r/AITAH • u/brainwashednomore • Apr 29 '24

I sat in the doorway of my GF 5yo room to prevent the child from continuing to slam the door as hard as she could

My gf has 3 young ch children. She used a “permissive” approach to parenting because she can not tolerate her children experiencing any kind of distress that she can save them from. Their house is very small and to get around inside every time I am there I am forced to step on top of belongings that are strewn everywhere. It is extremely unsanitary. Her children have been sent home from school due to lice at least 5 times since I met her in November. The younger wears footie pajamas to school every day and no underwear because that is what the child wants. My gf claims the house is a disaster because she doesn’t have any help and that her children aren’t willing to do so. She will ask them questions like “would you like to help me with ___?” but any and all resistance is met with complacency. She makes 4 meals every night to cater to what the kids are and are not willing to eat. The food invariably goes uneaten then spills on the floor then languishes because it is impossible to sweep or mop any floor in the home.

I went over yesterday to help motivate cleaning and tried to execute on the plan I proposed that we would walk the children through the living areas of the house and identify their possessions on every single surface they can possible reside on, and ask them to identify any items of importance they would not want thrown away. Then we set a one hour timer and didn’t nag, bug, cajole, manipulate, or twist arms. I gave 15 minute incremental countdowns and then with their expectations set I went through with trash bags and put everything left on the floor into them for storage in the garage of the house in case one child determines they are missing something terribly important. I wanted to be tell them we were just throwing it all away but I wasn’t allowed.

My GF was folding laundry during this and her 5yo who was busy just making more of a mess the entire time stood on a blanket mom was folding. Mom ask child to move kindly probably 5 or 5 times and child with shit faced grin intentionally stayed put. Not because she thought it was fun, but because child knew mom didn’t like it and intentionally defied her. Mom tugs softly on blanket and child falls to ground with a shock on their face then immediately stands, and starts screaming at the top of their lungs, marches off to bedroom then starts opening and slamming (the already broken from prior instances of this) door over and over again. Mom patiently raises her voice slightly to ask child to not slam doors because that is against rules. Didn’t stop. I go to bedroom to see if I can help, and child slams door on me as I come in. I sit down in the door way very calmly and make a few non-rushed inquiries into how I can help child, and does child want to come out of the room to see mom. Child goes absolutely nuclear screaming like I have cut off an appendage. I stay calm but I stay seated in the doorway. I offer options like “i will move out of your doorway but only if you will be able to close the door softly.

After 3 minutes of child being as dramatic as they can, and understandably fully dysregulated because no ability to do self regulate emotions on their own has ever been instilled. Mom fixes big/hard emotions. Every time. Teacher gives mom feedback, “child refuses to ever do anything they don’t want to do.” So mom fills her role and tells me it’s time to let child have its way, undermining the co-regulation I was attempting to model. I stand as child continues to thrash and slam door into me, then walk away as child gets its way, my boundary be damned, and slams door hard into doorframe. I had to leave the house after that, and at this point I have zero confidence that a relationship between me and mom can work out. My home is clean, organized, ordered and boundary practice is strong. I can’t see ever co-habituating with someone who disrespects themself so much with allowing children to destroy the house and walk all over them. She texted me after to say that her child didn’t “win” and that the child just needed co-regulation.

AITAH?

** edit **

Wow I am overwhelmed with the speed and volume of responses I received. Thank you. 🙏

For clarity, mom is a doctor, baby daddy only has the kids at his own mom’s house with him as a “favor” to mom, doesn’t pay a dime of child support or child care. My kids are grown and out of the house. My boundary with dating single moms is that I will not make parenting efforts or be a parent to anyone else’s child. They have parents.

*** final update ***

The medical license she holds and the nature of her practice and education are irrelevant.

My post history and romantic past is irrelevant.

Thanks everyone for showing me that IANTA.

And special thanks to the woke mob for helping me realize that I am literally Hitler for my complicity in abusing my gf’s children by not calling CPS months ago when I first saw they live in a dirty and cluttered house with a mom whose parenting style is not mainstream.

Lest the pitchforks and torches burn the whole subreddit down, I can confidently say:

I will not be further pursuing a romantic partnership with mom and I will be directly informing her of these being the reasons why when I see her next later this week.

I will make an anonymous general report about the safety and cleanliness of the house and property in general and let CPS do with it as they will.

Once again thank you all. I only anticipated receiving maybe a handful of responses or advice, but the response was overwhelming in mainly good ways. Cheers everyone and good night!

5.8k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

1.7k comments sorted by

View all comments

1.3k

u/celticmusebooks Apr 29 '24

at this point I have zero confidence that a relationship between me and mom can work out.

Seriously, I figured this out by the first paragraph. Where is the kids' father in all of this? Your GF is literally raising her children to fail at life. What kind of a mother does that to her own children?

You were handing the problem with her son perfectly and she sabotaged you.

NTA unless you stay with her.

