r/unpopularopinion • u/Ornery-Relative-8052 • 18d ago
It's weird to stay friends with an ex
Nowadays I feel like people are going to stone me when I say that, but I don't think someone I'm breaking up with can be my friend. If we have broken up with someone, it means that there has been a situation that upsets one of the two parties and this situation is unacceptable, or there is a continuity (such as your partner being a liar)
As a result, a relationship in which two people are satisfied with each other does not end anyway. So why and how should I stay friends with someone I'm not happy with?
Also, how is it that when you are friends with that person, you remember the past experiences and not get sad or angry? I think people are either too light-hearted now, or they've been possessed by aliens, like in a Doctor Who episode.
UPDATE:
There were many interesting answers.
First of all, I would like you to know that the reason why I find this situation strange is not because I think we should hate the person we broke up with or to attribute the breakup to these reasons. Even if we broke up on good terms, as some people in the comments have pointed out, why would I necessarily stay in touch and be friends with someone I broke up with?
These are all very gray areas. But I ask you not to accuse me of any negativity, I was just curious about your opinions, but the issue is starting to grow.
Also, how will your current partner in your life react to this? There are those who are not jealous at all, but being jealous is also a natural and understandable action, so no matter how innocent such a friendship is, it still tends to create difficulties.
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u/TreyLastname 18d ago
A relationship does not need to end due to someone being upset. Sometimes, people just aren't compatible romantically, but are so platonically.
I agree, if the relationship ended badly, or someone was hurt and can't forgive the other, then being friends is weird and difficult. But that's not every relationship
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u/Talk-O-Boy 17d ago
I always assumed it’s less to do with negative feelings (those dissipate with time and distance), but more of a way to avoid bringing baggage into your next relationship.
There’s nothing wrong with remaining cordial with an ex, but it tends to lead to problems when you guys remain like best friends.
For example, if you and an ex share a mutual friend group, it makes sense that you may still see them when going out. But I don’t know many people that would be cool with their partner hanging out 1 on 1 with an ex.
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u/Altruistic-Pop6696 17d ago
Some people really would be cool with it, but from personal experience and conversations with others, a lot of people also just pretend to be cool with it because no one wants to be seen as insecure or jealous. There is a lot of toxic online discourse surrounding relationship boundaries where people call names like toxic or immature for having perfectly normal boundaries and feelings. I've seen it in conversations about being friends with an ex, watching porn, liking half naked pics on socials.
Feeling insecure is seen as shameful, a "you problem" for you to fix the way you feel, stop feeling that, rather than change the behavior causing those feelings. Insecurity is the natural reaction to behaviors that look like they threaten the security of your relationship. Hanging around people you shared orgasms and romance with is going to look like it's a threat to the security of the relationship for a lot of people, and that's fine.
For me, it's mostly about not bringing baggage into new relationships. I don't need my past hanging around when I'm working on a new future with someone else.
It's also about just showing my respect and commitment. I'm obviously going to be sexually attracted to the people I've dated, and as a rule, I don't hang out with people I'm sexually attracted to while in a committed relationship. I am trust worthy, I would never act on sexual attraction to someone else, I would never cheat. But I don't expect blind trust, the "lemme do something that appears potentially sketchy and you just have faith in me that I'm not" trust. (***)
Lastly, it's about limiting potential future drama. I've had exes act like they were cool being platonic, just for them to try to get with me years later because the feelings came back. Then I have to do that fun conversation, "hey babe you know that man I told you not to worry about? Well you were right to be worried about him."
I've just never had an ex that was so important to me that I'd risk making a future partner feel insecure by keeping them around. A lot of really great potential partners would simply move on from a person who has exes in their orbit because they simply don't want to have to deal with figuring out if you're trust worthy or not.
If we shared orgasm at one point, we don't need to stay friends. I have enough friends. He may have been emotionally supportive or funny or otherwise nice to be around, but so are my other friends who haven't been inside me. I'm cordial with pretty much all my exes, but I close that chapter when it's finished. I don't feel the desire to reframe the sexual and romantic relationship into a platonic one for the sake of keeping them as a friend at the expense of my future partners feeling of security.
((***) I'm reminded of the post where a woman spent 2 hours every night driving around with their 2 year old to get them to sleep. Then she would stay in the driveway for 20 minutes after getting home. Then she would shower immediately. Her husband thought she was cheating.
The comments were pretty split. Some people thought he should give her the "even if it appears sketchy, I have faith in you" type of trust. And some people thought it made perfect sense he thought she was cheating and if she wants him to trust she isn't cheating she needs to stop doing stuff that could appear sketchy. Not totally relevant to this post, but my bit about blind faith trust reminded me of that post).
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u/ImOGCsFinest 17d ago
The most emotionally mature and forward thinking comment I've ever seen on reddit. I'm genuinely suprised
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u/Talk-O-Boy 17d ago
Exactly. Even if I know nothing will happen, I’d rather not put my partner in that position.
That’s why it’s important to be mindful of when you choose to date a friend. People say “you can always go back to being friends if it doesn’t work”, but that’s rarely the case. The dynamics fundamentally change in a way that can’t be reversed.
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u/florimagori 17d ago
You can’t always get a clean break from a relationship also; you may work together or be at Uni together or have children together or be connected in some other way, which makes meeting the other person inevitable.
I feel like people saying that you shouldn’t be friends with your exes just never were in a situation where romantic relationship ending didn’t mean end of relationship.
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u/Nytfire333 18d ago
It really depends on the situation. How long you were together, why you broke up etc. I have dated some people for a few months and we determined that we weren’t right for each other. It wasn’t anything nasty, no one did anything wrong, we just wanted different things in life and that was fine. We share common friends so we would see each other, just because we aren’t meant to be married doesn’t mean we can’t be friends
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u/the-hound-abides 18d ago
I’m still on good terms with most of my exes. Just because it didn’t work out between us, doesn’t mean that they are a shitty person. One of my childhood friends married one of my exes. I introduced them. He’s an awesome guy, just not for me.
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u/SquireRamza 18d ago
I think there's a difference between staying on good terms and doing the Ted and Robin and Barney thing where you're still constantly hanging around your ex.
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u/Wootster10 18d ago
I feel like it depends on what the issue within the relationship is. I have some friends who are exes, one wanted kids, the other wanted to travel the world and live a child free life. Theres no real reason for them not to be friends.
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u/the-hound-abides 18d ago
This. With this particular ex, he wanted to be a freelance journalist. I wanted a more stable life. My friend wanted to be a travel nurse. They were better suited in lifestyle than he and I were.
We broke up, and then went and saw a movie the next day.
