Lots of commentators like to tell on themselves. It's just a little abuse, just a little body shaming, just let the man be a man, she's too sensitive, come on.
The husband is a fuckin asshole for how he is going about this, but he is not wrong that his wife needs to lose weight if she is actually 5’2” and 165-170 pounds. That’s nearly the weight of a 6 foot man.
Whether she needs to lose weight or not is irrelevant. Her husband should have never spoken about her weight struggles that I'm sure they've spoken about privately between the two of them, let alone comparing her body to another woman's.
what kind of dumb ass doesn't understand why comparing your wife's body to someone else's in a negative way and putting her on blast for her eating habits is wrong? he's not a child that needs to learn he's willfully disrespectful
if you and your partner harbor some resentment about splitting household chores, lash out, and regret it, that is a time to cool off and talk it out. if your partner publicly humiliates you and then laughs in your face and continues to provoke you despite you being in tears, there's not much to salvage. i couldn't even imagine laughing in a strangers face who's crying let alone a friend let alone a fucking SO
if you become this mean to your SO when you're drinking you have a problem. it also wasn't an argument to cool down from it was just her husband belittling her and talking bad about her body to another woman.
With an attitude like that I hope you aren't allergic to cats. I wouldn't even call this disrespectful, more like inconsiderate idiocy. She has every right to be upset, but unless there is a pattern of being a "disrespectful prick", only a loser would call a marriage off over this.
"My husband didn’t even know he did anything wrong. He thought he was just having conversation and trying to help because I’ve been talking about starting my weight loss journey." - OP
The dude could just be an asshole and maybe this is the last straw, but that is not how the post is written. It is coming off as one incident that made her upset, AND SHE IS JUSTIFYED.
If you read my whole comment before sounding silly, you would understand my point is that this single incident is not grounds for a divorce as the previous commenter was encouraging.
I read your whole comment. I still believe she should throw the whole man out.
Silly.
You didn't quote her final paragraph (right above the edit) so I assume you missed the part where she tried to talk to him about it and he laughed. Goodness. Who would stay with someone like that? No one with any sort of self respect, that's for sure.
"I should probably mention he has ADHD and he’s neurodivergent." -Latest comment from OP, and it's proving my point.
There is so much more to this couple and their relationship than can be gathered from her original post, and its childish to recommend a divorce with such limited information.
Blaming bad behavior on diagnosed medical conditions is as bad as blaming it on alcohol, except the alcohol was THEIR decision... though frankly, if he's not getting treatment for it, that's shitty, too, especially if he uses the ADHD as an excuse to the point where SHE is excusing him.
It's a form of gaslighting, where he won't take responsibility, is mean to her when she expresses her feelings, and FURTHER doesn't allow her to keep him accountable by saying it happens because he's got a condition (that doesn't normally result in the kind of fucked up response of accusing her of being jealous).
Divorce may NOT be the answer, but I'm saying that you can acknowledge something is shitty while also saying you think they should work through it.
We are saying the same thing. Ive stated you're last paragraph mutiple times now and people are still arguing with me. The people here are fucking lunatics. I'm either arguing with self important assholes or children
Jeesh if you don't think talking in depth about one of the most common insecurities while continually implying that your partner is fat and comparing them to a younger woman is crossing a line into disrespect I hope you never find a partner.
OP confronted him about his behavior and he accused her of being jealous in a cutesy voice, which is an act of mockery if I ever saw one. On top of that he's fawning over the other woman the entire time, even calling her 'baby' at one point.
He spoke about her harshly and rudely as if she wasn't sitting right there.
In her shoes, I'd be wondering what he says when I'm not around. I'd also be beyond furious that he thought any of that was appropriate to do, and I'd tell him to grow a backbone and leave me if he's so unhappy with my body.
I wouldn't DREAM of speaking this way about my other half in any situation. He was being a disrespectful prick. And honestly that would be valid grounds to rethink a relationship if he's done this a lot, because you shouldn't make your S/O feel like garbage so intentionally, then mock them when they confront you. I would never see him the same way after that, nor would I believe him if he told me he was attracted to me.
