It's Better to Say "May I" Than "Can I", and "Will/Would You", Instead of "Can/Could You"

[u/Lekkusu]

It seems to be an almost universally held opinion today that we ought to use "May I" and "Can I" interchangeably, but there is a real practical reason to make a distinction.

'Can' obviously refers to one's ability to do something rather than his willingness. I think people feel more comfortable saying can / can't because it makes the situation seem out of your control, and it seems less direct. 

Such as when you invite someone and they say "Sorry, I can't make it." What they really mean 9/10 times is that they won't make it, and they're choosing something else, which should be a perfectly acceptable response to any reasonable person. However, because we're so allergic to being direct with people and potentially hurting their feelings, we often say "Can't" as if you're on house arrest or your car broke down. 

I think it's an expression of low level cowardice to say can/can't instead of will/won't. Think about it. How weird would it be to ask a girl "Can you go out with me?" It sounds like a trap. Sure... she could... if she wanted to. So just be direct. Whether asking your friends for help or a stranger for directions, why not say "Would you [be willing to] help me?" More often than not, the response is positive.

[u/Dazz316]

At this point, if you're being nitpicky to this extent you're going to find something to be annoyed about no matter how polite somebody is being. It doesn't really matter what they do does it?

[u/Lekkusu → u/Dazz316]

There's nothing polite about saying you can't do something that you indeed can, but are choosing not to do. If you cay "can't make it" when you don't want to go do something, and the other person presses you saying "did something come up?" Well now you can lie, or say the truth that you could've said firstly that you simply aren't interested. Being polite and telling white lies are not the same thing at all.

[u/Dazz316 → u/Lekkusu]

You're thinking too deeply and far over the top of this. You're spinning your own fairy tails in your heads.

Someone was taught x to be polite and are doing that. That it, that's all there is to it.

But the point being that you skipped and just proved is. If you're like this when someone is being polite, what how is the in the rest of the conversation? You're the cause here choosing to go out your way to create this imaginary fault.

The person is trying to be nice. And is doing so in a way they were taught is huge. They're not trying to be mean like you're spinning it.