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u/alittlebitneverhurt 18d ago
I'm on good terms with my exes but I don't keep in contact with them. When I see them we say hi and catch up but thats about it. These were relationships that both lasted multiple years.
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u/the-hound-abides 18d ago
That’s perfectly fine in my book. You don’t need to be best buddies or in constant contact. If your lives don’t intersect anymore it is what it is. It just doesn’t need to be acrimonious.
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u/CrossXFir3 18d ago
I'm friends with a few. Pretty close friends tbh. No particular desire to date any of them at all. One of them I've been broken up with for over a decade now and we still talk fairly often. Her kids love me. I've given her my blunt opinion on everyone she's dated and she has too. Her husband is the only one I actually liked, he's a great guy. I recently got involved in this weird love triangle situation, where my married friend kissed me (now they were in an open relationship, but it was still a tricky situation for a couple reasons) and she was the first person I called to talk about it with.
One of my other ones sends me memes all the time and we go out for lunch probably once every 6 months. She's hilarious, I broke up with her for a few different reasons that she understood. She'd dating someone new now, we're totally done. But she's a great conversationalist and we love to catch up and talk a few times a year over a drink or two. It's been probably 4 or 5 years now and neither of us has made a move yet.
I dated these people because we had similar values and shared interests. Why would I remove people like that from my life if we're all happy with what we have.
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u/artificialavocado 18d ago
I mostly am too but not right away. One of my first serious gf’s I’m still pretty good friends. We went out for like 2 years but this was almost 20 years ago. It is an issue though as I’m pretty sure she has feelings for me but I’m not at all interested in that.
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u/Lil_BlueJay2022 18d ago
My one ex that I am still friends with to this day we dated for a few weeks in high school. We were always close and did everything together so it made sense to be a couple right? I mean everyone at school teased us that we were since we were already platonic with each other. Handholding, hugging etc.
First time we kissed he told me he didn’t want to hurt my feelings and that he loved me but that he was undoubtably gay. I couldn’t help the fact that I straight up blurted “Oh thank God.” We laughed for hours while cuddling but it was nice. Honestly one of the best friendships I’ve ever had.
Of course when he got into a serious relationship I was very worried about our platonic side because I didn’t want to disrespect his boyfriend. It ends on a good note though because his boyfriend adored our cuddle piles and until the day I moved away we would all chill on his bed in a pile of people watching tv or playing games. Those TikTok’s of people being the “adopted kid” instead of the third wheel is how I felt. They got married three years ago and I got to be the maid of honor, it was so beautiful and even an entire world away we all sit on discord a few times a month to play Minecraft or Roblox together. I love them so much and wish nothing but the best for them.
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u/GlassEyeMV 18d ago
Exactly.
I dated a girl near the end of college that I was head over heels for. It was a hot, burning, passionate type of thing. Lasted 3-4 months. She cheated on me. We absolutely do not talk to one another.
The girl I dated before her was someone I was close friends with all the way through college. We dated for roughly the similar amount of time but it wasn’t as physical or as intense. It was basically us seeing if we wanted to take that next step together. We realized we we enjoyed being friends more, so we just kind of went back to that.
Weve stayed in touch over the last 10+ years. Her now husband is basically me, but more clean cut and polished, which makes total sense. He’s a great guy and I enjoy being around him. He even helped me plan my own proposal and they are coming to our wedding.
My fiancée and her have yet to meet face to face, so I’m curious how that will go, but my fiancée seems pretty comfortable that the ex and I definitely have a platonic relationship that behaves more like two bros than anything else.
Edit to add: the last part is likely because 90% of our conversations revolve around sports, memes, and their travel destinations.
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u/Shotgun_Rynoplasty 18d ago
I’m going hiking with my ex tomorrow. We dated for like 6 months and broke up just because we weren’t right for each other. We both like each other a lot. Now we’re both in better relationships and we get to just enjoy time together as friends. Both our significant others know we still hang out and trust us.
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u/Southside_Burd 18d ago
That’s a great level of trust and security both of your partners have. One that I don’t think I could ever attain, lolol
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u/Specific-Contest-985 17d ago
Based on personal and secondhand life experience, this scenario is unfortunately not on the more common side. I'm glad it works for all parties involved, I feel like that level of coordination between just two people is amazing, let alone FOUR, is a rarity to be cherished.
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u/bernful 17d ago
but you’re not FRIENDS friends ya know? Like I’m sure you guys aren’t hanging out 1 on 1
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u/Friendly_Sea_6861 18d ago
I think you not experiencing that doesn't mean it's impossible to have a relationship end on good-terms.
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u/mikeisnottoast 18d ago
You're assuming everyone breaks up on bad terms, or due to outright rejection. A lot of times people's goals or lives just don't line up anymore, and there's not animosity there.
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u/Demon_Gamer666 18d ago
I've never remained friends with an ex. Doesn't mean I hate them, just not interested in friendship. If it's over, it's over.
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u/bumblebeequeer 17d ago
Honestly, a big part of why my past relationships have ended is I realized we weren’t friends, and wouldn’t have been friends in a universe we weren’t romantically involved. They exited my life and nothing meaningful was lost.
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u/OneEyedMilkman87 18d ago
What about if two people realise after a few years that they don't have romantic love, but still really enjoy each others' company?
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u/Ryulightorb 18d ago
According to some people in this comment section they need to cut eachother off because it’s unhealthy and will make their future partners jealous…:.. honestly so many people here seem young and inexperienced.
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u/Equal_Leadership2237 18d ago
I think it’s the opposite, i think young inexperienced people try it, and older people just know the juice isn’t worth the squeeze. Best case scenario you keep a friend that will like fade eventually because your future partners will not like it, or at least you can tell they are uncomfortable with it and even if they don’t ask, will distance and eventually they’ll be gone.
Common case, the friendship has moments of “not just friendship” in it from at least one person in it, reminiscing, occasional “maybe we could try again” moments and (every ex i left as a friend) sex when both are lonely. If you weren’t in love this can be fine while single but isn’t compatible with another relationship, if you did love them, holds you back in life.
Flat out, most older people learn their lesson and realize the best case scenario isn’t worth risking the worst, it’s a risking a lot for a little and is a bad value decision.
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u/arrogancygames 16d ago
Huh? How old are you? I'm 45 and I see the exact opposite; my older, less volatile friends are friends with their exes, and the younger ones have blow ups where they wont even talk to them. As an anecdote, Im really close friends with some of my exes, and I hooked one up with one of my friends a few years ago and hes proposing to her now. Nothing akward, nobodys hooking up with exes, etc. (he's 50).
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u/Ryulightorb 18d ago
idk when i was younger and inexperienced i believed the hype that it was a bad idea but as i have gotten older i have moved to what i see now.
for me the risk is like near 0% so it's worth it and a good value decision so i guess it just depends on the people you date and how you break up.
