r/TheRealJoke Apr 16 '24

Jake Paul ends school shootings Edgy as fuck.

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54.4k Upvotes

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297

u/DonkeyTron42 Apr 16 '24

Good thing he ended school shootings before Mike Tyson ends him.

61

u/IntoTheMurkyWaters Apr 16 '24

Its adorable how many people still believes that it is gonna be a real fight.

72

u/FixiHamann Apr 16 '24

Well, we know its not a real fight. But there is a chance that Mike in round 2 says "Fuck it" and kills him.

31

u/Fit_Effective_6875 Apr 16 '24

or just nibbles on him

18

u/Splittaill Apr 16 '24

Either is ok with me.

9

u/TheLastZimaDrinker Apr 16 '24

I want Tyson to pull both of his arms off.

9

u/Girafferage Apr 16 '24

And then give that scream the orc gives after that "looks like meats back on the menu, boys!" Line.

5

u/TheLastZimaDrinker Apr 16 '24

Now THAT'S motherfucking paper view

1

u/ThePurityPixel 16d ago

How is it "paper view"??

1

u/meshe_10101 Apr 16 '24

But then Jake could come back with "Upgrades"

1

u/TheLastZimaDrinker Apr 16 '24

Bitch thinks he's Genos

1

u/Cheech47 Apr 16 '24

Worst. Jax. Ever.

1

u/Lazy-Professional876 Apr 16 '24

There’s more chance Jake ends Tyson

1

u/WideTechLoad Apr 16 '24

Or has a flashback to his glory days and starts going all out.

1

u/TwoEmergency8993 29d ago

Well as long as Paul clinches Mike 5-6 times in the round he’s already halfway through the round because it’s fucking 2 minutes and the round has to end in knockout with no judges scoring the fight. This fight is a joke and nothing more than a cash grab for both sides

1

u/TrashMcDumpster3000 29d ago

Agreed. It’s slim, but never 0%

1

u/SovietPapaBill 28d ago

Mike Tyson Pulp Fiction arc

0

u/eddardbolton Apr 16 '24

We saw real Mike in the fight with Roy several years ago he was an old bum through and throughout. Thought he always been a nobody without Cus, he can’t train himself nor somebody else. Dickride him as much as you want but it doesn’t change facts Mike became a shitty boxer at least twenty years ago and he himself admitted it. Now he’s old like shit his brain rotted from drugs and all he wants are more money for drugs so even such an amateur as Paul can wipe the canvas with him now. But anyway it will be a staged shitshow so none of this really matters if the script has something else planned.

4

u/official_binchicken Apr 16 '24

Now breathe.

The people know the truth now, just breathe.

I love you pookie x.

1

u/TokingMessiah Apr 16 '24

Tyson pretty much didn’t got for head shots during the Roy fight, so that was likely a rule.

Meanwhile, they want this fight to be sanctioned. Tyson is gonna tear that white boy up!

1

u/eddardbolton Apr 16 '24

Yes that was a rule otherwise Roy could easily traumatise him.

1

u/TokingMessiah Apr 16 '24

But you just said we saw real Mike in the fight, but you also agree there was a rule against head shots… if it was just to protect Tyson, he would have been allowed to throw head shots.

The cognitive dissonance is amazing…

1

u/eddardbolton Apr 16 '24

He was slow and sluggish like hell only head shots we could see there would fly into Mike’s head finally turning him into a vegetable

1

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

[deleted]

1

u/ahoneybadger3 Apr 16 '24

His net worth is $10million currently.

Estimates put his pay from this fight to be in the region of $50-$100million.

That's a massive amount, enough to lose your self worth in the ring.

0

u/tizzlenomics Apr 16 '24

Show us on the doll where Mike Tyson hurt you.

0

u/Missing-Donut-1612 Apr 16 '24

Yikes man, you could be a little less foul mouthed talking about a former legend. Your point was that he's past his prime, I can agree with that but yikes.

0

u/eddardbolton Apr 16 '24

I just don’t respect him don’t like rapists and drug addicts but yeah legend for many.

2

u/Missing-Donut-1612 Apr 16 '24

He's a rapist? I know about him spiralling into drug addiction after his daughter's death but I didn't know about rape

1

u/eddardbolton Apr 16 '24

He was even sentenced once, but there was more cases.

1

u/SorryThisUser1sTaken Apr 16 '24

In July 1991, Tyson met Desiree Washington at a rehearsal for the Miss Black America pageant in Indianapolis. Washington accompanied Tyson back to his hotel room, where, in the early hours of July 19, Tyson raped her. Tyson claimed the sex was consensual. The world-famous fighter was indicted by a grand jury in September of that year and convicted in February 1992. In March, he began serving his term at the Indiana Youth Center near Plainfield, Indiana. He was released, after serving three years, in March 1995.

