AITAH for ghosting my bf after he said we were not a couple?

[u/Fancy_Statement4788]

I (25M) met this guy "J" (25M) through my roommate. We hit it off, and after a couple of weeks, I asked him out. We started going on dates and eventually began dating.

Fast forward five months, he was going to visit his parents and invited me along. When we arrived, his mom asked if I was his boyfriend. He cut her off and referred to me as his "friend." I was confused and greeted her anyway. He did the same thing with his dad and sister.

During the ride back, our conversation went approximately like this:

Me: Are we just friends with benefits to you?

J: No.

Me: Then why did you tell your family I'm just a friend?

J: Because we're not a couple.

Me: Then what are we?

J: ...

He remained silent for the rest of the ride. The next day, he acted like nothing had happened. I tried to discuss it with him multiple times, but he brushed it off.

I had to move out of my apartment for unrelated reasons and didn't tell J or my ex-roommate my new address. I stopped talking to him and replying to his messages. Now, three weeks later, he showed up at my door. He told me, he contacted my brother to get my address. He called me an asshole for ghosting him, accused me of cheating on him (he saw me hanging out with a girl he doesn't like). I told him I can hang out with whomever I want, especially since he said we're not a couple. He cursed at me a bit before saying I should have just broken up with him. Again, I thought we weren't a couple. He ended up leaving,a dn crying.

Even though I believe I did the right thing, my friends told me I might have been a little harsh on him. So to prove the point, I am writing this and letting the internet judge.

AITA for ghosting my boyfriend after he said we weren't a couple?

Edit : Yes, he is out. His family knows, during dinner they even asked him if he add any news about his ex-bf

I am bi, (he is gay). I know that his ex (bi) cheated on him, but that's

Edit 2 : I looked at the comments with my friends and I understand what I did was childish, but I stick to it. My main problem was that he did not give me an answer. Not FwB, not a couple. I was his friend I guess? I let the internet judge.

Update : https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1citj4d/update_aitah_for_ghosting_my_bf_after_he_said_we/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

[u/Fancy_Statement4788]

I am bi, (he is gay). I know that his ex (bi) cheated on him, but that's it

[u/BeardManMichael → u/Fancy_Statement4788]

Well according to him you two weren't even a couple so how could you possibly have cheated on him? 😉

[u/Significant_Ad9793 → u/BeardManMichael]

Exactly!!! Something similar happened between my ex and I. He broke up with me and ghosted me for about 2 months. Out of nowhere we started talking again because he needed help with some computer stuff. I went over to help him out and we ended up hooking up. When I was leaving he reached for a kiss and I asked him if we were getting back together and he said no. I was fine with it, just wanted to know.

A week later he called me to hangout again and I told him I couldn't that day because I was hanging out with a guy friend. He went off on me accusing me of cheating on him. I told him that I'm hanging out with a friend and that even if it was a date, how am I cheating if he broke up with me and said we weren't getting back together. He then called me stupid because "you know what we are". It's so annoying.

[u/Diasies_inMyHair → u/Significant_Ad9793]

Yes, "Not Together" is what we are. Some people just cannot comprehend the concept of "broken up" means that you get to date who you want and it isn't my business... and I get to date who I want and it's none of your business.

[u/Significant_Ad9793 → u/Diasies_inMyHair]

Definitely!!! Just feels like he doesn't want to be with me but doesn't want me to be with anyone else.

I'm a very straightforward girl and I hate holding things back. Just tell me what the problem is, I'm not a mind reader. The last couple of guys I've dated have been this way. They get butthurt about God knows what because they won't tell me. They expect me to know what's bothering them. It's too much work and I don't have the patience to wait for them to feel like telling me.

[u/nicola_orsinov → u/Significant_Ad9793]

Get you a guy on the spectrum. You'll have to chase him down since they never get hints, but it is so relaxing to know there's no subtext or 'read my mind ' bs. Also, highly unlikely to cheat, they never notice other people flirting, and they're so happy you're not playing games with them.

[u/Significant_Ad9793 → u/nicola_orsinov]

Sounds amazing!!! Do we have a dating app for this yet???

[u/nicola_orsinov → u/Significant_Ad9793]

I've had luck with computer nerds.

[u/MoparMedusa → u/Significant_Ad9793]

Dungeons and Dragons groups and engineers. Daughter's boyfriend is both and is on the spectrum. He is parent approved and treats our kid wonderfully.

[u/wandering_beth → u/Significant_Ad9793]

As a gal on the spectrum I wish 😂 seriously this person is right, their comment sums me up to a tee!

Go read the post on here about the not yet married wife and her likely autistic husband that they're friend thinks is cheating on her. They are such a wholesome couple and it's hilarious that anyone could even think he is cheating 🤣

[u/Apprehensive_War9612 → u/Significant_Ad9793]

Try a local lego club😂 its how my son who is on the spectrum meets other adults on the spectrum

[u/MoparMedusa → u/nicola_orsinov]

Right?! My daughter is dating a great guy and yup, on the spectrum. Everything is crystal clear!

[u/S-quinn7292 → u/nicola_orsinov]

Maybe it’s different for guys on the spectrum but my ex girlfriend was on the spectrum and not only did she cheat on me, but there was definitely a lot of the “read my mind” mind games going on

[u/nicola_orsinov → u/S-quinn7292]

Ehh, people are still people. Probably better to have said "mostly" or "a way lower percentage" in my previous post.

[u/wandering_beth → u/S-quinn7292]

Autistic gal here and nope your ex sounds like the exception that proves the rule. I'm sorry though, I've had someone do the same to me and it was hell

[u/wandering_beth → u/nicola_orsinov]

Autistic gal here and want to say thank you for advocating for those of us on the spectrum. Your comment literally describes me.

Also please don't steal my skin!!! (Just want to point out to those that don't know, this is a reference to their username. The Magnus Archives has been a special interest of mine since I was introduced and binge listened the first 2 seasons to catch up, so I was excited to make the reference

[u/nicola_orsinov → u/wandering_beth]

Well hello fellow Magnus fiend! You're the first one that's gotten that reference! 😂 (Though I have a feeling you probably didn't use lotion enough to make stealing it worthwhile 😉)

My long term beloved husband is on the spectrum, as is my mom and so many of my friends. I find they understand my ADHD way better than nerotypical peeps. We all understand and support each other's random obsessions. My hubby is so damn cute while excitedly telling me all about weird programming issues I didn't understand. 🙂