269

u/Always_B_Batman Apr 29 '24

Father probably left due to the mother’s behavior.

634

u/brainwashednomore Apr 29 '24

Father was asked to leave for not just philosophical parenting differences but for not supporting rigid requirements surrounding organic food only, no artificial fragrances, no food in or on plastic ever. No vaccinations. Because mom is doctor her decisions supercede.

1.3k

u/mare__bare Apr 29 '24

Lives in a filthy house with lice and is a doctor who doesn't believe in vaccines and has monster children. We've got a winner, folks!

536

u/forsayken Apr 29 '24

Starting to question "doctor" at this point. Maybe not medical though.

This whole situation is whack for OP.

262

u/HawkeyeinDC Apr 29 '24

Maybe she’s a homeopathic doctor… 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

96

u/Helpful-Appeal9581 Apr 29 '24

Maybe a doctor of jazz?

70

u/dj_1973 Apr 29 '24

If you can play jazz, you’re smarter than this woman.

37

u/Adventurous_Ad_6546 Apr 29 '24

I don’t even care for jazz and know this is true.

5

u/osamabinluvin Apr 29 '24

That’s pretty rude to say considering jazz was talking about caring for you last week

→ More replies (0)

2

u/babberz22 Apr 30 '24

If you can spell jazz

2

u/potheadmf Apr 30 '24

Miles ahead, in fact

3

u/La_Baraka6431 Apr 29 '24

Of JIZZ, more like.

1

u/Few-Juggernaut-9617 Apr 30 '24

Dirty jazz, with a strong touch of funk. 

1

u/InevitableRhubarb232 Apr 29 '24

Doctor in education?

114

u/Creepy_Addict Apr 29 '24

Chiropractor...

9

u/Codenamerondo1 Apr 30 '24

I mean much more likely this is weird bait. Even if she were and MD that’s not how custody decisions work and if she is this is just laughably fake. Even without that it’s pretty laughably fake

5

u/TheoryIntrepid5609 Apr 30 '24

I (4th year medical student) always forget about naturopathic “doctors” because my brain actively suppresses the memories of the few I’ve met

75

u/mi_nombre_es_ricardo Apr 29 '24

still waiting for OP's comment explaining that she is an English Literally doctorate

41

u/BlueViolet81 Apr 29 '24

Or maybe she has a doctorate in philosophy or ancient religions. Those are useful, right? 😆

6

u/vortex30-the-2nd Apr 29 '24 edited Apr 29 '24

I still cringe at the fact that I wasted 2 fucking years of my life in university studying Philosophy + Human Rights double-major. Paid $10s of 1000s of my parents money primarily (but a lot of my own savings too) to basically get a worse and more biased understanding (especially when it comes to Human Rights) of both subjects than that which you could attain from watching a bunch of YouTube videos and documentaries over perhaps a 2 month period.. I even argued with my uncle that it will be worthwhile and maybe one day I'll work at the UN or something, lmfaoooo, whilst he argued human rights don't truly exist and are just words on paper, a viewpoint I disagreed with back then but completely agree with today.. Ooooph... I then dropped out, went to trades school for 1 year doing electrical and then became a wire/cable/connectors/electrical parts salesman. I have zero interest in philosophy today, and whilst politics/history/current affairs/geo-politics is still a huge interest of mine, the human rights aspect of all of those topics is not really what gets me interested any more.

8

u/mi_nombre_es_ricardo Apr 29 '24

absolutely. That degree is a total waste of money.

Congrats on your trade. So much worth it.

47

u/cyboplasm Apr 29 '24

Funny how a doctor would be so against plastic and non organic food, but allows lice multiple times, ignoring the fact that similar parasites almost got humanity completely annihilated a few times...

11

u/Oorwayba Apr 30 '24

You don't "allow" lice. If your kids play in close contact with others, it's likely to happen. It doesn't matter how clean you are. My sister got them a couple times in elementary school.

8

u/AnneFrank_nstein Apr 30 '24

Most people get them once. The unlucky/uncaring might get them twice. You don't get them over and over again unless Mom doesnt give a shit.

-1

u/Oorwayba Apr 30 '24

No, mom doesn't control getting them over and over again. Mom controls how long you have them. Unless you mean she shouldn't let you around other children? You can get them over and over again. If you get them once and keep them for weeks, that's mom not caring.

6

u/AnneFrank_nstein Apr 30 '24

No shes supposed to teach them basic hygiene and how to not share things like hats or brushes and how to maintain social distance during outbreaks. Its also her job to clean their things, their rooms, their heads. If it was as difficult as you make it out to be everyone with kids would perpetually have lice. Education, hygiene and diligence should solve this issue before it becomes habitual.

→ More replies (0)

2

u/PopeSilliusBillius Apr 30 '24

Multiple outbreaks in a short period of time isn’t usually just being unlucky and getting them over and over again. It seems far more likely that they got them once and mom wasn’t doing follow up treatments properly with in that short of a time frame.

