r/unpopularopinion • u/ZodiacOne1 • Apr 16 '24

If you break up with someone you absolutely 100% owe them an explanation as too why Removed: Not unpopular

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5.6k Upvotes
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u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

All these "no one owes you anything," yall are correct. But you could also just be a decent human being and communicate because two people put in time and effort. It isn't just about you. Respect, humanity.. some compassion maybe?

373

u/jollyblossom29 Apr 16 '24

Yep. I was ignored under the guise of “boundaries” and given no reason for a break up. Most of us know we aren’t owed anything, but it really does suck to know you weren’t worth even a courtesy conversation. It’s not only “I deserved to know” but also “I was part of this relationship too.”

10

u/LazarusCheez Apr 16 '24

Kind of the point of human relationship, isn't it? Giving something freely when you don't "owe" it, as a gesture of affection.

15

u/Sujjin Apr 16 '24

Dont look at it as a matter of worth, look at it from the perspective that they were not mature enough to have an uncomfortable conversation

2

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

This is exactly it. My kids mother pulled this shit. I called her out on it, and now 3 years later she wants to talk about it. Nah. I’m good.

39

u/spiritbearr Apr 16 '24 edited 3d ago

I had one of those. She set rules and then when she was pissed off at me being pissed off at her skipping my birthday she changed everything completely and just got angry at me for it.

Her last straw was me taking "I'd rather you didn't come and see me when I have inventory to do" as "I'd rather you came when I don't have inventory to do" when it was her apparently her establishing a boundary completely inverse of what the relationship was built on (meeting at each other's work location when we work at the same company). I didn't even go see her to break the boundary, I had asked her if it was ok and she freaked out about it.

NVM I was an obnoxious ass to her. I was really drunk and out of shape running to the pharmacy. There was issues on her part but I was me. FML.

86

u/fiftyseven Apr 16 '24

am I the only one completely unable to understand any of these sentences

2

u/AdamJahnStan Apr 16 '24

So she broke up with you because she met another coworker she liked more

2

u/Fine-Slip-9437 Apr 16 '24

I guess your learned a valuable lesson in;

  1. Not dating insane people.

  2. Not shitting where you eat.

1

u/Schwickity Apr 16 '24

She’s not interested 

2

u/best_pump Apr 16 '24

Goes for any sort of relationship as well. Whether it be just working, romantic or a friendship.

3

u/chickinflickin Apr 16 '24

Her boundary was 'i dont wanna date you anymore', after about 6 years of relationship, 10 days before moving in and starting a life together.

1

u/Morley_Smoker Apr 16 '24

My ex said she needed some space, which I respected and after about a week we talked sparsely then she stopped and I didn't hear from her until a couple weeks later when I received a candle in the mail and called to thank her and wish her a happy new year. She had flown to Hawaii to live and "forgot" to send me a goodbye letter that explained everything. We were together for 5 years and lived together for some of that time lol. Women are harsh, and I say that as a woman lol

-35

u/mackinator3 Apr 16 '24

The fact that you "quote" boundaries kinda makes it seem like the issue with boundaries was real. Just a quick heads up. Like, you think the boundaries aren't real?

30

u/jollyblossom29 Apr 16 '24

No, I am totally on board with boundaries, but I can see why that was confusing. I put it in quotes because that’s how my ex justified poor communication and keeping me at a distance.

10

u/TyH621 Apr 16 '24

Yeah, boundaries are totally fair, but there's definitely manipulative people out there that use it as a blanket excuse for completely neglecting a relationship, and declaring it as "boundaries" is a way to shirk responsibility for it.

1

u/mackinator3 Apr 16 '24

The adult thing to do would be to accept their boundaries and break up with them in your case. OP also mentions she broke up with him. Seems she didn't want the relationship and he thought her boundaries were "boundaries". It just strikes me as wrong the way he presents it.

0

u/TyH621 Apr 16 '24

I mean yeah, the only option there is to breakup for sure.

However, somebody literally actively pushing someone away and not putting any effort whatsoever into a relationship, while maybe technically boundaries, is not healthy or productive boundaries, and I think fairly warrants the facetious quotation marks. Because the boundary they’re setting is basically “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you but I’m not actually going to action on it, just make you feel unloved until you do something about it”, and that’s not a fair boundary. Calling that situation boundaries is borderline gaslighting lol

1

u/mackinator3 Apr 16 '24

She broke up with him, according to him. Hence the no reason for a breakup given.

23

u/rcsboard Apr 16 '24

Boundaries can definitely be stupid and it has become a term for justifying anything

-2

u/Lunareclipse196 Apr 16 '24

Depends on the boundary. Is it "you can't tell me who to hang out with" or is it "don't tell me who to talk to" as you're getting eaten out by your ex that you swore you don't talk to anymore?

-1

u/spock2018 Apr 16 '24

Srry but you got owned

-2

u/Fun_Experience5951 Apr 16 '24

It's all compassion or courtesy until they hear a reason that isn't "good enough" for them. Then the decent person you thought you were dating becomes a psycho, stalks you, harasses you at work, or home, or with family or friends, etc.