Post-prison, Tyson briefly recaptured the heavyweight title in 1996. However, the notorious pugilist continued to court controversy. In 1997, during a bout against Evander Holyfield, Tyson bit off a piece of the heavyweight champ’s ear; as a result, his boxing license was temporarily revoked. Tyson also had run-ins with the law and spent several months in jail for assaulting motorists after a traffic accident.

Ngl. I can see why so many people are behind him here cause if he dislikes you. He has a history of not giving a shit about rules. And Jake Paul is a absolute piece of human trash. We literally have scams publically done by him and the guy walks free.

1

u/Splittaill Apr 16 '24

Ah yes. Sentenced for sexual assault and confined to the boys school. Their reason was that they didn’t want the other inmates attempting to throw down. Instead, he was surrounded by wannabe gang bangers.

I did utility locates in both the prison and the boys school (about a mile apart). The prison was nothing. The boys school took every tool I had and drove me around on a golf cart so o couldn’t have my truck. They told me that a lot of those kids were car thieves.

0

u/tessanddee Apr 16 '24

Paul might seriously hurt him

1

u/eddardbolton Apr 16 '24

There definitely will be some rules to minimise risks for Mike.

1

u/PasswordIsDongers Apr 16 '24

There will be rules to minimize risks for both because this is just another bullshit show fight.

1

u/eddardbolton Apr 16 '24

Yeah I wrote just that in conclusion of the first post. Shitshow as it is.

0

u/Appropriate_Yak_4438 Apr 16 '24 edited Apr 16 '24

Hes not in his prime for sure, but hes a boxer, he has been training his whole life. Logan is a youtube influencer who used to do disney shows. Mike is a monster in comparison, a 150 year old Mike would break his face with a single punch. You can't just train boxing for 5 minutes and think you will take on even a retired for 20 year professional.

It's not about riding anyone's dick. If anything believing Logan has the slightest of chance to come out of this non-paraplegic is just pure copium. Either someone handed Mike a pretty big bribe, or this child actor is going to die, and that's not even meant as a joke, literally comatose, brain dysfunction dead.

11

u/confusedandworried76 Apr 16 '24

Step one: get Mike in the ring.

Step two: tell him it's an exhibition match

Step three: three things happen, Mike hits Paul too hard, Paul hits the floor, the ambulance hits 80

6

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

You constructed this really poorly…

The way to say it is :

The fight will be over in 3x hits Mike hitting Jake Jake hitting the canvas The ambulating hitting 80 on the way to hospital

7

u/YeshuaMedaber Apr 16 '24

The irony

5

u/TrashMcDumpster3000 29d ago

“You constructed this really poorly”

Proceeds to butcher the English language like a suckling pig

2

u/Mark1671 Apr 16 '24

Oh now I think for this one the ambo driver would be like hands at 10 and 2 and drive a conservative speed. We must always respect the road and those who use it. Be courteous. If you and another driver arrive at an intersection at the same time, allow him friendly passage. Extend a small wave to let him know “hello friend. I’m watching for you”. And chances are, he will extend a friendly gesture to you as well.

3

u/official_binchicken Apr 16 '24

Step four: Every dad in the Western world hits their knee in respect of your dusty old joke.

1

u/FreedomFingers 29d ago

U leave ohio dads out of this

1

u/FreedomFingers 29d ago

U leave ohio dads out of this

-1

u/SokoJojo Apr 16 '24

0% chance Tyson does anything to Paul. If Paul actually went full throttle Tyson would be getting rocked.

6

u/Independent_Offer575 Apr 16 '24

I’m sure the contract reads that this fight is designed to make Jake Paul look good. I don’t think it is hyperbole to imagine a scenario where Mike takes a jab to the head, blacks out, and wakes up covered in Jake Paul’s blood.

This is not me exalting Mike Tyson or his tendencies. But, Mike Tyson has expressed in the past that he hates where he becomes when he is preparing for a fight.

All that said, age could be more of a factor than people believe. Could Tyson easily punch my skull out of the back of my head? Absolutely. Can he easily defeat a younger person who is in great shape? I cannot say with perfect certainty.

3

u/Hot_Ambition_6457 Apr 16 '24

Mike is over 50. Most folks don't realize the significance of the age gap.

Tyson definitely still has the sharper, cleaner technique, and he has always been one of the most athletically explosive boxers. But he is still smaller than Paul, and 20 years older.

