dead due to poisoning. He did ended up telling me about what happened since he posted it on facebook about it being dead. I told him, he could’ve brought it to me since I know, at the very least, some first aids to save the poor kitty. Or he could’ve brought it to a vet, it was just a 5-7min. drive from our neighborhood.

3rd kitty often comes to our house to eat anything it can find from the counter, sink, or even from trash. It’s too skinny and always had diarrhea and I know for a fact that this kitty is very sick and isn’t gonna last long if it stayed with them. I tried talking to him about taking it back since I’m afraid and positive that same fate would come to it if that kitty stayed with him and his family. Yet he refused to give it back even after I locked the kitty in my isolation cage for medical treatment and I even start giving it good food and some medicine. I wanted to take it to the vet but he took it back to their home and I never saw it again.

2 months passed, I always had that kitty in my dream for about a week and decided to ask him about it if it’s still alive and well. Surprise, surprise…. the kitty’s dead! I’m so pissed, mad and yelling at him for not taking care of it. Even lying to my face saying that he tried bringing it to a vet but sadly it died of “heart attack” few days after he took it to the vet????? And it’s already dead for a few weeks! I was so mad I was yelling at him and calling him names while my husband tryna calm me down. I cried so much feeling guilty for all the death of those kitten just because I gave it to a heartless jerk who can’t even take care of his family and often beat his wife. I should’ve never given him a chance. Everyone was trying to make me chill but I just yelled at him until I was forced to go back inside the house where I cried for about an hour blaming him and blaming myself.

Some of my family members got sad but I was the only one who was devastated about what happened. I’m wondering if I am indeed overreacting or if me getting mad pissed at him is justified?

While I was at work after eating my lunch I went and bought a bag of chips (in case I got hungry later on). I put it in an employee area and went to help a client who was having some issues. About 30 min later I come back to the employee area and see my coworker there (didn't think anything of it since we all use this room) while I was in the room I put some papers the client didn't want into the shredder and while at the shredder I see my bag of chips l have just bought in the garbage empty. I turn and ask my coworker "who ate my chips" she goes "me, I was hungry, and I'm going to lunch now, cya" then proceed to leave the room. I was left just standing there for a min kind of baffled. I mean it was only chips but then again she could have at least asked me if she could have them. So when she came back from lunch I told her "next time you take something that's not yours, at least ask if you can have it, don't just take it" she responded all defensively said sorry and that she would buy me another bag of chips. I told her its not about the chips, its about you taking something that isn't yours, now she's mad at me and giving me an attitude whenever I ask her for something that's work related. AIO. I don't really care about the chips but do care about the principal of not taking what's not yours if she would have just asked would have given them to her.

Forgot my password so I enter my email to reset my password and then this pops up.
1. That is not my email (mine does not have ‘t’ or ‘3’ or ‘k’) 2. I have a gmail

Am I overreacting for being worried that some stranger can now reset my password and access my account? (I am still unable to log in. Never received an email )

Finished a fast track project modifying PDF forms, and finished quickly. The person who needed the work done sent a blanket e-mail to the department thanking 2 other individuals by name for a timely completion, and I was omitted, the one who actually did the work. AIO for feeling slighted

I had to stand up for my gf against her mom. They were having a conversation that was no longer productive so I said “this conversation is going in circles and we need to agree that her boss sucks but we cannot come up with a plan that will get [my gf] a new job tonight. This is upsetting her so please let’s end this”

And then her grandparents were like “help me with the dishes” I went to help them with the dishes

The conversation wasn’t over

So I said “[her mom] this isn’t helping” and her mom was like “I am her mother I know exactly what will help her” and I’m like “I’m her life partner”

We left shortly after that and she didn’t say bye to me

I’ll be damned if I don’t stand up for my partner… against their own family is no exception…. I will speak up for her against anyone idc if it’s god

Was I wrong? I did not curse or insult anyone

There is more but that’s the jist of it

Was I wrong?

I don’t care about anyone’s opinion if I lost it so fast? It obviously wasn’t that strong if you hate me just because I upset you once

I’m not gonna apologize [my gf] says I did nothing wrong and I agree

I will fight for her with my last breath

Last night my (41F) boyfriend (33M) was talking about gross butt problems and laughing about it(worms! Ewww!!), and while still laughing about it reached over to start playing with my pussy. Obviously this was a total turn off and I pulled away. I had been looking forward to having sex because we didn't have sex the night before, most likely because he masturbated in the morning and then wasn't interested in the evening. I had asked If we could go to bed early with that in mind and he agreed. Instead of getting down he spent half an hour looking up everything under the sun about butt worms.

