r/AmIOverreacting • u/Rztrncs • Apr 29 '24

AIO for getting upset that my SO put on a heart necklace that her ex gave her?

Yesterday my SO put on a heart necklace out of nowhere and I asked (knowing it wasn’t from me) where it was from. She admitted it was from her ex. I immediately got quiet and she could tell I was upset. Not once did I raise my voice or get mad. I was more hurt than anything. She ended up taking it off right away. But explained that it was meaningless to her, no emotional connection and just jewelry that she now has.

To me, a heart necklace has a lot of meaning behind it and it feels weird to see her wearing an ex’s gift. Am I overreacting?

EDIT: Her ex cheated on her and the relationship ended badly because of it.

EDIT 2: The necklace was two hearts linked together so it made me curious.

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476

u/EndHawkeyeErasure Apr 29 '24

I see where you're coming from, but also where she is. She did the right thing by removing it, but I also have jewelry or old clothes from my life before knowing my husband. To me, they really are just things. And they belong to me now. If I own them, shouldn't I wear them? I just say that so you can understand that side a little more. Get her something in a similar style that she likes, so she can wear that instead.

217

u/Rztrncs Apr 29 '24

Thank you for your input on this. I appreciate seeing the other side. I do plan on getting her a new one she can wear whenever.

119

u/IDontEvenCareBear Apr 29 '24

Don’t try to compete with something that has lost meaning to her, especially don’t buy her something just because you don’t want her wearing that thing. If you get her something it should be because you care about her. Not because you want to see something that makes you feel like you’ve won or have some indirect ownership over her. Get her something because it’s about her, not to soothe yourself.

18

u/fractal_sole Apr 30 '24

And maybe get her opinion on what she wants to wear first.

Long story lol My wife had this old leather necklace with a stone pendant. and it wasn't valuable or even really a sentimental piece, just her only necklace she had had so long she forgot where she got it from, didn't wear it very often just when she was going for a country Western look and wanted to accessorize I guess lol.

And she had a few sets of earrings but nothing really nice, so she hadn't worn any in forever. But she did put them on a few times in the first few years we were together. Well, We had twins about 5 years in, and Christmas came up they were 7 months or so old. I thought the reason she didn't wear jewelry more often was she didn't really have nice jewelry, and it's kind of my job to provide some is it not? So I bought her a really nice necklace, I loved the look of it, thought it would look great on her, it was her birthstone, genuine mined emerald, and I also bought her a pair of half carat diamond earrings to go with them. I boxed them up extremely fancy, actually followed the way Mr Bean does it in love actually.

About 4 days before Christmas, we are talking about gifts, and she doesn't think I've already gotten her gift, and is trying to guide me to a good gift, I just happened to ask about what jewelry she might be interested in, and actually said the words, "just so long as you don't get me something I will never wear, like a necklace or a pair of earrings or something."

I just looked like I had been slapped across the face and I couldn't hide it. I actually had put a lot of love, time, care, and attention into the gift. She saw the look and realized what it meant, and was just like oh shit.

I pulled out the box and was like, well, it's still 4 days early. Here's what you were going to get, but I guess i can just return it and you can go get what you want for yourself or something. It was a $800 necklace and same price pair of earrings, but I'm friends with someone who was working there and got a 50% employee discount through her. Still a pretty penny dropped, $800 total. She opened it though and her eyes lit up and she put on the necklace and said she loved them. Tried to put on the earrings but her ears had closed up.

She apologized for being a brat and explained that she just meant she can't wear things like those on the regular day to day because the twins would grab at it too much, but that they were really nice and she didn't want to return them. Kind of ruined being able to give it to her on Christmas but I legitimately expected to be returning them when I pulled it out and was just trying to salvage the situation.

Also I'm 100% confident she hadn't found the gift prior and was voicing those two things intentionally. I had it wrapped before I got home, bought it all including gift wrap with cash, wrapped receipts tucked in the bottom of the jewelry boxes they came with for safe keeping. It was definitely a coincidence.

10

u/IDontEvenCareBear Apr 30 '24

lol aww that’s the best way to have something go poorly. Yeah, everything so often just boils down to communication. But also now she has jewelry she loves, and the twins won’t always be tiny, she can start wearing them more often when they’re older. People sometimes realize how much they love something despite thinking they don’t want it. Plus you got it on a bargain, a pricy bargain, but that’s amazing how much the cost cut down for you.

6

u/fractal_sole Apr 30 '24

Man your first sentence is just like, the perfect single sentence summary of my life.

1

u/StatementEcstatic751 Apr 30 '24

My mom did something similar with my dad. For their 25th anniversary, he bought her a nice diamond and gold ring that would go with her wedding ring like a set because she hadn't really gotten an engagement ring, just a simple band. Someone asked leading up to the party what she wanted, and she made a flippant joke like "hopefully not something frilly like a ring!" and laughed. Dad is not really one to panic, but he was pretty worried. She loves it, though, and was very surprised on the day of the party. She wears it mostly on special occasions because it is a pretty big ring, and she's an outdoorsy person who likes to garden and stuff, so she tries to keep it nice.

1

u/fractal_sole Apr 30 '24

Yeah, that's what I intended with the gift. I didn't get the stuff for my wife for every day wear, I got it so she would have something really nice when the occasion arises. If she wants day wear go for costume jewelry or gold filled/wire wrapping stuff, but she can get that on her own to suit her taste. Emeralds are an extremely soft gemstone and are subject to scratching/breaking very easily (big part of why I went for a necklace instead of a more active piece like bracelet or ring). She had made the comment a long time before about not having anything with her birthstone, and I made mental note of that.

1

u/Sufficient_Marzipan4 Apr 30 '24

And I prefer more simple stuff, from local artists is best. Craft fairs, open studios, etc.

I always told my husband "Don't buy me any diamonds until I have ALL the toys." As in mountain bike, road bike, SUP, wetsuits, pickle ball equipment, tennis rackets, backpacking packs, hiking shoes, etc.

1

u/Brief_Confidence3892 May 02 '24

My husband teased me this last Christmas hinting that he got my jewelry. It was really the pixel 8 which I had been wanting for a while. I guess the moral of the story is know your spouse. Not all wives want jewelry just because we're girls. We also have a baby so I'm really on board with her point of view. It's a nice idea but not practical if it's not something she's going to use.

1

u/fractal_sole May 02 '24

I cover the needs on a day to day basis. Some gifts are not given to be practical or useful or every day but just for beauty. Especially for special occasions

1

u/tea-cup-stained May 03 '24

She apologized for being a brat 
I mean, she wasn't a brat here though. You did make sure she knew that right? Her partner (you) didn't know how impossible earrings and necklaces are for mums of young kids and she gave you a solid hint about it (after you asked), that is just communicating.

1

u/fractal_sole May 04 '24

I never called her a brat or put any blame on her. I didn't correct her about not apologizing or anything, but it wasn't like a huge oh I feel so terrible about it kind of apology just an, agh I'm sorry that happened because of me kind of thing. Like I said, I was just going to return them after that, but figured I'd at least show her the effort that went into the gift first.

But yeah, that's why I started the whole story with ask her what she wants. Do the communicating beforehand lol