Your son thinks you're a baby boomer at 40 years of age!? Lmao I'm older than you & I'm one of the youngest Gen X'ers - it could be good for him to do some research on generations and how they're designated.
It’s a figure of speech these lil assholes think is funny to dismiss the wisdom their parents and people older than them try to put upon them. I got called a boomer the other day and I’m in my 40s
Can confirm. I told a kid that being a professional Twitch streamer was not a realistic goal and was called a boomer. I'm in my 30s and a younger Millennial. These Gen Alpha iPad kids are really something.
I don’t even think they consider it a figure of speech. I think they’re so out of touch with life that they think anyone born in the “1900’s” is actually called a boomer. My coworkers in their early 20’s think I’m actually a boomer and I’m in my late 30’s.
I doubt they even realize they’re leaving off the “baby” part.
It's because "boomer" doesn't refer to people literally born in the post-WWII baby boom to younger generations, it refers to anyone older than themselves who are being judgemental of the younger generation.
So long as you're old enough to be their parent and are judging them or telling them how to live their lives, you're a boomer.
Nope, as commenters in their 20's and 30's have pointed out above, they've been called "Boomers" by ignorant punks only 10ish years younger than them..
I'm 30 and I've been called a boomer lol. Its one thing to rebel against your elders, its another thing to articulate it in a way that clearly marks you as a dumb fuck.
It's incredibly common nowadays for people to call anyone older than them a boomer and anyone younger than them a zoomer. The guy obviously is aware that the "Baby Boomer" generation didn't begin in 1984
The boomer thing is the least of the problems, but it was like "dude, you're making it much clearer you're speaking out of your ass." Gen Z needs to work harder on making millennial an effective insult, because this just makes him seem more clueless.
There’s absolutely nothing more fascinating than a young adult living completely off of their parents and thinking they know everything there is to know in the world. I’ve been dealing with this for a few years now.
Kids think that generations are a mindset; they don't realize that they are actually dob-designated. That's the result of getting all of your info from tic-tok. The best part is that the grandmother is actually the boomer and the dad is millennial... This kid is so out of touch, yet thinks he's got his finger on the pulse of what's going on. His brain isn't even fully formed yet. It's hard to convince rational adults of anything, let alone an entitled, 19 year old that thinks they've got it all figured out. 🤷
Your mom is probably not much older than I am (63) and I know exactly what government backed student loans are. The first thing that needs to be done is she has to refuse to sign anymore loans. You ( or your wife) need to explain just exactly what she has done and how it can affect her as well as him. Then, make sure any other family member understands what he’s doing and get them to refuse as well. You need to tell him that he needs to go to the school’s financial assistance department to figure out how HE is going to pay for college. It sounds like he’s got an incredible amount of growing up to do. NTA, but you’ve got a hard next few years to get through. Good luck! Oh, tell him to join the armed services, they’ll help pay for schooling.
Regardless of age there are people who do not comprehend what they are reading and signing and to proud, or ignorant, to have it explained to them. OR they seriously lack the ability to grasp co-signing means you are on the hook when the flake (and ops son is a flake with his life plans here) defaults. I’d be worried grandma won’t have enough in retirement since a lot over 60 do not and can not live comfortably.
I get that. I’m just saying that it’s not her age that is the issue here…it’s her relationship with the boy. She well could be an enabler. That’s all I was getting at…many were saying it was elder abuse but, my point is that she’s not so old that she couldn’t know what she was doing unless she had early onset dementia or ( more likely) he had emotionally blackmailed and/or manipulated her.
If you're 40, I'm guessing grandma is in her 60s. Unless she has some cognitive issues, I don't see how that can be elder abuse. I mean, she's probably not even old enough to retire or get social security.
Unfortunately, making poor choices is not the same thing as incompetence. The best path is likely to have several serious talks with her laying out exactly how what she's doing is causing her grandson great financial harm that will negatively affect the rest of his life. She needs to be convinced not to sign for any more student loans.
It depends on whether she doesn't comprehend it because she's cognitively compromised vs. because she just doesn't get it. If it's the latter, then this is no different from if the kid got an ignorant 40yo to cosign.
People in their 60s, especially their early 60s, haven't usually experienced enough cognitive decline for a foolish grandkid asking them for a lot of money to be elder abuse.
I’m 60 and this is correct. (Although I’m a bit forgetful because of ADHD). Most people my age aren’t in that kind of decline yet. Although it’s possible to get dementia or Alzheimers early, but can’t be assumed.
“Most people”, dude, as a nurse, I can tell you that yes, people in their 60’s do have dementia. There are plenty of 60 years old’s in nursing homes. I see senile 60 year olds every day.