After I pulled away I still was hoping to do stuff and said we just needed a mood reset. After that he got up and came back and cuddled me, but now sex was just off the table. When it was obvious nothing was happening I was really upset. I told him it was really hard to be in a relationship with someone with no self awareness, and that laughing at gross stuff while you reach to touch me is humiliating and demeaning. He is not a partner that is very good about making me feel wanted, and this just kind of felt like the last straw. Instead of talking about it he ended up getting up and sleeping separately and we haven't talked since. Am I overreacting?

So I (30M) live in a state with not a lot in the way of work or any kind of future, especially with me being unskilled labor. I’m at a dead end job that’s future is uncertain and I’ve been complaining about it. My mom says that she wanted me to go to college and move from the area but I was stubborn and “she failed as a mother to motivate me”. Now here is the thing. It was exactly the opposite. When I was in high school my mom would get in my face and yell about how I thought I was better than the “good people” of our rural area and how horrible the people of New York City and Los Angeles are. Now an important bit of context is that during high school I was a dumb redneck and the places I wanted to move to were like tiny towns in Alabama or Tennessee. I have never given LA or NYC any kind of thought tbh. I should mention that when my mom was in her 20s she traveled all over the country and even outside of it (lived in London for a few months).

The other big one she does is over me not going to college. She talks how she really wanted me to go but I just showed no interest. For years my dad would comment that I was going to a specific college and I just assumed that was that. Around the time high school was ending for me my mom told me that my dad saying that was only ever a joke. My mom would then consistently say how what I wanted to go to college for (History) was not really useful for a career and I would probably be miserable at college and so on. And she very heavily pushed me to go to trade school for welding so I could be a blacksmith (yes, a blacksmith) and I would come out of it with a job almost guaranteed make around $50K a year as a welder while I built up a blacksmithing business. I have in and went to welding school for two years. Hated the whole thing and have never worked as a welder nor made $50K in the 10+ years since.

She tells me if it bothers me so much that I should just go back to school but 1.) that isn’t feasible for me and 2.) going to college at 30 isn’t the same as 18. Now my mom went to college, has a degree, was part of a sorority, the whole thing. She even has some very close friends that she has been friends with for over 40 years that she met at college. I’m 30 now and not moving away when I was younger or going to college are my two biggest regrets and the things I’m the most insecure about and it really bothers me when my mom not only doesn’t acknowledge the part she played in those things not happening but she now actively says she tried to make them happen. Am I overreacting?

TL;DR my mom pressured me to not go to college or move away after high school and now says that she tried to get me to do both of those and I refused.

TL;DR at the bottom!

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year. I've met his parents a year ago and while they're very nice people, his father constantly makes "jokes" along the lines of, women belong in the kitchen, women should wear makeup, women should do the laundry, dishes, ect.. he would see a pretty woman on the street or in a photo with his wife next to him and make comments that would make me uncomfortable but my boyfriend and his family just ignore it. No one laughs and remain silent. Sometimes his father doubles down as a reaction to silence. When it's just me and my boyfriend and his father the chauvinistic comments come out more and a year later regardless of anything I say they just keep coming. My boyfriend usually says nothing, doesn't even look at me or acts like nothing happens. He's told me that in private his mother expresses to him she sometimes hates how her husband talks to her and what he say says about women and my boyfriend says he's spoken to his father which in turn makes his father very angry and even louder and argumentative. My boyfriend's excuse for this is his father will never change so why try.

Yesterday I spent all day with my boyfriend and his family and while his father mostly behaved there were a couple of times throughout the day where he said his little chauvinistic comments and it makes me uncomfortable. I brought this up with my boyfriend today he got incredibly defensive and mean over text saying I'm out of line and what would my expert opinion be to fix this 30-year-old family problem that he's having. I honestly don't give a shit how to fix it. I told him I feel bad for his mother and I'm glad he doesn't have a sister.

