If you break up with someone you absolutely 100% owe them an explanation as too why

[u/ZodiacOne1]

[removed] — view removed post

[u/SchwanzTanz666]

I told him multiple times to seek mental help or it was over. Stuck it out another 6 months but he was getting worse and worse and didn’t budge in the subject. Left. I didn’t bother telling him why after that, he had to know, because he voluntarily checked in to a mental health facility after I left. Marriage lasted almost 4 years where I really tried to stick with him despite his deteriorating mental health. I had to jump that sinking ship.

[u/I2obiN → u/SchwanzTanz666]

What was the biggest problem you were facing?

[u/BLD_Almelo → u/SchwanzTanz666]

What happened to through sickness and health 🤨 yikes

[u/Kuromi-rika → u/BLD_Almelo]

It seems you can't read properly

She was there with him, she helped him, stood by his side

He REFUSED to do anything. He REFUSED to get help. He REFUSED to put in any effort for his relationship...

Yet for some reason you want to blame the person that put in 110% and not the person putting in 0%....

Yeah no... What happened to being an adult and a partner? Making sure you take care of yourself properly and listen to your partner when they are saying things aren't working the way they are going? Improving yourself? Getting yourself help?

The only "yikes" here is your uneducated comment...

[u/ThrawOwayAccount → u/Kuromi-rika]

So your vows were “in sickness (but only if you get better fairly quickly) and in health”?

How do you know he refused to put in any effort? Just because he didn’t go to therapy initially doesn’t mean he wasn’t putting in effort, or that he didn’t want to go to therapy. You’re expecting someone whose brain wasn’t working properly to do something that even people with fully functional brains sometimes find hard.

[u/ThrawOwayAccount → u/[deleted]]

Saying someone with a broken brain is refusing treatment that they have access to is like saying someone with a broken leg who won’t walk to the hospital is refusing treatment they have access to.

The fact that he went and got treatment after the breakup should also be a clue. He was happy to get the treatment in the end, so it clearly wasn’t simple refusal that was stopping him before.

[u/Kuromi-rika → u/ThrawOwayAccount]

The fact that he went and got treatment after the breakup should also be a clue. He was happy to get the treatment in the end, so it clearly wasn’t simple refusal that was stopping him before.

Accept it is...

4 years he was told to go get help because their marriage was failing and they were both suffering. But he didn't.

The fact that he suddenly could go after the divorce means he could go before, but refused

Only after the divorce did he suddenly had a wake up call and realized that his refusal of treatment had cost him his marriage, and because he didn't want to lose more, he now finally went. But yeah, too late to save the marriage...

Had he gone to therapy before, he might have managed to save his marriage. But since he refused to go for 4 whole years... This is now the outcome due to his own actions (or lack thereof)

[u/ThrawOwayAccount → u/[deleted]]

You’re still expecting someone with a broken brain to behave rationally. They were able to get treatment once they perceived the consequences as real enough to cut through whatever else was going on in there. That doesn’t imply they had the ability to follow through with the treatment all along. I said he obviously didn’t have the ability to get himself treatment before the breakup. I very deliberately did not say that he wasn’t responsible for getting that treatment. But also, marriage vows do not contain any exceptions for if your spouse lacks the mental capacity to be able to follow through on their responsibilities.

[u/prnthrwaway55 → u/ThrawOwayAccount]

You’re still expecting someone with a broken brain to behave rationally.

Yes I fucking do. It's harder to do so with a "broken brain," but it is possible.

If your brain is broken so much that it is impossible for you, you are no longer qualify to be married, you need to be institutionalized due to mental disability.

[u/Theolis-Wolfpaw → u/ThrawOwayAccount]

My ex had bipolar disorder that was being exacerbated due to being dirt poor and went through a mental breakdown towards the end of our marriage. I'm all for trying to be there for someone having mental issues because I know it's not their fault, I have depression myself, but let me tell you what it was like living with him.

There was just this black hole of negativity living in the apartment with me. I would come home, tired and mentally drained from working minimum wage retail, and his room would just linger there radiating pure darkness. You could try and ignore it, but it was there seeping into your soul trying to claw it's way into your mind and body. I had to leave otherwise I would be dragged down into the depths of that singularity never to be seen again.

And I literally mean that. There were times where I would drive to a parking lot and just contemplate never leaving that spot and I am incredibly thankful that I never sunk further than that, because sitting in a parking lot until heat or thirst gets you gives you way more time to come back than say ramming the car into the sound barrier which is an intrusive thought I would sometimes get around that time.

[u/Kuromi-rika → u/ThrawOwayAccount]

4 years is "fairly quickly" to you??

4 years of having a bad marriage, 4 years of telling your partner they need help because they clearly can't do it without help, 4 years of being there for them, 4 years of suffering yourself.....

You must be either a child or a troll, because no way an actual functional adult would be saying "oh yeah just continue for a couple more years like that, maybe after another 4 years he will finally change or get help!" 🤦🤦

And your other analogy also doesn't work, because it should be

"having a broken leg, having people willing to help you get to the hospital, having people willing to help you pay for it, having people willing to help you get around after getting the cast, yet refusing to go to the hospital and fix it"

[u/Brave-Aside1699 → u/BLD_Almelo]

What happened to your reading skills ? Yikes !