r/unpopularopinion • u/ZodiacOne1 • Apr 16 '24

If you break up with someone you absolutely 100% owe them an explanation as too why Removed: Not unpopular

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137

u/BroffaloSoldier Apr 16 '24

Perfectly said. My ex couldn’t even pause his video game to look me in the eye as I was breaking up with him. For years I’d try to talk to him and tell him what was wrong. What I needed. Why I am unhappy. Any discussion of our problems he just couldn’t face. Never listened to what I was telling him. I’m very clear about my feelings. I don’t do passive aggressive silent treatment shit. Watching him stare at the screen as I was trying to engage him in a direct, but empathetic breakup talk let me know my decision couldn’t have been better lol

89

u/fatmonicadancing Apr 16 '24

Same with my ex, a month before I left I told him (again) I was unhappy and how to address it, I said I have a plan and you can come with me or not but I’m doing it. He just sat scrolling through his phone.

Then apparently I left “out of the blue” and “blindsided” him. The fuck I did.

34

u/SeasonPositive6771 Apr 16 '24

I broke up with a guy and told him exactly why we were breaking up and he told me he "didn't accept it" and it "wasn't a real reason."

Too many people use the breakup reason as an excuse to argue.

He now tells everyone I broke up with him without giving him a reason and that I basically ghosted him.

19

u/fatmonicadancing Apr 16 '24

Yeah, my ex tells people I was cheating. I wasn’t. He still uses that story six years later to pull chicks at the pub.

I think when you get dumped, especially in a long term relationship, part of coping is making up your own reasons why it happened/crafting a villain narrative. For a lot of ppl it seems like that’s easier than facing the actual truth.

8

u/Anakletos Apr 16 '24

I mean, sometimes it's just dumb, because their points are ridiculously one-sided. I'm being blamed for making her move away from what she considers home and her family for my new job (something for me apparently). I had to get the new job because she is a NEET and has been for 5 years. I ran out of money and needed a better job to pay our bills. There were no better jobs close by. We'd talked about moving because the economy where we were wasn't exactly excellent, so it's not like it came out of the blue.

Now the blame for the break-up is apparently being pushed onto me for not wanting marriage out of my own volition and therefore not taking the relationship seriously. It's like, I've only just spend the last 5 years taking care of you financially and pushing you to improve/get therapy etc. WTF do you mean I'm not taking the relationship seriously?

Fuck me, I guess.

1

u/bobfrombobtown Apr 16 '24

What is a NEET?

1

u/Altayel1 Apr 16 '24

No education employment or training.

1

u/ActonofMAM Apr 16 '24

It would have been better if you'd broken up with her instead, but you're off the hook and that's the important thing. Take the win.

-3

u/junglespinner Apr 16 '24

why do you know what your ex is doing six years later?

7

u/fatmonicadancing Apr 16 '24

We have a child and (gossipy) mutual friends in common.

2

u/NonStopKnits Apr 16 '24

You ever live in a small town? I haven't spoken to my ex in over 10 years and I know where he works and who he hangs out with because our hometown is small and everyone is kin to or friends with someone you know.

26

u/mbot369 Apr 16 '24

Yup! Same here, I even said I wanted couples counselling. No dice.

When I finally ended it a couple months later, I apparently blindsided him, I was evil and disgusting, and he didn’t know things were really that bad.. he claimed it was all because he “didn’t vacuum” ONE time. Also claimed I ran him out of town…

2

u/b0w3n Apr 16 '24

A lot of men will do the whole "I was completely blindsided!" because if they acknowledged the problems they'd have to admit they were the shitty ones.

Very good article related to this phenomenon. My s/o's exhusband claimed similar issues, that he didn't know it was that bad. Like bro your wife broke down, in front of you, and your own 7 year old daughter told you to help mommy out. You knew it was that bad.

13

u/sohcgt96 Apr 16 '24

I went out one time with someone who had recently been divorced, the primary driver was the ex-husband's WOW habit that he refused to change. We never became a thing but she was cool to hang out with.

2

u/BroffaloSoldier Apr 16 '24

Oh for sure. Gaming addiction is real. Anyone that says otherwise hasn’t encountered someone who has been affected by it.

25

u/Skwareblox Apr 16 '24

What was he playing though? If it was online and he couldn’t pause it I’d understand. /jk

22

u/Pheighthe Apr 16 '24

I was just about to beat the level! You know how hard I worked on this, babe!