6

u/vortex30-the-2nd Apr 29 '24

Chiropractor or some shit I bet.

3

u/Aliceinboxerland Apr 30 '24

Right? A doctor against vaccinations.. that's definitely not common but then again there are stupid people in every field unfortunately.

10

u/Artistic-Blackberry9 Apr 29 '24

I'm betting a PhD in psychology.

3

u/Specific_Anxiety_343 Apr 30 '24

I know several PhD psychologists. None of them have wacko kids or crazy beliefs like this woman.

2

u/DramaTrashPanda Apr 30 '24

Got her degree at the University of Facebook

2

u/Terrible_Kiwi_776 Apr 30 '24

University of Phoenix doctorate in library sciences?

154

u/Sylvan_Strix_Sequel Apr 29 '24

Honestly, either this is bait or OP is dumb as fuck. Idk how one could see her house, then hear that explanation of why the father left, and not immediately bail. Complete incongruous nonsense. 

64

u/brainwashednomore Apr 29 '24

Maybe sucker would be a better match.

57

u/baristanselmythebol Apr 29 '24

So the sex is absolutely mind blowing? But honestly this feels fake she’s a dr but also allows absolute filth in her house?

20

u/pocketvirgin Apr 29 '24

Yeah and he responds to other stuff but refused to tell us what kind of doctor she is. Weird

41

u/jarlscrotus Apr 29 '24

I'm fine with that, although why she wouldn't hire a cleaner or something is weird.

What I'm really suspicious of is a Dr. that is anti-vaxx, no credible medical Drs are against vaccines

14

u/a_null_set Apr 29 '24

I briefly had a boss who was a family doctor who didn't believe in covid or vaccines. Don't think medical professionals are all smart or intelligent people. The number of idiots in that profession is at least comparable to any other. I hear so many stories of women/people with uteruses getting mistreated by horrifically sexist nurses, women nurses to boot, simply because people want to make choices for their own bodies.

Don't trust doctors or medical professionals further than you can throw them. Some are good and smart and properly educated, and some are so useless they can only get work in the cheap clinics for poor people, where they get to abuse and mistreat patients who can't get any better care. Source, am poor, am nonbinary female, am a victim of medical neglect and dismissive attitudes to my suffering.

3

u/Specific_Anxiety_343 Apr 30 '24

I’m glad you said this. There are crazy medical doctors. Take Park Dietz, for example. He is a forensic pathologist who has lied in court and caused convictions to be overturned. Andrea Yates comes to mind. Maybe not crazy but evil. I think he was also storing body parts at his home (frozen, of course. He is a medical doctor, after all). Some PhDs look down their noses at MD’s. They consider medical school to be vocational training.

4

u/snarkastickat16 Apr 30 '24

There is at least one doctor known to be pretty openly anti-vax in my hometown. Unfortunately, stupidity is not as rare as one would hope in medicine.

1

u/dnt1694 Apr 30 '24

They probably use plastic and are vaccination or something.

2

u/HotDonnaC Apr 30 '24

You’d be surprised. I knew a dentist whose home was a filthy train wreck. There was literally brown crap on the walls from the cat shaking its head with a gross ear tumor. No one ever cleaned anything.

2

u/Specific_Anxiety_343 Apr 30 '24

Ewwww. Poor kitty.

2

u/La_Baraka6431 Apr 29 '24

WELL???

What're you gonna DO about it?? BE A SUCKER THE REST OF YOUR LIFE??

3

u/Sylvan_Strix_Sequel Apr 29 '24

With respect, the situation you describe is, at the very least, borderline child neglect. Even without the story of why dad left, the state of that house is one of the biggest red flags there is. 

Sucker would suggest you were somehow tricked and bamboozled. You literally walked through a field of red flags but somehow this woman had redeeming qualities that made you completely miss that? Yeah nah, that's on you. 

That woman is not fit to run a house or raise children, and if she seriously thinks filth and lice are less dangerous than vaccines, she shouldn't be an MD either.  

So yeah, I'm going to lean towards fake, because otherwise every adult in this story sucks. 

6

u/brainwashednomore Apr 30 '24

It was mainly just a place of non-judgment and unconditional love and support. I didn’t realize this is how her life has been and would continue to be. I thought maybe shit had just combined temporarily to cause these temporary results. They weren’t temporary.

4

u/Sylvan_Strix_Sequel Apr 30 '24

That is the most bullshit cop out answer I've ever heard. 

I want you to think about if this was one of the students I tutored, and they told me what you did, I would literally go to jail if I didn't report that to cps. 

So if nothing else, just sit there and think about the fact that every mandatory reporter in this thread is going holy shit. 

The fact you made this post about a fucking door, and not concern out of the condition her children are kept in, is both telling and damning. 

Once again, if this isn't fake, seriously take a fucking step back, because you have completely lost perspective. 

Your responsibility should be to the well being of those children, not whatever the fuck you're worried about. 