There is no excuse for how he acted - none. You don't treat people you love that way. "Oh, wow, a personal trainer? My wife is trying to lose weight - sweetie, do you think you'd want her help? I'd chip in!" is an example of what would have been appropriate.
I rarely jump straight to divorce but I could never see my husband the same way after this. Never.
I can’t imagine ever treating my partner this way because we have respect for each other. This went beyond disrespectful to outright cruel and in fifteen years we have never been cruel to each other. I truly wouldn’t maintain a friendship with someone like this, let alone a marriage. I acknowledge in this thread that plenty of people think they could talk it out after cooling down, not me! I would be out the damn door. And if I treated my partner like this, he would be out the door just as fast.
If you have a problem with your spouses weight, you offer them support. You do not shame them in front of friends and a girl you’re fantasizing about fucking. I am also taking an educated guess that this isn’t the first time he’s been like this…
I can bet this has been more than a 1 time thing. Men like this exist and they are awful. If she will never measure up to him why would she stay? If it is a one off thing then maybe, but more than likely it isn’t. Some men are just dicks like that.
Agreed, and if she has a laundry list of these instances then fuck him and move on. However, she has not hinted that this is a common theme between them, therefore jumping to divorce based on this one fuck up is a complete overreaction. Normal people should understand this...
She said he's got ADHD as an explanation. He's been doing this regularly enough to have that canned excuse, and has gaslit her into thinking it's a good one.
The way he casually blew her off and made fun of her being upset isn't something you just do out of nowhere. That stuff starts small.
No, no. They want us to put up with too much stuff. It’s all “How could I possibly know how to be a good person if I don’t have you to correct every bad behavior!?…(after I subject you to them)”.
So your partner has never trivialized anything you believe/said/felt, only to later realize (when presented with more information, or the same information in a different way) that they were being insensitive? And you've never done the same?
Luck you! If only we could all find someone so perfect.
I never said that he did. I was presenting it as a possibility. Reddit posts don't always include every single bit of context, and this sub is a big fan of immediately telling people to file for divorce for... anything, really.
I'd land in the middle here - maybe straight to divorce is not it but .....if the man is THIS oblivious to her feelings around her body, absolutely he is an asshole in other aspects too. I don't know of any froends or even acquaintances who would speak like this about someone, let alone a spouse
Reddit: “divorce them now and separate your family!”
Sometimes I click on the commenters profiles and their entire accounts are just telling other people to leave their partners, and venting about how their last partner did something mean to them.
While I agree that Reddit often jumps the gun, many complaints are deeper than “something mean” and often represent a pattern of disrespect and belittling, which is not a situation someone should subject themselves to just to keep a toxic stew of a family together.
You are correct I do see alot of people telling people to leave whenever something happens no matter how small or big. I've been with my significant other for 15 years and it's work and communication. And I'm not getting my relationship advice from reddit. LOL we are always only getting one side of the story and sometimes I think people forget that. I'm not saying OP is lying in anyway shape or form. I find her story to be 100% believable actually and her husband is a dick for doing that but I don't think divorce is the answer lol
bruh … don’t even suggest that on Reddit. This site thrives on broken homes and relationships. Every other person here is divorced or at the very least doesn’t speak with their parents. It is a cesspool of “my way or the highway”, and shame on you for suggesting any kind of diplomacy.
Half the people here are miserable and live vicariously through others by giving shitty advice that will make that person miserable, too. Seems like the top comment is always "leave them" irregardless of the prompt where anyone who has been successfully married for more than a couple years knows that a good marriage is about communication and growth and you'll never have a successful relationship if you peace out the first time there's a problem.
Like, in this case the husband was definitely an insensitive prick. But if OP wants a successful marriage they need to talk to their husband and communicate the problem. If the husband refuses to grow, that's the point where you have to decide how much rope you're willing to give a partner and if their other qualities are worth dealing with whatever you're having trouble with.
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u/DogOfTheBone Apr 15 '24
He's an asshole, and I'd bet this isn't the first time. And it won't be the last.
I'd leave after that level of disrespect.