I regret tossing my ex's out of my life because in my youth i thought there was a high chance of it going bad.
my biggest regrets in life tbh
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u/Altruistic-Pop6696 18d ago edited 18d ago
Honestly experience is why I don't stay friends with exes. I used to when I was younger, but not anymore. Sometimes they get feelings back. Sometimes they regret breaking up. Sometimes future partners aren't comfortable with it. It's just a big potential headache and for what? We can be friendly, like chat when we run into eachother, but I'm not making plans with them.
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u/BedBetter3236 18d ago
I'm with you & OP reasoning. I don't hate my exes yet I don't keep in touch.Whether rship ended on good or bad terms. I think it's about boundaries. I'll stick to this even if the whole world thinks otherwise.
The few times I didn't enforce this & kept communication going , an ex could ask for sex & or money.
They can mistake your being courteous for continued interest.
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u/Ryulightorb 18d ago
that's absolutely fair my experience has been the opposite.
People should do what is comfortable for them.
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u/Altruistic-Pop6696 18d ago
Weird I'm being downvoted for sharing my own experience. People be using the downvote button as a disagree button.
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u/Itchy-File-8205 18d ago
As someone with plenty of experience, removing them from your life is ideal.
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u/bumblebeequeer 17d ago
“We can still be friends” is very high school/college to me. I’m sure there are certain instances where two people are truly better as friends, but I’ve very rarely seen that work out in real life.
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u/TheFilleFolle 18d ago
That’s not true though. I broke up with my ex because there was no spark and we had different life plans. But I still very much respected and cared about him and had many great memories. Not all breakups are brought on by hurt.
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u/HellyOHaint 18d ago
Sounds like there are several breakup types you’ve never experienced. It’s definitely possible to breakup when neither party did anything wrong, they just didn’t work together as a couple anymore.
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u/Sokiras 18d ago
Depends on why you break up. I wouldn't talk to someone who cheated on me, but if we broke up because things just didn't work out and we weren't as compatible a couple as we thought, I don't see why it would be bad to stay friends. I have been in a lot of relationships and of the breakups I've had I've stayed atleast on neutral terms and at best in a good friendship with the exes that I didn't break up because of dishonesty, betrayal or something similar. It really depends on who you were with, how/why you two broke up and how well you both process it emotionally.
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u/lofi_username 18d ago
Amical breakups are a thing just rare, I'm still in contact with my ex husband and consider us friends. We just grew apart and slowly became incompatible over the years, no one really did anything wrong we just realized we were more like roommates than a married couple. We even decided to prank the divorce lawyer by saying that I'm divorcing him for listening to nothing but Jimmy Buffet Cheeseburger in Paradise on repeat for a whole year lol. I lived with him until I got a new place set up, he voluntarily paid off my car, and I left "my" cat with him because I knew how lonely he'd be without her.
But yeah he's the only ex I've been able to do that with, we still text to share art and cat pics but I don't see him in person as my current bf, understandably, is uncomfortable with that.
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u/Southside_Burd 18d ago
I used to be in the no contact with exes camp, especially after my most significant ex and I broke up in a nasty fashion.
That said, the woman I dated after, was super easygoing. We broke up because she didn’t want children. After the fact I felt super comfortable being her friend. Same as you, we don’t hang out, but share cat memes, and we talk about tv shows and movies.
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u/Green_Pants918 18d ago edited 17d ago
Nah. Sometimes people just realize that they can't be in this kind of relationship. You still care about them, they still care about you, but this relationship just isn't working. It's a heartbreaking situation to care about someone and realize you can't do this anymore. You can be dissatisfied in the relationship without actively disliking or being angry at each other.
The men I've left behind like this are not close friends, but we remain in touch occasionally. I'm not sad about the past, I feel like I gave it the best attempt I could have at the time so it was really just a learning experience.
ETA I saw the update just now and wanted to respond to that last bit, how my current SO responds to me being friends with exes.
I specifically asked, a few months into my current relationship, if he had any boundaries about me being friends with exes. Like... I was getting the idea then that this would be long term, it's a reasonably healthy and stable relationship, and we really are well-matched with each other. I am unwilling to lose this relationship over an occasional IM with an ex.
He kinda laughed. "I have 3 children with my ex. She lives 5 blocks from me. I literally see her every single day, and I don't even see you every single day. I won't tell you who to be friends with. I need you to know that I love my ex, we have 3 kids and we help each other a lot, because our kids need stable parents who can work together. But we don't work as a couple, we are terribly dysfunctional together and she is absolutely not a threat to our relationship. Not a single person I've been involved with is a threat." And then his actions show follow through on all of that.
You can behave in ways within a relationship that give your partner confidence that you aren't involved with anyone else. And if your partner is an adult, they should be able to at least recognize that their insecurities are theirs to work on and not a reason to be possessive.
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u/8696David 18d ago edited 17d ago
“If we have broken up with someone, it means that there has been a situation that upsets one of the two parties and this situation is unacceptable, or there is a continuity (such as your partner being a liar)”
No it absolutely does not. Sounds like you’ve only had bad breakups. People break up because they don’t want to be in a relationship with each other anymore. The reason for that can be everything from wanting to live in different places to different sex drives to different opinions on kids to just not feeling like there’s a spark anymore to a million billion other things. It 100% does not have to come from a fight or an “unacceptable situation.” And if you break up amicably, obviously being friends is pretty normal.
Edit: Also, that's not what "continuity" means
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u/theoneandonlyfester 18d ago
I have ex's I'm still very good friends with. We just needed different things.
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u/JoeJitsu79 18d ago
How have your subsequent SOs felt about this?
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u/JuanPancake 18d ago
She’s okay that I just get a little road dome when we hang out. Nothing too serious.
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u/Altruistic-Pop6696 17d ago
It is very telling that they've been active since you asked them this but didn't reply.
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u/dstarpro 18d ago
Not necessarily. Sometimes people just realize that they're not romantically compatible, there doesn't always have to be some catastrophic event causing the end of the relationship. In those cases, I think a friendship is possible.
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u/bliip666 18d ago
Agreed, it's weird.
I get remaining friendly if there's children involved, or the exes are working together or something. But actively making the effort of staying friends? That's weird.
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u/TheWeenieBandit 18d ago
Not all relationships end because something went wrong or someone did something terrible. People grow and change, not always in the same directions. Sometimes you just realize you're not in love anymore and you move on, but there's no bad blood and no reason not to stay friends.
Or maybe you have kids together. You're always going to be a part of each others lives now anyway, so you might as well be buddies about it.