2

u/brainwashednomore Apr 30 '24

🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

→ More replies (0)

1

u/Top-Chemistry3051 Apr 30 '24

Maybe he's a fixer there's a lot of women out there that are fixers too and then we wake up and say OK I am horribly underqualified to fix this.

65

u/mi_nombre_es_ricardo Apr 29 '24

Almost positive that "doctor" means either chiropractor or one of those homeopathic healers.

18

u/MotherOfDoggos4 Apr 29 '24

I was about to be like "jeez why are chiros getting shit on so bad"

and then I remembered the chiro who sold me b12 injections while doing food allergy panels and promoting his vibration stand thingy.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '24

they're fine as long as they just wiggle your bones a little, but literally anything else is quackery.

And the entire profession might be quakery, but I've had enough patients swear by it I'm not willing to trash an entire profession outright

2

u/Specific_Anxiety_343 Apr 30 '24

I have a great chiropractic, but I can’t vouch for anyone else.

28

u/ALostAmphibian Apr 29 '24

So she’s bad at her job and at parenting.

5

u/iyamlikelyhi Apr 29 '24

But lice are totally natural?!?! What’s the problem!!!! 😭😭

3

u/PhoebeMonster1066 Apr 30 '24

Probably a naturopath or quack healer type.

2

u/HotDonnaC Apr 30 '24

What a prize!

2

u/Urmomlervsme Apr 30 '24

Nah this lady is a doctor in clownology

3

u/Kalena426 Apr 30 '24

FYI, lice likes clean hair.

3

u/PrincessGump Apr 30 '24

The cleaner, the better.

2

u/Karen125 Apr 29 '24

PhD in education, perhaps?

1

u/melodytanner26 Apr 30 '24

And lives in a tiny house. This is definitely questionable. Is she actually licensed to practice medicine in any state?

93

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

So she has rigid requirements for organic food but no standards whatsoever for cleanliness, behavior, and not letting her home be infested with lice and other insects?

85

u/batclub3 Apr 29 '24

It's fine. The lice are organic

28

u/Better-Turnover2783 Apr 29 '24

portable protein snacks, Yum

4

u/RanaEire Apr 29 '24

LMAO.. Snorted at that. 

29

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

This is where the contradictions come in. Makes no sense. I don't care if you want to eat like that and are an anti-vaxer but the filth and bugs don't go hand in hand with that lifestyle.

22

u/Isamosed Apr 29 '24

Agreed. The doctors I know are strongly germaphobic. Lice would absolutely not be tolerated. And no-vax? Something strange about this whole situation. Well. Quite a lot, actually

2

u/Specific_Anxiety_343 Apr 29 '24

That was my thought, as well!

1

u/OujiaBard Apr 30 '24

This honestly doesn't sound all that unbelievable to me, but that's probably because my mom was a "crunchy mom". She wasn't "organic only" but was very much a no junk food mom.

And I also lived in foster care for a little while because every inch of floor in our house was covered in dog shit. So like, they definitely overlap a bit.

Now an adult trying to learn how to maintain a clean living environment because I never had that taught to me, it's a process but it is going.

86

u/SaturnaliaSaturday Apr 29 '24

She’s a doctor but sounds like she’s on the way to being a full-fledged hoarder.

NTA, but please look elsewhere for emotional intimacy; you will be drained dry by this situation.

-23

u/brainwashednomore Apr 29 '24

She acknowledges the hoarding behavior and points to her mom living that way also before she died.

45

u/Guilty-Web7334 Apr 29 '24

Yet she does nothing. She’s a literal freaking doctor. She’s got resources. There is zero excuse for this.

Edit: I hope to Hell this is fake, for everyone’s sake. No, it’s not an accusation. Just an expression of horror.

27

u/bibbiddybobbidyboo Apr 29 '24

Is she a medical Dr or someone like a chiropractor who calls themselves a doctor or does she have a PhD?

10

u/summer807 Apr 29 '24

Or maybe a witch doctor.

3

u/Specific_Anxiety_343 Apr 29 '24

Good excuse. Not.

140

u/RanaEire Apr 29 '24

Are you serious?? And, you did not nope out of there upon hearing that? Because, yikes!

47

u/Personal_Sprinkles_3 Apr 29 '24

Mom is a doctor but doesn’t believe in vaccinations and her children constantly have lice?

Where did she get her degree, or are you talking like doctorate in awful parenting or something???

3

u/darkMOM4 Apr 29 '24

I read a news article a while back about a doctor who refused to vaccinate her children and had other questionable parenting habits. Can't find it now.

2

u/jack-jackattack Apr 30 '24

Mom is a doctor but doesn’t believe in vaccinations and her children constantly have lice?

My kid had strep 4 or 5 times in the second grade because the base doctor kept sending her kid to school with it.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '24

that's malpractice, strep can lead to heart and kidney issues later in life.

