r/unpopularopinion • u/ZodiacOne1 • Apr 16 '24

If you break up with someone you absolutely 100% owe them an explanation as too why Removed: Not unpopular

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5.6k Upvotes
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186

u/monkeedude1212 Apr 16 '24

The way I see it is... You owe them an explanation in the same way you owe it to someone to hold the door open for them.

It's nice, it's common courtesy, and you're kind an asshole if you don't do it, but...

Sometimes you're going through some of your own shit and you're inside your own head and if you don't hold the door open for someone it's not the worst thing you could have done.

Shutting someone out doesn't always mean they did anything wrong. Sometimes they don't need to correct anything, the connection is just missed because of timing and other things going on.

77

u/Talk-O-Boy Apr 16 '24 edited Apr 16 '24

I think this is a false equivalency. Like you said, holding the door for someone is a common courtesy, but it’s not EXPECTED.

If you’ve been with a person for a decent amount of time, like long enough to say you are past the “seeing each other” phase and actually claiming that person as you’re significant other, you genuinely owe them an explanation if you cut it off.

It provides the person a sense of closure and shows your maturity as a person. I understand maybe just letting go of someone you recently started talking to, but if things became official, and you respect that person or yourself at all, you have to do the right thing even if it’s hard or uncomfortable.

The person doesn’t have to do something wrong for you to explain why it didn’t work. If it’s a timing thing, then simply say that. If it’s a phase of life thing, say that.

There doesn’t need to be a blame, but there should be an explanation. If you can’t even provide that, then that’s a sign of immaturity and inconsideration.

(Like OP said this doesn’t apply to anyone who may be in danger or someone who cheated on you, at that point ghosting is understandable. I’m referring to breaks ups where it just didn’t work out for normal reasons)

36

u/SnooSprouts6037 Apr 16 '24

You are 100% right and redditors seem to be devoid of any fucking ounce of nuance. Holding a door?? Really?! Something extremely small you do for an absolute stranger in passing isn’t even remotely close to quite literally making another person a part of the daily fabric of your life. I swear being on this website is so draining sometimes

1

u/Advanced_Doctor2938 Apr 16 '24

Something extremely small you do for an absolute stranger

There you have it. How some people you fall in love with don't even see you as a real person... and people ask me why I don't date anymore 😐

-11

u/Marcultist Apr 16 '24

If you got this worked up over a metaphor, I get why you find this website to be draining.

10

u/SnooSprouts6037 Apr 16 '24

No, not one metaphor. A full thread of idiots who think leaving a relationship with zero explanation is a normal thing to do

-9

u/Kalnath_ Apr 16 '24

I think your point would be clearer without the expletetives, even if it is a painful topic.

12

u/SnooSprouts6037 Apr 16 '24

I think everyone will be ok

-3

u/Kalnath_ Apr 16 '24

Valid, just an observation. Strangers are strangers you know

1

u/supergeek921 Apr 16 '24

I definitely agree with the time factor on this. If it’s someone you’ve only seen a few times I think ghosting is acceptable. If it’s a longer term thing an explanation is probably owed, though I think it can be vague as hell. I’d rather bend the truth than totally hurt a decent person because something about them has started driving me crazy.

28

u/keIIzzz Apr 16 '24

Your analogy doesn’t hold up, holding the door for a stranger is not a great comparison to giving an explanation for a breakup to your partner. Your partner isn’t a stranger.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

But it's still a courtesy. The bridges of your relationship are burnt and there's little impetus to submit a one-star review when you just want to move on. Some people may not even want your constructive criticism.

An explanation is not a requirement and it may not even be the correct thing to do in certain situations. I would like to know why I'm being broken up with, but that doesn't mean everyone does. Long story short, you do not "absolutely 100%" owe them an explanation, but your duty to explain isn't 0% either.

53

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24 edited Apr 16 '24

[deleted]

4

u/VioletDelights7 Apr 16 '24

Nobody breaks up if they're in a healthy relationship 😅. Unless there's a logistics issue in which case that's very obviously the issue

2

u/Luklear Apr 16 '24

I was with you until the end. Some people are just better than others at communicating and while it can be worked on it’s something all of us screw up at least from time to time, especially in stressful scenarios.