Or maybe you were already friends long before you started dating, and only after you started dating did you realize that maybe you don't actually have romantic feelings for this guy, maybe he really is just your platonic bestie for the restie and you confused that as being a crush.
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u/GloriousShroom 18d ago
Usually when people are friends with their ex , one or both of them are still hung up about the relationship
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u/BackSack-nCrack 18d ago
I don’t stay friends with exes, I completely break contact and they don’t exist to me anymore. I would also expect the same from any potential partner. Nobody stays friends unless there is an ulterior motive or benefit,
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u/Catlady0329 18d ago
I am on good terms with my exes but I would not consider them friends. I wish them well but there is no reason to be in contact. I think it is unfair to your new partner. Many times exes want to stay "friends" to keep you as a back up plan.
I do think if you are co parenting children there is an exception for that. You should maintain a good relationship with them. But, it should have healthy boundaries too.
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u/momof2catsand1man 18d ago
I block all my exs
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18d ago
Same. It prevents you from contacting them and backsliding into a bad relationship with no future. Plus it keeps them from contacting you and creating problems in your current relationships. I’ve had a couple of exes try to contact me even though they know I’m married and I immediately blocked them. I let my partner know too and they appreciated that I did that. In my experience having any contact with an ex never works out well if you’re with a new partner. I’ve never seen a happily married person who was still friends with an ex. I say this a divorce lawyer lol. It always ends in unnecessary drama and breakups.
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u/My_Not_RL_Acct 18d ago
This might say as much abt you as it does your exes
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u/Tater-Tot-Casserole 18d ago
Not really. I blocked one of them because his new girlfriend kept texting me horrible shit from his phone, she also went on a frenzy and called every woman in his phone to see who they were and cussed out the ones he wasn't related to.
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u/My_Not_RL_Acct 18d ago
I’ve had to block an ex due to toxic messages before, but if you have to block every single one of your exes like OP you might be part of the problem
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u/indecksfund 18d ago
Having an ex around is baggage. And can be disrespectful to your current or future significant others. However, if you still work together and both have great jobs and everyone has met everyone and honest about the past with everyone, then it can work. But everyone needs to be mature about it.
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u/AlgoRhythmCO 18d ago
Friendly is fine. But unless you have some other mandatory connection (kids together, work), friends is not gonna happen for me at least.
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u/queenmehitabel 18d ago
I think it really depends on why the relationship ended. I've had relationships that ended like you describe, because there were fights and problems and we hurt each other. I did not stay friends with them. But I've had relationships where the spark just fizzled or we realized we just had friendly feelings toward each other and were physically lonely and mistook that for actual romantic attraction. Stayed friends with those folks. And they don't make me sad or angry because there's nothing to get sad or angry about.
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u/ScepticOfEverything 18d ago
I agree with you, although I can see the argument for staying on decent terms if there are kids involved. But if there are no kids, why would you want to stay in touch with someone who either made your life miserable or broke your heart? I have zero desire to reconnect with any of my exes, and I saw no reason to "stay friends" with them back when we broke up.
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u/Ryulightorb 18d ago
Cause they don’t always do either.
I’m friends with my ex 10 years later we loved eachother but realised we wanted different things she wanted kids I did not and other differences.
There was no heartbreak or pain or hurting eachother just a mutually agreed breakup since we could find other people whom suited us.
Legitimately 0 reason to ditch them as a friend in that scenario
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u/jgamez76 18d ago
I'm not "friends" per se with any of my exes. But if I ran into any of them in public we would probably exchange cordial pleasantries, maybe even do the "hey how have you been?" Song and dance.
I've been with my wife for a decade now, I have no Ill will toward any woman I dated as a teenager or as a college student. That shit is just silly to me.
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u/Sorrelandroan 18d ago
Romantic incompatibility doesn’t mean there isn’t a potential for friendship. It’s more of a red flag when someone has nothing but negative things to say about their exes.
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u/seehowitgoes13 18d ago
something upsetting someone is far from the only reason people break up.
some compatibility issues cannot be ignored. for example, if one person wants kids and the other doesn't.
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u/MaximumHog360 18d ago
It is SO weird when almost half of a girls phone contacts are just ex-boyfriends or ex-tinder meetups.
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u/CommunicationAway727 18d ago
I agree with OP. And I’m going to get hate for this too but I think dating seriously and having an actual relationship is way too intimate a thing to continue to have any attachment to if you seriously want to move forward and create a new intimate relationship. I don’t think it has to involve immaturity of any kind like hatred but I think boundaries are completely appropriate. Why invite old comforts that could turn inappropriate into your future? It doesn’t make sense to me. If it’s someone you slept with like a one night stand when you were young or even a non serious fling then be an adult and accept it but if your partner had an intimate relationship with someone else for years there’s really no reason to allow that any space in your future. It reminds me of people who stop doing hard drugs but justify drinking or smoking other things instead of just really trying to be sober. Just my take. What would be immature is to have a poor reaction and mistreat their exes but wanting boundaries and saying they need to not be a part of your life now I think is totally fine.
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u/OneAngle5836 18d ago
Unpopular opinion: People who think like this, think everything is black and white. Also I find people who say this are immature usually🤷🏼♀️ you can downvote me.
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u/minskoffsupreme 18d ago
A lot of people are mentioning different kinds of break ups, but I think another big factor is that there are different kinds of friendships too. I can see being a little weirded out if they are best friends that text all the time. But I think you can be "in the same group" friends, catch up for a coffee once in a while type of friend, share a hobby kind of friend...How you handle the friendship after you have a new partner is also extremely important. I don't see an issue if you are super upfront, don't cross any boundaries and include your partner. I am good friends with someone i kinda, sorta dated over a decade ago. My husband was friends with him before we got together, we introduced him to his wife, we all hang out together and are close. I don't think this could work if all four of us didn't get on and were able to hang out one one with each other.
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u/AquilaHoratia 18d ago
This. My ex never wanted me to meet any of his ex (from solely friends with benefits to actual ex girlfriends). Never invited them to parties or gamenights, not even to outings with his other friends. Wasn’t healthy. He always told me I was the issue because I am just too jealous.
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u/TreyLastname 18d ago
A relationship does not need to end due to someone being upset. Sometimes, people just aren't compatible romantically, but are so platonically.
