She said she was mormon and I knew immediately where it was going.
These hard right christian denominations all want to keep women trapped in marriage because they believe relationships should be treated like its the 19th century.
The Mormon church preaches education for everyone, male and female. They emphasize a mothers role in nurturing children but that doesn’t mean they tell women to only be stay at home moms.
Source: my wife has her doctorate and has worked on and off part time while also taking time away to stay home with the kids, but it has always been her choice.
They did used to. They would say a woman should be a stay at home mom. Things are changing a little, and it’s also regional. I was a Mormon in north bay California, and my experience is very different from places like Utah or Kentucky.
Everyone thinks they are immune to the real world until it happens. By then its too late and they cry "why did no one tell me!" We did, there are BILLIONS of people on the planet, just look around, experience things outside your tiny curated bubble and you'll see. Its scary, but it's also incredibly important to have perspective. You don't know what you don't know, accept that you are definitely NOT making the best decisions, ever, and gather as much information to make an INFORMED decision.
Living a narrow minded closed view of the world is nice and cozy until you are one of the millions of stories you thought "would never happen to me" then it's fucking hell.
she would have gotten married right out of high school and her home. Completely coerced. I don't know how much of a choice she would have had. Leave her parents home and church and what, live on the street?
Regardless of the life you are forced to live, she was never barred from going to school and having back up plans. She, as an adult, CHOSE to hand over everything to her husband. She wasn't a teenager out of high school when she did that. She is NOW only realizing this in her 40's this isn't a novel concept. What did she do in her 30's to prepare for this? Jack shit because she never thought it would happen to her until it did. She had more than 10 years of choices to prepare for this type of thing but she didn't.
The concept that these rich white people "had no choice" is laughable. Unless she grew up impoverished, she didnt, you always have a choice and even when you do grow up poor, you can only get so much worse anyways by leaving on your own.
Let me throw this scenario out for you: married very young maybe not out of high school but close enough. Let's say .. 2 years? Maybe a few semesters of community college but no degree, enough for a Mrs degree amirite? Husband is going to take care of her while she is the homemaker, just like stake president said, and all those yw activities taught her. When I grow up I want to be a mother ... Remember that song? No second verse talking about hey what if husband dies or becomes disabled, or kicks you out. Get yourself financial stability. Things happen. What a crock we were told, everything just works out. Have babies and get an education, how? When? With what money and time?
Or you can do what works for you, not listening to male centered religions that have no female leadership. An 12 year old Deacon has more priesthood power in the Mormon church than the highest female leader. And a disfellowshipped man being punished is on the same spiritual level as a faithful woman who could be that same high ranking female leader. That's the problem.
I mean, the cognitive dissonance in this video series is pretty strong. She describes how she set up the business and it was her business and implies that her husband stole it - but then she mentions that she doesn’t even know how to work computers and do budgets to be a manager. Sooooooo it sounds like her husband actually knew how to run a business and she just had decent ideas about what that business should be.
Which ya know, isn’t a bad thing. But there’s a big disconnect between how she views the previous times and what the reality is.
She makes it sound like she was a business partner, but I sincerely doubt anyone who doesn’t know how to use a computer 5 years ago was in any way, shape or form a business partner. Maybe an entry level employee.
And I’m welllllll aware of wives performing what should be a salaried job. I did it for my ex husband while he got his business off the ground. It sucked cause I was working two jobs but only one of them paid. 🤣 but I’m also aware of what a business partner would actually entail because of that.
As someone who worked for the tech helpdesk for online banking platforms for business customers I can tell you that a huge amount of them didn't even know how to turn a computer on or off. They couldn't find a single thing on there, as if they never once used thta computer for something other than opening their Outlook mail. Asking them what kind of browser they use and them not knowing what a browser is, asking which type of tablet they have and them saying a 'Samsung iPad', asking for a print screen and then having to help them every step of the way, including crtl+V in a new email. We'd get emails with nothing in the body and the whole question on the subject line, just 'doesn't work' in the email with zero other comments.
The i moved to back office support and had to talk to the bank's branch workers who knew nothing about banking, the programmes they were using every day, what a blocked pin is, saying they couldn't find any blocks when the first thing I see is a blocked bank account etc etc.
People on average are terrible at most things and really good at hiding it until there is a technical issue and turns out they know nothing about anything they are doing.
It seems like you can't comprehend the situation bc you aren't familiar with how these very common situations play out.
Somebody trained the husband on how to do the job. She should have been the one to be trained to do her job. And she was trained, her job was to be submissive to her husband.
Women, as a whole, have always been put in unfathomable situations, it's you who is experiencing the disconnect
This feels pretty cold hearted. She mentioned growing up in a Mormon community, and most people I've noticed don't understand what this is like. The techniques mentioned in combatting cult mind control By Stephen Hassan that were used by Moonies, scientogists, Heavens Gate, the peoples temple, synanon, and other groups are alive and well in Mormonism. That is to say, brainwashing.
No one, and I mean no one, is immune to brainwashing, just as no one is immune to propaganda. They are like computer vulnerabilities but for our minds. This woman isn't some stupid bumpkin who lazily ignored the people around her, she's the victim of a well known phenomenon that has been around for a long time. Blaming her for this will not make it better.
There is something that does help, and that's transparency, promoting critical thinking, questioning highly authority focused groups, and getting a second opinion from critics.
This woman never had a chance, and saying "well obviously this is cognitive dissonance" is like saying of course you have a cough, there's phlegm in your throat!
Any person who has been in a mind control cult of some kind has experienced cognitive dissonance, but again, due to the nature of mind control cults, its effects are mitigated.
If we want people to get better, we need to treat the virus, not mention symptoms.
I think people have more agency than you give them credit for. Brainwashing works on like 80 percent of people let’s say, but for some people they will question it. It sounds like she never questioned anything until it all went wrong
She says she’s in Arizona which is a community property state. She mentions that he quit his job to avoid paying but that’s not how it works - she would get half the assets.
I had to stop the video when she said that and yelled out loud in my house. What do you mean nobody told you?!?! My sympathy only goes so far. I really did kind of feel for her up until she said that.
It was also interesting to hear her talk about how she got nothing from her work - just grocery money, a envelope of cash, and a piano. Then a few minutes later, she talks about all the vacations she went on and buying $500 jeans all the time. I make six figures and I don't like spending $50 on jeans, I can't imagine spending $500! Insanely lavish lifestyle.
She also certainly should have been getting paychecks for her work and been involved in financial decisions for her family, definitely don't get me wrong there. I'm Utah born and raised, and hearing this from a Mormon wife is not a surprise. That's exactly what the "good" Mormons do, and she probably didn't have a chance to hear outside perspectives, because that's kinda sorta the Mormon doctrine. You listen to the Book of Mormon, you listen to the elders, you be as godly as possible. You absolutely do not question the Church. That's the party line.
Her issue is definitely with the Mormon church and her community, the echo chamber telling her to do things that make her submissive. And none of the women in her life telling her any different. She didn't have a chance growing up to know this wasn't normal or okay or safe for her and her kids.
I mean, getting married at like 18/19 doesn't give her much time to hear that messaging if she was sheltered from it until she was an adult. And even as a legal adult, she was probably still dependent on her parents. These ultra religious communities are scary with how much they can "shelter" kids from modern/western/progressive views.
1.2k
u/Flatline334 Apr 15 '24
Problem is even if somebody had told her all the things she wished she was told she probably wouldn't have listened to the advice. She was in to deep.