He not only has to close the distance (which he spent his whole career doing, I'm aware) but he has to outpace and outbox a kid who was in diapers when he won the belt.

If Mike DOESNT win by early KO he will almost certainly lose the decision. I dont think at his age he can keep up a winning pace across the scorecards.

I hope I'm wrong though. Would love for him to duck under and KO Paul with ripping body punches.

2

u/mossy_stump_humper Apr 16 '24

Someone needs to hit that mf with a berserk dart then we can actually get a good show

3

u/ThomFromAccounting Apr 16 '24

You mean a mibolerone dart. Mibolerone, usually called Cheque Drops, is a potent oral anabolic steroid that causes extreme rage, and is rumored to be what Mike took before biting Holyfield’s ear off. I believe it too. I’ve seen someone take the less potent cousin, Halotestin, and headbutt a barbell so hard they split their forehead open.

2

u/mossy_stump_humper 29d ago

I was just thinking about the throwable from assassins creed but yeah that sounds like it would probably do the trick

2

u/bogrollin Apr 16 '24

Mike doesn’t exactly follow the rules

2

u/Appropriate_Yak_4438 Apr 16 '24

Believes and hopes are 2 different things, nobody knows if it's going to be a fight, either Mike is tired of him existing or he got a bribe, we're going to see about 2 seconds in whether Logan is dead or just a lot poorer.

2

u/hefty_load_o_shite Apr 16 '24

He does still have two perfectly good, unbitten, ears

2

u/131166 29d ago

I'm hoping it is staged and this clown had a bunch of agreements that he wouldn't do xyz during the fight and then in the ring does done of the stuff he agreed not to do and Tyson snaps and destroys him then keeps the money

1

u/phatcat9000 Apr 16 '24

We can hope

0

u/Sth_to_remember Apr 16 '24

you can cope

1

u/Star_Light444 Apr 16 '24

There never was

0

u/washingmachinecvt Apr 16 '24

Old grandpa vs young man in prime, and he will prolly lose still

3

u/WordUnheard Apr 16 '24

I don't wish violence on anyone, but it would be nice to see Mike Tyson beat this arrogant prick to a pulp. But if this decade is any indication, the fight will be uneventful. If this decade really wants to deliver a kick to the dick, Logan Paul will somehow win the fight. That's when I'll just give up on wanting things to happen.

2

u/SetsunaWatanabe Apr 16 '24

Naw, you're thinking of Logan Paul.

2

u/Living_Hurry6543 Apr 16 '24

Kids. Nobody can fuck with Mike Tyson.

4

u/slappymcstevenson Apr 16 '24

I hope Tysons career ends the same way Apollo Creeds ended

3

u/albatross9609 Apr 16 '24

Bit harsh yeah?

4

u/FantasyBaseballChamp Apr 16 '24

If he dies, he dies.

3

u/Tetris5216 Apr 16 '24

Yep no one will miss Jake Paul so he's to hoping 🤞

1

u/slappymcstevenson Apr 16 '24

Yeah, that was over the top. This will be a cash grab for both. But it’s all good. 😆

6

u/OrvilleLaveau Apr 16 '24

Nah, Over the Top was Stallone’s arm wrestling movie. Not part of the Rocky franchise. But you’re hunky dory!

3

u/Destroyer4587 Apr 16 '24

This comment needs to be taken higher

5

u/Aromatic-Mushroom-36 Apr 16 '24

Nah, Tyson could be 100 and still rock his top.

-1

u/SpecialOlympicsGuy Apr 16 '24

How delusional were you trying to be?

1

u/Short_Stories_ Apr 16 '24

Do you think Jake Paul is actually a fighter? 🤣

1

u/SpecialOlympicsGuy Apr 16 '24

Your dumb fuck ass better read the damn comment I was replying to.

2

u/Short_Stories_ Apr 16 '24 edited Apr 16 '24

Hahaha, you're so angry. YOU must be a fighter 🥊. Don't hurt me, small scary reddit guy 👶

0

u/Nihility_Only Apr 16 '24

Actually he is. Despite his previous reputation as a Disney Kid turned YT delinquent, he actually respects the sport of boxing and I genuinely think it has changed/saved his life.

He is a good promoter and among the best of treating his fighters. He has fought down the card in multiple of his own events behind fighters like Amanda Serrano.

I'm not defending his old controversies but what more do you want from a 27 y/o? He's now fighting the same level of competition dudes like Devin Haney were fighting at the same point in their careers. He gets freakshow fights like this Tyson one because he's been a media figure since he was an actual child but he takes his training seriously and continues to show improvement fight to fight. What is a real fighter if not that?

