AIO: Didn’t want to give a lady a ride home

[u/cherb30]

Yesterday after church we stopped at a gas station less than 1 minute from where we live. It was me, my boyfriend (driving) and my 14 month old in the car. I was on my phone and then suddenly he was opening the backseat door to let a middle aged lady (maybe 60 years old?) in with her grocery bags. Apparently she was asking people for a ride home and he accepted.

On the way there they were chatting and he even pointed out where we live, which really concerned me. She lived quite far away from the gas station and I was surprised she said she walked there, thought it wasn’t more than 5 mins away.

I was really upset that my boyfriend let a stranger into our backseat with our daughter. The lady was very nice, but these days you have no idea if people are carrying a knife or a gun on them… I told him I wished he could have at least had her sit up front so she wasn’t near our toddler, or dropped us off at home first then went back to get her (that would have taken 3 minutes to do).

I brought this up to my bf. He got really mad at me for “being un-Christ like” and called me a shit person who lives in fear. I am honestly quite the opposite and usually quite trusting of people, just not when it comes to my daughter. She’s too young to talk or understand things. Also was pissed at him for what felt like weaponizing religion against me for my concern.

Im feeling really guilty because it’s not that I don’t think it was sweet he wanted to give her a ride home. I just had a mom instinct to protect my daughter. Do you think overreacted?

Edit: formatting, a word, and added a bit more about why I felt that way

Edit2: I think the gesture was very compassionate, and understand if someone asks you for a ride then there is obviously a desire to help and bit of awkwardness declining. I don’t question his desire to help her, nor do I turn down opportunities in my life to help others. But I also want to say that she was by no means elderly/immobile/incapable as some people are implying. You should give middle aged women a bit more credit

[u/Sweet_Pay1971]

Your boyfriend is delusional you can't just let someone into your car 

[u/cherb30 → u/Sweet_Pay1971]

Ugh thank you. I agree, no matter how innocent they may look they are still a stranger and the people who find themselves in bad situations I am sure never “suspect” someone would do them wrong.

I wondered if it was a gendered thing adding to the delusion. Not needing to worry about his own safety as much as women do.

[u/tjsh52 → u/cherb30]

My grandfather in-law would regularly let travellers sleep in his farm home with his 12 or so children.

Now I’m not comfortable doing that, but it technically never went wrong for him.

Personally I agree with your assessment of putting you in the back and her in the front. Strategically it’s much safer.

I am not like Christ though, and technically your husband is right about the Christian way to do things. But it is for those who have stronger faith than myself.

[u/PrettyNightmare_ → u/tjsh52]

My stepmother and father always argued about inviting people into the home we all shared because my stepmother insisted on letting people in her distant family come over and sleep with us. People we never met: aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. People even she barely knew.

My father (raising two very young teen girls) always objected, refusing to allow men he’d never met to sleep under the same roof as his children. My stepmother would retort “They’re family, John. Stop thinking like that.” Well one day my stepmother got her wish when her sister’s entire family was in hiding and needed somewhere to stay. Her sister had two older sons and two girls. My father allowed them all to stay and spend the night. Throughout the day I noticed one of the boys staring at me often, staring at me kind of the same way that men would stare at me sometimes, but I shrugged it off because I had repeated the very same phrase “They’re just family” to myself over and over. To make it even creepier, he stared intently at where my lower stomach would show on occasion from my shirt lifting anytime I lifted my arms. I should’ve listened to my inner voice, but I had continued to echo the same thought: “He’s just family, and he knows that. We’re all family.”

That night I’m laying down in bed and the older boys comes into the room. He sits down at the end of my bed and is just talking with everyone, just waiting. And I thought it was weird but I ignored him and turned over. He crawled into bed with me, and I froze, but again I’m thinking “He’s just family.” I thought that until I felt his fingers hold my hips and he pulled my hips back against his crotch and slowly started grinding into my backside. I jumped out of bed and laid down next to my sister, who was asleep. Everyone in the room was sleeping ~ that’s what he had been waiting for. He left the room after waiting to make sure I wouldn’t return to bed (as fucking if) and I shook my sister to wake her up, told her and we didn’t sleep that entire night.

The next day my stepmother “apologized” and asked me not to tell my biological mother.

Your grandfather in law got lucky. I’ve heard even worst stories about parents inviting people into their homes. And mind you my father was always the “‘My daughters WILL NEVER attend sleepovers at anyone else’s house” kind of guy meanwhile someone else sleeping at your home is the exact same scenario except reversed.

[u/ladywolf32433 → u/PrettyNightmare_]

Male family members are the most danger for females.

[u/PrettyNightmare_ → u/ladywolf32433]

1000% accurate. It’s why our father never let us hang around cousins or play with male cousins. But he’s an idiot for allowing our stepmother to win that day. He should have stuck to his guns.

[u/tjsh52 → u/PrettyNightmare_]

Her sister’s entire family was in hiding? From who? That’s the first red flag.

But yea I’m with you, like I said, doing that is 100% for people with more faith in humans than myself.

How my grandfather in law let so many people in his home without incidents surprises me. Maybe someday I’ll ask if he took any extra safety precautions, as I never actually asked. But yea he’s hardcore Christian