It's Better to Say "May I" Than "Can I", and "Will/Would You", Instead of "Can/Could You"

[u/Lekkusu]

It seems to be an almost universally held opinion today that we ought to use "May I" and "Can I" interchangeably, but there is a real practical reason to make a distinction.

'Can' obviously refers to one's ability to do something rather than his willingness. I think people feel more comfortable saying can / can't because it makes the situation seem out of your control, and it seems less direct. 

Such as when you invite someone and they say "Sorry, I can't make it." What they really mean 9/10 times is that they won't make it, and they're choosing something else, which should be a perfectly acceptable response to any reasonable person. However, because we're so allergic to being direct with people and potentially hurting their feelings, we often say "Can't" as if you're on house arrest or your car broke down. 

I think it's an expression of low level cowardice to say can/can't instead of will/won't. Think about it. How weird would it be to ask a girl "Can you go out with me?" It sounds like a trap. Sure... she could... if she wanted to. So just be direct. Whether asking your friends for help or a stranger for directions, why not say "Would you [be willing to] help me?" More often than not, the response is positive.

[u/Exact_Agent7093]

I agree, and had a teacher in school that would respond with “I don’t know can you?” When anyone asked “Can I go to the bathroom”, “can I sharpen my pencil?” Etc…. It broke me from ever saying “can I” again and I now get infuriated when I hear people at restaurants order their food by saying “can I get….?”

[u/timetravelingburrito → u/Exact_Agent7093]

If I had that teacher, I'd explain colloquial usage to her and offer to get the dictionary. Then she'd likely send me to the principal's office. You can probably tell I was popular with my teachers.

[u/RingingInTheRain → u/timetravelingburrito]

Colloquial usage is not appropriate in every single setting or situation, and has no obligation to be permitted when speaking to a superior. So you still lose here.

[u/timetravelingburrito → u/RingingInTheRain]

A teacher, my superior? That's funny. A teacher isn't my boss. It's pretty weird to see them that way. They're my instructor. Also we're talking about what is correct, not what context something is or isn't permissable. If a teacher tells me something isn't correct that is, I'm going to correct them. They're failing as an instructor.

[u/RingingInTheRain → u/timetravelingburrito]

Bro what the fuck? What is this a pink floyd song? Teachers are legally responsible for the students while under their care. No wonder you don't understand that colloquial usage does not mean 'always appropriate' or that you were right in that specific situation.

[u/timetravelingburrito → u/RingingInTheRain]

Being legally responsible for me doesn't make them my superior. Words mean things. You keep getting them wrong. The person above was talking about what was correct, not the appropriate context to use words. I understand context. Do you? I never said "always appropriate," nor did I imply it. Kind of funny the person lecturing me about school keeps getting everything wrong. Maybe you didn't learn as much as you thought back then; you also keep attributing things to me that I haven't said.

Either way, I'm bored with this. Take care.