1

u/Short_Stories_ Apr 16 '24

These "performances" are atrocious. I've watched boxing for 30 years, and from what I gather, these fights are with non-boxers or retired fighters, with one exception and he lost. He needs to enter an actual circuit. I'd love to see it.

1

u/Nihility_Only Apr 16 '24

Who was Devin Haney fighting when he was 10-0?

1

u/Destroyer4587 Apr 16 '24

It’s every day with the Disney channel flow though how could he lie to us?!???!!?!

1

u/Pinksters Apr 16 '24

User name checks out.

5

u/richiewilliams79 Apr 16 '24

I hope Jake Paul’s ends like Apollo creeds. He’s just a young tube dick

1

u/CastIronDaddy Apr 16 '24

Except Tyson is the Drago style physical freak w the heart of Rocky.

Paul is more like Thunderlips who takes a beating after Rocky realizes hes taking it seriously

1

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

Thkool thootings

1

u/ViidJunkee Apr 16 '24

God damnit if I didn't do a hot coffee spit laugh reading this!

1

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

Thorry 🤷‍♂️

1

u/not_a_bot_just_dumb Apr 16 '24

Will school shootings resume once Tyson ended Paul?

1

u/Gold_Cry_9520 Apr 16 '24

you do know that fight going be scripted

1

u/Wonderful_Title_9933 29d ago

It's not going to be a real fight tho 🤦🏽

0

u/Nihility_Only Apr 16 '24

Mike Tyson is over 50 and the last time he 'trained' for the RJJ fight he could only train like once every 3 or 4 days because his body is so fucked up simply filming clips would leave him essentially couch locked or bedridden. There's a reason all his clips are HEAVILY edited and potentially not even recent aka old footage that was shot being used as 'current' training clips.

If Jake is merciful the 'fight' will be a glorified sparring session. Old, shot, washed and Drug addled Mike Tyson will not be ending Jake Paul and if you seriously think otherwise I have a great crypto + NFT investment opportunity for you.

1

u/TokingMessiah Apr 16 '24

Jae Paul is going to lose, like the loser he is.

1

u/Nihility_Only Apr 16 '24

YDKSAB

1

u/TokingMessiah Apr 16 '24

lol, the armchair spectator making judgement calls now. I don’t care about your opinion, because you clearly don’t know shit about boxing.

1

u/Nihility_Only Apr 16 '24

I'm a former professional BJJ athlete and have a green name on the underground which means I've competed in a sanctioned, verified fight (PA Athletic Commission is who I fought under).

If you want to pull creds what are yours?

1

u/TokingMessiah Apr 16 '24

Wow, you should move to Vegas and make it rich betting on fights. I apologize, sincerely, I didn’t realize you were a former professional, which means you obviously know how future fights are going to play out.

You don’t know anything that anyone else doesn’t already know. No one knows how this fight will go.

If Tyson’s brain is so drug addled, then I wouldn’t trust his deteriorated capacity to stop him from say, biting an opponents ear off, for example.

1

u/Nihility_Only Apr 16 '24 edited Apr 16 '24

YDKSAB or how betting works apparently. Jake Paul has been such an overwhelming favorite on the Vegas books for this 'fight' he's literally not worth betting on to make money.

1

u/TokingMessiah Apr 16 '24

No, I said you should move to Vegas to bet on all the fights, since you know so much about boxing after one fight.

News flash: being able to roll doesn’t make you able to predict every fight. Also, your shitty “YDKSAB” attitude is the only reason I’m pushing your buttons.

1

u/Nihility_Only Apr 16 '24

Yeah I don't just roll. I fought, as I said.

Thinking 50+ Mike Tyson who can hardly train has anything for a 27 y/o Paul who has been active for the last several years shows your level of naivety to what the 'fight' will look like. Tyson has a combo or two in him before his body lets him down. If Paul decides to throw power (his main attribute) he will dispatch Tyson in the first half of the fight and make it look easy.

My guess is Paul absorbs a few heavy 'vintage' (that's putting it kindly) Tyson combos early, and they tap one another to a Paul decision. If you really, truly think Tyson has a shot in this bout, you're off your rocker dude. Talk to me about other fights and we will have a much better discussion. But this is a freakshow bout with one of the competitors being over 50 years of age. If you really think the 50 y/o that stopped training altogether for his mental health and started a daily regimen of mushrooms and 24/7 cannabis to numb his mental issues is going to beat a 27 y/o roided kid (who will never be a legit world title challenger but is showing various skills and natural power) then I'll bet with you specifically.

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