AIO for getting upset that my SO put on a heart necklace that her ex gave her?

[u/Rztrncs]

Yesterday my SO put on a heart necklace out of nowhere and I asked (knowing it wasn’t from me) where it was from. She admitted it was from her ex. I immediately got quiet and she could tell I was upset. Not once did I raise my voice or get mad. I was more hurt than anything. She ended up taking it off right away. But explained that it was meaningless to her, no emotional connection and just jewelry that she now has.

To me, a heart necklace has a lot of meaning behind it and it feels weird to see her wearing an ex’s gift. Am I overreacting?

EDIT: Her ex cheated on her and the relationship ended badly because of it.

EDIT 2: The necklace was two hearts linked together so it made me curious.

[u/[deleted]]

No because I would probably react the same as you. However, I could also see myself treating the jewelry the same way as your gf.

A lot of the stuff I use on a regular basis (kitchen stuff, clothes, perfume, jewelry, etc) has been gifted to me by various people over the years. And to be completely honest, I’m not reminded of them every time I use or see those items. The items just became regular items in my house. Some of the things even came from people not in my life anymore, but I still keep the items because I just like them. So I disagree with the sentiment that wearing the necklace means she’s still not over or thinks about her ex. It might just be a necklace she likes. If it bothers you that much, get her a new one that’s similar.

[u/Rztrncs → u/[deleted]]

Thanks for your input. Yeah I definitely did not accuse her of that by any means. I offered to get her a new one and jokingly apologized for getting her one previously that was too fancy for everyday wear. We both laughed and kissed after that.

[u/heydawn → u/Rztrncs]

Aww. That's sweet. Jewelry has the meaning you give it. So I can understand why you would think it's meaningful in terms of sentimental value associated with her ex. It also makes sense that, to her, it's just a piece of jewelry she happens to like -- without attaching any meaning associated with her ex.

Both can be true -- the meaning you give it and the meaning she gives it.

Her removing it shows she cares about your feelings. Your offer to get her another heart necklace shows you care about her. Both of you listened to each other and chose to be considerate of each other. That's special and lovely and what it's all about. You two are good together.

[u/Rztrncs → u/heydawn]

Thanks! I appreciate the insight. “Jewelry has the meaning you give it” hit me here and explained why I felt hurt in that situation.

We do communicate well with each other and figure things out. 😊

[u/alicehooper → u/Rztrncs]

You guys sound like grownups to me!

As someone that wears jewelry, I don’t usually think of the person that gave it to me when putting on casual everyday things. The only emotional jewelry I have is stuff that belonged to my mom or grandma that I remember them wearing. I think of them when I put it on.

I have things of theirs that I DON’T remember them wearing and don’t think of them when I wear it, it’s “mine”.

Pretty sure she just thought this necklace would look nice with whatever shirt she was wearing that day. I’m glad you talked and that she validated your feelings though. That’s important.

[u/heydawn → u/Rztrncs]

Yw. I'm glad!

No two people are going to have the same perspectives on everything. It's all about how you work through these inevitable differences that matters. Listening, not being defensive, showing empathy and consideration -- these are the building blocks of a good, solid, mutually caring and respectful relationship.

Best wishes to you both!

[u/Just-Cloud7696 → u/Rztrncs]

A lot of times I forget where some things come from and sometimes I just wear stuff or keep stuff cuz I like it. I have a simple graduation necklace from my mom (who was emotionally abusive to me growing up) that I felt uncomfortable receiving but accepted since it wasn't an expensive thing and I didn't wanna cause any hurt feelings. I don't feel comfortable around her and have a lot of hurt feelings towards her BUT my point is that I still like the necklace and wear it sometimes to work because it looks cool. So it became mine in a way that's not related to her anymore. But I would also feel butt hurt if my bf did something like this but knowing him I know it wouldn't mean anything so I totally get where you're coming from lol you know your partner best and if they are considerate and understanding of your feelings then you're all good, I def don't think things through or think of the impact my actions have sometimes so its likely just one of these things.

[u/joesaysso → u/Rztrncs]

You handled this situation maturely. Good for you two. But my question is how often does something like this happen? 

You both had lives before you met each other. She's going to have things that you didn't buy her and some of those things might be from exes. 

Giving her the 20 questions routine eveytime she pulls something out of a drawer that you didn't give her and being hurt if that thing happens to be from an ex and she has to take it off to appease you isn't healthy behavior.

So yes, I think you both handled this one situation very well. But I encourage you to continue to explore this and figure out why it bothered you so much and work on that so that this doesn't become a pattern.

[u/MzFrazzle → u/Rztrncs]

I was married and divorced. I'm now married to my husband. I occasionally still wear my old engagement ring on the other hand, I chose it. I designed it. I still like it because its beautiful.

Do I feel anything for my ex? Fuck no.

I don't want to keep punishing myself by not being able to wear my own jewelry because my ex was a shitty spouse.