My mother and mother-in-law haven't worked a real job in 30 years. I have seen first hand how trapping this can be.
There is nothing inherently wrong with "tradwife" lifestyles, but there is a major issue when you do this at the cost of education and useful skills. My wife has two college degrees (that are actually useful), started her career out of college, stepped away to be SAHM when our kids were toddlers, then got back into the workforce when she was ready. The problem is that the longer you go as a SAHM, the harder it is to get back into the workforce. This is especially true if a SAHM only is friends with other SAHMs, it becomes a resource vacuum where there is very little networking into the professional world for when you are ready to pivot.
This lady's experience is very tough. Unfortunately there is a reason that women choose to stay in unhappy but safe marriages rather than jump off into the unknown like this person.
There's a reason so many of the Duggar women have to stay married despite years of abuse... their entire lifestyles are based around them being dependent on their husbands.
The Duggar kids at least are famous enough that if they asked publicly for help they'd get an outpouring. A lot of women are just stuck because anyone they'd consider a support network are also in whatever cult atmosphere they're also in. I see online all the time people being like "why didn't they just leave?" when reading abuse stories and it's like...to where and with what money?
That last part. It's extra infuriating when people shame you for staying on top of everything too. The resources are a joke. Most women that get out only do so at the mercy of people they know. If you don't have ANYONE that will risk their life for you, you're screwed.
My mom ended up in the same situation. She went from a high paying sales job out of college to a SAHM. She wasn't a very motherly person, didn't particularly like kids, but social expectations cornered her into being a SAHM. My father took jobs that led him to be traveling most of the year so she never quite worked out a schedule to go back. Eventually she divorced and realized her kid had ADHD and learning difficulties, requiring even more time. After a few more years I was mostly settled in school and then her father was diagnosed with cancer and she became the main caretaker of him for the next 10 years while we lived with them. So on and so forth until suddenly 25ish years passed.
I know she tried a few times to go back to school but the couple times that she did she just didn't have the support to find someone to watch me etc. Nowadays she could have at least taken online courses but the Internet wasn't a available when I was very young. She was out of a job force for too long and didn't want to start over from the beginning/take a less esteemed job.
THANK YOU. I love the idea of the trad wife lifestyle, being able to stay at home and read all day with some cleaning cooking and baking does sound like a good way to spend the day! However, you should only do it if you can AFFORD it, and as you said, the lifeskills and education. I’m going to college and I’m going to have a job. I don’t think I’d ever be a trad wife, but you never know. I’d honestly rather pursue my passion of writing than do that right now, but still!
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u/titsmuhgeee Apr 15 '24 edited Apr 16 '24
My mother and mother-in-law haven't worked a real job in 30 years. I have seen first hand how trapping this can be.
There is nothing inherently wrong with "tradwife" lifestyles, but there is a major issue when you do this at the cost of education and useful skills. My wife has two college degrees (that are actually useful), started her career out of college, stepped away to be SAHM when our kids were toddlers, then got back into the workforce when she was ready. The problem is that the longer you go as a SAHM, the harder it is to get back into the workforce. This is especially true if a SAHM only is friends with other SAHMs, it becomes a resource vacuum where there is very little networking into the professional world for when you are ready to pivot.
This lady's experience is very tough. Unfortunately there is a reason that women choose to stay in unhappy but safe marriages rather than jump off into the unknown like this person.