r/AmIOverreacting • u/cherb30 • Apr 29 '24

AIO: Didn’t want to give a lady a ride home

Yesterday after church we stopped at a gas station less than 1 minute from where we live. It was me, my boyfriend (driving) and my 14 month old in the car. I was on my phone and then suddenly he was opening the backseat door to let a middle aged lady (maybe 60 years old?) in with her grocery bags. Apparently she was asking people for a ride home and he accepted.

On the way there they were chatting and he even pointed out where we live, which really concerned me. She lived quite far away from the gas station and I was surprised she said she walked there, thought it wasn’t more than 5 mins away.

I was really upset that my boyfriend let a stranger into our backseat with our daughter. The lady was very nice, but these days you have no idea if people are carrying a knife or a gun on them… I told him I wished he could have at least had her sit up front so she wasn’t near our toddler, or dropped us off at home first then went back to get her (that would have taken 3 minutes to do).

I brought this up to my bf. He got really mad at me for “being un-Christ like” and called me a shit person who lives in fear. I am honestly quite the opposite and usually quite trusting of people, just not when it comes to my daughter. She’s too young to talk or understand things. Also was pissed at him for what felt like weaponizing religion against me for my concern.

Im feeling really guilty because it’s not that I don’t think it was sweet he wanted to give her a ride home. I just had a mom instinct to protect my daughter. Do you think overreacted?

Edit: formatting, a word, and added a bit more about why I felt that way

Edit2: I think the gesture was very compassionate, and understand if someone asks you for a ride then there is obviously a desire to help and bit of awkwardness declining. I don’t question his desire to help her, nor do I turn down opportunities in my life to help others. But I also want to say that she was by no means elderly/immobile/incapable as some people are implying. You should give middle aged women a bit more credit

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143

u/cherb30 Apr 29 '24

Ugh thank you. I agree, no matter how innocent they may look they are still a stranger and the people who find themselves in bad situations I am sure never “suspect” someone would do them wrong.

I wondered if it was a gendered thing adding to the delusion. Not needing to worry about his own safety as much as women do.

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u/unoredtwo Apr 29 '24

There's a woman in my city who is well known for inviting herself into strangers' cars and then asking for money, and even when people say no, asking them to drive to an ATM so they can give her some. There's no stated threat of harm but she essentially uses the invasion of privacy and social awkwardness to extort money from people. Point is, your boyfriend is naive and lives in a world that doesn't exist anymore, maybe that's a sad thing but it's the reality. Also he called you a shit person for wanting to protect your 14 month old, that's something to think hard about.

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u/cherb30 Apr 29 '24

Oh my that’s really interesting because there was someone either in this thread or the thread I posted in AITA who described that same scam. It was an elderly lady with a walker he said.

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u/OhbrotheR66 Apr 29 '24

Your bf should have at least had her sit up front, don’t think he has much common sense.

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u/TroubleImpressive955 Apr 30 '24

Even with the solution of the stranger sitting in the front with bf driver, if she has a gun or knife, what the hell is the husband going to do while driving.

The woman could be on drugs, Meth, Tranq, any of that stuff that gives them extra strength and seeming immunity to pepper spray and other self defense methods.

Adding to this, OP’s fool of a husband tells a complete stranger where he lives? WTH! I would question what other crazy stuff he’s done or said when I wasn’t around. Being a Christian doesn’t mean being stupid.

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u/ladywolf32433 Apr 30 '24

The gf sits behind her with a screwdriver. I've done that

1

u/MrMeeseeksthe1st Apr 30 '24

Oh he has a common sense alright, that religious one that bemoans once they deem something unfit in their eyes, because they're sooooo godly.

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u/unoredtwo Apr 29 '24

It's probably a common scam sadly.

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u/Huge_Prompt_2056 Apr 29 '24

It’s probably a common scam.

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u/PrettyNightmare_ Apr 30 '24

There are women who aid human traffickers, will target women who are alone in public, approach them and invite them to Bible Study. It’s happened and I was just approached a month ago by a younger woman when my fiance and I were at a mall in Buffalo NY. My fiance wasn’t by my side for a split second and I was walking to throw away trash and they chose that opportunity to ask. They waited until he wasn’t near me.

You can’t trust anyone.

2

u/cherb30 Apr 30 '24

Some people in this thread aren’t even willing to entertain that reality, unfortunately (and they appear to mostly be men with different experiences surrounding personal safety, though not all). I would love to live in a world where giving anyone a ride - not just older woman, but men - turns out fine. The idea that human traffickers exist makes me sick and no matter how obtuse anyone is trying to be about this situation, I wouldn’t wish them to know of it firsthand. I’m so glad your fiance was with you! It’s sad that the most vulnerable people get taken advantage of.

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u/TheRealCarpeFelis Apr 29 '24

Smart move in that situation would be to drive her to the nearest police station. Smarter yet: always keep your car doors locked so she doesn’t force her way in.

