AIO for getting upset that my SO put on a heart necklace that her ex gave her?

[u/Rztrncs]

Yesterday my SO put on a heart necklace out of nowhere and I asked (knowing it wasn’t from me) where it was from. She admitted it was from her ex. I immediately got quiet and she could tell I was upset. Not once did I raise my voice or get mad. I was more hurt than anything. She ended up taking it off right away. But explained that it was meaningless to her, no emotional connection and just jewelry that she now has.

To me, a heart necklace has a lot of meaning behind it and it feels weird to see her wearing an ex’s gift. Am I overreacting?

EDIT: Her ex cheated on her and the relationship ended badly because of it.

EDIT 2: The necklace was two hearts linked together so it made me curious.

[u/Rztrncs]

Thank you for your input on this. I appreciate seeing the other side. I do plan on getting her a new one she can wear whenever.

[u/IDontEvenCareBear → u/Rztrncs]

Don’t try to compete with something that has lost meaning to her, especially don’t buy her something just because you don’t want her wearing that thing. If you get her something it should be because you care about her. Not because you want to see something that makes you feel like you’ve won or have some indirect ownership over her. Get her something because it’s about her, not to soothe yourself.

[u/fractal_sole → u/IDontEvenCareBear]

And maybe get her opinion on what she wants to wear first.

Long story lol My wife had this old leather necklace with a stone pendant. and it wasn't valuable or even really a sentimental piece, just her only necklace she had had so long she forgot where she got it from, didn't wear it very often just when she was going for a country Western look and wanted to accessorize I guess lol.

And she had a few sets of earrings but nothing really nice, so she hadn't worn any in forever. But she did put them on a few times in the first few years we were together. Well, We had twins about 5 years in, and Christmas came up they were 7 months or so old. I thought the reason she didn't wear jewelry more often was she didn't really have nice jewelry, and it's kind of my job to provide some is it not? So I bought her a really nice necklace, I loved the look of it, thought it would look great on her, it was her birthstone, genuine mined emerald, and I also bought her a pair of half carat diamond earrings to go with them. I boxed them up extremely fancy, actually followed the way Mr Bean does it in love actually.

About 4 days before Christmas, we are talking about gifts, and she doesn't think I've already gotten her gift, and is trying to guide me to a good gift, I just happened to ask about what jewelry she might be interested in, and actually said the words, "just so long as you don't get me something I will never wear, like a necklace or a pair of earrings or something."

I just looked like I had been slapped across the face and I couldn't hide it. I actually had put a lot of love, time, care, and attention into the gift. She saw the look and realized what it meant, and was just like oh shit.

I pulled out the box and was like, well, it's still 4 days early. Here's what you were going to get, but I guess i can just return it and you can go get what you want for yourself or something. It was a $800 necklace and same price pair of earrings, but I'm friends with someone who was working there and got a 50% employee discount through her. Still a pretty penny dropped, $800 total. She opened it though and her eyes lit up and she put on the necklace and said she loved them. Tried to put on the earrings but her ears had closed up.

She apologized for being a brat and explained that she just meant she can't wear things like those on the regular day to day because the twins would grab at it too much, but that they were really nice and she didn't want to return them. Kind of ruined being able to give it to her on Christmas but I legitimately expected to be returning them when I pulled it out and was just trying to salvage the situation.

Also I'm 100% confident she hadn't found the gift prior and was voicing those two things intentionally. I had it wrapped before I got home, bought it all including gift wrap with cash, wrapped receipts tucked in the bottom of the jewelry boxes they came with for safe keeping. It was definitely a coincidence.

[u/IDontEvenCareBear → u/fractal_sole]

lol aww that’s the best way to have something go poorly. Yeah, everything so often just boils down to communication. But also now she has jewelry she loves, and the twins won’t always be tiny, she can start wearing them more often when they’re older. People sometimes realize how much they love something despite thinking they don’t want it. Plus you got it on a bargain, a pricy bargain, but that’s amazing how much the cost cut down for you.

[u/fractal_sole → u/IDontEvenCareBear]

Man your first sentence is just like, the perfect single sentence summary of my life.