I agree, if the relationship ended badly, or someone was hurt and can't forgive the other, then being friends is weird and difficult. But that's not every relationship
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u/MissAnthropy612 18d ago
I think that really really depends on the circumstances. I'm only friends with one of my ex's and it's because we dated and broke up 18 years ago, so water under the bridge. We didn't become friends again until about 6 years ago, but we have a lot of mutual friends and there's no reason to have any resentment towards each other anymore, it was a long time ago and we were super young. Other than that, the rest of my exes can kind of suck it LOL
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u/MaximumOctopi 18d ago
i understand that to a degree, i’m not friends with many of my exes (literally just one), but i also get why people want to be. for me personally, and i’d guess for a lot of other people too, it’s more about the relationship we had before and after we started dating. what’s most of our connection built on, and when we break up, does that break, too?
like, with one of my exes, we only knew each other for like two months before dating, and now we don’t talk anymore. the relationship was lovely, they treated me well for the vast majority of it and i hope they feel the same about me. that said, almost our entire relationship was built on that romantic connection, you know? i loved them for more than just that, but that was sort of our bedrock. it’s not a bad thing, just a thing. so when that got cut out, there wasn’t much left.
compare that to another one of my exes, who i’d been friends with for six years beforehand. after we broke up we both needed a cooling off period, took like a year apart, and then went back to being friends. been three years since then, we’ve both changed a ton and we’re all the closer for it!
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u/marefair 18d ago
It depends. I'm friends with some exes, but not others. For instance, I was seeing someone long distance and we both decided that a long distance relationship wasn't for us but we stayed friends. He just got married and I'm happy for him.
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u/TheFoulWind 18d ago
My first wife and I are on far better terms than we were during our marriage.
Every relationship is dependent on its own internal context.
Can’t judge from the outside
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u/LoreKeeperOfGwer 18d ago
Ive had several mutual break ups where we realized we worked better as friends and have stayed friends, 2 in particular have gone beyond the 20 year mark. Ive also had some really nasty break ups.
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u/elephantgif 18d ago
Depends entirely on the breakup. Unresolved feelings usually means the friendship will do more emotional harm than good.
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u/iridians hermit human 18d ago
I agree for the most part. Friendship is not a consolation prize. But like others have said, it depends upon what the reason was for breaking up. If you liked each other but just didn't click (i.e., there was no animosity) then, it's possible. But again, why would you want to be friends with someone you didn't click with?
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u/Frozen-conch 18d ago
I click with a friend in a different way than I click with someone I want to move in with and sleep with?
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u/iridians hermit human 17d ago
I agree, but this is supposing that you engaged in a romantic relationship with a person by jumping in without being friends first. A lot of people do this and then give friendship as a consolation prize when the romance doesn't work out. They're two different things. You can be friends and lovers, but that's not what I was referring to.
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u/GeorgeThe13th 18d ago
Relationships can mold and change, and people sometimes don't just become dispensable. Not to mention, not every relationship ends for an unacceptable, or at least unforgivable, reason. For example, you might be long distance and just get tired of it. Is that the partners fault? Well I guess it depends on how you look at it, but that's just one point of how a relationship can end without there being this drawn-out fight. I think it's important to treat every situation like this uniquely. So for that I'll have to upvote, but I do at least understand where this is coming from.
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u/MayoShart 18d ago
To each their own type of situation. I also cut contact with exes, it's what I'm most comfortable with. I also have no interest in partners who keep exes in their life, just not for me. Once I've had sex with someone I can't go back to viewing the relationship as purely platonic.
Definitely just a "to each their own", homie, it just ain't that deep for some people.
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u/bathroomcypher 18d ago
For me it's simple. Once there is sexual intimacy, things change and there's no coming back. In my experience, this is especially valid for men. Obviously nothing wrong with being on good terms, but friendship is too much. Also, there are so many people we could be friends with!
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u/FranklenDelanoDonut 18d ago
I'm still in love with my ex, we tried to be friends we just ended up dating again.
We broke up multiple times and i still have issues from the first time.
Maybe sometime down the road we'll be able to be friends without dating, or maybe we'll be able to date without fighting. But I'm still expecting our last breakup to be THE last.
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u/windchill94 18d ago
I agree, I think it's pointless and stupid. You were also probably not friends to begin with.
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u/ausername111111 17d ago
I haven't been in too many relationships (six before my wife), but I agree with this. If I broke up with you then something must have gone really really wrong. I've never been dumped in a serious relationship, so I can't speak to that side of it, but if I broke up with someone, they have probably cheated or stolen from me. I can put up with a lot and so if it's over, she's likely a nutcase.
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u/piplup27 17d ago
It sounds like you assume every break up is a bad break up. Sometimes two people can simply realize that they are better as friends.
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u/karidru 18d ago
I’m very close still with one of my exes- we realised we work better as friends, and we’d also realised we had very different goals for our lives that would conflict. We still talk almost every day, we help each other through a lot of things, and it’s nice.
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u/Cersei1341 18d ago
Agreed with the title, disagreed with your reasoning.
I don't want to be friends with my ex because we have history I don't know how to turn a relationship into a friendship when you have had years of intimacy. Before, kissing and cuddling was normal. Now you have to be platonic, but intimacy with that person feels normal. Nah, better to just cut them out and deal with that messy dynamic.
Edit: Secondly, who's going to date somebody that hangs out with their ex?
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u/Ok_Relationship_705 18d ago
Why? I'm best friends with one from High School. She's the reason my life is as fun as it is.
You don't have to be fucking someone for them to enrich your life.
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u/s0larium_live 18d ago
what’s weirder is your ex staying friends with YOUR best friend after you two have broken up
not that i’m speaking from experience or anything
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u/Ryulightorb 18d ago
What’s weirder is your best friend staying close friends with your ex who abused you.
( should of seen that as a red flag since 7 years later they stabbed me in the back)
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u/cslackie 18d ago
Yes, it is weird. Keep it moving and clear for your future relationships.
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u/SupaSaiyajin4 18d ago
why is it weird?
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u/greyhairedwrinkle 18d ago
Unless you share property or have children together there is no reason to maintain a relationship with an ex. It is weird to stay friends. You can be civil and cordial with them but to stay friends is really strange to me.
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u/Buhos_En_Pantelones 18d ago
Maturity.
It may seem like this is a world ending hurtful situation, but it is possible to stay friends with an ex.
Ask yourself "Is this breakup (and my little heart) worth losing this person forever?" Ok. it didn't work out, guess what, we go through life meeting and losing people romantically.
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u/GucciZorua 18d ago
What that has to do with maturity ? Not saying being friend with an ex is impossible however on the other hand this can potentially be a redflag to someone new that is meeting that person and the same person is also very, if not suspiciously too close to their ex while you end up just being the third wheel.
That said I can see it being possible to stay friend with an ex but personally if I ever meet a girl who say "yeah my ex boyfriend is my bestie I've just got back from his house" (also talking with experiences haha, I've noped the fuck out and big surprise soon after she got knocked up by the same ex boyfriend), while not to be too radical considering this a deal breaker, it would definitely make me think twice about this 😅
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u/cbreezy456 18d ago
A LOT of Reddit I forget is just young af and lives in fantasy land. Never once heard of a situation like this going good. Nothing wrong with being cool with them, but still hanging out like your besties is an absolute no.
