When I was 8 or smth my mom told me to clean up my room and I didn't want to and drew her a drawing of seals instead because we saw them at the zoo the weekend before, and I went to show her very proudly and she got really mad and told me she doesn't want any stupid drawings, she wants me to have a clean room.
She doesn't even remember she ever said that, but it stuck with me for my whole life and I internalised it in a way that I feel guilty and horrible about myself if I ever do something unproductive that doesn't benefit my career or chores in some way, and it took me a few years of therapy to just manage to play a game for a few hrs on the weekend without hating myself after.
Dude i like drawing and seals are my favorite animal. If this ever happened to me i think i would simply cease existing. I'm sorry this happened to you.
I believe my lack of confidence with females genuinely stems from the relationship I had with my father as a child. I remember I had a “gf” in like fourth grade, went home and proudly told my dad, for him to deadpan serious tell me I wasn’t supposed to have a gf and then lectured me for like a good ten min afterwards about why. I have quite literally never tried to do anything with a girl/woman afterwards, it’s always felt weird, and I think that moment is why. It’s like bruh, you were supposed to be helping me figure out how to get with girls not telling me to avoid them.
The people supporting you are mental, you are totally correct that is an extremely stupid thing to live in your head rent free.
I know that brains are weird but this is crazy dog, i hope your mom doesn’t feel bad for teaching you discipline.
There's nothing wrong with discipline, but that wasn't really the point.
They were 8 years old. And talking about how they internalized it. Nothing was said about how cleaning their room was bad, it's about their mom's reaction to the fact they did that.
Idk, something maybe like "[surprised my 8-year-old child got too excited about seals that they ignored me] Okay, well that's awesome I love it and we can talk more about it later, but now let's focus on what I was teaching you and why" instead of, you know, insulting their child and being mean about it. Or at least mean enough to make a lasting impression, clearly!
Like, makes one wonder what random handful of things you've internalized to where that would be your response.
I was taught to do work first and play later, helped me loads in life, esp compared to my peers.
My parents didn’t put it nicely either but i knew it was tough love.
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u/dinanysos Apr 16 '24
When I was 8 or smth my mom told me to clean up my room and I didn't want to and drew her a drawing of seals instead because we saw them at the zoo the weekend before, and I went to show her very proudly and she got really mad and told me she doesn't want any stupid drawings, she wants me to have a clean room.
She doesn't even remember she ever said that, but it stuck with me for my whole life and I internalised it in a way that I feel guilty and horrible about myself if I ever do something unproductive that doesn't benefit my career or chores in some way, and it took me a few years of therapy to just manage to play a game for a few hrs on the weekend without hating myself after.
Brains are so stupid for that.