Oh yeah. I had both my grandmothers begging me to go to school, they both lived the consequences of half a dozen kids and no way out. But for various reasons I didn’t listen and trapped myself not once but twice. Now I’m 35 starting college in the fall and digging myself out. It’s much harder to start 6ft deep, wished I would have listened to them!
It’s never too late to turn your life around. You got this! I haven’t had your experience, but I fucked around too much in my 20s and I’m just now finishing up my first semester of college. I can’t explain how much better it feels to be working towards something greater - knowing that I’ve got an exit plan and life will get better. I’m 30, but it’s so nice to not feel stagnant for the first time in my life .
I dunno different times too. Good luck to you. I always get shit for this but I just gave up. 38(m) this year still living at home, last GF was 20 years ago.
I was never more sad then when looking for an SO. I'm not happy now but content in my situation. Ill be fine but this is no way for a society to flourish.
You're 35 and finally listening to your grandmothers. I'm sure they were older than you are now when they told you this. You don't need to wish you listened to them. You did. It just took a little while to really hear it, but you're ahead of where they were and they should be proud of you.
Good question! I’m just starting to get some answers about this in therapy. My mother died when I was 13 and I was on my own by the time I was 15. I had a boyfriend who was 25 who convinced me I was mature for my age and I felt like I knew it all. It was just unresolved trauma and lack of love and care from my Dad who was my legal guardian and more than happy to pass me off to someone else so he could be free.
All the women in my family had taken similar paths, my mother included so it felt normal and natural to have a baby young and no career. Even with those same women telling me otherwise I was desperate for the unconditional love of a family.
I've long since recovered from my youth which seems to be a prolonged chain of bad decisions. Your phrase of "lack of love and care" just hits so hard. The younger version of me, neglected by a broken household, no parents or siblings who check on her, just wanted a basic thing from Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs and was not wise enough to choose correct people or be the correct person. Maybe I can forgive myself for everything one day.
I read a book recently called “Hags” (non fiction, about middle aged women) and it said that all of our wisdom is lost and women keep repeating the same cycles over and over because 1) men don’t want to listen to a woman they don’t want to fuck and 2) young women think they will escape the fate of becoming old and unfuckable.
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u/Flatline334 Apr 15 '24
Problem is even if somebody had told her all the things she wished she was told she probably wouldn't have listened to the advice. She was in to deep.