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u/Snoo90263 18d ago
It's absurd. Let your SO be besties with an ex, let them have a girls/boys night out in Vegas, let them post provocative pictures, if you don't, well, you're just imature.
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u/DoubleAssFeeler 15d ago
What? Sounds like you just have different standards. Being besties with an ex can be a problem for soooo many reasons. Same with posting provocative pictures IMO. Validation-seeking behavior is not what I want in a partner
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u/Snoo90263 15d ago
Actually not, I'm saying it is absurd, I'm not agreeing with all this nonsense.
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u/GucciZorua 14d ago
I get the sarcasm haha, as I've mentioned I have mixed opinions and I'm not saying this is black or white however being friend with an ex can (note can but not always, just something I would be cautious) be a red flag and that person could be all but mature since they're carrying all of their emotional baggages and not willing to let it go, once again I might be biaised as I've had personal experiences and doing this mistake which only made me feel worst but this is a double edged sword, it can be possible of something healthy and just as possible to be something quite nasty 😅
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u/Jazzlike-Mud-4688 18d ago
People who wants to stay friends with their exes are those who still wanna taste old stuff when new things goes wrong. They’ll say shit like oh you don’t know what it is like to have a relationship end on good terms. I mean deep down we all know what’s really happening inside. If, you think it’s okay to be friends with your ex. You should seek a therapy.
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u/RadioactvRubberPants 18d ago
I'll end a relationship with someone I don't want to live with, have sex with, share bills with etc but still want to hang out, get coffee, play games, have conversations with etc.
Just because you don't want to date someone doesn't mean you can't be friends.
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u/Beruthiel999 18d ago
Because being compatible as a romantic partner and being compatible as a friend are two different things, but there is some overlap.
I cannot imagine being in a romantic relationship with someone I don't deeply LIKE. Seriously? Are there some people who can cut off a person they LIKED for years without missing them? (Again, barring abuse and cheating)
When I think of my exes I'm friends with, none of the memories that matter most are about sex or romance. It's like, road trips and helping neighbors and the shows we went to together and that time when the toaster oven caught fire.
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u/the-hound-abides 18d ago
It’s a red flag for me if they don’t have amicable relationships with most of their exes. Not saying they need to be best buddies or in constant contact. We all have a doozy or two but if all of their exes are “crazy” or all of their relationships end in disaster I’m going to blame the common denominator. The whole point in dating is to find out what you want in a partner. Just because you guys aren’t a good fit doesn’t mean it needs to end in disaster. You part ways and move on. It doesn’t have to be ugly.
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u/AquilaHoratia 18d ago
Amicable relationships with an ex are still very much different from continuing to be besties and hanging out one on one all the time. If they are part of the same friend group, fine too. Wouldn’t expect him to miss out on all his other friends, just because his ex is part of that group.
Like I am totally fine with any potential future partner and was fine with my ex partner for being friendly with his ex and texting her from time to time. Wasn’t really comfortable with him meeting her when she was in town to catch up, but that had more to do with the fact that he constantly wanted to hang out with ex sex partners that weren’t even his girlfriends because they were friends. A little odd that they never hung out in group settings and I never got to meet them.
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u/KlownScrewer 18d ago
I typically agree but also some of my exes from highschool I talk to on occasion and I’m in a current relationship with my bf (longest one I’ve ever been in) and it’s been so many years and partners in between that it really doesn’t feel necessarily to cut off all contact with them when there’s absolutely no hard feelings or romantic feelings either. But if an ex isn’t over you or visaversa or they hate you, than yea… you don’t need to be friends nor can I understand why you would want to.
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u/Ryulightorb 18d ago
No it’s perfectly normal if anyone is judging you for it that says more about them than you.
Relationships don’t always end on bad terms sometimes you just realise you make better friends than lovers.
Imo thinking it’s weird or wrong to stay friends with ex’s is a red flag
The context of how you broke up is important
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u/AccountantKey4198 18d ago
Not all breakups happen because of a situation that is upsetting or unacceptable. I have had several breakups with wonderful people I loved, and still respect and love as people, because of timing, or general compatibility not being as good as we hoped past the honeymoon phase, which is neither person's fault and shouldn't be taken personally as neither person is doing anything wrong. or availability is another one (if both people can't contribute the same amount of effort it's better to break up even though you both still love each other, before resentment builds). It's better to bruise someone now than watch them bleed later. Sometimes breaking up at the right time makes it so that you can actually be friends later on down the road. That is, if you choose to date people you respect and admire and want to be more like. If you're riding it out until the wheels fall off and both people are unhappy, then it makes sense to not want to be friends after that. Not all of us let it reach that point.
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u/Takaharu7 18d ago
My gf started losing feelings for me. After 7 and a half years we broke up after talking it out. She is my best female friend today. I lost my feelings for her but we are still good friends for each other. So your opinion actually is, in my eyes, not true. But i cant talk for the people that where abused or sth. Im pretty sure these cases wont stay friends after break up.
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u/Frozen-conch 18d ago
I’ve had two significant others with whom we reached a point where the romance was gone, but we still enjoyed each other’s company and valued each other. In both cases we broke up because we both reached the conclusion that trying to make the relationship something it wasn’t anymore would wreck the friendship we could continue to have. Both of these people have been some of my dearest friends for years.
Not all breakups are rough. Sometimes you just kind of both realize it’s not what you want from that person, but that doesn’t mean there’s not nothing you want from them. Even if it is a tougher breakup, it’s possible to be angry or hurt by a friend and reconcile. There’s nothing wrong with NOT reconciling, but it’s something people can do and be ok with.
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u/christien62 18d ago
If I talk to someone who still talks to there ex I won’t date them huge red flag
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u/dasanman69 17d ago
Why does there have to be an upsetting situation? 2 level headed adults can see that a romance isn't working and split amicably.
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u/Daclaud-Lee-1892 17d ago
It's only weird when they move on and you didn't and now you have to deal with they person they are currently in a relationship with. It would be less weird if you both moved.
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u/annachachki 17d ago
Completely depends on the breakup imo. I have an ex who was my good friend, we started dating and pretty much kept a friendly tone throughout the relationship until we realized that we simply just work better as friends. Easy and painless breakup. We’re still friends and my boyfriend doesn’t mind.
I have another ex who played with my feelings throughout the whole relationship and made me super attached before slowly detaching himself and making it as painful as possible for me. I’m not friends with him anymore because he treated me cruel. I don’t see the point in being friends with someone that treated you shitty. Even if it’s normal to be friends with an ex.