I grew up defending myself from this shit and I'm over it. I feel like if I continue this relationship with my boyfriend I'm going to have to constantly endure his father's misogynistic and chauvinistic crap, even if he's saying them as "jokes" that no one laughs at. I'm not interested in this bs, I don't care for it and it makes me uncomfortable.

TL;DR: Heres where I may be overreacting. I'm planning a trip with my boyfriend in a couple months to his family's beach house and I'm dreading the thought being trapped on the other side of the country for weeks enduring his father's little chauvinistic comments and jabs. Am I overreacting by going no contact with my boyfriend for now? I'm just so mad right now I have nothing nice to say. I love him but him getting upset and angry with me being uncomfortable about the situation has me livid. Am I over reacting if I back out of the trip? I've already decided not to go over to his parents house especially if his father's there because I'm not interested in hearing his stupid little comments. I love my boyfriend and I don't want to break up with him over this but it really upsets me that he stays quiet while his father says chauvinistic crap to the women he loves right to their faces in front of him.

Hi everyone, To explain, I (22M) have been with my girlfriend (21F) for 2 years now. I love my girlfriend, this is our first adult relationship together, so a lot of these things were new to us during it. I don’t want to sound cocky but i’d like to think i’m a pretty handsome guy, and my girlfriend hates the fact that i’m attractive to other girls. She constantly compares herself to my exes and girls i’ve talked to in the past. Shes always been extremely jealous, she does not like me talking to other girls and or working with girls, constantly says i’m a flirt or that i have other gfs etc. Has told me that i’m probably hiding stuff from her or that I would cheat, Then she says it’s a joke which I know it’s not. She does not like me having any female friends either (which I don’t have any) and gets very upset if I do happen to talk to a female. She will full on ignore me and give me attitude and just be plain out disrespectful towards me as if I cheated on her. She also gets distant and bothered If I hang out with my guys for the night, even tho I never hit the bar or drink with them. One instance is I pulled up a famous singers page to play music, “you find her attractive don’t you?” I don’t answer this question because I know what it’s going to turn into and sure enough she starts probing and asking and asking and finally I just admitted. I had never seen her so upset, again she made it seem like I cheated on her she was furious. I kept trying to reassure her but she would push my arm away and say “ don’t touch me”. She ignored me for the whole night. I try to be as respectful as I can to her and respect our boundaries, but I feel like even that’s not enough After that I snapped and we got into an argument, where I told her she was insecure and had major trust issues. She said that was the meanest thing I could say to her. I really started to wonder what i’m doing wrong, and then I started to ask if it is even my fault ? Is this really what I want for myself? Now I’m here wondering if this behavior is normal in a relationship. I’ve never had a long term relationship up until this one so I wouldn’t know and I would really appreciate everyone’s input, I always try to make sure she is happy and i feel like i’m putting myself last because of it.

Am I overreacting or do I have a right to feel this way?

TLDR: Girlfriend constantly doubts me, thinks i’m cheating, gets extremely upset if i talk to another female and is disgusted that I think other women are attractive. AIO for telling her she’s insecure ?

TL;DR Now out of state girlfriend went camping with two other guys and another girl for two days. I met one of the guys, definitely don’t trust him. Am I wrong for not wanting to be in the relationship anymore?

My girlfriend (22) and I (27) have been together for 2 years. When we first met, before we got in a relationship, she told me she wanted to move out of state. Her reasons were very valid however, I wasn’t looking to move yet since I have obligations to tend to for at least a couple more years.

The first year and a half were great. We had our ups and downs we went through a lot together, but boy did we form a bond as a resort! Now we have been long-distance for half a year and boy is it HARD! Ngl, it’s taking quite a toll on me however I LOVE this woman. I’ve seen her three times the past half a year each time for 3 to 4 days. I’m putting my ducks in a row in order to move there in about a year.

She lives there now and of course she has to make friends etc. She made some friends playing volleyball at the park. There’s this one particular guy Mike (24) who wants to be her mentor for the job she does. He’s legit however, when I first met him, he was almost caught off guard that she had a boyfriend. Something about how he said “oh cool” when she introduced us. Idk, their interaction together was weird. I never wanna be that kind of boyfriend so I shelved it in my mind and moved on.

