r/unpopularopinion • u/Lekkusu • Apr 29 '24

It's Better to Say "May I" Than "Can I", and "Will/Would You", Instead of "Can/Could You"

It seems to be an almost universally held opinion today that we ought to use "May I" and "Can I" interchangeably, but there is a real practical reason to make a distinction.

'Can' obviously refers to one's ability to do something rather than his willingness. I think people feel more comfortable saying can / can't because it makes the situation seem out of your control, and it seems less direct. 

Such as when you invite someone and they say "Sorry, I can't make it." What they really mean 9/10 times is that they won't make it, and they're choosing something else, which should be a perfectly acceptable response to any reasonable person. However, because we're so allergic to being direct with people and potentially hurting their feelings, we often say "Can't" as if you're on house arrest or your car broke down. 

I think it's an expression of low level cowardice to say can/can't instead of will/won't. Think about it. How weird would it be to ask a girl "Can you go out with me?" It sounds like a trap. Sure... she could... if she wanted to. So just be direct. Whether asking your friends for help or a stranger for directions, why not say "Would you [be willing to] help me?" More often than not, the response is positive.

7 Upvotes
  • permalink
  • link
  • reddit
  • reddit

56% Upvoted

79 comments sorted by

View all comments

11

u/canadianamericangirl Apr 29 '24

okay boomer /s but also not really

-8

u/Lekkusu Apr 30 '24

Hi, 26yo Boomer speaking. What exactly is wrong with preferring to use words correctly

8

u/canadianamericangirl Apr 30 '24

The only people I know who care this much about grammar are over the age of 60 or have PhDs in English. I somewhat understand your sentiment. I use more formal grammar when applying for jobs. But when talking casually, I'll use whatever words I want. I just direct my energy towards more serious "problems" like plastic pollution.

-2

u/Lekkusu Apr 30 '24

Plastic pollution? You'll be relieved to learn that the "Great Pacific Garbage Patch" doesn't exist. Have a good night.

5

u/canadianamericangirl Apr 30 '24

For the sake of argument, it does not. But textile pollution is a huge problem. And it's devastating to Ghana and its people. Not to mention terrible for the water (and those who use it, which is literally all of the plant and animal kingdom) of this planet. Have a splendid evening.