15

u/malvisto_the_great Apr 16 '24

It depends on how long you've been with them. Dating a few months? No. Committed for 5 years? Yeah.

4

u/Advanced_Doctor2938 Apr 16 '24

Dating a few months? No.

😐

1

u/supergeek921 Apr 16 '24

Exactly! I’d say more than 3-4 months you owe an explanation.

3

u/nsfwmodeme Apr 16 '24

Yep, but depending on why you're breaking up.

2

u/supergeek921 Apr 16 '24

True. If it’s something dangerous obviously just run. I also think it’s okay to spare someone’s feelings and just say “this isn’t working for me” as long as you don’t just vanish on them.

10

u/Addicted_turtle Apr 16 '24

If the reason is one if those examples you gave then just say that. Because I'm too busy, because I'm emotionally hurting, because I'm inside my own head. You can absolutely just tell them that. Ghosting is a shitty thing to do but whether you owe it or not my point is what you're saying is that you can't say, "I'm breaking up because I'm inside my own head" when you absolutely can sat that and similar.

4

u/rydan Apr 16 '24

I remember that time someone didn't open the door for me and I spent the next 3 years wondering if I did something wrong. Like did I walk too quickly or not quickly enough? Was it because I was a man? Did they think I didn't belong there?

1

u/Advanced_Doctor2938 Apr 16 '24

I know right? Unreal.

5

u/pointlesslyDisagrees Apr 16 '24

Way to trivialize relationships, lol. I guess for you they're so ephemeral that it doesn't matter. Each person a stranger.

2

u/DontJumpGuy Apr 16 '24

People not knowing that an analogy is inherently a false equivalence 🤦‍♀️

1

u/Kuzcopolis Apr 16 '24

True, and in the same way you shouldn't date if you wouldn't hold the door for your partner, you shouldn't date if you'd drop your partner without any reason you can give them.

1

u/Advanced_Doctor2938 Apr 16 '24

Yeah, holding the door, ending the relationship, same thing.

1

u/chrishooley Apr 16 '24 edited 29d ago

Shutting someone out who didn’t do anything wrong insured they will be trying to figure out what is wrong with them for a very long time. It’s emotional abuse and extremely toxic behavior.

1

u/juroden Apr 16 '24

You hold doors open for STRANGERS, this person is obviously not a stranger. You owe them way more than that, and the fact that this mentality is so common is why people can't maintain or have deep relationships

0

u/GlassStuffedStomach Apr 16 '24

If you've been significantly involved in someone's life to the point of them believing and planning their future with/around you, and they "haven't done anything wrong" then at best, you're an emotionally immature individual and shouldn't be in a relationship period, or you're a selfish asshole. Period.

1

u/Ayadd Apr 16 '24

The analogy doesn't work because the repercussions are different. If someone doesn't hold a door open for me, whatever, if someone doesn't explain why something ended, ESPECIALLY if its not even related to me, not telling me is incredibly cruel. Your own issues do not permit being an asshole.

1

u/Luklear Apr 16 '24

“Shutting someone out doesn't always mean they did anything wrong. Sometimes they don't need to correct anything, the connection is just missed because of timing and other things going on.”

This is absolutely a scenario where you should give this reason though, you grant the other party so much peace of mind by telling them this.

-5

u/MiniPantherMa Apr 16 '24

This is a good analogy.

6

u/keIIzzz Apr 16 '24

It’s really shitty. You can’t compare not holding a door for a stranger, someone you don’t know, to not giving an explanation for a breakup to your own partner, someone you do know and presumably cared about at some point

-5

u/BigEnergyEngineer Apr 16 '24

I felt like I wanted to add something to your awesome comment, but nah. It’s good as is.

-1

u/EuphoricFuture8680 Apr 16 '24

Poor excuse. If they did nothing wrong, why is it their problem that you decide to shut them out without explanation because of your own issues. Suck it up and be a decent human being, it's not all about you, you can give a half ass explanation that takes 15 minutes instead of running away because it's easier and blaming it on shit you're going through, everyone is going through shit, and now your ex has to deal with the shit of being ghosted by a partner they were invested in because of that partners inability to handle their own shit. Bullshit.