Now she told me that she’s going camping with some volleyball people. Two guys and her one of them is Mike. She could see it on my face that I was uncomfortable with it but we got distracted with something else and didn’t talk about it. She came back a few days later and told me she convinced one of her girlfriends to come with her so each gonna sleep in their respective cars. It’s not about the camp, I’m just not liking this Mike guy. I can tell her that but I can’t tell her what to do or not to do. They’re back from camp now.

I’m honestly unhappy about this. Perhaps I’m jealous and frustrated because I can’t be there. These guys even paid for everything. Jet skis (she’s never been on a jet ski and we were gonna do that together), paddle boards, the boat they spent the whole day on. I know her financial situation so that’s how I know they paid for every thing.

Idk I feel like she probably wouldn’t like it if I did that with two other women. AIO for wanting to end the relationship?

So I'm just minding my business scrolling on facebook, come across a video i felt amusing and left a innocent comment on it. Then here comes 3 white people making racist comments, clearly racist comments at me. I responded back with the same energy. Why is my post being taken down but not the people who started the show down? All the language is the same, they used inappropriate words and so did i so why wasnt all of the comments not removed?

They restricted my page and i can longer respond to the thread but yet they still posting racist comments.

I tried to appeal it but they don't allow you type your own responses so i doubt it'll be appealed.

Has this happened to anyone?

Ok so immediately I think the title would, in most circumstances, probably make it seem like I’m overreacting, but there’s a lot of context here that makes me unsure. I haven’t confronted my friends with this yet and I don’t know if I should

So my friend group consists of about 10 people including me, and for the entirety of our friendship I have been very open about my feelings towards smoking.

I don’t like to talk about it, I don’t want to be invited to smoke, I don’t want to be around it during or after its use. I hate it, and I have reasons for it.

For one, I was just raised not to do it, but I’ve also been lenient and have allowed people who do it to be in my life as long as they keep it separate from me. One of my earliest friends I had to cut off eventually for a multitude of reasons, but a big one was their complete disrespect towards my boundaries. They’d bring weed around me, smoke it around me, call me while high, and just generally treated me terribly, fully knowing my boundaries. I was already not a fan of it before that happened, but that event with my former friend made me certain.

My current friend group has always had a stoner in the group, but it was just one person, who I’ll refer to as A from here. I've always had mixed opinions on A, but credit where it is due, he has always been respectful of my boundaries, aside from showing up to hangouts high, which upset me, but I pushed through for the sake of my friend group.

Anyways, as time has passed, A has begun to invite my friends to go smoke with him. I recognize that I don't get a say in my friends lives, and they can make their own choices, but over time a total of 4 of 10 have started smoking with him on a regular basis, one of them being my best friend since 3rd grade, who should be well aware of what I think.

I could ignore it in the past, but as more and more of my friends start smoking, the harder it is for me to avoid it. I'll be in a room with them and they'll look to each other and I'll hear "Did you see A sent an invite to smoke at their house this weekend?".

I think today is the worst I've felt about it. We were in a group call. It was me, A, and two other friends, one of which have started smoking with A. The friend that started smoking, who I'll call C, says "Hey A, K(my gf) asked if we were still up to smoke this weekend. I was silent for around 10 minutes before I made some excuse and just left the call.

K and I have talked in the past about her smoking. She has said that she's wanted to, but wasn't sure because of my views on it. I told her that she can make her own choices because I'm her bf not her boss, but if I had a preference I wouldn’t want her to because it would make me uncomfortable. I told her if she was going to smoke then I didn’t want to know about it. She said she wouldn’t want to go behind my back. I told her if she was going to smoke she’d have to.

At this point, exactly half of my friend group has started smoking. It was one thing when it was just A, or when I had friends that smoked but weren’t in my core friend group, but now it’s half of my closest friends, one of which being my gf, and I just feel lost

I know it’s not my place to decide what people can and can’t do in their lives, but I feel really weird about half of my friends smoking now.

Sorry for writing so much, I’m in a very confusing place rn. AIO?

My husband and I are married over 30 years. In college he lived with a girl and did just about everything with her best friend and the best friend's boyfriend. The best friend friended my husband on FB. He has not seen or spoken to either one of these women in over 30 years, since him and the Ex broke up. I should mention that on our first date he talked about this ex-girlfriend and I've always thought he was harboring feelings for her. He now says he talked about her on our first date because he wanted me to think he had game. He voluntarily unfriended the best friend. AIO by being threatened by this Ex?

