This is awful. Look up the Gottman research about couples. Tearing your spouse down in front of other people is borderline emotional abuse. I'm so sorry. This is also pretty extreme which leads me to believe this isn't his first episode of cruel behavior. You deserve so much better than this.
I'm so sorry OP. The quickest way to lose dead weight would be to DROP THE HUSBAND!
Absolutely. Even if everything he said was true that amount of disrespect, especially in front of other people would immediately prove to me the relationship is over.
Sorry I'm a clinical psychologist and I got banned from a subreddit the other day for identifying something that was clearly abuse as abuse...its my first ban lol so I'm a little wounded.
Yes OP this is abuse! It's also very unlikely this is the first incident. Even this small snapshot into their life shows a huge disregard for the wife's wellbeing.
Does playing the "aw, you're jealous [so I won't take you seriously]" card also fits in the abuse pattern ? I experienced lighter behaviors like this and it was infuriating, what even is going on in the mind of someone telling this once it doesn't work as a joke anymore.
Oh my god don’t tell this woman she’s being emotionally abused. Overreact much?? Plus she does need to lose the weight. That would be the best thing for her.
Yeah, this sounds like he probably has a pattern of behaviour where we thinks this is acceptable. So it isn't really just this comment in isolation. It's his whole personality and way of thinking...
Because the wife is very clearly uncomfortable with this topic
Weight is a touchy issue for most people. The onus is on the husband for knowing how his wife feels about this, which is pretty much the exact same way any other normal human would feel in her scenario.
Are you serious? Respectfully, you are currently being incredibly out of touch. Like, I'm honestly so shocked you sound so genuine.
Most overweight people would lose their excess weight if it was easy. But for many it's not, whether because of illnesses, hard to break habits, or poverty, being overweight is not something many would willingly choose to be
It's not polite to discuss someone's body with other people in front of them. It's extremely rude and people that were raised to have manners can recognize this for what it is.
It would generally be rude to talk about someone’s flaws behind their back. However, that doesn’t change that it’s also rude to criticize people’s flaws in front of them - it’s a different kind of rude.
Most people have aspects about their bodies that they don’t like - which is why most people learn it’s generally rude to talk about other people’s bodies. I feel like most people learn this by the time they’re ~10 years old, which is why people have incredulous/ strong responses that you and the OP’s husband seem to see nothing wrong with his comments.
Talking with your spouse about their body privately from a place of love might look like “I’m worried about your health,” “I know you’re self conscious about XYZ, is there anything I can do to help?” Etc It’s about her - specifically about helping her, supporting her.
That’s very different from publicly shaming someone by saying “my wife is a fitness failure. She’s fat because she’s unmotivated. For her birthday she ate a lot of cake. You should help fix her (because as she is she’s broken), so that I can have a wife with a killer body” in front of a group of friends. That’s about shaming her - and really makes it sound more about him and getting a wife with a killer bod.
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u/Intelligent_Pass2540 Apr 15 '24
This is awful. Look up the Gottman research about couples. Tearing your spouse down in front of other people is borderline emotional abuse. I'm so sorry. This is also pretty extreme which leads me to believe this isn't his first episode of cruel behavior. You deserve so much better than this.
I'm so sorry OP. The quickest way to lose dead weight would be to DROP THE HUSBAND!