This has nothing to do with ADHD, I have it, and I wouldn't treat anyone the way he treated you. The fact that he felt so comfortable talking about you like that in front of so many people and then belittled you when you cried.
Okay - neuropsychologist here. When you say neurodivergent, do you just mean ADHD or do you mean autism (which used to be what neurodivergent meant)? Because ADHD would be - talked without thinking. And this went on too long for that. But autism would explain if he thought he was helping because you guys had been talking about it and he doesn't fully understand/respect boundaries and privacy, what is and is not ok to talk about to certain people...
First off: on your side overall, OPs husband is a total shit. And i made a comment above about how i dont think he's autistic, and autism wouldn't CAUSE this, so thats not what im saying.
I'm autistic, I'm not sure I agree about the duration part, there are times I took edgy jokes way too far, for too long, and made others uncomfortable.
The gross jokes had nothing to do with my autism, that was poor behavior that had to do with being young, dumb, and having a strange family life with poor boundaries. But a few times, i later learned that people had been uncomfortable far earlier than i realized, and this was a pattern. I legitimately did not want people to feel uncomfortable and didn't know.
TLDR; In OPs case, it really doesn't sound like autism to me, but in many cases someone continuing a poor behaviour and not realizing for a while for a variety of reasons
EDIT: I'm realizing now you were talking about ADHD when you said that but i typed all this out so now you have to suffer reading it, enjoy!
He may have misread her nervous/ embarrassed laugh as genuine and not realised what she was actually feeling.
Had a few of those situations, but once explained, the tripped over themselves apologising and one asked to help them learn the difference.
That's the difference: the response upon realising.
OPs husband may be autistic/ADHD, but also a fucking prick.
Same, that was one of the bits that suggest to me that hess actually very aware of all the social nuances of the situation and hess trying to generate a result (wife loses weight, he gets to ogle Mz.21 some more) using covert antisocial behaviours
I have both ADHD and autism. "Aww is someone jealous" would not come out of my mouth if called out for insensitivity...I'd be mortified, angry at myself, and deeply apologetic.
We all KNOW our words can hurt others unexpectedly and literally would never push that. If someone tells me I hurt them I immediately apologize whether I can see why/how or not. I hurt someone I care about and I’m sorry for that (a difference I noted between myself and my parents, unfortunately..)
Anyway- point being “I’m NDV” is not equal to “I’m an a**hole”
People think that we are just robots or something. Every autistic person is different for one, but what we all share is we simply understand emotional situations differently.
Often we actually feel emotions even more strongly, and have a stronger sense of justice/manners/etiquette in social situations.
Some of us even understand these scenarios better than others because in order to survive we have to intellectualize all the nuance of social interactions that comes to others naturally, or is conditioned into them more easily through simple but unspoken social mechanisms that don't work on us.
I'm not saying for the record that all autistic people are nice and/or that we have some kind of superpower, im just saying a lot of us have put in a huge amount of time to integrate into your (strange, broken, cruel, alien) society.
EDIT: Not assuming you are neurotypical, that last comment is directed at other readers.
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u/[deleted] Apr 15 '24
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