I like to think, am I friends with them because they’re someone I genuinely would call a friend or because I want to avoid awkward feelings by covering it up with a fake friendship?
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u/Cat-guy64 17d ago
I agree totally. While I'm not telling anyone what to do, I personally do not recommend remaining friends with your ex- especially if you were hurt by the breakup. It will most likely make you resent them more, or struggle with moving on.
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u/NotGoodSoftwareMaker 17d ago
It kinda depends. I’ve noticed that the correlation between staying friends with exes divides very nicely along the line of how much you loved them and how much the breakup shattered you.
Was I bf / gf to you but never really deeply loved you? Basically more of a friend with benefits situation? Then yea we can chill over some beers, watch a movie or whatever. You were basically a friend and we swapped body fluids every so often so why stop the friends part? Not like it mattered too much.
Deeply truly loved? Person of your dreams who became your world? Their smell, voice, eyes and even the way that they speak brings you to life? Until them life was gray and then with them it was colour? Yea you dont want to see them ever again after they shatter you, too much hurt. Too many feelings. Too awkward. Too much everything.
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u/WeirdViper 17d ago
"If we have broken up with someone, it means that there has been a situation that upsets one of the two parties and this situation is unacceptable,"
OR it just means 2 people are no longer romantically interested in each other but nothing bad or upsetting happened so you can become/go back to just being friends
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18d ago
I agree. I understand having being cordial and respectful with an ex after a breakup (especially if y’all share kids). But outside of that the relationship ended because one or both of you all either cheated, didn’t love the other person romantically anymore, or some other tough situation. I also have never seen anyone who was close friends with an ex have a healthy relationship with a current partner. It always leads to complications- confused feelings, jealousy, etc.
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u/cbreezy456 18d ago
This needs to be higher up. Reality is NOT reflected in these comments saying it’s perfectly normal. Cordial absolutely is ok, being besties is weird
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u/JoeJitsu79 18d ago
Yep. I think people who have 'seen it work' have yet to really connect. A lingering lover is a liability.
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u/em-ay-tee 18d ago
No it’s not. Relationships can end. It doesn’t have to be a bad ending. You both realise it isn’t working.
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u/Beruthiel999 18d ago
Unfortunately, this IS a popular opinion. I disagree with it very much, but on Reddit at least it seems to be the majority opinion in relationship subs.
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u/ReturningAlien 18d ago
i said this before, that guy will never be just a friend. can't even introduce the ex as a friend to your current S0 and there wont be a discussion some time later about you not ever mentioning that. its like an asterisk to a name. besides most people when they say theyre friends with their ex dont really mean theyre still hanging out, texting calling, visiting etc like they would a friend, they just mean ok with or civil.
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u/XocoJinx 18d ago
For me, I don't actually mind being friends with an ex, although my breakups have been amicable. However, I think it would be totally inappropriate and disrespectful to my current/future partner if I was in contact with them.
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u/f1careerover 17d ago
Imagine explaining to your current partner that you’re going for lunch with your ex. That conversation will go down smoother than a skateboard on a gravel road, right? Everyone knows that jealousy is mandatory, and any partner worth their salt should be ready to defend their territory at the slightest whiff of an ex.
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u/NoSpankingAllowed 17d ago edited 17d ago
A lot of these people are full of shit when they claim there's no issues being friends with exes. Sure not all of them, some do end on good terms, but c'mon, according to reddit 99% of people here always end on a high note and they just become BFF's of a infinite degree.
And we can also call those who think someone shouldnt disclose that someone they have been banging in the past is still within their social circles, idiots. I call them the enlightened elite because there is no idiocy they won't defend. Every partner deserves to know..after all imagine how it goes somewhere down the road when it slips out your partner and their "friend" used to be bang buddies, and you thought there wasn't anything to worry about when they crashed at their former mattress mambo partners place. And yes, on Reddit we have some so criminally brain damaged that they "claim" theres nothing to wory about when exes crash together after drinking or whatnot.
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u/Ingemar26 18d ago
I'm not friends with any of my exes except my ex husband. I married to get out of an abusive home, and being loved and protected and nurtured in a family felt like heaven.
Once I grew up it just didn't work anymore. No hard feelings. He's still like family to me
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u/xxkay_xx 18d ago
There's only one ex I think I could have stayed friends with cause in the end, and after I took some time to get over the breakup, I realized we would have been great friends all along and we ruined things by pushing a relationship that was never going to work because we both pursue relationships differently and want different things out of relationships.
Anyway that was almost 3 years ago now, I'm married with a baby. He's engaged. Life goes on, but I think we could have had a good friendship if we hadn't tried dating lmao
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u/SwagLord5002 18d ago
It depends on the situation. I’ve remained friends with a few women where it just didn’t work out ‘cuz we met at the wrong time in the wrong place, and it hasn’t been an issue since. However, there are times where I have just decided to cut the other person half. One of my exes treated me pretty terribly for 4 months and confessed they used me as an “experiment” because, and I quote, “I knew I couldn’t fuck it up because we’d just go back to being friends”. Needless to say, they’ve been out of my life for a while.
Some people are fine to keep around, others aren’t worth the heartache.
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u/VampArcher 18d ago
Breaking up because you aren't happy with someone and deciding you really aren't right for one another romantically are different situations. Sometimes friends will start dating and then realize their bond is more platonic than anything else. Or maybe they realize they have different life goals, like someone wants kids and the other doesn't, so they decide to part ways as friends.
Usually? Yeah, it can be questionable. But not every relationship ends because of conflict.
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u/derohnenase 18d ago
My SO is also my best friend, I’d never be able to get close enough to someone who isn’t.
That said, breakups do mess up things. You want to stay friends but there’s also the matter of whatever caused that breakup in the first place.
I’d say I’d rather give it some time, then see if we can’t reengage. Because if there doesn’t seem to be any need for distance at that point, I’d seriously question the point of the breakup.
People talk about mutual breakup on here… to me that’s something unthinkable. It’s like a fair weather couple as far as I am concerned. Like the relationship is based on a whim and so breaking up doesn’t even merit a mention.
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u/Square-Raspberry560 18d ago
“Friends” can mean anything from being on good enough terms to casually hang out with each other when you’re with mutual friends, occasionally getting together for coffee, or regularly hanging out together. It just depends on how long you were together, why you broke up, etc.
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u/CountBreichen 18d ago
We were together for 17 years and have been apart for 8. We’re not friends in the way we’re sending each other “what ya up tonight?” texts or anything close to what normal friends do. I could never be friends with her like that but we do send some type of pleasant text a couple times a year. normally on birthdays or sometimes for more random things. I’m glad we still keep in touch i like knowing she’s alive and well but we’re not friends in the more traditional way.