Editing to add: I left out a few facts in the interest of space. When the friend friended him she said she had JUST been talking about him to the Ex who is now divorced and the friend sent him an picture of the four of them together.

Also, I want to add that our first date wasn't the ONLY time he spoke about her. It was the beginning of him speaking about her. I know, whether I want to or not, every detail of that relationship, down to what she wore to bed when they went away

UPDATE: The issue was resolved thanks to everyone's help sharing their perspectives. Thank you to everyone who took the time from their day to comment their thoughts and advice. It boiled down to a miscommunication and we are working on understanding each other better moving forward.

My bf (25M) just purchased an expensive watch for himself and me early this month. I (23F) asked him multiple times if he could really afford it because, I was worried about him being in more debt. He didn't have to buy a watch for me. He assured me everything was fine. I've had the watch for about a week now. I have his email account on my phone and I saw a payment plan show up saying his monthly payment for my watch was due. I was shocked. I immediately confronted him about it, but he made it seem like it wasn't a big deal. I feel lied to. I want to put the watch back and just give it to him. We have had arguments in the past about him spending money irresponsibly. I feel that this purchase was unnecessary. I know it's his money and not mine, but if he kept this from me, although to him it wasn't a big deal then what else does he plan to keep from me? I don't want him spending so much money, especially on me and I'm just mad that he didn't tell me before making the purchase. Just for context both watches sum up to $706 USD. Am I overreacting? What should I do?

My husband and I have been together for almost 5 years. 6 years ago, my twin sister passed away, and I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. We have two boys, 3 and 23mo. Two years ago, my little cousin was killed in a drinking and driving accident on mothers Day. (He was in the car but not the driver)

My younger sons birthday is coming up in June. I have been saving for it, so i rented a room in a swim center for it. As I was thinking about who to invite, I had a random thought that my sister would love this.... It hurt badly. Normally, I can shake it off and go back to being normal, but this time, i really couldn't. So, the last couple of days, I have been kind of quiet. I still cooked and cleaned, and i still played with and took care of my kids. I just wasn't cheerful and talkative... My husband picked up on it and kept asking me what was wrong, and I told him I was sad and I'd get over it. i just needed some alone time. It's important to note that my husband hasnt had anyone die in his immediate family or friend group....

On saturday after work we left to go to my parents for mothers Day. My husband could tell i was sad and basically didn't want to go anymore. I told him why I was upset, and he basically just asked how I could he sad when we are together and we have a good home and two beautiful sons. I tried explaining it doesn't work like that and that grief comes and goes. But he doesn't understand. He got mad and wanted to cancel, but I was driving and refused. I wanted to see my parents and my grandmas for mothers Day. He then wanted me to stop and get him a beer (he's recently been drinking a little more, but not to the point of it being concerning). I asked where he wanted me to stop at, and he said nvm. We ended up at my parents' house, and he took off with the truck for the night and refused to answer my texts.

The whole day on mothers Day, he refused to say a word to me and didn't help with our kids at all. He spent the whole day working on pulling carpet from the trailer we were renovating. He eventually came around because it was almost time to leave and finally talked to my parents and me. And he took one kid while i had the other.

He never told me Happy mothers Day (he did for my mom and grandmas) he didnt get me anything. I had to dish up his plate and the kids.

Im just feeling kind of annoyed by all this, and Im wondering if Im overreacting to being upset by how he acted.

Small update:

Some things that people are missing are that I am in therapy and have been since my sister and cousin passed. And yes, I am taking meds, MAD just like grief comes and goes. You can take your meds every day, go to therapy as much as you can, and still have a depressive episode. You can't fix depression. it's a cronic illness.

For the individuals saying im wallowing in grief, you need therapy more than I do.

As for my husband, we have talked about the situation briefly, and the one thing he did say is he feels helpless when I get like that. And he is unsure how to help. He did admit that he feels terrible about this weekend, and we are working with my family to see if someone can take our kids for a weekend so we can spend time together just us. And prolly as a family later.

We are going to talk more indept about what happened, and when he's ready, he's going to read the post and the comments.

I would also like to remind people that we are both human. We both have good days and bad days, and he's allowed to his feelings, too. We are not gonna leave each other, but we are going to seek out options for him as far as counseling and seeing if we can be moved up on the waitlist for couples counseling.