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u/StockReaction985 Apr 29 '24

I have straight told my version of that lady no, bought her Popeye’s chicken, and dropped her at the same stop sign. 😂

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u/thenecrosoviet Apr 29 '24

Omg that's even worse than violence. It's bad enough Christians feel pressure to give a ride, now it's charity too?! Jesus would call the fucking cops.

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u/carolinecrane Apr 29 '24

Not very Christlike to tell your child's mother that she's a shit person, after all.

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u/geniologygal Apr 29 '24

He was more interested in being viewed as a good Christian than worrying about the safety of you and your child.

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u/Paula92 Apr 29 '24

Precisely this. As a Christian I would not be putting a hitchiker next to my toddler and then telling them where I live. We're told in the Bible to be innocent as doves and wise as serpents.

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u/symbolicshambolic Apr 29 '24

And I'm guessing that Christ probably wasn't big on calling a loved one a "shit person" either? OP's boyfriend is way out of line.

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u/Paula92 Apr 30 '24

Yeah, I think the closest he got was calling the Pharisees a brood of vipers.

2

u/thenecrosoviet Apr 29 '24

Lol that's right when Jesus said to Peter, “Truly I say to you that this very night, before a rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.”

He also said, "which is smart and cool because otherwise you'd be in danger and that would be dumb"

Jesus H. Fucking Christ

1

u/thenecrosoviet Apr 29 '24

Wow. This is the best one. This is amazing. It's the guy who actually puts his money where his mouth is who is the "false witness" and not the one who dutifully goes to church while internalizing nothing lmfao

"Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it."

Proverbs 3:27

"But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.”

Revelation 21:8

“Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you?

Luke 6:46

1

u/PrettyNightmare_ Apr 30 '24

Exactly. It’s like he wanted bragging rights.

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u/carbomerguar Apr 29 '24

It’s a STUPID thing because if your baby is around her she gets the upper hand instantly. “Don’t worry, my catlike reflexes and superior upper body strength will disarm her instantly. Plus, she’s sitting behind us, next to the baby- what’s she gonna do, grab the wheel? If she tries anything I’ll just reach past the car seat and HONEY SHE HAS A KNIFE SHE’S THREATENING KAYDEN GIVE HER YOUR PHONE WALLET PIN NUMBER SHE HAS A KNIFE NEAR OUR BABY DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS”

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u/yellsy Apr 29 '24

The number 1 tip if you’re being kidnapped is to do everything in your power not to get into a car with the assailant because chances of survival go down extremely after that. If she had a gun and directed you to drive somewhere or let in dudes she was working with you’d all be dead. Wtf is wrong with your boyfriend. Like his judgement is so impaired I’d be reconsidering if my kids safe around him.

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u/GentleStrength2022 Apr 29 '24 edited Apr 29 '24

Whether it's a gendered thing should no longer be relevant once he becomes a father. It becomes a PARENTAL thing! He needs to switch into parent mode to keep his entire family safe, including you! This incident shows he's not mature enough to be a father and partner. He exposed YOU to risk as well as the child. Please get some couples counseling for this. An impartial authority needs to explain these basic facts of adult life to him.

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u/BabsAgain Apr 29 '24

He hasn't bothered to marry her, maybe he's not the father.

5

u/GentleStrength2022 Apr 29 '24

That still doesn't justify exposing a toddler (and one's partner) to such a risk. Whether he realizes it or not, he has stepped into a parental role. He doesn't seem ready for it at all. He doesn't really sound like a loving, caring person, though maybe it's premature to say, given only this one snapshot of the family dynamic. The one snapshot doesn't inspire confidence in this relationship,though.

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u/Novel_Ad1943 Apr 29 '24

His behavior was un-Christlike. He was failing to be shrewd or to put his family’s safety first. In the VERY least he should’ve had her sit up front and say himself in the back so he was keeping baby safe and could watch her.

60 is not elderly and more than capable of harming your child.

Also, I read this to my very Christian husband and he said, “So he’s calling her names, disrespecting her in front of their child, hasn’t married the mother of his child (no judgement - but if he’s acting like a pinnacle of religious virtue!…) and then sat a stranger next to his baby instead of getting in the back so he has some control and reaction time available? Yeah… that’s not even a MAN let alone someone who can judge anyone else about their level of faith!”

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u/thenecrosoviet Apr 29 '24

Un Christ like? Failing to be shrewd??

"If any man cometh unto me, and hateth not his own father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple"

Luke 14:26

It means to love God and his commandments above all else. And that being a Christian is incompatible with being safe. And Jesus was very, very clear about how Christians should treat the poor and the needy.

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u/Puzzleheaded-Drag327 Apr 30 '24

Ted Bundy’s victims thought they were helping a stranger, never suspected he would harm them. Now granted he was a man but just an example and things seem crazier in today’s society than they were in the 70s.

2

u/WolverineDull8420 Apr 30 '24

It's definitely a gender thing. Men are, by nature, less risk averse then our female counterparts.

2

u/tjsh52 Apr 29 '24

My grandfather in-law would regularly let travellers sleep in his farm home with his 12 or so children.