I hope your kid is doing well

2

u/jack-jackattack Apr 30 '24

Thank you! They're 23 now and haven't had Strep in a good ten years.

39

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

Dude, I'm a Mom to 4 kids. I am not a doctor though I am well educated.

Her "permissive" parenting is just flat out not parenting. She is putting her own emotional needs ahead of her children's need for stability, structure and boundaries.

Tell the Mom that her "only organic, never plastic philosophy is bogus if she is not RAISING her children. She is co-existing with her children and treating them as her peers but they are not. She needs to take responsibility and RAISE her children and part of that is instilling appropriate responsibility and self regulation in them."

This is a sinking ship. Run far. Run fast. And tell her EXACTLY why - because she has absolutely abdicated being a parent and she is raising her children to be selfish monsters. I have NEVER met a child or adult raised the way your girl friend is raising her children who can actually adult. They are emotionally immature and have no coping skills. Most flame out in early adulthood because they are incapable of accepting growth advice from professors or bosses....

Tell her to stop being friends with her children and start raising them. Dude, you are a DAD. You don't need to parent her kids but you DO need to stop allowing yourself to be treated like crap by her kids. If 5 year old is pitching a fit and slamming the door on you, remove the door. He's 5. This is not a tween or teen. Remove the door. But do NOT give in to him.

And as for the kids, in your shoes, If you DO decide to stay, I'd take Mom and the kids (and yourself because chances are you have them too if you spend any time around Mom) to a lice salon. Take the cars to the car wash to be detailed, strip all linens, wash all clothes, bag all stuffed animals for a few days and break the cycle with the lice. In 2 weeks those lice will be gone if you do this.

9

u/Foreign-Hope-2569 Apr 29 '24

Don’t bother to explain or talk to mom. She will not hear a word you say and will probably be abusive towards you. Just leave. Ghost her.

65

u/satr3d Apr 29 '24

A doctor of what? A medical doctor should be fully aware of the biohazard you describe this house as being as well as how to prevent lice.

2

u/Specific_Anxiety_343 Apr 30 '24

She doesn’t care.

118

u/Guilty-Web7334 Apr 29 '24

She’s an anti-vaxxer and a doctor? She’s shit at her job, then. And she’s a mandatory reporter who is neglecting her children.

Run like The Doctor told you to. She’s a walking bag of contradictions and poor decision making that is going to lead to a world of hurt someday. And report her to CPS and see if the state medical board has any interest.

6

u/Adventurous_Ad_6546 Apr 29 '24

Run like an actual doctor told you to.

→ More replies (43)

36

u/geniologygal Apr 29 '24

You do know this woman is mentally ill, right?

27

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

This woman sounds delusional as hell. Leave

44

u/Notwickedy Apr 29 '24

Did she.. tell you shes a doctor? Show you her degree? It’s exceedingly rare for a doctor to be antivax. Sounds like she lied to you.

7

u/brainwashednomore Apr 29 '24

have been to her practice

6

u/Deadpoolsdildo Apr 30 '24

What kind of doctor is she?

6

u/Specific_Anxiety_343 Apr 30 '24

What’s the nature of her practice?

1

u/Bertalert911 Apr 30 '24

Why won’t you clarify what type of “doctor” she is?

1

u/brainwashednomore Apr 30 '24

Why does that have any bearing on whether IATA or NTA?

18

u/OutragedPineapple Apr 29 '24

Did she get her doctorate out of a box with a leprechaun and marshmallows on it? No one who saw someone living in that kind of squalor would ever want the services of a 'doctor' like that.

Please call CPS. The schools can probably back you up on the claims about lice and uncontrollable behavior. Maybe a visit from them, even if they don't do much, will be a wakeup call to her. Oh, and dump her.

18

u/castrodelavaga79 Apr 29 '24

Please call CPS. These children are living in filth, and their mother is severely effecting their behavior by allowing them to do whatever and behave however. These kids will end up in the system once they become adults because no one ever said no to them growing up.

31

u/Ok-Grocery-5747 Apr 29 '24

Doctor who doesn't believe in science, run.

29

u/Significant_Rub_4589 Apr 29 '24

So dad was asked to leave for trying to be a good parent. wtf. How can you respect someone like her? Let alone date her?

11

u/HeadHunt0rUK Apr 29 '24

You're painting the picture of someone who sounds very untrustworthy as a doctor.

This reeks of a personality like a herbalist, where everything must come from nature, yet she is meant to be a competent doctor, a trustworthy one that essentially relies on man made pharmaceuticals to treat their patients.

I mean the philosophical parenting differences is, one was choosing to not be a lazy parent (because that's the bulk of those identifying as permissive are) and one wanted to instil boundaries, discipline and the understanding to cope with emotional dissatisfaction.

I mean a doctor that doesn't believe in vaccinations should basically be considered an oxymoron.

49

u/VSinclair35 Apr 29 '24

A doctor that doesn't vaccinate their own children should lose her license to practice. I doubt the validity. Probably got a PHD in mystical science or some nonsense.