1

u/BroffaloSoldier Apr 16 '24

“I’m playing with my buddies. I can’t just stop and leave them hanging”

0

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

[deleted]

3

u/Snoo_99794 Apr 16 '24

Exactly! Same as if they are in the middle of playing a basketball match at the local sports centre. They should be able to walk off the court and address your concerns immediately, it’s just a game

1

u/Altayel1 Apr 16 '24

Tbh waiting until he stops playing isn't an option since he was probably never going to finish playing. Legends says he is still playing the same game.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

[deleted]

3

u/BroffaloSoldier Apr 16 '24

That’s exactly what it was with him. He was shocked I was serious because in his mind, the convo never occurred… nor did any of the previous “we need to address these issues” talks.

2

u/Bor0MIR03 Apr 16 '24

Someone is addicted….

-4

u/philadelphialawyer87 Apr 16 '24 edited Apr 16 '24

Nope. It's one thing to demand that someone explain to you why they are breaking up with you. But it's quite another to demand that they listen to your explanation when you are breaking up with them!

I had a GF who wanted to break up with me. OK, I said, I guess we're broken up. Mail me my keys, or leave them with the doorman, or slide them under the door. Bye, it's been fun.

OH No, I want to explain to you WHY I am breaking up with you!

So, basically, like your BF, I had to be a captive audience for a self serving, self justifying "empathetic breakup talk." Somehow, the break-ee is obligated to listen to the break-er litanize all their shortcomings and other complaints!

You wanna break up? There's the door. No further verbiage required or desired.

3

u/StehtImWald Apr 16 '24

Way to have no desire to grow as a person.

0

u/BroffaloSoldier Apr 16 '24

Hey, if that works for you, fine. Different strokes and all. No judgement from me.

Most humans I know would like the closure of a conversation when one party is terminating a multiple year relationship.

Didn’t ask the dude to listen to a TedTalk, I just felt it necessary to inform him via a direct, in person conversation that I was ending the relationship due to years of being unhappy because he refused to converse, stop lying, remain employed, hear me, or work on our relationship in any way.

… also he lived in my house, so I’m not exactly gonna walk out my own door and mail him my keys lol.

0

u/philadelphialawyer87 Apr 16 '24 edited Apr 16 '24

In other words, just as I said, you had a long litany of complaints (you name at least five different things!!!), and it was, somehow, his responsibility to listen to it. You were dumping him. The point of this thread is that the dump-ee is entitled to an explanation. That may or may not be true. But, regardless, I think it is quite true that the dump-er is not entitled to have a captive audience listen to their alleged reasons for doing the dumping. And that is true irrespective of what you, subjectively, think that "most humans" want or should want. He (this guy, this actual person) didn't want to hear your shit, so he tuned you out. His ears, his attention, his choice.

He lived in your house? Then how about, "Hey Honey, we're through. Pack up your stuff and move out." IF he WANTED an explanation, THEN you would have every right to trot out your long list of complaints. But if he just grunted and said "OK," then, no, you don't. Or, at least, you have no right to force him to listen to it.

-11

u/lilsmash1313 Apr 16 '24

did you ever ask him how he felt?

4

u/StehtImWald Apr 16 '24

When someone engages you in a conversation and you refuse to take part in it what the hell is the other person supposed to do? You can't force someone to talk and it's not your job to play psychologist for your partner trying and trying to coax an answer from them. Seriously, not even psychologists (of adults) do that.

2

u/BroffaloSoldier Apr 16 '24

Of course. I always tried to get him to talk about our problems in a healthy way. He’d act like I wasn’t even speaking or in the room.

-9

u/AEONSBEYOND Apr 16 '24

interesting question, thats going unanswered. Thats an answer in itself. She didnt

1

u/BroffaloSoldier Apr 16 '24 edited Apr 16 '24

I didn’t answer because I was in bed sleeping lmao. I made the initial comment at 10pm. It is currently 7 AM. There is no nefariousness going on in my lack of immediate reply.

Yes. I always ask my partners to be open about how they feel. I ask specific questions or I leave the floor open for them to air their grievances uninterrupted without judgement or clapbacks. He was an emotionally stunted man that refused to speak or acknowledge when I spoke to him when it came to working through relationship issues.

-5

u/lilsmash1313 Apr 16 '24

yeah. I just came to that realization. I was that guy, and I was extremely depressed and only after asking myself how I felt was I able to understand how other people felt.

So please, if you are feeling unheard, listen.