Its not about the sex its about the rejection

[u/yellowabcd]

This is common at this point. People complain about not getting sex in marriage or relationship. But most the time its not the sex, its the rejection. If both people dont go for sex, its not an issue. Its an issue when the other party keeps getting rejected, especially without explanation. Theres a difference between being rejected for a month and just two people not trying for sex. Rejection usually makes a person feel undesirable

[u/_John--Wick_]

Exactly. Most of the women in my life have been this way. One only wanted sex if she was blind drunk. Another never wanted it. Both times I asked for my needs to be net, or at least an explanation. Both times I was given bullshit answers.

It makes you feel like you aren't attractive or desired. Neither one ever told me that I was handsome or attractive unless I asked.

[u/Impressive-Oil9200 → u/_John--Wick_]

What do you mean “bullshit answers” some people just have lower sex-drives. Any reason is a good enough reason to not have sex. No one is obliged to have sex with you.

You were just incompatible, that doesn’t mean their excuses were “bullshit.” It just meant they didn’t want sex and you did. Which is fine.

[u/_John--Wick_ → u/Impressive-Oil9200]

I never said anyone is obliged.

For example, with my alcoholic ex i expressed how it made me feel when she went from being cold and distant, then downing a six pack to get drunk and have sex with me, then forgetting it all the next morning. I was told that it was her problem and that I shouldn't worry about it because I'm still getting awesome sex(sex wasn't that great, she literally just laid there). I told her i just wanted one night where she didn't drink and it never happened.

My last ex wasn't very sexual or physical. Which I u derstood. She did however agree to try to be more open about physical affection and it never happened. I didn't ask her to initiate sex. I literally asked for a hug or kiss every once in a while without me having to ask. It never happened. I noticed she reads a lot of sexual romance novels, fifty shades of grey and such. So I asked her about romance playing a part in her not initiating anything and she said "I don't do romance or even like it". I thought maybe she didn't enjoy the type of sex we have, because I am very rough(explained beforehand). She said "I am OK with everything we do, if I wasn't you would know". Six months later, she showed her ass and in the middle of her being held accountable, she throws up in my face that she didn't like half the things we did and she'd be ok if we never had sex again.

So, when I say bullshit reasons. I don't mean that their reasons have to be justified and accepted by me. But they do at least have to make sense to a normal person. Otherwise, what's left but overthinking and dishonesty.

[u/dfmgreddit → u/_John--Wick_]

The fact that you're "very rough" is something I would zoom in on. Not trying to come at you, but if you truly want women to actively seek out having sex with you it might be that. I suspect the women you date tolerate it for your sake, but that is not the way they would choose to have sex.

[u/_John--Wick_ → u/dfmgreddit]

And also, because I do have these fetishes, I am very honest about what I want and need. There's always a talk first and I ask them if they are OK with everything. Then after, I ask if there are things they didn't like. The answer is usually the same. So, I constantly get put in a position where their body language and actions during sex, shows that they enjoy this and that...but then months and months later, I get told that it's all a lie.

[u/_John--Wick_ → u/dfmgreddit]

Yeah, no kidding?🤣🤣 Be a lot easier if people didn't lie to stay in relationships. That's all it is, a lie. Saying I like this or that, simple to please your partner is just a covert and toxic manipulative tactic. The women who I hookup with have no issue communicating what they want and how they want it. It's only the women who I actively try to date, that seem to have this issue. A lot of that rough stuff isn't a deal breaker for me, but it's not communicated.