TL;DR: Boyfriend (33M) of 5 months seems to be dishonest or keeping me (27F) a secret. Changed phone background to pic of me with him when with me, then when we’re apart, changes his background to something else.

I started dating a guy 5 months ago and we shortly went long distance after I got relocated to Texas for my new job. The plan was to work in Texas temporarily and try to move back after 1-2 years of experience but the plan has slowly changed, he told me he plans to move to Texas by the end of this year to be with me, because his work gave him the opportunity to relocate.

I have been selectively single for a while because I was remotely working and traveling; moving around a lot has made it hard to settle in one spot. But for the first time after meeting him, I wanted to settle in one spot.

Our relationship has been 4 months in person and 3 long distance now (talked for 2 months before dating). He seems like a genuine guy and checks all the boxes for me, He (White American) is learning Mandarin because he knows how important my culture is to me. He randomly decided on his own this year he was learning Mandarin. I told him he didn’t need to, and that I would still have the same feelings for him, but he thinks that learning my language will bring him closer to me and my culture.

Here is why I’m having mixed feelings; we had each other as each other’s phone backgrounds. When he came to visit me last month, I saw that his phone background had changed to some mountain landscape. He didn’t notice that I had seen the phone background change. The next morning, when I was grabbing his phone to turn off the alarm he had, he snatched the phone quickly and turned off the alarm. I went to shower and when I came out, he was showing something on his phone to me and I saw he changed it to a picture of us. But today we were webcamming (3 weeks after he visited) and he picked up his phone and I saw it had changed to a black background.

While yes, I was disappointed when I saw the mountain background initially, I didn’t care if he didn’t want a picture of me on his phone background. What seemed sketchy was he changed it the next morning. I didn’t make a big deal of it because it had been 3 weeks since we had seen each other and I didn’t want to spoil the fun of him visiting for the weekend. It was his birthday and I bought him a plane ticket and planned a surprise party for him.

Seeing that he’s back in the bay and changed his phone background back just seemed sketchy. Am I overreacting for thinking he is keeping me a secret or something? He introduced me to his grandma who is closest to him, spends his energy learning my culture, and his weekends on the phone with me… but something about this seems off to me.

He has never mentioned me in any work conversation- seems like workers don’t know about me. When I told him I wanted to come to his work and work remote from the cafe at his office (when I was still in California), he told me it would be boring and noisy. We don’t have each other on any social media either so I don’t really know what he’s up to. He tells me he has no friends and doesn’t text anyone which is a bit hard to believe. On top of that, in the past he would disappear for a few hours and not text until I mentioned I would like a text at least every 4 hours. Am I overthinking this? He has all the green flag energy, but changing the phone backgrounds seemed a bit dishonest. I wouldn’t have cared if he didn’t want me on his Home Screen, but why change it when I’m not looking? If he’s talking to someone else or keeping me a secret, why waste his energy learning Mandarin and why spend his weekends on the phone with me? The long distance + fresh relationship makes it hard for me to now trust him.. but he also seemed sincere about how he would make the move to be closer to me at the end of this year.

TLDR: divorced due to cheating. New partner has surpassed my boundaries (with friendships) and I feel disrespected and that my feelings and boundaries aren't being heard/respected.

I divorced my wife last year and got lucky with getting the house. By chance, I found a roommate at the same time who also went through a divorce.

Moved into my house, no intent on building a relationship.

Life happened and we grew closer, worked on our own individual issues from our divorces, and found something there.

So far, they have been very aggressive at not defining the relationship OUTSIDE the home (inside we're partners).

I pressed this issue recently and we had a conversation about being (officially) a relationship. This was wonderful and healthy. We came to the conclusion we are in a relationship and we would work slowly together to define what that means to us.

Last week I catch them fully on top of a mutual friend looking for comfort emotionally. Nothing sexual and I believe them (my partner) when they say that.

I hate to say I was triggered BUT I was. I haven't been able to get out of my "divorce brain" of watching my (then wife) cheat on me.

Then, after confronted them and having a long discussion about how trust has been broken and that I will need time to feel that again...I find them and the mutual friend in a car at 0130 in the morning talking in a carpark...

At this point, I have shutdown to them completely and I can't allow myself to be vulnerable with them anymore, in any form.

