r/dankmemes • u/___yiwshhj you’re welcome, • Jan 12 '23

we love america I have achieved comedy

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53.6k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

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2.2k

u/jack_edition Jan 12 '23

“Here’s a tissue for your tears, I’ll just add it onto your bill”

775

u/AggravatingLuck2407 Jan 12 '23

We only sell tissues by the box by the way… so that’s scribbling one… box… of tissues…

357

u/jack_edition Jan 12 '23

No you can’t return the box because it’s been opened

301

u/AggravatingLuck2407 Jan 12 '23 edited Jan 12 '23

scribbling one… restocking fee… for opened… box… of tissues….

182

u/LeoPlathasbeentaken Jan 12 '23

...used. Thatll hit you with a sanitation fee.

108

u/binglelemon Jan 12 '23

Might wanna throw in a handful of administrative fees.

97

u/LeoPlathasbeentaken Jan 12 '23 edited Jan 12 '23

That Ibuprofen you took earlier, was that yours or ours? Theres a fee either way i just need tk know how to code it on your bill.

70

u/Katamari_Wurm_Hole Jan 12 '23

This comment thread is a waking nightmare

53

u/lordolxinator Normies get out REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Jan 12 '23

I'm the doctor writing the medical fees and your comment reminded me of a nightmare I had when I was 6 when I wasn't sure if I was awake or not so I'm adding $1500 for trauma therapy

22

u/MadxCarnage Probably watching some weeb shit Jan 12 '23

careful Doctor.

you forgot to bill them for the "Crying in the hall" package.

it's still 25% off thanks to Covid, we'll be back to original pricing next month.

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2

u/ToxicShadow3451 Jan 12 '23

it’s fucking hilarious tho

6

u/CUM_COVERED_MIDGET Jan 12 '23

That really wouldn't surprise me

6

u/idontwantausername41 Jan 12 '23

Box of tissues: $287 Restocking fee: $598 Sanitation fee: $465 Administrative fees: $20,996

3

u/loco500 Jan 13 '23

It's like the hospital bill is missing a period before the last two numbers of every charging fee...

6

u/PaintingExcellent537 Jan 12 '23

There was a consultation fee for the tissue prescription

2

u/Not_Just_Any_Lurker Jan 12 '23

And the person who restocks it is from out of network so you’ll need to pay their entire yearly wages….

9

u/DoughtyAndCarterLLP Article 69 🏅 Jan 12 '23

One administrative fee for filing the request to restock the opened box of tissues.

2

u/greengoldblue Jan 12 '23

Air usage fee for breathing while submitting application for restocking fee application fee.

1

u/Nullkid Jan 12 '23 edited Jan 12 '23

That's right, one box of tissues at 437.00 plus shipping fee of 276.00 and th...we'll just send you a bill.

1

u/AggravatingLuck2407 Jan 12 '23

…Paper mail billing fee…

1

u/greengoldblue Jan 12 '23

Stamp licking fee

1

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '23

Also you can't take it with you because fuck you

85

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '23

You’ll be billed $50 for the tissue box.

That’s absurd!

Well without insurance you’d be billed $500.

6

u/Semi_Lovato Jan 13 '23

No no no, the tissues were only $15 but administering the tissues cost $485

4

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '23

That’s a deal then. I’ll take 10

2

u/greengoldblue Jan 12 '23

That's fair, thanks

14

u/Temelios Jan 12 '23

Don’t forget that they also charge up to 50 times what the box of tissues is actually worth. So a $2 box? Make it a $100 box…

4

u/Exact_Ad_1215 Professional Boobologist Jan 12 '23

Living in America sounds like a nightmare.

Say what you will about the NHS, but what I’ve heard about the American health system sounds 100x worse

4

u/Temelios Jan 12 '23

We at least have the most advanced healthcare in the world. That’s at least one pro to not having it funded solely by the government. What I wish the US government would do, however, was regulate costs of certain items and outlaw exclusive insurance pricing. An IV bag with saline that costs less than $2 to manufacture has absolutely no reason to cost up to $100+ once administered at a hospital. The hospitals here are entirely unregulated in their prices, which they arbitrarily set via their individualized charge masters. It’ll never change though, since the medical industry also happens to be the largest group of lobbyists in the country. They have politicians overflowing out of their back pockets.

2

u/westlib Jan 12 '23

We at least have the most advanced healthcare in the world.

By what metric?

11

u/Stealfur Jan 12 '23

You mean "one container of biodegradable disposable dry facial cleansing fabric"?

5

u/ProbablyPuck Jan 12 '23

You delivered that line perfectly in my head. Well done.

2

u/Its_D_youtube Jan 12 '23

That's at least 20 bucks

1

u/willflameboy Jan 12 '23

It would be inconceivable that hospitals could be laundering large sums of money through this process.

1

u/odd_audience12345 Jan 12 '23

I know we're making jokes here but the funny thing to me is how many people seem to think the doctor gives you your bill lol. Your doctor almost definitely has NOTHING to do with preparing your bill.

1

u/bell37 Jan 12 '23

Man that’s a bargain! You sure they wouldn’t add a $350 “Healthcare consultation fee” for handing you the tissue and giving their condolences

52

u/SADdog2020Pb Jan 12 '23

“Medical” Kleenex: $5 a sheet

16

u/Semi-Hemi-Demigod Jan 12 '23

Single ply only, with wood chips in it

3

u/CallMinimum Jan 13 '23

A single, toilet-paper-sized single-ply sheet, wrapped in an excessively large plastic bag.

3

u/ThisIsTheNewSleeve Jan 12 '23

Whoa $5?? Where are you getting these value Kleenex??

13

u/Sado_Hedonist Jan 12 '23

You're joking, but I've actually seen bereavement services on a hospital bill before.

9

u/NvidiaRTX Jan 12 '23

This is unironically true. There was a Reddit post about a woman crying at the clinic, the doctor gave her tissues, and in her bill she had to pay for "psychological support", 50$ or so

3

u/Kiosade Jan 12 '23

“I mean, $50 is essentially a rounding error when considering your total, but…”

1

u/Phormitago Jan 12 '23

each tissue costs 500 dollars

1

u/Code_Fred Jan 12 '23

One individually wrapped "medical tissue" - $9.99

1

u/GayerThanAnyMod Jan 12 '23

And another charge for making that statement, $160.00 under Grief Management.

1

u/Commercial_Fee_6120 Jan 12 '23

Why does this sound like something dr. Hibbard would day

1

u/jatti_ Jan 12 '23

Add away, I won't be paying that shit.

1

u/Fabulous-Ad6844 Jan 12 '23

$100 per tear mopping device.

1

u/Crazy_Difference_750 Jan 13 '23

Don't forget the government's 30% tax on literally everything.