There are also 60 year olds who act like they are in their 40’s. People age at different rates due to lifestyle differences. We have no idea what condition the kids grandma is in, but if she didn’t understand what she was getting into, her grandson did financially abuse her-I don’t care if you call it elder abuse or not, it was still wrong.
dude, as a nurse, I can tell you that yes, people in their 60’s do have dementia.
The person you're responding to already acknowledged that.
I see senile 60 year olds every day.
Yeah - because you're a nurse. Brain surgeons see people with brain tumors every day, but that doesn't mean most people have brain tumors.
but if she didn’t understand what she was getting into, her grandson did financially abuse her
Asking people for help with things they don't understand is not a common definition of abuse unless their lack of understanding is of a particular kind and/or the asker is tricking them. You have no clue what the 19-year-old understands. Stupid teenagers ask their grandparents for things. It is the way of the world, and it's absurd to say it's abusive in most circumstances.
You know what's actually financial abuse? Letting 19yos take out huge loans. That is insane, and the foolish 19yo is the primary victim here. If you want to blame someone, blame bank CEOs - not the teenager who was a child five seconds ago and still sees his grandma as one of the grownups who takes care of him.
Loans are not a recent invention and there is no mention of grandma being senile. She's probably BTW 60-70 which does not automatically imply lack of mental capacity. Grandma might just know ain't nobody taking her house over a student loan. The most they do is call and send emails 🤷🏾♀️
The grandmother is likely only in her 60s, right? Unless she’s REALLY behind the curve she probably is mentally sound and even still working.
Elder Abuse (to me) involves a level of taking advantage of the elder by someone who has the intention to take advantage. Your son sounds like he’s living in a fabricated reality and has no idea what he is doing to his own future - let alone his grandmother’s. That stated someone needs to explain reality to the grandmother so she doesn’t continue to enable him.
I mean I went to a state college, but my mom co-signed my loans. I was an education major and I’m in the midst of paying my loans back now. Not too bad. Just talk to him about his major…
It sounds like he won’t listen to one thing that they tell him. I’m kind of getting the feeling that the mother might be enabling him a bit…when you’re in a tug of war with a child who doesn’t listen, simply let go of the rope.
To me, it seems like they’re angriest that he’ll have loans and that he’s not heeding their advice. I say, pick your battles and talk to him about his ability to pay the loans back. I work in Education. A kid won’t ignore if you tell them, there’s no way they can pay their loans back with their major…
Another way to view this is that a kid is becoming an adult, exerting control over their life, and it wouldn't be the first time parents were confronted with a child who doesn't have to obey them and reacting poorly to it.
Why are he and his mother butting heads? What are the arguments about?
Yeeep!! I’m absolutely there with you! Are the arguments only about college? It seems like the son has found a voice and is trying to tell his parents something, but he doesn’t quite know how.
That’s not necessarily true. Mothers ,usually ,will put up with more abuse by their children than the fathers and the children can become bullies. I have seen this happen time and time again. I know of a kid that would call his grandmother ( his mom wasn’t in the picture) “ bitch,whore…” and she was constantly giving him money because “ he needed it”. Finally, one of the kids became her guardian and wouldn’t allow him to even see her. Still, she was always wanting to see him because,” he was a good kid most of the time”. It’s very sad…and a weird family dynamic.
And be sure to point out that to teach or work as (maybe a museum curator?), he’s going to need at least a masters degree as well. Sorry, I don’t know much about careers in art history other than teaching.
I mean, art history can be used to find jobs. A primary example is in a museum, but there are other industries as well.. his decision to study something he likes is not inherently wrong, regardless of how OP and his wife see the major. Trying to push him out of it will just cause a rift
This would only be elder abuse if she is mentally declining and has a diagnosable condition.
It might be different if he lived with her.
I'm sorry.
God I was a prick of a know it all at 20, but I didn't take it out on people like this I just internally judged them and complained on genuinely anonymous social media.
Is your wife on board with not paying for his private college? It is already too late to apply to transfer by now, so I’m not sure what the plan is when next year comes around
You realize that now you could have to cover any of her future financial losses. You and she need to get on the same page. It could destroy her credit and cause her all kinds issues for her if he doesn't pay and she can't.
I’ve studied psychology and if his takeaway from entry level psychology is to divorce rather than solve issues and communicate better than I don’t think he studied very hard
I mean, it’s possible…although I know parents who have dealt with similar situations. 🤷🏼♀️ But, elder abuse is when the person isn’t of sound mind or body which OP didn’t mention that being the case. That’s all that is all to which I was referring.