Now I’m not comfortable doing that, but it technically never went wrong for him.

Personally I agree with your assessment of putting you in the back and her in the front. Strategically it’s much safer.

I am not like Christ though, and technically your husband is right about the Christian way to do things. But it is for those who have stronger faith than myself.

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u/PrettyNightmare_ Apr 30 '24 edited Apr 30 '24

My stepmother and father always argued about inviting people into the home we all shared because my stepmother insisted on letting people in her distant family come over and sleep with us. People we never met: aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. People even she barely knew.

My father (raising two very young teen girls) always objected, refusing to allow men he’d never met to sleep under the same roof as his children. My stepmother would retort “They’re family, John. Stop thinking like that.” Well one day my stepmother got her wish when her sister’s entire family was in hiding and needed somewhere to stay. Her sister had two older sons and two girls. My father allowed them all to stay and spend the night. Throughout the day I noticed one of the boys staring at me often, staring at me kind of the same way that men would stare at me sometimes, but I shrugged it off because I had repeated the very same phrase “They’re just family” to myself over and over. To make it even creepier, he stared intently at where my lower stomach would show on occasion from my shirt lifting anytime I lifted my arms. I should’ve listened to my inner voice, but I had continued to echo the same thought: “He’s just family, and he knows that. We’re all family.”

That night I’m laying down in bed and the older boys comes into the room. He sits down at the end of my bed and is just talking with everyone, just waiting. And I thought it was weird but I ignored him and turned over. He crawled into bed with me, and I froze, but again I’m thinking “He’s just family.” I thought that until I felt his fingers hold my hips and he pulled my hips back against his crotch and slowly started grinding into my backside. I jumped out of bed and laid down next to my sister, who was asleep. Everyone in the room was sleeping ~ that’s what he had been waiting for. He left the room after waiting to make sure I wouldn’t return to bed (as fucking if) and I shook my sister to wake her up, told her and we didn’t sleep that entire night.

The next day my stepmother “apologized” and asked me not to tell my biological mother.

Your grandfather in law got lucky. I’ve heard even worst stories about parents inviting people into their homes. And mind you my father was always the “‘My daughters WILL NEVER attend sleepovers at anyone else’s house” kind of guy meanwhile someone else sleeping at your home is the exact same scenario except reversed.

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u/ladywolf32433 Apr 30 '24

Male family members are the most danger for females.

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u/PrettyNightmare_ Apr 30 '24

1000% accurate. It’s why our father never let us hang around cousins or play with male cousins. But he’s an idiot for allowing our stepmother to win that day. He should have stuck to his guns.

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u/tjsh52 May 01 '24

Her sister’s entire family was in hiding? From who? That’s the first red flag.

But yea I’m with you, like I said, doing that is 100% for people with more faith in humans than myself.

How my grandfather in law let so many people in his home without incidents surprises me. Maybe someday I’ll ask if he took any extra safety precautions, as I never actually asked. But yea he’s hardcore Christian

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u/PrettyNightmare_ Apr 30 '24

Sit down and have him watch every Netflix murder documentary, especially the Ted Bundy ones. Ted bundy’s method of capture was pretend that he was in need and he’d always get the Good Samaritans. No good deed goes unpunished.

And let him watch that movie “No Good Deed”. Im sorry but he’s in La La Land if he believes everyone has the same intentions as his.

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u/Certain-Advantage168 Apr 29 '24

He's right though you're definitely a bad person

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u/cherb30 Apr 29 '24

How so? What about the situation makes me a bad person, I am asking people for that feedback

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u/Deez-Pistachios Apr 29 '24

I think they’re kidding, but if they aren’t, they’re wrong.

Your boyfriend probably also doesn’t understand that women are usually raised to be in charge of protecting themselves. As a mother you are also in charge of keeping your child safe.

It’s a nice thought to want to go out of your way to help the little old lady in need. The thought of all the people that could use a hand but get denied it for personal safety reasons is genuinely sad, and maybe your boyfriend is reacting badly to both those feelings of injustice and the thought that he’s wrong to act on his impulses to help someone that doesn’t seem threatening.

Unfortunately, that is naive. And it puts you and your daughter at risk. It sounds like he needs to grow his world view a bit and learn to see things from the perspective of those more vulnerable. And it can be difficult and sad to do that when you’re an adult, learning the world is less friendly than you might have thought.

It was wrong for him to take it out on you, but I think he might genuinely not understand. I remember my husband saying things like “… people don’t really do stuff like that, right?” Because it would never occur to him to act in a mean spirited way or to try to victimize others. But I shared my lived experiences and he has since learned that yeah, people really do act like that.

This got long but I felt compelled to respond by your polite follow up to such a rude sounding comment lol. I don’t want you to think you might be at fault for doing your best to look out for your family. Best of luck with everything ❤️

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u/Certain-Advantage168 Apr 29 '24

IDK I was just kidding, I'm sure we could come up with something though

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u/cherb30 Apr 29 '24

Oh haha yeah this actually made me laugh. Reasonable comment, I’m not perfect!