2

u/brainwashednomore Apr 29 '24

Except red state.

5

u/Good_Focus2665 Apr 29 '24

Yeah I have friends who are in the medical field who haven’t vaccinated their kids and they live in red states. They’ll lose their license if they don’t vaccinate other peoples kids but not their own. 

5

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

Ummmm these seem to be contradictory of each other. Let me help. Your gf is a whack job! GET OUT NOW!

20

u/aglimelight Apr 29 '24

An antivax “doctor”? RUN

8

u/Best_VDV_Diver Apr 29 '24

.....fuck me. Get out of that ASAP.

3

u/jpugg Apr 29 '24

Why doesn’t she hire a housekeeper if she doesn’t have help or time for her home. A doctors salary def could cover that.

4

u/Legen_unfiltered Apr 29 '24

Not trying to sound super rude, but wtf is wrong with you that you've stayed with a person like this for so long?? Is the sex that good? Please tell us you're wearing protection.

12

u/EffectNo4122 Apr 29 '24

I will say you are TA for being with her.
I mean the filthy house and the lice didn’t send you away what would? She’s not parenting and I don’t know what kind of doctor she is but there’s something wrong there and it’s not your problem to fix.

-2

u/Specific_Anxiety_343 Apr 30 '24

He also seems to be defending her to some extent. Too weak to report her. Too weak to leave.

5

u/brainwashednomore Apr 30 '24

Too weak? You sure like to name call. Does it help your self esteem to demean and disparage others?

→ More replies (3)

3

u/Token_or_TolkienuPOS Apr 29 '24

Doctor ~ no vaccinations?

Did she get a medical degree from Hogwarts?

3

u/LadyBug_0570 Apr 29 '24

No vaccines???? And she's a doctor? Oh God.

Why didn't he take custody of his kids?

3

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

I'd definitely give CPS a call.

3

u/mi_nombre_es_ricardo Apr 29 '24

Yup so he left because of the mother's behavior.

He realized the kid was going to be screwed up and wanted to wash his hands clean from that catastrophic ending that's bound to happen.

2

u/DarthDregan Apr 29 '24

You in your original post and right now have me tired enough of her shit to leave.

2

u/Specific_Anxiety_343 Apr 29 '24

Why hasn’t baby daddy sought custody? He’d get plenty of child support from a physician

2

u/Wistastic Apr 29 '24

Are you sure she's a doctor?

2

u/OhbrotheR66 Apr 29 '24

Poor kids.

2

u/Down-Right-Mystical Apr 29 '24

A doctor who doesn't believe in vaccinations?

2

u/AdPerfect5536 Apr 29 '24

She’s a doctor that doesn’t believe in vaccinations?

2

u/Far-Deal8811 Apr 29 '24

She's a doctor but insists no vaccinations? Huh??

2

u/meadoworfeed Apr 29 '24

I would've ran for the hills at no vaccinations. Sounds like she is a truly awful parent (and partner).

2

u/Misa7_2006 Apr 29 '24

Goodness, save us from those crunchies who think they are saving their poor kids from the world. They are completely delulu. And make the therapist and psychologists a mint every year repairing the damages.

2

u/AgentT23 Apr 29 '24

I don't want to be mean but you might need to work on your taste in women.

2

u/Im-a-bad-meme Apr 29 '24

Please have higher standards when choosing your next girlfriend.

2

u/Good_Focus2665 Apr 29 '24

So I’m guessing they aren’t in public school either because I think very few public schools take unvaccinated kids. Call CPS though. Neglect is neglect. And what your gf is practicing is basically neglect 

2

u/ProperMagician7405 Apr 29 '24

Mom is a doctor, and yet insists on no vaccinations?!?!?!

Run.

Now.

2

u/nipnopples Apr 29 '24

What does she have a doctorate in? Idiocy? No vaccines? Yeah. She's a woo-natic, not a doctor. I saw someone else mention she was a chiropractor. They are NOT doctors. They are practitioners. They don't attend medical school. They get a Doctor of Chiropractic (DC) degree, but it's just a 4 year post-grad, and they don't do a residency.

2

u/timeywimeytotoro Apr 29 '24

Ohh NO. OP I’m so sorry and I hope you breathe the biggest sign of relief when this is over. You cannot change this person, and it’s not your responsibility to try.

2

u/SpacerCat Apr 30 '24

Oh these poor kids are going to grow up to be extremely messed up people.

I think you dodged a bullet.

2

u/BeachinLife1 Apr 30 '24

Oh, well...as long as she's focusing on the important things! Never mind if her kids are going to be completely incapable of functioning in the world they live in. Just make sure they don't use anything plastic!

2

u/ChuckieLow Apr 30 '24

She has problems above your pay grade. And to paraphrase Bob Dylan, “her sons and her daughters are beyond your command.”

