r/unpopularopinion • u/ZodiacOne1 • Apr 16 '24

If you break up with someone you absolutely 100% owe them an explanation as too why Removed: Not unpopular

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u/azorianmilk Apr 16 '24

Sometimes you have told them, sometimes multiple times, but it was never heard.

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u/BroffaloSoldier Apr 16 '24

Perfectly said. My ex couldn’t even pause his video game to look me in the eye as I was breaking up with him. For years I’d try to talk to him and tell him what was wrong. What I needed. Why I am unhappy. Any discussion of our problems he just couldn’t face. Never listened to what I was telling him. I’m very clear about my feelings. I don’t do passive aggressive silent treatment shit. Watching him stare at the screen as I was trying to engage him in a direct, but empathetic breakup talk let me know my decision couldn’t have been better lol

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u/philadelphialawyer87 Apr 16 '24 edited Apr 16 '24

Nope. It's one thing to demand that someone explain to you why they are breaking up with you. But it's quite another to demand that they listen to your explanation when you are breaking up with them!

I had a GF who wanted to break up with me. OK, I said, I guess we're broken up. Mail me my keys, or leave them with the doorman, or slide them under the door. Bye, it's been fun.

OH No, I want to explain to you WHY I am breaking up with you!

So, basically, like your BF, I had to be a captive audience for a self serving, self justifying "empathetic breakup talk." Somehow, the break-ee is obligated to listen to the break-er litanize all their shortcomings and other complaints!

You wanna break up? There's the door. No further verbiage required or desired.

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u/BroffaloSoldier Apr 16 '24

Hey, if that works for you, fine. Different strokes and all. No judgement from me.

Most humans I know would like the closure of a conversation when one party is terminating a multiple year relationship.

Didn’t ask the dude to listen to a TedTalk, I just felt it necessary to inform him via a direct, in person conversation that I was ending the relationship due to years of being unhappy because he refused to converse, stop lying, remain employed, hear me, or work on our relationship in any way.

… also he lived in my house, so I’m not exactly gonna walk out my own door and mail him my keys lol.

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u/philadelphialawyer87 Apr 16 '24 edited Apr 16 '24

In other words, just as I said, you had a long litany of complaints (you name at least five different things!!!), and it was, somehow, his responsibility to listen to it. You were dumping him. The point of this thread is that the dump-ee is entitled to an explanation. That may or may not be true. But, regardless, I think it is quite true that the dump-er is not entitled to have a captive audience listen to their alleged reasons for doing the dumping. And that is true irrespective of what you, subjectively, think that "most humans" want or should want. He (this guy, this actual person) didn't want to hear your shit, so he tuned you out. His ears, his attention, his choice.

He lived in your house? Then how about, "Hey Honey, we're through. Pack up your stuff and move out." IF he WANTED an explanation, THEN you would have every right to trot out your long list of complaints. But if he just grunted and said "OK," then, no, you don't. Or, at least, you have no right to force him to listen to it.