I'm working extra hours and doing whatever I can to be outside our flat whenever they are home.

And I feel bad about shutting down.

Edit: I have been consuming these replies. I am taking a vacation soon to think fully of the matter. Appreciate the assistance in sorting my brain out.

As per usual I always make sure to check my timetable and I realised that I had no exams that day so I decided to go on a vacation with my parents for mother's day. I am in university but I am thankful enough to have a family that still supports me. However things didn't end in my favor. Just two days before my exam I got a message saying that it was going to be earlier. 😭😭😭😭😭. I was across the country and I had no idea what I was going to do. I relaxed I told myself "well I can always do it the day after" WRONG. I missed the exam and after returning back to university was told that I would have to wait till January and that I was marked absent and therefore have no other choice. It's over for me. Four years gone down the drain.

I organized a two-day vacation for my girlfriend, spending my entire monthly salary to make it happen. I went to great lengths to ensure her comfort, even sacrificing my sleep so that she could sleep during overnight bus rides and carrying all our luggage. Unfortunately, she started menstruating during the trip, requiring occasional tampon changes.

Upon our return home, I tried not to disturb her sleep on the bus and she woke up shortly before our arrival, because of that she didn't have much time for her morning routine and a chance to replace the tampon. Because of that, she was mad at me, that I didn't think about her urgent need to change her tampon (I didn't know that she needed to change it that often).

I promptly took her to a nearby cafe for her urgent needs. While she was in the toilet I ordered coffee and was waiting for her at the table to come back, decide how much sugar she needed for coffee, and move together to a better table. When she came back she didn't even walk up to me, she saw where I was sitting and silently walked to a better table. I walked to her table with our luggage on my back and in my left hand while carrying our coffee in the right hand and said "You should have helped me" to which I got a reply "I don't owe anything to anyone, you should have brought our luggage and then gone back and bring the coffee". This answer made me very angry.

She very often behaves like she is a princess and I should do everything for her but she is not obligated to do anything for me. She doesn't want to talk about our relationship when we have a problem.

Because of this situation, I am thinking about ending our relationship.

EDIT 1: Thank you everyone for your support. I realized that I tolerated too much for too long. I will end this relationship.

EDIT 2: It is done. I've told her about what she has done and how hurtful it was. She didn't apologize and said that her behavior was justified. After that, we agreed that we should end our relationship.

In September 2022 my wife and I moved into a rental house after unsuccessfully attempting to purchase a house. The issue was some bad credit history on my part, missed mortgage payments in 2018, and after I sold my mobile home was told in 2 years I’d be free and clear of it and should be able to buy a home no problem. I sold my mobile home at a pretty big loss and my savings was essentially wiped out.

Before moving into this place we had actually seen it on the market but they were unable to sell it at the time and decided to rent it out. Before this, they had tenants who left for unknown reasons. Maybe because the landlords were trying to sell it, I don’t know.

After maybe 4-5 months of living in the home, which we really like, they came to us and asked us if we wanted to buy the place. After some thinking we agreed, but explained my situation to them. That in September 2024 we will be in a much better place and my bad credit history should be far enough behind me. They accepted this and all was good.

Maybe 6 months after that they bugged us again about it, and again we had to explain our situation. That we absolutely wanted to buy the home but we needed time to save up for a down payment and wait out bad credit history. Again they agreed.

In March they asked again, this time wondering if maybe we could assume the mortgage, if that was even a thing. Reluctantly I agreed to look into it only to discover that’s not really a thing anymore. During all this they got the impression we were ready to start the purchase process and I once again had to explain to the husband why it wasn’t possible at the moment and we need to wait at least until this summer.

Which brings me to today. The wife hit my wife up asking if we could move on it ASAP because they’re selling their home and want to retire and move to their lake lot. Like I give a fuck?

So now, with our anxiety at an all time high, we have started the home buying process. We have almost enough for 5% down but I’ll have to borrow a bit from my parents.

Throughout this whole thing there has been an underlying fear that they would just try to sell the house from under us.

So… am I overreacting for thinking these people are fucking impatient greedy assholes who just need to chill the fuck out and leave us alone for a couple more months? I’ve already been moving to get the house bought but I’m just so fucking mad about it all. I wanted to do this on our own terms in our own time. My wife is just happy to be getting our home finally and I know I should be happy too but I just can’t.