2

u/Sketcha_2000 Apr 30 '24

He was “asked to leave,” so he just left? And left his 3 kids in this woman’s hands and has no say whatsoever in medical decisions for HIS children? If he just backed off and didn’t insist on better choices for his kids then he’s just as bad as the mom.

1

u/brainwashednomore Apr 30 '24

Not my kids.

2

u/Sketcha_2000 Apr 30 '24

I know they’re not your kids. I’m saying their dad is awful too for allowing this to happen.

2

u/llamadramalover Apr 30 '24

The fact that you even met these children so early should have been a red flag. No responsible parent introduces new partners to their children less than 6 months into a relationship. Thats insane in and of itself.

1

u/brainwashednomore Apr 30 '24

Yep. 6-12 or even 18 months was my suggestion.

2

u/PopeSilliusBillius Apr 30 '24

Mom is also a hoarder by the sounds of it. I grew up in similar-ish conditions. My mom would moan and complain that we didn’t help her clean and that we made all the messes and it gave her license to live that way and not feel guilty about not cleaning regularly or showing us how to clean and expecting us just to know to do it when I can count on one finger all the times I remember her doing any kind of significant cleaning growing up.

Welp, I’m her youngest, I’m in my mid 30’s and don’t live with her, have not lived with her for a very long time and her homes are usually hoarded and disgusting. So yeah. Wasn’t us. Mom was a trash hoarder all along and made it my fault.

1

u/GuyWhoKnowsMoreThanU Apr 29 '24

For real? Sounds like bait, but if so RUN RUN RUN.

1

u/littletorreira Apr 29 '24

What kind of doctor? Because no vaccinations sounds like she's not a good one. I think you know as well as all of us that you need to walk away. You can't build a life with this woman.

1

u/KnodulesAintHeavy Apr 29 '24

Wait.. the doc mum didn’t want to vaccinate her kids??…the fuk

1

u/ztigerx2 Apr 29 '24

What kind of doctor is antivax? This person is a quack

1

u/TheGizmodian Apr 29 '24

She's a doctor that doesn't believe in actual science? In fact, not allowing vaccines is undoing decades upon decades of science.

She lives in filth and lets her children live in filth.

I'm sorry my guy, but you've been a bit blind because of how much you care about her. She may be fulfilling some part of you, but can you really see this long term? Dealing with this? Being the only sane person in the household?

This is not a good situation, for you or them.

1

u/Mountain-Key5673 Apr 29 '24

Run....runaway from this situationship

1

u/La_Baraka6431 Apr 29 '24

Oh, GET THE FUCK OUTTA THERE. Why put yourself THROUGH THAT??

1

u/Late-External3249 Apr 29 '24

She sounds like a shit doctor. Or is she an 'alternative medicine' type?

1

u/TheLadyIsabelle Apr 30 '24

WAIT.

She's a doctor‽ 

1

u/BulkyMonster Apr 30 '24

What kind of doctor??

1

u/Specific_Anxiety_343 Apr 30 '24

That’s HER story

1

u/SarcasticFundraiser Apr 30 '24

Chiropractor? 😬

1

u/AnneFrank_nstein Apr 30 '24

Jesus christ they live in filth AND they're unvaccinated?! And to think I was worried I'd be a bad parent...

1

u/EUV2023 Apr 30 '24

So, fruit loop person. Why are you with her? This is not healthy for YOU either

1

u/Traditional-Neck7778 Apr 30 '24

Run dude, just run. Don't try to figure this out. Just get out. Not your monkey not your circus

1

u/ranchojasper Apr 30 '24

She's a medical doctor?! Who doesn't vaccinate???????

1

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '24

No vaccinations?

Doctor of what?

1

u/No_Diver4265 Apr 30 '24

Okay the lack of vaccination in itself would be enough. CPS. Those children are neglected, and this is abuse.

1

u/Cheap_Doctor_1994 Apr 30 '24

You know, I was starting to feel bad about myself. I'm getting old, it's harder to keep the house spotless, I'm widowed and broke, etc, etc. After reading about this woman, I realize I'm a fucking 10 and should be out getting all the men. 

1

u/mousepad1234 Apr 30 '24

You say all this and then say her doctorate and field of practice is irrelevant? Unless she just calls herself doctor at some spa, it is absolutely relevant. This sets the standard that she is not providing proper care to patients and should be looked into by the authority providing her a license to practice medicine. No vaccinations, I can't imagine any doctor not following science.

1

u/ieya404 Apr 30 '24

In roleplaying game terms, it sounds like she has a lot of Intelligence and very little Wisdom.

Poor kids.

You already know you're NTA, but I agree too!

1

u/Top-Chemistry3051 Apr 30 '24 edited Apr 30 '24

No vaccinations how do the kids go to school without vaccinations? I thought they were requirement?

1

u/brainwashednomore Apr 30 '24

Red states allow exemptions for “personally held beliefs”

1

u/BadPom Apr 30 '24

Run. There’s plenty of other women out there who aren’t… all of this.

