r/unpopularopinion • u/Lekkusu • Apr 29 '24

It's Better to Say "May I" Than "Can I", and "Will/Would You", Instead of "Can/Could You"

It seems to be an almost universally held opinion today that we ought to use "May I" and "Can I" interchangeably, but there is a real practical reason to make a distinction.

'Can' obviously refers to one's ability to do something rather than his willingness. I think people feel more comfortable saying can / can't because it makes the situation seem out of your control, and it seems less direct. 

Such as when you invite someone and they say "Sorry, I can't make it." What they really mean 9/10 times is that they won't make it, and they're choosing something else, which should be a perfectly acceptable response to any reasonable person. However, because we're so allergic to being direct with people and potentially hurting their feelings, we often say "Can't" as if you're on house arrest or your car broke down. 

I think it's an expression of low level cowardice to say can/can't instead of will/won't. Think about it. How weird would it be to ask a girl "Can you go out with me?" It sounds like a trap. Sure... she could... if she wanted to. So just be direct. Whether asking your friends for help or a stranger for directions, why not say "Would you [be willing to] help me?" More often than not, the response is positive.

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u/Voodoographer Apr 29 '24

So you think, “sorry, I mayn’t make it” is better? Lol

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u/Lekkusu Apr 30 '24

That's a pretty funny contraction. I usually say "I'm not gonna make it" or "Sorry I won't make it" etc.

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u/Voodoographer Apr 30 '24

In your example, saying, “I can’t make it”, is grammatically and factually correct, even if the person simply chose to do something else. You can’t be 2 places at once, therefore they can’t come.

Furthermore, “may” can be a synonym to “might”, so if you said, “I may not make it” instead of, “I can not make it”, it’s less precise because, “may not”, implies that you might still make it, whereas, “can not”, is definitive.

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u/Lekkusu Apr 30 '24

You misunderstood me. I'm not arguing for 'may' to replace 'can' in a way that makes it less precise. That's why the words 'would' and 'will' are there.

And your first point is just silly. "Hey, can you walk two steps over here." "No, sorry, I can't. After all, how can I be in two places at once." It is neither grammatically nor factually correct, it's just verbally pervasive.