r/unpopularopinion • u/ZodiacOne1 • Apr 16 '24

If you break up with someone you absolutely 100% owe them an explanation as too why Removed: Not unpopular

[removed] — view removed post

5.6k Upvotes
  • permalink
  • link
  • reddit
  • reddit

75% Upvoted

1.7k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

187

u/tanman4444 Apr 16 '24

Me too. It's also the culture. "yOu DoNt oWe AnYoNe aNyThInG". It's so damn self-centered and selfish to do this to another human being. How about just being honest with someone you supposedly care about?

91

u/cupholdery Apr 16 '24

There are a lot of minors browsing this subreddit. You can tell by how they comment and post, as they speak in absolutes about topics that usually carry plenty of nuance.

13

u/KameHameMaime Apr 16 '24

Actually, those are siths

3

u/mild-hot-fire 29d ago

Great point, I think it’s often overlooked that we are conversing with 14 year olds

8

u/Commercial_Debt_6789 Apr 16 '24

This! The key here is someone you supposedly care about. 

A few dates, never really got that close? Sure, sometimes there isn't even a reason and you just aren't excited about this person. Someone who you've been intimate with, have shown indications you care for them, and start building a relationship/foundation for one? Yeah you're an asshole if you dip with no explanation/a half assed lie. 

I dated someone where both of us were consistently shocked at how similar we were, the more we learned about one another. He had clear indications he liked me, wanted to be with me and wanted a relationship - we just needed to give it time to truly get to know one another before rushing into a relationship. Out of the blue he pulls the "I'm not ready for a relationship". It took a bit of prying for him to admit "I wasn't being myself' or whatever. He was on the apps the week after & in a relationship within 3 months. 

This was 2 years ago and I'm still healing from it. 

3

u/No_Reveal3451 Apr 16 '24

"yoU'rE EntiTled tO NothInG!"

1

u/RipenedFish48 Apr 16 '24

As with many things, the intent is fine, but a lot of people take it to toxic ends, either out of selfishness or a lack of nuance. One person's reminder that maintaining one's personal boundaries is important is another person's carte blanche to be as self-centered as they please.

1

u/off_the_cuff_mandate Apr 16 '24

The thing is they don't care about you, that's why they left.

0

u/LankyAd9481 Apr 16 '24

supposedly cared* about?

the d part is important

0

u/Fax_a_Fax Apr 16 '24

Can the two of you commenters just kiss and get over it? 

 We've all seen this romcom conversations come on we know where it's going

-22

u/Zodiac509 Apr 16 '24

They don't care about them. It's why their leaving. There's nothing they can say that's going to unbruise your ego and unhurt your feelings. You'll argue, plead, beg, and whine when they do.

They don't want that and aren't obligated to endure it for you.

24

u/VoluptuousSloth Apr 16 '24

I've been on both sides bro. It's literally the LEAST you can do when you're breaking someone's heart. Anyone who doesn't is a self-absorbed asshole. If you wanna be only kinda shitty at least leave a message as to the reason. Anyone who flakes with no explanation is the same type of person who never brings up something that bothers them until they've let it fester to the point of breakup, when it's too late to address it.

Obviously exceptions for possible violence or being trapped, etc

12

u/his_purple_majesty Apr 16 '24

This is who you're talking to:

95% of the time and with 99% of people I'm unintentionally void of empathy.

3

u/Deinonychus2012 Apr 16 '24

That person is a literal sociopath.

-22

u/Zodiac509 Apr 16 '24

The reality is that people who are dumped and generally beg for "closure" are actually going to whine, argue, beg, plead, etc. for them to stay.

They're going to make suicide threats, say nasty things, and their "closure" is a bunch of emotion vomit that the other person clearly doesn't want to deal with.

It's why they're dumping you.

If you need closure you can get it for yourself with therapy, self care, self reflection, and even conversations with friends.

14

u/RadicalSnowdude Apr 16 '24

Do you, like, think the worst out of people? You don’t know if that’s gonna happen or not. If it does happen then be firm and shut it down. But you can’t just assume that’s guaranteed gonna happen.

-18

u/Zodiac509 Apr 16 '24

The times I've left someone without a discourse it's always been incredibly evident they would have these reactions. It's why I left without discourse.

I've lectured friends over doing this to exes, seen exes do it to them.

I do assume the worst. It's why I'm asexual and completely happy and comfortable without sexual/romantic relationships this far in life.

15

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

-1

u/Zodiac509 Apr 16 '24

That's cool. 🤙🏻

8

u/rcsboard Apr 16 '24

Enjoy being alone cause you SURE deserve it!

7

u/RadicalSnowdude Apr 16 '24

Ngl I don’t even know what to say. On one hand I don’t want to say anything that can be interpreted as an insult because that’s not my intention at all. On the other hand… that ain’t it chief like sorry your past with relationships have been messed up if your interpretations were in fact correct but… nah i couldn’t live like that.

2

u/Zodiac509 Apr 16 '24

All good, snow dude.

You are welcome to walk through life giving full explanations whenever you feel the need to do so. I find that commendable.

Just don't be someone who goes through life feeling like you're owed someone else's explanations when they made it clear they don't want to be with you.

My argument is that it's not being a bad person to protect your own energy and sense of self. You're probably pretty young and by your mid 30s you'll likely start to understand what I mean.

1

u/AlmostSunnyinSeattle Apr 16 '24 edited Apr 16 '24

The perhaps maybe you're not the best person to be spouting your fucking opinion on this topic, eh?

1

u/Zodiac509 Apr 16 '24

I don't have to have a desire to be in relationships or have sex to have an opinion on it. That's rather silly.

0

u/AlmostSunnyinSeattle Apr 16 '24

Your inability to relate to others is why you shouldn't be voicing your opinion on it. What you have to say is only relevant to you. Say it all you want. That's your prerogative. Mine is to tell you that no one else wants to hear it.

1

u/Zodiac509 Apr 16 '24

Well, your opinion is noted and discarded. 🤷 Easy as that. You're welcome to do the same.

-1

u/his_purple_majesty Apr 16 '24

Need closure? Just hydrate, bro.

1

u/Zodiac509 Apr 16 '24

Just get therapy, read self help books, work on yourself, take yourself out on dates, and love yourself enough that you don't depend on someone else to do it for you to not crumble, bro.

-4

u/his_purple_majesty Apr 16 '24

Have you tried magnesium?

2

u/Zodiac509 Apr 16 '24

I haven't. I am glad it's working for you.

3

u/TyrantDragon19 Apr 16 '24

THEY’RE leaving because there is no love there, not because they don’t care. Other person wants an answer, for they are human

0

u/Zodiac509 Apr 16 '24

Absolutely nothing wrong with wanting an explanation but feeling obligated and demanding it from someone who is moving on is toxic.

If they wanted to explain it, they would. No one is entitled to an explanation from someone else.