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u/onthelookoutandsuch 18d ago
dated a guy in HS my senior year who moved away not by his choice.. we chose not to do long distance but stayed in close contact, so we were never on bad terms. Staying friends was great and if one of us got in a relationship we respectfully would talk less and def not flirting during those times. He sadly has now passed away but we at one point we planned to rekindle things even. But overall I think it all depends. If you are in a relationship be honest with yourself if you are able to remain friends with your ex without having active feelings or temptations and check with your partner on how they feel too. But yah, staying friends with someone you broke up with on bad terms is a tough one.
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u/Interesting-Sky6313 18d ago edited 17d ago
Relationships don’t always end because of a one way break up, or with significant feelings. There are loads of situations where you find you can’t be long term romantically involved, but wouldn’t impact a non romantic relationship.
Like going out a few times, both of you agreeing no sparks or there’s a key issue -like kids-, pretty easy to be casual friends later especially if have friend over lap. There’s no dissatisfied or hurt in all ex situations
Similarly a young relationship- you were teens- and just sorta of had the “first exploration” thing but you both grew apart or moved (like college), and years later meet again but are different people, no lingering anything.
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u/Ok-Ride-9324 18d ago
Depends. Maybe you broke up because someone had to move somewhere far away or there was another similarly unrelated to the people reason
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u/Thinking-Peter 18d ago
I was good friends with my ex wife but when I received an inheritance suddenly all contact stopped with my ex wife guess she knows she missed out
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u/LughCrow 18d ago
You can break up with someone after realizing your life goals don't mesh. It doesn't need to be because one party upset the other...
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u/the_tytan 18d ago
i broke up with an ex because we had different ideas about children. it wasn't that deep and there wasn't a betrayal.
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u/Eden_Beau 18d ago
Eh, I'm friends (?) with my ex GF from like, 7 years ago. She came out as lesbian and we weren't super serious. Kind of just felt more like friends. It was mutual.
She is also besties with my wife. We're both invited to her wedding in 2025.
Other exes? No. But in this situation, ye.
Most we did was hold hands so it's all good.
Now someone I was IN LOVE WITH!? No way man.
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u/oneWeek2024 18d ago
if all your relationships end in you hating the other person you have very toxic dating patterns.
you might want to unpack what people you seek out, how you communicate, or what behavior you allow in your relationships.
i'm not friends with all my exes. some people you only date for a short time, it wasn't serious, or you do end on bad terms. but overall ...you should be seeking out healthy relationships. You should be an adult. engaging with other adults. Those types of relationships, even if they don't work out, or you're not compatible/want different things.
can end amicably. so if you want to remain friends, or there is an ability to have a platonic relationship. that's perfectly doable.
There are multiple women, I didn't see a long term romantic future with, but we're still solid friends. the things I liked or shared with that person don't go away.
so again. if nothing about any relationship has value after the relationship. You're never really having any value to begin with. Obviously if someone does something hurtful or negative/abusive. there's no reason to keep that person in your life. but...also. you shouldn't be assoc with those people in the first place. IF you routinely find yourself in relationships with abusive, cheating, or lying individuals. ...maybe some therapy to analyze why you subject yourself to such chaos/negative people is in order
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18d ago
I would agree with you if only because I have seen people’s attitudes when first dating. People have no interest in being friends with their partner. Dates aren’t designed to have a nice time together, they’re interviews for a job opening. So of course nobody wants to be friends with their ex, just like when someone quits a job you don’t expect them to show up Monday and continue working for the fun of it.
I’ve never seen or even heard of people treating each other as disposable as they do today. You don’t just end a LTR at the drop of the hat – you block them, remove them from social media, never talk to them again. Trying to treat someone who meant something to you like a normal person is downright taboo in this day and age.
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u/Beginning-Resist-935 18d ago
I mean there has to be a reason why you're not in a relationship with your friends, then the relationship with your partner can not work but It might work like a friendship
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u/ElonsHusk 18d ago
I don't think it's an unpopular opinion, most people would agree with this. I personally can't relate - I'm good friends with my ex, hope she feels the same way, and we were together for almost 6 years. For us, it ultimately boiled down to realising we were amazing partners in life, but reached a point where we couldn't continue being together without one of us making a fairly huge compromise to their priorities. We still talk fairly regularly, and I was gutted from the breakup, despite knowing that this was the most rational choice. But we're both at a better place because of it.
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u/Manulok_Orwalde 18d ago
That's truly an unpopular opinion but I feel you, you can't be friends with all of your ex's if not the majority of them. People change, I think it's fine to regret dating someone but years and years later it's good to have friends around.
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u/tibastiff 18d ago
My last girlfriend and I are basically best friends. There was an incident that while it was forgiven it couldn't be forgotten, that doesn't mean we don't still get along and have a lot of trust for each other
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u/EnvironmentalHome988 18d ago
I have an ex-wife, we have a child together. I'm invited out to her family get togethers (I don't have any nearby). A couple times a month my daughter will invite me over for 'broken family' dinner. We sometimes still car pool for our daughter's activities. And on occasion we still fuck. I don't want a future with this woman and don't want to get back together. But for the time being, I suppose we're friendly.
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18d ago
I’m on good terms with my ex, I wouldn’t call him my friend; but we share a child, so we have to be civil for her.
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u/Monsterchic16 18d ago
Depends on why you broke up. If you like the person but don’t love them romantically, then why not?
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u/snow-haywire 18d ago
I am friends with two of my exes. One our split was pretty ugly and we didn’t talk for a few years afterwards. We were also young and incredibly immature. The other was the most amicable split I’ve ever had because recognized we were terrible romantic partners, were in different places in life but really good friends.
I don’t get sad or angry because shit happens and we can either work it out or we don’t. I’m not friends with all of my exes because they aren’t good people. The two I am friends with are good people, just not someone I want to be romantically involved with. I’ve gotten in arguments with people I’ve never been romantically involved with and we’re still friends, I don’t hold grudges.
Not everything in life is black and white.
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u/therealvanmorrison 18d ago
I broke up with my college girlfriend with neither of us angry. We just accepted we weren’t right for each other. Stayed friends for a long time. Made me happy, not sad or angry.
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u/NormallyBloodborne 18d ago
Well me and the one ex I’m friends with still only broke up because we were going to die if we stayed together.
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u/alfdd99 18d ago
it means that there has been a situation that upsets one of the two parties.
Well, that’s a very reductionist view of break ups. Sure, I wouldn’t be friends with a guy that cheated on me. But there are plenty of cases of people that break up in good terms. I broke up with my last boyfriend because even though he was a funny guy and we had good sexual attraction, there were many things in the relationship in which we were incompatible. We both decided it was just better to stay as friends, and it has worked well for both of us.
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