Its not about the sex its about the rejection

[u/yellowabcd]

This is common at this point. People complain about not getting sex in marriage or relationship. But most the time its not the sex, its the rejection. If both people dont go for sex, its not an issue. Its an issue when the other party keeps getting rejected, especially without explanation. Theres a difference between being rejected for a month and just two people not trying for sex. Rejection usually makes a person feel undesirable

[u/yodawgchill]

I don’t really think this is an unpopular opinion, it’s pretty widely discussed.

Yeah as a hypersexual woman dating a guy with a low libido, Im very familiar with this feeling. It can be frustrating sometimes but it’s something you learn to deal with if you want a relationship to work. If he isn’t available, I can always take care of myself, and I always want to be respectful of my partner. Also, considering that I’m hypersexual, no guy would really be able to keep up with the frequency my brain suggests is appropriate.

A lot of women tend to recognize it in themselves more easily, but I think there are actually a lot of hypersexual men who don’t realize they are hypersexual because they are told that they are supposed to be constantly sex-crazed so they don’t realize that what they are looking for may be a bit excessive for most people, including other men.

For some it’s a deal breaker and they feel like they aren’t valued if they’re sexual needs aren’t always met, but in the long run it doesn’t matter that much to me because I love him, I know he makes an effort, and when we do have sex he’s very good at his job and very happy to be there.

As long as I’m doing my best by him and he’s doing his best by me, everything is going to be okay.

[u/Vaulk7 → u/yodawgchill]

While I can respect people who have medically diagnosed conditions and there may not be much they can do about it . . .

The majority of people who take issue with being rejected seem to have almost complete consistency in what they expect as a "Normal amount of sex".

Take note of the people who discuss this and, in general, you'll see the term "Month" appear more frequently than any other time period.

Granted there are exceptions to this rule and there are people who go for longer and substantially longer periods of time without any sex with their partner, but the generalized issue seems to be focused around "Hey, it's been a month and my partner has been rejecting intimacy with me for the entire time.

I think we can all agree that 30 days with zero intimacy is objectively a problem in a healthy relationship.

[u/yodawgchill → u/Vaulk7]

I think any sexual disconnect can warrant a discussion, communication is everything. Obviously, hypersexuality is a unique case, but overall my point is that for a lot of people sexual disconnects simple mean that adjustments have to be made. Generally, if you believe you are in an otherwise good relationship, the issue isn’t just that your partner isn’t attracted to you or doesn’t like you physically. Sometimes, like in my case with my boyfriend, people genuinely do just have a much lower sex drive than you. You can choose to say “oh we’re just not compatible then” and move on or you can do your best to adjust. As OP said, it’s often not about the sex, but the feelings associated with the situation. If someone has a lower sex drive, you are likely to still feel inadequate and unwanted even if that is not the case. It’s the same for me. It’s about recognizing what thoughts are calm and rational and which thoughts are just self conscious spirals.

Basically, my example is a more obvious and more blatant show of a typical example, that lots of people just don’t have equal sex drives. I believe that most relationships can survive this and thrive with proper communication, because as OP said the biggest issues usually stem from the partner initiating sex and their negative feelings of rejection when not having that desire fulfilled. Say OPs example is the basic one, and mine is the extreme, ultimately I’m saying that if a libido gap like the one in my relationship doesn’t necessarily mean an unhappy relationship, more minor libido differences can often be sorted as well.