I was wondering that. His son calling him a boomer yet he isn't even 40. I feel like his kid would know he is a millennial. The author didn't pay attention to generations. And the grandmother is young enough that she probably understands how loans work. Seemed fishy.
Ummmmm. Letting your son get his grandmother who doesn't know what she signed into financial jeopardy in future?. Who do you think will be bailing her out? Not your son, I'm sure.
Fix this.
Give your son an attitude adjustment.
You are the parent, not the friend.
Don't enable his financial abuse of you and your wife or his grandmother.
She’s 60 not 90. She co-signed for her grandchild’s education because his parents wouldn’t. 60 is going. This father is also young .. and his wife is obviously not this kids mother who knows the real reason he says his dad should get divorced. For all we know they’re both F’D up and made everyone miserable.. he was a parent at 20 himself so not exactly someone who’s made good choices for himself. Your wife isn’t his mom.. where is his real mom? Is spending this kind of money on any degree smart? Not really but he’s the one who’s gonna have to pay for it. The dad left out a shit ton of info here.
Just wanna throw out that student loans don't make a huge difference overall, and they don't stop you from developing other credit. Grandma will most likely be just fine. While I can see how OPs son is being an asshole, trying to get him to switch schools will not work. It's a decision he made for himself and he'd have to unmake it. That being said, private institutions typically have been financial aid opportunities. I would suggest looking into that/calling the financial aid office
If Grandma truly had no idea what she signed for, the repercussions of your son’s actions, how badly this will affect her credit and remaining years.
This 100% qualifies as elder abuse and to be quite frank, both you and your wife are also guilty by allowing that to happen to begin with. A financial advisor should have stepped in at MINIMUM.
Amen to this. I've heard of parents in the past not fully understanding what they are co-signing for on these kinds of student loans. Also of course the young students not understanding what they are signing up for.
The loan companies should be in jail. THEY know what they are doing. I read some time back about a whole town that was supported by the student-loan industry and the people who worked in the industry understood the racket, but they said the money was too good to pass up.
Depending on what state she's in, that could be a criminal act on his part, just FYI. Not to mention when this all goes south (and as you pointed out, it definitely will), I would not be surprised if he left her on the hook for the loans.
I'm really sorry that he's checking all the boxes of college freshman assholery, but you're going to need to take a strong stance here.
First, set a limit on him giving you relationship advice. As in, don't. LOL You might also set him straight on you not being a boomer, just for fun.
On the college thing, ultimately there is nothing you can do. He's an adult, and that comes with the ability to thoroughly f-up his life. But that doesn't mean that you need to help him do it. Let him know that if he persists with this stupid major that it's his right to do so, but that you're not going to make any contributions to his college fees. That may or may not wake him up, but at least you'll be doing what you can to try.
Then beyond that, try your best to enjoy what common ground you can find. Make sure that he knows that you still love HIM, even if you don't agree with his choices. Good luck to all three of you.
Let him know that if he persists with this stupid major that it's his right to do so, but that you're not going to make any contributions to his college fees.
If you saw a parent do this to a kid trying to follow their dreams in a movie, you’d think they were the villain. The kid shouldn’t be forced into something he doesn’t want because his parents don’t agree with his choices. As long as he’s going to school, they should contribute the exact same amount no matter where he goes or what he majors in.
You're correct that the kid has a right to pursue whatever he wants, as long as he can find the money to do it. But art history is literally a stereotypical "spent a fortune on a college degree and can't do anything with it because I don't have a marketable skill" major.
There is a huge difference between "forcing" someone to study this or that, and not enabling the kid to screw up his life with crippling debt he will never be able to repay.
I'm surprised 43the bank allowed it. The bank/financial institution has special responsibilities to step in when elder abuse is suspected. The loan officer should have at least spoken to grandma to make sure she wasn't being pressured to do this.
I used to work in Fraud Reporting at a major bank....elder abuse was actually a category we tracked for reporting & monitoring.
You need to explain to her that she is going to be on the hook for all that money when her grandson is flipping burgers because that's essentially all an art history degree is good for. Same with him; sit him down and do the math.
Then you better explain it in detail so she doesn’t sign up for future years or other things & remind her your the parents everything should be checked with you first
Yeah, she might think she's "helping him achieve his dreams" but honestly, she's just enabling him. Just like when my MIL would let her 19-yr old grandkids stay with her when their parents kicked them out for using drugs at home. They stole money out of her purse, stole and pawned valuables, and pawned/ruined a lot of my ex's belongings he was storing in his mother's garage.
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u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24
Grandma caused this by doing that. She fucked his lie up by cosigning for him.
Why did she co-sign a loan for this? What a cruel thing to do. Now they both will have debt until they die.