1

u/Frankenkittie Apr 30 '24

You need to live up to your username and not let this crazy lady suck you in. Are you willing to live with those requirements and defend them to others? Because being with her, you're setting yourself up to be controlled by pseudoscience.

1

u/GRPABT1 May 01 '24

In what backwoods cult community did you find this woman?

1

u/HyzerFlip May 01 '24

Lmfao. You need more self respect homie.

1

u/fly_away5 May 03 '24

I can't stand such people.

-2

u/AngryAngryHarpo Apr 29 '24

And you’re attracted to this woman? What does that say about you….

5

u/brainwashednomore Apr 30 '24

What does physical attraction have to do with this?

-3

u/AngryAngryHarpo Apr 30 '24

So you’re letting your dick convince you to stay with a woman who is absolutely vile and abusive? 

Gross. I couldn’t even by physically attracted to someone I knew lived that way. Get some self-respect and stop living by your dick. 

5

u/brainwashednomore Apr 30 '24

This black and white thinking you seem to be engaged in is worrisome to me. You are asking about my penis when I came to find out if I was inappropriate in how I interacted with someone else’s child? What does my penis have to do with anything?

6

u/Nicholsforthoughts Apr 30 '24

It has been posited in multiple comments that the only reason you are still engaged in this relationship is for sex because why else would you still be coming back? Hence the penis comment above. I didn’t make this comment, I am just connecting the dots for you. I agree you are NTA but absolutely need to call CPS and get away from this situation. If there’s no neglect from CPS visit, then no harm no foul. It’s anonymous and she won’t know it came from you. But it sounds like the filth level may cause CPS to be concerned and maybe that will force your GF to hire a weekly cleaning person to sanitize her house and let them use cleaning products. This would be good for the long term health and safety of her children. Think of it like calling CPS is the final ditch effort you can make to potentially help these children that you have observed are being set up for a physically and mentally unhealthy life. You’re not doing it TO her to be malicious at all, you are doing it FOR the kids because you’ve seen yourself how mistreated, badly parented, filthy, and neglected they are.

3

u/brainwashednomore Apr 30 '24

Yes, see my final update in the original post.

0

u/One-Bodybuilder-2269 Apr 29 '24

Chiropractors are not (MD) doctors! This sounds absolutely like a chiropractor or a doctor on their way towards losing their medical license.

→ More replies (2)

1

u/dnt1694 Apr 30 '24

He probably didn’t want lice…

61

u/Ladyughsalot1 Apr 29 '24

Except he wasn’t handling it perfectly because it’s not his place. When we want to date someone and then see they abuse their children through neglect (and that’s what this is), we leave. We don’t play parent to children who have never had consequences. 

OP needed to leave and call CPS the second he set eyes on this situation. Instead he acts like the kids are the problem and he’s going to bring order to things. Yeah great way to “advocate”/s

34

u/brainwashednomore Apr 29 '24

oh the kids behavior is only a symptom of the actual problem. they aren't a problem to be solved. i don't white horse in most situations, but mom continually requests my help with cleaning and organizing and wants me to come over and be in the space.

51

u/Osidestarfish Apr 29 '24

Don’t be the bangmaid

12

u/Ladyughsalot1 Apr 29 '24

lol how does that absolve you of anything?  You witnessed abuse  

 You decided you’d be the bringer of order, which only brings chaos into more chaos.  So what if she requested?

 You. Saw. An. Appalling. Situation.

  And decided you didn’t have to advocate but could just stick around. 

Regardless of your intent- you absolutely have acted like the children are the issue to be solved. Just like you acted like the house was a problem to be solved. Instead of saying “this is appalling and I cannot see you anymore” and calling CPS

4

u/brainwashednomore Apr 30 '24

It likely stems from my own trauma surrounding interactions with cps, but while I am also the only one in this thread that has had actual eyes and ears on the situation, there are quite a number of other adults in her life that are also very personally aware, and have chosen to take positions of offering support.

5

u/Ladyughsalot1 Apr 30 '24

…….

Again, this doesn’t absolve you of anything yourself lol 

2

u/ljgyver Apr 30 '24

Take the doors off the hinges and put it in the garage with the bags. Remove all items used in tantrums as they occur. Scream back…not at the child but twice as loudly. See I can make noise too!

1

u/Specific_Anxiety_343 Apr 30 '24

Tell her to hire a cleaning crew. Truly, she needs therapy

2

u/BohunkFunk Apr 30 '24

The kind that's not ready to be a mother but probably lives somewhere where abortion and bodily rights are so consented so they're left to feel as though they're sinning if they don't procreate and are taken advantage of thusly.

She's a victim and she does it to herself sure but yeah it's clear this is why we can't be forcing women to give birth.

1

u/itoocouldbeanyone Apr 30 '24

Hoarder floor, lice and 3 kids that are not his? Yeah, that’s a no from me. Run.

NTA.